Falling in love with an SP

[Flanders]

I work in an industry that requires a LOT of complex computer simulations to try and model reality. At risk of over simplifying, I would liken our little hobby to the computer simulators I work with. Even the best simulations are not reality.

The best SP's do the best job at simulating the love/fantasy/experience that we seek. But it is a simulation, not the real thing. Important to remember that little nugget.

 

[laurel love]

I just want to address the fact that your marriage has been bad for some time. I am sorry to read that.

A failed marriage is the number one financial disaster of a person's life. It is the most important investment to protect: it is a business.

Even if two parties can just get to the point where they can be good friends and companions and soldier on it is better than bailing.

Sometimes it requires good counselling. One has to understand the Cinderella factor, the happy ever after of Hollywood, is over rated and being in synch with a daily routine and working toward a common goal are the most important factors.

Once we hit old age having a breathing body in the house that can call 911 in an emergency is a huge benefit...and someone to fill the bunk with on a cruise...each can go their separate ways for fun.

Sounds dreary? It actually isn't...I wish you the best....remember that once you are divorced any potential spouse will be looking at her assets and wondering if you would become a burden with your debt and responsibilities...sad but true

 

[rossedm34]

If you're going through the end of a relationship, my best advice is to take a break and not pursue a relationship period, SP or otherwise. End the marriage, wait a few months and get your head straight, then start dating and whatever. If you are actually in love with the SP, then a bit of space could be a good thing if she's in the "like" zone.

And someone liking you nearly always means they're just not into you. Waiting for someone to catch up to your emotions will probably cause you to be annoying and push them away. Sorry to say it.

 

[newatit]

Hey, many of us have been at this point too, me included. In fact right now, just coming down from such an item, when reality finally hit me after about three years. Had a good financial and emotional relationship, with an excellent service package from this gal, and we talked about getting together. But she was pretty straight about saying no for the longest time, and really still has not said yes. So guess what, it has become clear that there will never be a yes, and like others that have been there, it is now clear that for her to leave this trade would be a disaster. For both. There is an attraction, dependence emotionally, fascination, and binding in this business that becomes a life. Look at what some of the other SP's are saying on PERB. This are gals that are out of the "normal" kind of life that we all long for. Most of them will never in their younger years ever form a long term relationship with a man because of the call of this business.

Not that is unless some really remarkable event takes them to a new world.

Forget it buddy, if you have a good wife, keep her, you will never find another acceptable replacement in this world of SP's.

 

[Sharky66]

you say you love your sp,
ok not a problem

but how many guys does she see,
and how many of them love her as well.

what if five of us guys love the same sp,

and second where does the line form for all the guys that love this sp

and is it over or is it only over if this sp loves you,
and what kind of charecter and respect for her is that.

Thank you Seven. Do you think every sp has a bunch of guys in love with her? Maybe you are right, and the sp must continue a charade to keep her income level up. That is fucking depressing -- for her and me.

Go for it dude,but! & i mean a big but. Be prepared for real heartbreak when this thing ends badly.Secondly, don't drag your SO into this,man up & leave her, nobody (especially somebody that loves you) deserves to be treated that way.
You only get one shot at this life, you can't let fear control your life.Get out there & live it, don't leave this world with any regrets,if you love her go for it.Just remember that she's already told you that she doesn't love you,my experience has taught me that people either love you or they don't.There love doesn't grow on you.Sorry to have to tell you that, but its a cold hard truth.
Good luck LD

I think you are right Luvsdaty. I did mention in a previous post that my separation will happen and it is independent of my "love" for this sp. In other words, it is not because of this sp that I would separate and divorce. So I intend to "man up". But it is good to hear it from others, so thank you.

If you're going through the end of a relationship, my best advice is to take a break and not pursue a relationship period, SP or otherwise. End the marriage, wait a few months and get your head straight, then start dating and whatever. If you are actually in love with the SP, then a bit of space could be a good thing if she's in the "like" zone.

And someone liking you nearly always means they're just not into you. Waiting for someone to catch up to your emotions will probably cause you to be annoying and push them away. Sorry to say it.

Thank you Rossed. Well, the plan is (haha, did I call it a "plan"?) that after I separate, I would date women as well as this sp, and see how this sp is in this "normal" environment --- I would not see this sp during her work time (she doesn't work evenings or late). Then I would assess. But nothing really goes as planned, does it, especially when emotions are involved.

BTW, I might have already crossed a bit into the annoying-and-pushing-away stage. She might not be into me and I am in denial. This is the crux of my frustration here. I tell myself that I am not separated yet -- she tells me that she doesn't want to talk more about a potential relationship if I am not yet separated. So with that, I hold onto my denial.

