25 year old virgin advice!

[nerdy]

hey guys,

I am a virgin and im not afraid to admit it

I've been in Afganastan since I was 19 and in the military since 16 (reservist teen). I got back from Afganistan last year (IED blew near me), and I found out my Catholic girlfriend cheated on me, after i had promised to wait for her (I am not religous, and she didn't wait that long after I was deployed).

Long story short, I when got back, I had a hard time adjusting. Of course it didn't help that I came back the year of the stanley cup riots, but women nowadays (not to seem sexist) just seem trashier and less intelligent than when I left, and dudes are just assholes with no class or manners. I am now 25 and have close to no confidence with the ladies, and have gained about 50 pounds of fat (230 lb for a 5'7 man).

I don't know much about SPs, like how to get one, ettiequete and what not. I have been reading this site which has been helpful, but do you think booking an appointment with a SP would help me regain some of that confedence? Or you think the only way to go is suck it up and just get a girl?

Another question Is I could care less about my own pleasure. I don't have the biggest tool in the world (nor the smallest), but pleasing a woman would be my only intent in my mind and I figure I would need all the help I could get. (having some fun while doing it is great too).I would like to get good at it, do SPs give lessons?

I was always taught respect your fellow man, and treat your women like godesses (because women = life, with the whole birth thing and all) and don't want to rub anyone the wrong way here, so just let me know if I am being a dick.

Be nice guys I'm a newbie and have missed out on the funnest years of my life (for which I got rewarded with shrapnel in my body and a minor concusson).

Thanks everyone!

 

[Sleepmonger]

Sex lessons with an SP sound like a whole lot of fun... I've got to try that some time.

I'm not too sure about it being confidence gaining... It's kind of hard to get over the fact that the whole reason they are there is because you are paying them. (Not that they don’t have fun )

Then again, learning some skills that you could apply to your first time with a girlfriend could boost confidence.
All girls are different though, and most girls aren’t SP's, so you can’t really guarantee that what your sp does your gf will like, or do.

I think the "treat your women like goddesses" thing might be hard on the confidence... I know I'd have a pretty hard time picking up or having sex with a goddess. I'd say instead of just your fellow man, respect your women too... and instead of goddesses just treat them like human beings.

 

[nerdy]

Thank you ladies for your responses,

I am also curious about the SPs that give the lessons, I mean just by looking at Vanesssa's signiture, I don't think I would make it very long if it was her teaching!

I will definately try a SP out for fun. It's stupid but I put off actually trying out a SP because I am pretty self concious since losing my soilder body. I have a wierd flaw where I seek everyones approval

I thank you sonny and Vanesssa for your kind word about my issues, I didn't mean to spring them out. The IED didn't actually stop me from wanting to go again. I figure, if its not me than some reservist fresh out of high school may freeze up during a fire fight. Also it's easy to fight for a Country that houses such beautiful women, such as the ones on this fourm.

 

[nerdy]

Sex lessons with an SP sound like a whole lot of fun... I've got to try that some time.

I'm not too sure about it being confidence gaining... It's kind of hard to get over the fact that the whole reason they are there is because you are paying them. (Not that they don’t have fun )

Then again, learning some skills that you could apply to your first time with a girlfriend could boost confidence.
All girls are different though, and most girls aren’t SP's, so you can’t really guarantee that what your sp does your gf will like, or do.

I think the "treat your women like goddesses" thing might be hard on the confidence... I know I'd have a pretty hard time picking up or having sex with a goddess. I'd say instead of just your fellow man, respect your women too... and instead of goddesses just treat them like human beings.

haha to be fair, I was raised by my mom and 3 sisters, all strong and independant (and 1 is a lesbian). They all hated men pretty strongly, thats why I joined the military!

 

[Sleepmonger]

I'd have to agree with tobleroney in that you shouldn’t see an SP as a surrogate relationship. That can’t be healthy... Just see SP's for the occasional sexy fun time. Of course you will still form some sort of relationship over repeated meetings with an SP, but it’s not the same thing at all.

