Any advice for a young, inexperienced guy?

[unit18]

I've been a member of PERB for a few years and have only seen 2 SP's. Im 21 years old and have never had a real girlfriend. That means I lost my virginity to an SP (a few years ago). I thought it would change me, but I didn't feel any different. I thought my first time would be some grand experience and it would make me want to pursue a relationship with a "normal" girl.

I thought maybe it was just a new experience and I was nervous and uncomfortable, and now that I got it out of the way, everything would be fine...

Fast forward 1 year, I decide to try my 2nd SP experience. Long story short, I stumbled my way through an hour with a gorgeous girl and couldn't even score once even though MSOG was on the menu. I even went soft a few times, which was embarrassing. Keep in mind I have a Fleshlight at home and I can barely last a few minutes with it.

At this point I feel lost. From my very limited experience, I can only conclude that sex is overrated and masturbating at home is much easier and satisfying. I want soo badly to be proven wrong and I dont want to accept this as reality.

I cant really talk to anyone about this and dont know what the answer is. Has anyone ever felt like this? Any SP's think they can snap me out of this funk? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[TooLegit]

What you experienced is a common problem with younger guys. Your expectations are way too high. Sex is fun, but it's not some mystical event. Once you've built up your confidence and taken sex off that high pedestal, you will feel much better about it.

 

[mistressfreyja]

Babe, you are young. In 5 years, you will have grown and changed so much. We feel static day-to-day, but life DOES go by quickly.

My best advice would be to focus your energy on becoming the best person you can be. If you need SPs along the way, then indulge. But, don't go to an appt with preconceived notions. It's just sex. And if you NEED something more than just release, then don't stop here. Go and date.

Even if you find the best SP you can ever imagine, there is still the reality of feeling lonely after, if your expectations are not in tune with reality (as TooLegit has responded in quote).

Stop looking, and you just may find what you seek.

Hugs babe. And good luck on your quest!

Btw, for all the BS on this site, you can find some really nice people that don't desire to steer you wrong.

What you experienced is a common problem with younger guys. Your expectations are way too high. Sex is fun, but it's not some mystical event. Once you've built up your confidence and taken sex off that high pedestal, you will feel much better about it.

 

[juniper]

Ms. Freyja: Just wish to let you know that I appreciate the time and effort you've made here to assist unit18. I don't think you had anything to be gained (monetarily) by expressing your viewpoint. Your perspective is solid, generous and written in an understanding manner.

I also appreciate your remarks on the thread about "older SPs", that you are actually honest about your age but also delineated how your honesty creates a connundrum for you.

Too bad I, myself, do not reside in Vancouver. I'm already attracted to you, your person. Of course, I also enjoy dominating so we'd probably cancel one another out. All the best. I'm going to look at your website now.

 

[kimargan]

In my experince it has always been a thing of personal attraction before physical attraction, my first was with an SP kind of a gross right of passage my sick uncle came up with when I was 16 years old. She was good and the sex was pleasurable but nothing spectacular I enjoyed myself but nothing to much more speical than masturbating. It wasn't untill 5 months later that I learned what sex could be, I had a girlfriend of 3 months at that point and she had never let me get anything. As attractive as she was what made the sex so good was the 3 months of getting to know and love each other, the fact that I accualy cared about how she felt made it so much more fun. For me the best part was right after, being only 16 neither of us had done anything before, so when we finished and fell onto each other the closeness felt great.

Now I can have fun with an SP because I go back to those experinces with girls I had feelings for and I treat them as if they were that girl only they've become more freaky and will let me have my way with them. You should try getting into a relationship where you know you will see your lover again, and want them to enjoy themself as much as you in bed, sometimes the emotion is what makes the sex better.

 

[professorx]

unit18:

Wow, I can totally relate to parts of your story... Let me tell you mine first:

I grew up in a low-to-middle class income neighbourhood. I went to high school in a rich neighbourhood. I was always intimidated by the girls at my school because the ones that i really liked had parents with a lot of money whereas mine didn't. I didn't have the luxury of being able to go out much because my parents wouldn't give me any money. I worked a bit through high school to make some, but not enough to compete with the rich guys at my school who got all the girls. As a result, i focused on trying just to finish high school and post secondary so i could get out and make money.

