Is it possible to have a rational discussion with the average person?

[tokugawa]

This question has always intrigued me. When conversing with someone, I am not one for small talk i.e., superficial or frivolous. I am mean how many different ways can one talk about the weather or about the Canucks or even worse tell the same joke and story over and over again. So sometimes a more serious and challenging topic is required but these discussions can sometimes turn heated for some especially on this board, which brings me to my question. Is it possible to have a rational discussion with the average person?

Now most people myself included tend to be a bit biased or have a predetermined opinions about certain topics. But even with this in mind, it doesn't mean that people cannot have a fruitful discussion. I think the key here is being open-minded and willing to acknowledge or at least listen to a differing opinion. If one is unclear about the other person's position, questions should be raised instead of making assumptions about the other person's position. But to be honest, I am not sure if the average individual is capable of this. A lot of people tend to respond emotionally, negatively and passionately about things that they disagree with. In most cases, their responses don't even focus on the original question on hand but on something more sub-related to the original topic. At times, it can even get personal with name calling. If you truly believe you're right about something, wouldn't you try to speak to someone rationally about it and explain your position more thoroughly instead of hitting someone over the head with a frying pan? But then again this is why the world is the way it is right now with all of it's conflicts.

With the advent of social media and the internet, it seems it has become easier for some people to just hide behind computers and closed their minds to differing opinions but for some people who still do choose to talk to other people in the open, is it still possible to have a rational discussion without it being heated? Is this an educational, language or cultural issue we're dealing with here? I mean if we don't talk or listen to differing opinions, then how do we expect progress and to solve the issues around us?

 

[tokugawa]

Yes, it's possible and probably more likely to happen when having a face to face conversation than when posting here.

People post things here that they would probably never say in person because they can hide behind the anonymity of their board handle, and they don't have to face you at home or work the next day. It's also easy to misinterpret the tone or intent behind the post and take offense when none was intended.

Yeah this board can be funny! To be safe people should just post non-offensive frivolous topics or responses so that one doesn't get flamed

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Interesting topic, tokugawa, pretty deep for this venue, I assert...

Consider this quote from Stephen Covey, in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.”

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/455260-each-of-us-guard-a-gate-of-change-that-can

When people lash out at those with differing opinions, it's only because no one likes that feeling of being coerced, forced, or manipulated to change. So any opinion, other than their own, is viewed as a possible attack, as someone threatening to effect some change that they're not the least bit interested in.

Like, "how dare you try to change my opinion on something, when I'm already right?!" That feels like safety, in that moment.

Dr. Phil expresses it another way:

Don't be a right fighter.
"Do you always need to be right during an argument? ... Take the moral high ground and learn to compromise during a disagreement."

Most negative human behaviour is a reaction to a perceived threat of some kind...compound that with a lack of communication resources, and you get someone fighting to prove that their opinion is the right one, and the only one.

And yes, the anonymity of the computer seals the deal.

 

[tokugawa]

Interesting topic, tokugawa, pretty deep for this venue, I assert...

Don't be a right fighter.
"Do you always need to be right during an argument? ... Take the moral high ground and learn to compromise during a disagreement."

Most negative human behaviour is a reaction to a perceived threat of some kind...compound that with a lack of communication resources, and you get someone fighting to prove that their opinion is the right one, and the only one.

You may be right! This topic may be too deep not just for this board but in general That's the pessimist in me.

People can get quite personal even with people who aren't even aggressive in their view points. I mean there are pricks out there in this world who need to be told off but sometimes people can't tell the difference between the moderates and the zealots as they all get terminated with extreme prejudice

 

[Georgieboy69]

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason!!!! Too bad most people use the mouth more then the ears...

 

[violetblake]

All my good friends are people I can have discussions with and both of us feel comfortable disagreeing with the other. It's because I choose sane and mature friends who don't freak out if someone simply disagrees with them. However, I've had more than enough debates with people who will never budge on a topic, who believe they're right at everything, and who speaking with them is like banging your head against a brick wall Which is too bad, because I love getting into good discussions, even if I disagree with the other person, as long as we're respectful and civil, and trade ideas instead of just bicker, you can really learn a lot from debating. People have to learn to let go of their ego, which can be hard, but when you do it and actually just listen to people and open your mind, you end up being a lot happier yourself.

 

[tokugawa]

All my good friends are people I can have discussions with and both of us feel comfortable disagreeing with the other. It's because I choose sane and mature friends who don't freak out if someone simply disagrees with them. However, I've had more than enough debates with people who will never budge on a topic, who believe they're right at everything, and who speaking with them is like banging your head against a brick wall Which is too bad, because I love getting into good discussions, even if I disagree with the other person, as long as we're respectful and civil, and trade ideas instead of just bicker, you can really learn a lot from debating. People have to learn to let go of their ego, which can be hard, but when you do it and actually just listen to people and open your mind, you end up being a lot happier yourself.

As always a fabulous reply Violet.

You made a good point about being happy. I sometimes think that with such bitterness and combativeness in one's response could possibly mean that one is generally not a happy individual. It may be stretch but I think people who are viewed as generally easy-going tend to be the happiest.

 

[tokugawa]

In every conversation we bring in our own set of social norms /morals. What we deem acceptable in society. Couple that with our personal prejudices and our own personalities.

Each person is a thinking, striving body, we aren't just mindless / soulless clones of one another.

Couple that with the written language. choices in, punctuation, writing style etc can cause problems. Especially when talking in an open forum where everyone can be a party to the discussion. It often lead to heated discussion and misunderstandings. Especially when within a heated discussion information gets misquoted or worst of all miss-read.

In a soken conversation between people you get subtle inferences and tone of the spoken language. That help you understand where the speaker is going with this.

With written words there are no such abilities present. You read, you react to the written word, with your own written words.

I find this to be a real problem at work where email and instant messaging have become more prevalent especially for those that 'work from home'. Misinterpretations are common when messages are terse and without any proper salutations.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

too bad the speechjammer can't be applied to discussion boards on the internet

i guess we can only rely on moderators and the ignore function