That said, you also shouldn’t try to find a gf purely for those sexy fun times... Why bother when SP's are so convenient?

Find a girl that you actually like, hang out with her because you actually like hanging out with her, and the sex will eventually happen anyways.

 

[violetblake]

Only you can make the decision whether or not to see SPs. Some guys in the exact same position as you gain a lot of from the experience, some are worse off. I can't tell you which is more common, but I think that doesn't really matter, because it's not them, it's you.

Do a lot of research, read reviews, read the posts of SPs here on perb, see what girls you think you may click with. Then maybe email a few explaining your situation, and see from there who you really like. If you feel like it's something you're ready to do, try it out, see how you feel. Either you'll want to continue or you won't, just be honest with yourself and your feelings.

As Vanesssa mentioned many SPs do give lessons and any good SP will tailor a session to your comfort level. Vanesssa would be a fantastic choice, as well as Holly Taylor, Miss Lux, Volpina Vance, Kim Capri, there's tons to choose from! lol. You sound like a sweet guy so I'm sure whatever you decide to do, things will end up how they're supposed to. Best of luck, and have fun

 

[Jason_96]

DONT SEE AN SP
There will be no confidence that will be gained. 5 minutes after you walk out of her apartment, your going to tell yourself "wow, i just paid $150 (or whatever) to get a girl to touch me". And trust me, it feels PATHETIC.

That's exactly how I've felt sometimes after seeing an SP. So I rarely see them anymore. But I didn't know other guys felt the same way.

 

[badbadboy]

Contact an Indy here and explain your situation. I am sure there will be plenty of good value lessons to be learned and you will have a whole lotta fun in the process. I am betting you will find a caring SP who can guide you through things to give you some self confidence.

Just bear in mind its a professional relationship only. It is up to you to develop your own set of skills which may one day lead to a long term relationship with a non SP.

 

[jesuschrist]

Thanks for giving of your time.as a soldier and defending our way of life against those who hate freedom and the baring of female flesh, etc.

I find it curious however that you had a catholic girlfriend but never got anywhere with her...I do understand how she would want to keep her virginity being catholic, but surely couldn't she had arranged an ass fucking in the meantime? Other catholic girls do.

Anyways seeing an SP could be a good idea but just keep in mind you should have a steady.enough income to afford it for awhile till you build up enough courage to nail a few on your own. Also try not to see ones who are too kinky because if you warp your mind while you're just starting out, God only knows how you'll turn out 10 years later.... Maybe you'll turn into a pathetic submissive man who likes to have his balls stepped on while being told to lick the underside of a pair of barn boots, or you'll turn into some kind of Hannibal Lechter.

 

[tantalizeme]

Nothing "nerdy" about seeking help

hey guys,

I am a virgin and im not afraid to admit it

I am now 25 and have close to no confidence with the ladies, and have gained about 50 pounds of fat (230 lb for a 5'7 man).

I don't know much about SPs, like how to get one, ettiequete and what not. I have been reading this site which has been helpful, but do you think booking an appointment with a SP would help me regain some of that confedence?

Be nice guys I'm a newbie and have missed out on the funnest years of my life (for which I got rewarded with shrapnel in my body and a minor concusson).

Hey brother,

Just saw your thread...it's like you're crying out for a lifeline. Touches my heart.

You've gone through immense trauma. Inactivity, in your situation, is probably your worst enemy. You're stewing in your own juices and consumed with loneliness, self-doubt and perhaps post-traumatic stress.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Any lady who responds to you in this thread is highly likely to take good care of you. Check her website first, to know what's expected of you.

2. You could benefit from professional counseling. I'd be happy to recommend a good counselor, if you PM me.

3. You might also feel encouraged to take action by seeking out your first SP (and your first sexual experience!) in the company a veteran fellow pooner. I know someone who might be available, free of charge.