Hey, many of us have been at this point too, me included. In fact right now, just coming down from such an item, when reality finally hit me after about three years. Had a good financial and emotional relationship, with an excellent service package from this gal, and we talked about getting together. But she was pretty straight about saying no for the longest time, and really still has not said yes. So guess what, it has become clear that there will never be a yes, and like others that have been there, it is now clear that for her to leave this trade would be a disaster. For both. There is an attraction, dependence emotionally, fascination, and binding in this business that becomes a life. Look at what some of the other SP's are saying on PERB. This are gals that are out of the "normal" kind of life that we all long for. Most of them will never in their younger years ever form a long term relationship with a man because of the call of this business.

Not that is unless some really remarkable event takes them to a new world.

Forget it buddy, if you have a good wife, keep her, you will never find another acceptable replacement in this world of SP's.

Three years? Wow. Seems you are not "new at it" . Perhaps my fate will be similar to yours. I am sorry it didn't work out for you.

Good wife. If I was happy, I would keep her. That is the problem.

And to all that tell me something after prefacing it with "sorry to say this but..." (or similar treatment), a big thank you. This is usually the sign of the best advice.

 

[Elmore]

Falling in love with a whore??? Your stupid and a loser

Your handle may create some problems for you booking with escorts. But I could be wrong

 

[uncleg]

Falling in love with a whore??? Your stupid and a loser

That should be, "You're stupid".......... yes you are.

 

[yoshi99]

Theres no room for people like Hate Hookers on this board. Go away please.

 

[yoshi99]

Sometimes its beyond our control who we fall in love with. And if you easily fall in love then seeing Sp's is going to make for a dramatic life filled with a wide range of emotions that keep coming and going for as long as you keep seeing them. Not necassarily a bad thing but be prepared for it.

 

[newatit]

Would you pass that recommendation around a bit please.

But you know Borko, on your point 2, I think SP's talk to us because we are the ones in their lives, closest at that moment physically at least, and maybe even a bit emotionally. So sure they talk, and maybe even regret it later, but then what are you going to do with the information anyway. It helps to talk to others, sure you know that. So we go into these love relationships with SP's and look hard at their personalities, statements, intents, and all that, but the remaining issue is that this is a person who probably has an overwhelming fascination and attraction to the industry, and can maybe never let it go. So you are totally correct in that if you are going to "love" one of them, you have to expect that they will be out messing with another guy for money first call they get. That is the nature of the trade. Is it bad? well man don't we do the same thing? Have you stopped seeing other Sp's because you are in love with one?

 

[kauffman]

She says she is not ready for a relationship yet

this is her way of being polite. Do you even know her outside of a paid relationship? Dont look for love under such circumstances.... it doesnt work...

 

[sevenofnine]

just a thought or two,
you know i think perhaps alot of us or even me have it all backwards i mean happiness what is it how to achieve it and sustain it,

first of all its a very selfish decision to get invloved with someone a women i mean we want sex we want friendship companionship, we need so much from the women that we fall in love with, and it is very selfish on our part.
but after that, its not about us, its about them,

i mean my happiness, is not about me, i mean if something is bothering my kids, it bothers me, i will do anything to make it right,
my wife the same, its not at all about me,

the women i see in this it was a very selfish selfcentered decision on my part to see a escort, perhaps the most selfish i have ever been in my life.
but once i met some one, and decided to repeat with her, it was no longer about me, it was about her, and very early on, it told her and repeated the comment to her regularly what ever you need from me, to make it easy or more enjoyable.

i guess on the surface of it its a stupid comment, but i wanted to see her, repeat with her, not once, or twice, i imagned my self in this for the long haul. and eight years in, im still seeing her. over those years she has sent many guys packing and scaled back how many guys she sees, but, she says im a priority.
my emotions have been all over the place with this women, but you know at the end of the day, i want her to be happy to be comfortable with me, period, still do. it is not at all about me,

and were friends, i don't know how long we will continue or how long we can continue, but how ever it ends with her, i think we will still be friends, and it think true friends,

and its funny i have lived almost sixty years ok, but you notice people who think its all about them, there very selfish and very selfcentered, and you know what they end up alone and very sad and miserable.

but i think the greatest peace and happiness you can get, is not from your self, but when the people around you are happy and filled with peace and the joy of simply being alive.
like i said its a very selfish decision to see an escort, but after that, to continue to enjoy your self for the long haul. its not about you,
its not about you at all, its about her, being comforatable with you and enjoying the time she spends with you.