I did have a lot of female friends back in the day. A few of them liked me as well, but these girls were in my friendzone and i was never attracted to them in that way so i never made any moves on them. You could say that perhaps I was picky because there was only a certain few girls i wanted. It was all or nothing for me. It ended up being nothing though.

I stumbled across this website a few years ago, but didn't sign up as a member until this year. I'd read through some items here and there (once in a blue moon) but it was strictly for entertainment purposes and I never really looked into much. I was busy going to school and chasing girls during this time... but for some reason I could never really get past first base.

I made a move on this one girl who i was really attracted to. We happened to be friends first. She started to ignore me when i made moves on her so in essence, I lost a friend too.

I had just lost it after this. I was up at whistler for a week and I ended up finding this escort outcall service called Roxy's. I was contemplating whether or not to call them since I was really nervous. I did end up calling them and was so fucking jittery and nervous over the phone. I also mentioned that this was my first time using an escort service which was a Bad, Bad move and here's why:

Roxy's charges $225 per girl as listed on their website. When the girl came to my hotel room, we talked briefly and she made me take my clothes off. At this point I was rock hard because I had never been this far with a girl before. While she was stroking woody, she asked me if this was my first time using an escort service and I said yes. This was also the first time I would lose my virginity but I didn't tell her that...

After I gave her my answer, she began telling me about escorts in general and how each of them charges different rates. She said that most of the $225 is used to pay Roxy's itself and that she only gets like $50 from it. She asked me if i wanted sex or a bj or both for this session and I said both so she said that normally she would charge $400 for that but since I was new she was only going to charge me $300.

I couldn't believe this shit!! But..she literally had me by the balls so I agreed to it. This girl was blond and wasn't super attractive, but she had a nice personality from the start. Until i found out that she was very restrictive....i started sucking on her nipples and she said she didn't like that because they were too sensitive. She put the condom on and when she started riding me, she had her hand on my dick and would hold it and guide it into her. I was trying to hold it and do it myself but she said that she would prefer if she did it because she was afraid of getting bacteria inside her.....wtf!

I'm a clean and decent looking guy as well so I was completely shocked by this. It actually made me go limp.

The whole session lasted about 40 minutes. I went limp a few times and I came off through a BJ. Normally, when I masturbate I can barely last 5. I thought that I would have been done in 5 as well but I guess that didn't happen. After i finished with her and paid her i had just spent a total of $525 for my first time and I was like...."sex is overrated...."

I was still in Whistler for a few days so I thought I would give it another try because I thought that I was too occupied with getting ripped off to enjoy my first time. I called roxy's again and got them to send over a girl for an all inclusive rate of $225 with no extra bullshit charges.
I also asked for a girl who was more of a spinner. They sent me this cute brunette who fit my description but my first impression of her was that something wasn't right about her....

I asked her if she was okay because she looked kind of startled. She told me it was because she was at a bachelor party before she came to visit me and that the guys were jerks. I told her to not worry about it because I'm not a jerk and I told her we should sit down for a bit and just talk. We sat down for a bit and just talked which was great. I offered her a drink as well to make her feel at ease. This session actually started off the way that I thought it would because I felt this was more personably and girlfriend-like.

We started going at it but this time it took me a few minutes to get hard. I was actually pretty embarrased because this girl was good-looking. Around 10-15 minutes in I was having a good time and I think she was too...but then she asks me if she could stop to do some cocaine..
yeah.... this explains why she was off.. she must have done alot before she came to see me...

Once she said that I couldn't get it up again. She tried really hard to get it going again, but everything she did wouldn't help. I did thank her for trying though, but I ended up just wacking it when she left the room.

Both of these happened a year ago. After seeing these 2 girls at roxy's i completely stopped sp's and told myself that i was going to find my own girlfriend.