 

[Horse99]

After a close call with an IED, money should be no object in your next life lesson. Just be honest with yourself.....With an escort, you are going to experience some great sex with a beautiful lady, but it's not going to be a substitute for female companionship if that's what you are really looking for in life.....It will be extremely unlikely that your next girlfriend will come anywhere the sex skills of a great escort, but if you do find a girl like that.....at your age, you won't know to appreciate that fact until it's too late.
Summer in Vancouver is going to be great if you are a young man, as I fondly remember the Expo 86 years...so go have some fun, without getting pissed or hurting anyone.

 

[kso_wiz]

Number #1 thing to look for....

MSOG!!! Whoever she is, she'll extract the first one in no time whatsoever.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

and don't be shy to ask for a veteran's discount - it's the least that these ladies can do for a guy who's gone through what you have

sorta see who talks the talk and who walks the walk :thumb:

 

[nerdy]

respect to you for serving our country but contrary to what most people will tell you here, hear me out

DONT SEE AN SP

There will be no confidence that will be gained. 5 minutes after you walk out of her apartment, your going to tell yourself "wow, i just paid $150 (or whatever) to get a girl to touch me". And trust me, it feels PATHETIC. Put it in whatever words you want but at the end of the day you know thats true. Everytime you see another girl you'll be thinking in your head "whatever, screw her, i can just go online and find me a better looking escort to hump".

Your confidence will take a beating and more then likely start becoming a self-pitying loner.

Best advice I can give you is just go out a lot, meet up with old friends, make new friends. Its a lot easier said then done but it has to be done if you want to live a healthier life. Show your ex gf what she missed out on.

I was almost in the exact same position as you 2 years ago, i had a gf and she said we should wait until after school was done to have sex. The end of the semester came around, she dumped me and now shes going out with some schmuck. Although its my fault for starting to see escorts, i should've had more discipline and moved on to the next girl instead of trying to make up for what i didnt get with escorts.

Im gonna get flamed for this post because for most people here, seeing escorts is the way they past their time. Dont fall into that vicious cycle. Your confidence will go thru the ground, you will start believing that you can only get laid by escorts.

Your a soldier so I know your willpower is second to none.

I'd start here:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...1033031&page=1

so you can quit looking like a sad kunt who pays girls to show him affection.


and while you're working on that, do this:

http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html

and read this too.

http://www.kratosguide.com/bushido-t...f-the-samurai/

be a badass, OP. I believe in you.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate the honesty! Muscle mass was great, but i really miss running 30 -40 km non stop everyday Some pretty bad ass American special forces guys have also told me they would help me out with some training, they would even pay for a trip to venice beach. Doesn't get more bad ass then getting authentic navy SEAL training from the guys who killed Bin Laden (or at least the guys who were trained by them).

Thanks for giving of your time.as a soldier and defending our way of life against those who hate freedom and the baring of female flesh, etc.

I find it curious however that you had a catholic girlfriend but never got anywhere with her...I do understand how she would want to keep her virginity being catholic, but surely couldn't she had arranged an ass fucking in the meantime? Other catholic girls do.

Anyways seeing an SP could be a good idea but just keep in mind you should have a steady.enough income to afford it for awhile till you build up enough courage to nail a few on your own. Also try not to see ones who are too kinky because if you warp your mind while you're just starting out, God only knows how you'll turn out 10 years later.... Maybe you'll turn into a pathetic submissive man who likes to have his balls stepped on while being told to lick the underside of a pair of barn boots, or you'll turn into some kind of Hannibal Lechter.

good call with not seeing a kinkier SP. I think the problem was her parents who were very strict. They were friends were my family as well and I think she had a big fear of getting caught because she was such a daddy's girl. After my second tour, she was in college accross the country (that I was partially paying for), I had a friend who had some doubts about her. I surprised her when I came home for good as I was out east as part of recovery,unfortunately she finally told me she was dating someone else. I hold nothing against her, as I made the choice to be in another country for a long amount of time. But part of me thinks she strung me along for college money. And talk about bad timing, I went through 6 months of recovery with a bunch of dudes.