and well yes sometimes it gets complicated, in that you develope feelings and or love the escort you see,
but caring about some one loving some one, is a nice feeling, and there is nothing wrong with that.
the only thing that is wrong, is when you put your needs first in a very selfish sort of way, and the more selfish you are, the harder it is for people to be around you, and you end up just driving every one away.

so what you love an escort, and she doesn't love you back, where does it say she has to, or any one has to for that matter
why turn those feelings into bitterness, and try and blame her, for manipulating you or taking your money,
your just ruining the memory of it,
so you loved some one cared about some one and maybe they didn't love you back in a way they you
wanted,
well welcome to the world

like i said i think alot of us have it backwards, happiness love friendship, its not at all about us at all.
its about making sure the people in our life are happy, and enjoy this thing were all in together,

and i think that includes escorts,

 

[Dgodus]

Doing things for other people is just as selfish as doing them for yourself, it's simply one way benifits others as well. Nearly anything anyone does is inherently selfish, I really cant think of any truely selfless act. I tell jokes because it makes someone laugh, say something nice to them because it makes them smile, etc, the benifit is mine first and foremost. Couple that with more than likely if you make someone smile/laugh often they'll be around more often, maybe even reciprocate the smiling and laughing for you. Some people are just smarter about being selfish, can see the big picture and long term. The things I do for other people are done because its enjoyable to me (think of all the people that say volunteer work is enjoyable), and not because there may be some reward down the road for me (although there usually is, it's just an extra perk as far as I'm concerned, not to be expected). Besides you can learn a fair bit from someone by doing things for them. How do they accept something? Is there appreciation for an act? Do things become expected or taken for granted? Are they there if someone needs them? Learning things about another human is rewarding in and of itself as well. Lots of good things come of doing things for others to improve either their lives or that moment, things that are all good to me so I do em cause I'm a selfish little monkey. I just dont like seeing "some people are selfish, me I do things for other, I'm not selfish", sorry you are, you're just smarter about it.

Actually on topic. How can you actually love someone you see for a couple hours here and there? I concede that your head may be a little messed with after just having had some good sex with your physical ideal. But cant you tell the difference between love, infatuation, lust? I could understand if the thread title were "falling for your sp", that would make more sense; but still you gotta realize the situation is two people on their best behavior (one of which, the pro, is trying to impress you, the client, to expand her client base potentially). If you figure you can keep your head on straight after those few hours, sure indulge yourself with whatever feelings you want for those couple hours, but it is what it is - a business relationship, I mean really money was exchanged within the first few minutes. Doesn't mean you cant mutually enjoy each others company. I mean yea we all know that most sp's wouldn't talk to pooners unless they got paid, the flip is also true, some sp's I've met I wouldn't approach or want to deal with just from the way they look/dress ("nope probably too much trouble and too high maintenance"), sometimes you get a nice surprise and well sometimes you find exactly what you thought would be there (lol air!). So if you get surprised, enjoy it and if you ever find yourself wanting "something else" out of it, just think of all the benifits of it being like it is: it's short time together so everyone wants a good time so they behave well, maybe awhile between meetings so happier to see each other, easily broken off so no hard feelings (good memories to last a lifetime), there's plenty more. Be happy for what you have, dont pine for the things you dont.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

i've fallen in lust with every sp i've ever met that had anywhere near +7 in attutude and service... oh wait a minute... that says LOVE. sorry, take it back, lol

 

[the old maxx50]

I notice that in the husband store . there is no mention of men that love sex .. or want sex . or for that matter don't want sex ..

Is that not a requirement to be a husband .

Loving kids does not necessarily mean you want to make babies or that they have to be your own.. Hmmmmmm

 

[vancity_cowboy]

I notice that in the husband store . there is no mention of men that love sex .. or want sex . or for that matter don't want sex ..

Is that not a requirement to be a husband .

Loving kids does not necessarily mean you want to make babies or that they have to be your own.. Hmmmmmm

yeh, now that you point it out, i see what you're getting at. and they're probably referring to 'her' kids - from a previous hook-up!