Once again... another rough year for me. I tried and failed again.. The last time, i went for a girl who was actually engaged to someone else but I did not know that at the time. She led me on for a while and took a lot out of me.

I'm kind of fed up with the dating scene here in vancouver so I'm going to resort to giving the SP route a try.
Masturbating at home is way more satisfying I find as well, but I really don't want to be best friends with my right hand for the rest of my life...

I'm 24 right now. I'm sorta leaning towards finding an SP that i click with whom i can see on possibly a bi-weekly or monthly basis... kinda looking for that "escort-girlfriend" whom i can repeat with..

I actually make decent money these days for my age so i'm hoping that something like this will help me forget about my past experiences and possibly allow me to find new ones.

thats my story... guess now I'll have to start reading this board more to find that girl...

 

[sweetiepie1]

unit18:

You could say that perhaps I was picky because there was only a certain few girls i wanted. It was all or nothing for me. It ended up being nothing though.


thats my story... guess now I'll have to start reading this board more to find that girl...

What about your "real life dating", though? You haven't given up on that, have you? Seems to me that, at your age, that's what you should be focusing on. Obviously, sex is important, but maybe you need to reconsider what you're trying to get and why? Just asking, not try to be bossy about it.

 

[a_shy_guy]

I've been a member of PERB for a few years and have only seen 2 SP's. Im 21 years old and have never had a real girlfriend. That means I lost my virginity to an SP (a few years ago). I thought it would change me, but I didn't feel any different. I thought my first time would be some grand experience and it would make me want to pursue a relationship with a "normal" girl.

Fast forward 1 year, I decide to try my 2nd SP experience. Long story short, I stumbled my way through an hour with a gorgeous girl and couldn't even score once even though MSOG was on the menu. I even went soft a few times, which was embarrassing. Keep in mind I have a Fleshlight at home and I can barely last a few minutes with it.

At this point I feel lost. From my very limited experience, I can only conclude that sex is overrated and masturbating at home is much easier and satisfying. I want soo badly to be proven wrong and I dont want to accept this as reality.

I cant really talk to anyone about this and dont know what the answer is. Has anyone ever felt like this? Any SP's think they can snap me out of this funk? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

We see to have quite the similar background you and I. My first time was with an SP, and I thought it would have changed me too, but it didnt. If anything, it left me with a hole in my pocket. Although I tried persuing a girlfriend in the past, it just didnt happen. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, so I just caved in and saw an SP.

Over the next 2 years, I only saw a handful of SP's. Although each and every one them I saw were kinda the same(I figured it was kinda a routine or something), one stood out. I only ever seen one SP more then once, and its because she seems to be more different then all the other SP's I have seen. I know i've hit the jackpot when I see one I'd see again. It wasnt until I seen this particular SP a few times, that I finally got my first SOG. After nearly a dozen try's, I finally did it. I figured,I got comfortable with an SP, I just couldn't finish. I also went limp a couple times, it happens, sometimes for unexplainable reasons, but it happens. I don't feel embaressed though, the body can do some pretty interesting things, going limp just happens to be one of them.


Sex is how you look at it. Masturbating at home(or anywhere for that matter) is easy, and satisfying. Sex with an SP I find is a great recreational activitie, a little pricey, but alot of fun is to be had especially if you find an SP you get along with. Sex with a girlfriend is something way different and doesn't even compare to an SP on any level. I wouldn't consider sex overrated, its part of life, and its how you see it. Give it some time and then ask yourself again whether its overrated or not.

 

[a_shy_guy]

What about your "real life dating", though? You haven't given up on that, have you? Seems to me that, at your age, that's what you should be focusing on. Obviously, sex is important, but maybe you need to reconsider what you're trying to get and why? Just asking, not try to be bossy about it.

I'm only 23 and I nearly gave up on real life dating. It seems that alot of the girls that I have met are quite picky about who they would like to be with, or just some serious head cases. SP's don't play games, and you know the outcome.