Only you can make the decision whether or not to see SPs. Some guys in the exact same position as you gain a lot of from the experience, some are worse off. I can't tell you which is more common, but I think that doesn't really matter, because it's not them, it's you.

Do a lot of research, read reviews, read the posts of SPs here on perb, see what girls you think you may click with. Then maybe email a few explaining your situation, and see from there who you really like. If you feel like it's something you're ready to do, try it out, see how you feel. Either you'll want to continue or you won't, just be honest with yourself and your feelings.

As Vanesssa mentioned many SPs do give lessons and any good SP will tailor a session to your comfort level. Vanesssa would be a fantastic choice, as well as Holly Taylor, Miss Lux, Volpina Vance, Kim Capri, there's tons to choose from! lol. You sound like a sweet guy so I'm sure whatever you decide to do, things will end up how they're supposed to. Best of luck, and have fun

Thanks for the advice, I think I will give it some thought, I didn't expect all the SPs here including yourself to be so hot.

 

[Gotee-man]

I think it really depends what u want. If u want friendship/companionship and a real relationship, then stay away from the SP world. If all u want is to get laid with no strings attached, then a SP maybe the easiest route. Just do your research, play safe, and go for something that u like and are comfortable with. I think u out of everyone deserves to go out and enjoy yourself a bit, whatever that may be. Have fun with it and don't take it too seriously. Thanx for serving our country man.

 

[sevenofnine]

i don't think any one can tell you what is right or wrong its your choice its your life.
and there are pros and cons to both sides.

but just a couple of thoughts. being in the army and a war zone and like some one said a close call with an ied i kind of think you should have the confidence somewhere, maybe its something else that is bugging you.

and personaly i would have got it done before i went into a war zone, but whatever,

it can be alot of fun seeing an escort but like people mentioned its hard to equate paying some one to be with you as confidence building but it gives you experiance it changes your perception of women and sex.
and it can grab you and you can be caught up in it rather suddenly
like i said i don't think there is a right or wrong,
but if your the sort of family guy marrying type to death do us part and all of that, i wouldn't or should say there is time,
there is alot of guilt i think if your happily married with kids and believe in family and yet pay escorts and its a forbidden fruit that you may find hard to give up even if you get married at some point.
so i wouldn't rush into it if you believe strongly in family and are religious and spritutal and all that.
this site is all about having fun and sex is good but there is a another side to this that is rarely talked about.

if you don't see marriage as in the cards for you or are not spirtitual or just don't think these things are a big deal go ahead.


but in any case if its something that really bothers you, you should get the deed done and out of the way.
like i said its your life.
there is no one that can tell you what to do.

 

[Dgodus]

It will be extremely unlikely that your next girlfriend will come anywhere the sex skills of a great escort.

This is untrue (well the next part maybe, but not gf's overall). I'm certain most people here have had their best sex with civilians. I can say that some escorts rank right up there as far as stranger sex goes (one night stands and such) for myself, but as far as fwb's and gf's go it really isn't close (probably could be acheived by regularly visiting an escort - but cant say for certain yet)

It is however true that great nsa sex and companionship are completly different things. If companionship is what you're after I'd avoid providers like the plague. I'd also avoid them if you feel any shame or guilt over paying for sex, I cant understand why those that do feel those things continue to indulge. If however you just want to "get the hang of things" and can keep your head on straight, I'd definitly go for it. What are you going to have more confidence in a) something you've practiced x amount of times with some quality instruction to go along or b) something you're doing for the very first time and you're "winging it" to boot? Just be honest and upfront with the provider beforehand.

This is something where you have to answer some questions honestly with yourself. What are your values, where's your head at, what are you looking for really, do you view sexual activities as fun or something intimate, can you walk away from it all?