 

[sevenofnine]

Doing things for other people is just as selfish as doing them for yourself, it's simply one way benifits others as well. Nearly anything anyone does is inherently selfish, I really cant think of any truely selfless act. I tell jokes because it makes someone laugh, say something nice to them because it makes them smile, etc, the benifit is mine first and foremost. Couple that with more than likely if you make someone smile/laugh often they'll be around more often, maybe even reciprocate the smiling and laughing for you. Some people are just smarter about being selfish, can see the big picture and long term. The things I do for other people are done because its enjoyable to me (think of all the people that say volunteer work is enjoyable), and not because there may be some reward down the road for me (although there usually is, it's just an extra perk as far as I'm concerned, not to be expected). Besides you can learn a fair bit from someone by doing things for them. How do they accept something? Is there appreciation for an act? Do things become expected or taken for granted? Are they there if someone needs them? Learning things about another human is rewarding in and of itself as well. Lots of good things come of doing things for others to improve either their lives or that moment, things that are all good to me so I do em cause I'm a selfish little monkey. I just dont like seeing "some people are selfish, me I do things for other, I'm not selfish", sorry you are, you're just smarter about it.

of course im selfish never once said i wasn't,
the difference is what makes us happy,

i get off making other people happy, i get off knowing the women i see enjoys my companny, and has a good time, and wants to see me, as opposed to just wanting my money

its called empathy, and sensitivity,
why does one person, do charity work and one person, well robs from the collection plate
why does one person get off having sex with an sp knowing he hasn't showered in a week, and another worries about being squeaky clean

 

[DanTheMan1]

You people need a serious wake up call. How many people do you think this SP has slept with, chances are she knows what kind of guys shes into and from her response it doesnt sound like you. Im sure most people in here have heard the old im gonna quit or im thinking of quitting this year but we know thats never going to happen. Im semi retired from this hobby as I got that platinum blonde fake tits tanned model like girl but I still find this board entertaining. I used to use agencies like Carman Fox and became friends with some of the girls, I stopped using them as a SP and don't give them a penny. I have even met some of their families, I would go out and hang with their group of friends and them with mine. You have to realize that girls are just as superficial as guys, and most of these Sps got a hustler "get money" mentality. They are not going to do this line of work to end up penniless with some Joe Schmo. From reading allot of your responses you guys are ready to be taken to the cleaners. They tell me about all the losers telling them they love them buying them flowers ect and they just try to act nice back to them. Meanwhile shes playing hard to get with that balling client, and this is just one example money launderer with the multi-million dollar place on the hill with a newer lamborghini murcielago and a brand new bentley don't remember which model it was. Don't waste your time or money

 

[Sharky66]

Wow, I didn't know this thread had kept going! Thanks for all the new replies.

FYI, I am separated now (since late December). I have seen the SP in question just a few times since then. She is very busy she says. And sometimes we don't get along well when we are together.

And she seems to lack insight into how her actions or words affects others -- ie she calls me on the evening of the date that we had planned, saying she is tired and can't go out with me. I ask her what she is doing, and she tells me she is with her girlfriends. I become rather displeased because she is too tired for me but apparently not too tired to go out with girlfriends. She then claims that "I don't understand her" because when she is tired, she is more relaxed in the company of women than men.

She didn't understand why I was upset when she made plans with me, and changed them at the last minute with such a lame false-sounding excuse.

This pains me because I am still in love with her. But it is time to let this one go. She is wrong for me on so many different levels. I feel like shit. Anyway, this is probably a good thing. Time to get my mind off her and move on. I better go see Kalikaos again. She will set me straight!

Thanks again for all the advice.

 

[threepeat]

Wow, I didn't know this thread had kept going! Thanks for all the new replies.

FYI, I am separated now (since late December). I have seen the SP in question just a few times since then. She is very busy she says. And sometimes we don't get along well when we are together.

And she seems to lack insight into how her actions or words affects others -- ie she calls me on the evening of the date that we had planned, saying she is tired and can't go out with me. I ask her what she is doing, and she tells me she is with her girlfriends. I become rather displeased because she is too tired for me but apparently not too tired to go out with girlfriends. She then claims that "I don't understand her" because when she is tired, she is more relaxed in the company of women than men.

She didn't understand why I was upset when she made plans with me, and changed them at the last minute with such a lame false-sounding excuse.

This pains me because I am still in love with her. But it is time to let this one go. She is wrong for me on so many different levels. I feel like shit. Anyway, this is probably a good thing. Time to get my mind off her and move on. I better go see Kalikaos again. She will set me straight!

Thanks again for all the advice.

As painful as this sounds, I think the lame-sounding excuse was meant to be lame, as she has tried the more gentle tactics with you but was not getting anywhere. She is upping the ante.

If she said she liked you but didn't yet love you, here's how I see this playing out if the two of you got together. Either she doesn't quit her job and you are unhappy she is fucking other men, or she quits and expects you to make up the financial difference between her SP income and her civilian income. As most SPs make more than most clients, this is a quick ticket to the poorhouse and unhappiness.

You are better off spending your money on other SPs and spending your love on someone who will appreciate you. Good luck