I think honda761 meant young mistress - NOT trophy wife... and he meant every year...so you change every year with a different mistress/sugar babe...like the pay as you go disposable phones...
I used to tell her every day that she was beautiful
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I am sorry to hear that, MS. I had a very similar situation happened to me in the past. We were so great together, once she completed a "social work" program from a college and found a job working at one of the women shelters in DT eastside, then she made friend with a divorced fat ugly lesbian troll; that moment on, our relationship was over. In a relationship, there will always be some little disagreement between two people, but even since this troll got in her life, she's accusing me of being control, and abusive...I am glad that she's gone....look at the bright side, your situation was way better than mine. All the best to you, and time will heal.
Truer words were never spoken Nina - Sometimes I just have to sit alone in silence on a mountain top so I can see and hear clearly. Then I come down, get busy with living and promptly forget..............It's all just an illusion I can change when I want to.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I guess it's like taking a punch - once you get used to it it hurts less next time. The trick is to move your head at just the right time to let it slide off. This time I took the punch and truth be told, I'd take another one if I thought it would help her heal. To give you an idea her mother told her to shut up about the abuse because she needed the grocery money. Age 6
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Well Stated Nina
As usual, SNL probably is bang on
and if it makes you feel any better , most of us have gone through something similar. I had a brief relationship with a beautuful retired nurse, I thought I'd won the lottery with her. We were happy; I treated her like royalty & she lavished TLC on me. Unfortunately she was also carrying alot of Baggage [possibly PTSD] from being molested as a child, a date rape when she was a dancer, and a bit bi-polar to deal with.
The break was tough, but everyday that you get through brings you 1 day closer to getting over it. When I see her now, I chuckle.
QUOTE=Sexy Nina Leone;1097731]We're all just lost souls trying to make sense of our lives, aren't we?
Ms, it sound like this woman is trying to find herself through her relationships. It took being single for a very long time for me to finally be happy with myself and love who I am.
I don't think you make a mistake being good to her.. Your mistake was in choosing who to give your love to... though she showed you loving actions, her inability to love herself meant she could not accept the love you gave her. She is unaware that her own attitude towards herself is what is stopping her from accepting the love she so desperately seeks.
What an amazing journey this life is... So much to learn!![/QUOTE]
As usual, SNL probably is bang on
and if it makes you feel any better , most of us have gone through something similar. I had a brief relationship with a beautuful retired nurse, I thought I'd won the lottery with her. We were happy; I treated her like royalty & she lavished TLC on me. Unfortunately she was also carrying alot of Baggage [possibly PTSD] from being molested as a child, a date rape when she was a dancer, and a bit bi-polar to deal with.
The break was tough, but everyday that you get through brings you 1 day closer to getting over it. When I see her now, I chuckle.
QUOTE=Sexy Nina Leone;1097731]We're all just lost souls trying to make sense of our lives, aren't we?
Ms, it sound like this woman is trying to find herself through her relationships. It took being single for a very long time for me to finally be happy with myself and love who I am.
I don't think you make a mistake being good to her.. Your mistake was in choosing who to give your love to... though she showed you loving actions, her inability to love herself meant she could not accept the love you gave her. She is unaware that her own attitude towards herself is what is stopping her from accepting the love she so desperately seeks.
What an amazing journey this life is... So much to learn!![/QUOTE]
I guess that's the point Pappion, I choose to believe that the reason we're all here is to mature our souls. If it was all sweetness and light there wouldn't be much learning. That said, my lesson is for me, her lesson is for her, and they are very different lessons which we could never learn without each other.
Wow so many assumptions being made when the OP has actually told us very little about the relationship. From what the OP has posted, his ex is a victim of some kind of childhood abuse and have an aversion to being loved or being told she's loved, or something to that effect. I could be way of base here but I get the sense that the OP was suffocating her ex with too much "love". Sometimes you just have to let your SO be, give her time and space. The constant praising could ring hollow after a while especially if the recipient does not want them in the first place.
Not sure if the OP has thought of this. Is it possible that some of his actions remind his ex of the abuse that she suffered? For example, if her abuser frequently told her how beautiful she was then she would have the association that being praised on her beauty equals abuse.