Personally I wouldn't treat all women like goddess' (all the time anyways, everyone likes to be spoiled from time to time, but it's not a "special" thing if its constant and can be taken for granted). That's a good way to get walked on (putting them up on a pedastel and what not). Best to treat everyone with dignity and respect; and you'll get treated in kind.

 

[nerdy]

Thank you guys for all your responses. It is definately something to think about. I am not sure what my values are and I guess that is something I gotta figure out before I seek out s SP. I thought I had my head around certain things, such as values before all everything has happened, however sdomtimes i guess feel like screw it... I just need to screw someone.

I didn't think paying for a hour was like 5 minutes with a SP, is that a common thing? how do SPs feel about virgins? I don't think ill be attached if I do go the SP route, but are SPs that good that it is something to worry about?

 

[deathreborn]

This is untrue (well the next part maybe, but not gf's overall). I'm certain most people here have had their best sex with civilians. I can say that some escorts rank right up there as far as stranger sex goes (one night stands and such) for myself, but as far as fwb's and gf's go it really isn't close (probably could be acheived by regularly visiting an escort - but cant say for certain yet)

It is however true that great nsa sex and companionship are completly different things. If companionship is what you're after I'd avoid providers like the plague. I'd also avoid them if you feel any shame or guilt over paying for sex, I cant understand why those that do feel those things continue to indulge. If however you just want to "get the hang of things" and can keep your head on straight, I'd definitly go for it. What are you going to have more confidence in a) something you've practiced x amount of times with some quality instruction to go along or b) something you're doing for the very first time and you're "winging it" to boot? Just be honest and upfront with the provider beforehand.

This is something where you have to answer some questions honestly with yourself. What are your values, where's your head at, what are you looking for really, do you view sexual activities as fun or something intimate, can you walk away from it all?

Personally I wouldn't treat all women like goddess' (all the time anyways, everyone likes to be spoiled from time to time, but it's not a "special" thing if its constant and can be taken for granted). That's a good way to get walked on (putting them up on a pedastel and what not). Best to treat everyone with dignity and respect; and you'll get treated in kind.

agree with sex with gf's and fwb's being far more enjoyable then with sp's for the one simple fact that gf's and fwb's actually give a damn and care about you which makes the sex far better because there is some emotional connection.

as for the op, i would say for him to avoid sp's. based on his emotional state towards women i think he would be at a high risk of being taken advantage of.

 

[Dgodus]

agree with sex with gf's and fwb's being far more enjoyable then with sp's for the one simple fact that gf's and fwb's actually give a damn and care about you which makes the sex far better because there is some emotional connection.

as for the op, i would say for him to avoid sp's. based on his emotional state towards women i think he would be at a high risk of being taken advantage of.

I'm certain some providers give a damn and care about you in as much as that they want you to have a good time with them so you'll be repeat business, moreso maybe if you're a decent client. Personally I dont care much if they actually care about me, so long as they dont make it obvious that it doesn't matter if it's myself or joe from down the street that is there at that moment. What makes gf/fwb's better is the familiarity that goes along with the situation. You know all the buttons (so to speak) and so do they, there is the potential for alot more sponteneity (spl?) (meaning the two of you could be out somewhere and just decide "yup, right here, right now" whereas an sp arrangements need to be made), there are more surprises (I would have to request a school girl outfit from a sp whereas I've come home to find a gf waiting for me in one).

I do agree, sp's might not be for the op. But I've found that someone is more likely to listen to advice if you give them reasons not to do something, give them some things they need to consider about the decision, and not tell them straight up yes or no but let them figure it out for themselves. Sometimes if you just say yes or no they wont listen if they've half made up their mind anyways.

It's fine to think "sometimes I just want to screw someone" and that's the way you feel 1 day out of the week. It's how you're going to react and think about it the other 6 days of the week that'll matter even if you do it on that 1 day when it wont matter. And yes, some providers can make themselves pretty agreeable (sex and personality wise), I mean they do want repeat business that's how they get it.