Last week, out on a buddys farm, I met a girl there riding a horse. Being a city person, I wasn't used to walking down trails, or having the possibility of stepping on a piece of crap, so I stood at the beginning of the trail waiting for my friend to come back to me. This girl that didn't know me(nor did I know her), offered me a ride on the horse so I wouldn't be standing there for about a half hour. I accepted the ride had a nice conversation with her throughout the trail. Afterwards, out of the blue, I offered to take her into town for dinner because she was generous enough to offer me a ride. Through all that small talk, other then us both being single, it turns out that we were going to the same campus at the same time, just we didn't really notice each other(different trade). Although she was gorgeous, I didn't feel a connection with her, but, it gave me some hope in finding that one special girl one day.

 

[sweetiepie1]

You sound like a wonderful guy and I'm sure it won't be too much longer before you find the lucky woman who loves you for who you are. Just be sure to have fun along the way and don't give up!

 

[sevenofnine]

you know what it is

your body your mind are all conditioned to perform a certain way,
its like pavlo and his dogs.

except you do the conditioning.

your used to so long with a playboy centerfold and your hand.
you get a real live girl in front of you
you don't know what the hell to do with her, the feelings are all different the mental fantasy you have in your head is not the same.

it takes time to re adjust your mental processes from a playboy centerfold or porn in general to a real live girl.

and then the physical sensations are all wrong it just doesn't feel the same

its a common problem not to worry,

just think of your favorite sp as porn, masturbate at home if you have to
to thoughts of her. her tastes smells etc.

you will get hard at the thought of her.


in the end sex is nice real nice
but you know,
it is not what your imagination tells you it is.
when its over, well its over,

for sure as hell enjoy, but don't stress it. what ever happens and what ever you decide to do,

 

[professorx]

What about your "real life dating", though? You haven't given up on that, have you? Seems to me that, at your age, that's what you should be focusing on. Obviously, sex is important, but maybe you need to reconsider what you're trying to get and why? Just asking, not try to be bossy about it.

sweetiepie1:

Oh no, I haven't completely given up on real life dating. I'm just taking a break from it.
Of course if I find someone or if someone finds me, my main objective would be to focus my attention onto her and get off of these forums.

It is getting increasingly difficult to meet good women these days though... I work mostly with men and I seem to always be around the same group of friends as well which also makes it a hard.

I can only think of a handful of places to meet new women:
bars/clubs, work and/or through mutual friends. The bar/club route hasn't worked out too well because that's just a meat market.
Where's the best place to meet people these days if you decide to go solo?

I'm always trying to meet new people though whether it be guys or girls.

I would prefer it to be girls though

Any tips?

 

[Pirate Code]

Sex IS overrated if all you believe it is about is getting off.

Yes, you are likely going to consistently give yourself the best orgasm. Sure, you can find some really talented women out there who can open you up to new things that can intensify things, but you know your own body best.

What makes sex great for most people is the connection with their partner. creating great sex with someone you care about can be magical. Obviously this isn't something you think you'd find with a provider, but I think it's possible. I've seen the caring some SPs have and it's amazing they can be so honestly loving.

You get out of life what you put in. If you want an experience to be great, don't expect it to be easy.

 

[sevenofnine]

strange

girls are everywhere. are they not.


for sort of a different guy like me, with all the stuff that goes on in my life, and my issues.
i find girls easy.
always sort of have, its the rest of life that gets complicated and hard.

sure there were long periods of my life i went with out, but i was just having problems in general didn't really have any friends or any one in my life, male or female. i was just messed up and wanted to be alone. to much shit was going on in my life, i just needed to be alone.

i was out yesterday just out and about,
looking at all these cookie cutter guys dress shorts baseball cap sunglasses. if your like a teen its the mop of hair maybe a took
i look around at work,

so many ass hole fucking guys just creeps, and they have girl friends.
say boo to them and there all over you i can beat your fucking ass, guys at work, look at them the wrong way they fucking go nuts.

i was on the bike path tried to pass a couple
and i was polite about it, but me and the guy could have got into it.