Is the ex in therapy by any chance?
Not sure if the OP has thought of this. Is it possible that some of his actions remind his ex of the abuse that she suffered? For example, if her abuser frequently told her how beautiful she was then she would have the association that being praised on her beauty equals abuse.
Is the ex in therapy by any chance?
And that's the million dollar qestion. I don't know but if I had to guess, I'd say that just about hits it square on.
Yeah I know all that. I CHOOSE to not be cynical and manipulative and I LIKE spooning and morning lovemaking and coffee on the terrace. I spent most of my life putting notches on my bedpost. Not very fulfilling.Tom Lykis is a typical guy that should be punched in the head repeatedly....he's kinda like huny
Hunka I never said it wasn't fun LOLWhoa, Whoa, Whoa......let's not get carried away
I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing pain with this event Maroonedsailor ! I hope your heart will heal quickly and you can move on. I used to think that when a relationship 'failed' there was a cause and that something could have or should have been done to avoid the failure. Now with more life experience I realize that two people sharing life's journey is just bound to 'fail'. We all have different lessons we need to learn and things we need to experience and we need to go in different directions eventually. Sometimes people just stay together out of fear (of being alone or confrontation etc) and they miss the chance to grow when it comes up. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should and nothing is a failure. Life is just so incredibly fleeting and prescious. Peace and love to all !
Hi Jewel - The thing about this thread is not to have a pity party - It was just a realization of how a relationship can morph. What started out as a very casual thing turned into something quite precious to me. Fact is I woke up one day and realized that something huge had been missing from my life and for a moment in time that hole was filled. Now I'm finding it difficult to be satisfied with less. It's no longer ok just to get my rocks off and move along and I'm still not quite sure what to do with that.
I've been following this thread since it started and think it's one of the best I've ever seen on here. It's clearly not a pity party but a great discussion on relationships. I love Alinburnaby's 'point system' theory ! When I read the ex popping up on a dating site as a potential match I heard the song .. "If you like Pinacolada's .... " playing. Life is just so incredible .. all the struggles we endure and all the beauty and magic of new relationships ... when you think how insignificant our lives really are in the big scheme of things it really makes you wonder what it's all about. Just seeing everyone sharing on this type of forum makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over!
Now that you have heard the words of wisdom of the many that have taken your plight to heart, have you maybe considered the problem may be the many notches on your bedpost(s)...............well maybe not so much the notches, as what they became........................
Jesus Unc - u just laid me right out ROTFLMAO - u one fonny fella
Now that you have heard the words of wisdom of the many that have taken your plight to heart, have you maybe considered the problem may be the many notches on your bedpost(s)...............well maybe not so much the notches, as what they became........................
ummmmmmmmmm Al? why is my sister sleeping with part of a cabbage patch doll? And who took that pic? was it you, you sly dog you.......
aye so it is bildgswill, stand by and prepare your back for thirty lashes wi the cat.
The bigger problem is Western society. Women are becoming increasingly more insecure. This society of mass consumerism (fueled by advertising) is deeply depressing both men and women's self-esteem. People are no longer concerned with caring for their kin, but rather acting on selfish whims to satisfy their needs only. It's problematic when 'nice' guys end up with women with self-esteem issues. The nice guys I have encountered are very committed, loving, amazing sexual partners, understanding, and very generous in nature. Generally they want to have children, get married, and take care of their spouse. Most women want this, but those with low self-esteem are continuously looking for acceptance (which is a key reason why they have affairs).
MaroonedSailor: I can confidently say that your lady will not last long with her current beau. She needs to feel adorned all the time, and compliments only means something to her when its coming from someone new. For the future I suggest finding a girl who is truly down to earth and comfortable in her own skin.
Framkly, I think, that for her, it's all about the conquest. Once that's accomplished, she gets bored and needs a new challenge. This gives her a sense of power and control which was taken from her as a child. It also lets her punish her abuser. But although its great to focus on her all that really does is let me NOT focus on me, which is what my job really is. The question is why do I continue the friendship? Is it selfless or very selfish? Every behavior has it's reward so what's in it for me? What I am aware of is that turning my back on her would be like abandoning a wounded comrad in a war zone and that I will not do. It remains complicated ;-)