i honestly just feel sorry for girls guys are just jerks, there aggressive bullies selfish insensitive etc etc,
seriously i feel sorry for girls they can hung up on this good looking guy who just struts around, but honestly most of them are just inmature little pricks or a prick looking for a hole to put it in.
and if there is a nice guy out there girls have to look to find him. look hard to find him.

and in all honesty you most likely don't want a girl who likes a bad boy any way, who just lives for the thrill of the moment.
like i have heard the comment many times a bad boy is nice just for a thrill once inawhile or when your younger,
but when your older you want a nice guy that will be there through the good times and the bad.

and trust me on this,
you live a long time, there is bumps along the way.
its better to have some one to be with you through it all, then some one who is only there for the fun times. you want some one there no matter what,

even actually goes for sps to be honest with you,
i have seen this one sp for five years.
in five years lets see, burried a close friend and a couple of aquaintances
lost a parent as well went through a court case.

and i saw her regularlly, and not every session did i have that i was at my best i was tired i was grumpy, just wanted to use her to get away from it all an escape. and she was there every time i emailed her and wanted a few hours to get away from it all. and didn't really feel like hanging out at the bar scene or see any one i knew.
she was there and i hung out at her place.
still see her, but i thank her every time i see her for seeing me and putting up with me. through it all.


any way girls are easy, just be relaxed and laugh at your self shy but confident enough to smile and laugh,
not at them but at life and yourself.
be honest first with yourself and then the person your with.
girls like honesty. at least nice girls do.

and just enjoy being alive, playing the game.
and don't keep score, but play hard,
it really doesn't matter if you win or loose,
what matters is you played the game you had fun along the way,

and winning or loosing isn't important,
i talk to alot of guys my age or older who are rich,
and most of them will tell you it doesn't really matter,
the important things are health family loved ones and the ability to get up ever morning and follow your dreams.
where ever they take you,

 

[newatit]

If you feel sex is over rated or not, really depends a lot on your own personality and body make up. Some people are just not into it and others can not go with out it. Lets just be glad we are young enough to enjoy it.

I have found the SP issue to be a mixed bag. Some how there is that knack of looking into her eyes, or listening to her voice on the phone, the words that are used and the attitude and the reception are all part of the assessent of a decision to proceed. I recently went into a AMP in the Vancouver area where I interviewed three girls, and finally made a decision based upon looks, that little bit of personality, her apparent body language in meeting me and her attitude. One gal looked sullen, resentful she was there or of maybe having to spend time with me. The other was just too dry, but the chosen one was bubble, obviously had some personality and provided great service. Looks were not the most important, but the answers to a few questions asked were, along with the aforementioned points. Never found it too great a deal to just make a call to an agency and have some one show up at the hotel door unreviewed, unknown, just too mechanical and the experience Professorx re-iterated is just too common with some agencies. On a recent business trip to another western city, I took two nights and visited all the MP's in part of the city interviewing and assessing potential candidates. Out of all that, found three gals that were noteworthy, the rest would surely have done the job, but just wouldn't have been the same. However, decided that prices were too high and just waited till I got home to Calgary. But it was fun. So I upset a few gals by just walking out, but such is life. They are in the business and the client gets to pick. So maybe some of you being a bit bashful about this whole thing and not having the best experience is because you don't have an approach that contributes to success. Think about what you want, discuss it with the gal, often necessary in the privacy of a room, and don't take your wallet out of your pocket until you are sure she will provide what you want in a manner consistent with your personality. It is often so obvious the gal isn't turned on by you, isn't reallya happy person, has an attitude, or is just so mechanical, and in those cases ask to see the other gals, or just plain leave. The papers and city are full of other potential candidates.
You should establish what you price limit is, and be realistic what you will be provided with for that. Amps are usually considerably cheaper than non AMPS and provide more complete services because it is the culture of those people to be more subservient. For example you might find a non amp SP will give you a peck on the lips for a few seconds, or "light" DFK whereas an AMP Sp will tickle your tonsils with her tongue for half an hour if you just ask for it at no extra cost. Yes, I have learned these lessons fast, was with you guys as being newbie not too long ago. Hope this helps.