To Eden and anyone else reading this ( by CHUCK) Part 1

To Eden and anyone else reading this..

It has been said that I've posted my side. All I see is a question that I
asked about patching up a friendship, with no detail whatsoever about the
situation. What has been posted by Eden is a combination of bits and pieces
of the truth mixed in with misunderstanding some untruths!

So thank you to Fred Zed for allowing me to post my side of things. Firstly
it is important to know that I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) as
a result of an incident that occurred while on U.N. Peacekeeping duty
overseas in Cyprus that basically speaking, involved witnessing a young
soldier being beaten to death in front of me and being unable to stop it (so
I blame myself for it). Also, combined with an anxiety disorder, which in
stressful situations can result if bad anxiety attacks. (causing physical
distress to myself, hard time breathing, chest pain etc.) I’ve not never
ever caused anyone else neither harm, threatened anyone nor have I had a
desire to do so! The hospital does not help when this happens as a matter of
fact it just seems to make it worse, which my GP is well aware of. I am also
undergoing treatment provided by DVA.

That being said, there was never any ill intentions towards Eden nor did I
mean to cause her any grief whatsoever and am truly sorry for what
happened!! There seems to be a misunderstanding of the facts so here is my
side of things.

I met Eden 5 yrs ago as a client and through all of the ups and downs I’ve
considered her a friend as well as being a client. Why? Because she told me
so on numerous occasions and even conveyed it in email as well! She even
knew that I considered her one of my best friends which she did not seem to
have a problem with to my knowledge. She knew all the intimate details of my
life including in detail the incident overseas and my P.T.S.D. and anxiety
disorder. 5yrs ago she tried to help with that by suggesting for me to write
my feelings down on paper in the form of letters addressed to her and
bringing them to appointments and giving them over to her. She always was
very understanding of anything I told her and was very easy to talk to which
did have a positive affect on me, more so than my counselling as it was not
something she had to do. I guess it was maybe that someone cared that had
such a profound effect on me! After a few months she let me know that she
was leaving the business. I booked her for some final appointments about 3
in one week all multiple hour appointments. Throughout the year, anything
that I did in appointments, bringing gifts etc were all with her permission
and she told me if I ever did anything wrong she would tell me as I was
constantly worrying and apologizing if I thought I did the slightest thing
wrong. At the last appointment at dinner she let me know that she would be
willing to see my privately if I wished to after her leaving the agency that
she worked for at the time (Classy Ladies). I did not ask for this, she
offered it. Any personal information about her self that I had knowledge of
she volunteered the information in appointments to me. She also had invited
me to be a client at her regular place of work as I asked her to recommend a
place for me to go. She said she would not send me to the competition! I
asked if she was sure about that and she said it was no problem. I told her
I had a large order to bring in and she said “anytime” that she would help
me sort it out. She also had given me a pager number for me to contact her
on to make appointments etc. I tried my best not to abuse it. After a couple
of appointments she had made arrangements with one of the agency owners to
make appointments for her as it was hard for her to get back to me. She
would call me once in a while and talk to me to see how I was doing which
was also very nice of her to do.

part 2

One particular week I paged her to ask her about an appointment as it was
about booking before the time that I could call the agency owner (after 7pm)
There was no response to the page. Each day of that week I paged again to
find out if something had gone wrong or if I did something wrong? I phoned
the agency owner to ask if she knew and she said not to worry as she was
probably just busy. The following week I received a phone call at about 7:30
am from Eden and she was pissed off. She scolded me for paging her all week
and said she had no obligation whatsoever to reply. I never said that she
did. How was I to know that I had done something wrong if she did not reply?
She dictated to me that the Friday’s upcoming appointment would be my last
and if I still wanted it. I was half asleep and could not figure out what
was going on. With her tone of voice the way it was I figured I would just
be paying for an appointment to be yelled at as she was doing there so I
said no. The conversation ended. I was floored as I could not understand
what had just happened. I decided to take an order into her place of work as
my anxiety level was rising and I thought if I could just speak to her for a
couple of minutes things would be ok.

I went and handed in the order but someone else took it and was unable to
speak to her. When I got into my car I started to have a very bad anxiety
attack. I had a hard time breathing and chest pain etc. I went back into the
outlet for assistance and collapsed in the doorway. An ambulance was called.
The paramedic identified the problem right away and I was taken to a nearby
hospital. Afterwards I was given a ride back to my car and drove towards
home. I still thought if I could just talk to her it would be ok. Just so
you know I do not condone this way of thinking or my actions but it seemed
innocent enough just to want to have a short conversation with her. If I was
asked to leave I would abide by their wishes. When I got there they were
closing up and leaving. They drove off.. I waited a bit then I drove towards
home again, which was in the same direction on the Hwy. As I drove I
realized that things were going to get worse with my attacks and the
hospitals can only do so much. Most of the time they are unsuccessful and I
had noone else to talk to or help me through it. Eden was the only one I
knew who seemed to care. I thought if they could see me and see that I was
in trouble they may stop to help and talk me through things. Yes it was a
very dumb thing to do but I was not thinking straight but I had no ill
intentions towards anyone! When I realized that this was not going to happen
I concluded that they were probably heading to the police dept. I decided I
did not want to hide from anyone or anything so I went as well and that is
where they went. I had NO intention of wanting to know where anyone lived or
to harm anyone!! She now knows that as we have had a long discussion on the
matter when we started seeing each other again! We eventually were
interviewed in separate rooms. The officer doing my interview concluded that
I did not want to cause anyone harm, which was the truth and asked me to not
contact her anymore. I did agree. A couple of days later I decided to call
the agency to ask if they could see if she was willing to book the last
appointment with me just to be able to talk about things. I did not think
that would cause any harm as they could just either say yes or no and that
would be it. They asked me to call back in a bit and I did so. They then
told me that she agreed to do so that following Friday the same week but I
had to pay double the normal rate for an hour plus $60 for a bouncer to be
present. I agreed. I later realized that I may not have enough funds for
that particular day so I just called the agency to ask if it could be moved
to another day. They called and said no it had to be on that day. One of the
things that Eden used to tell me about that she did not like about agencies
was that the people on the phone would not pass messages properly and this
frustrated her. I thought this may be the case and as I thought she may be
opened to communication, being as she agreed to this appointment I left a
message on her pager asking her the same question that I asked the phone
lady. I was later accused that I made multiple phone calls to her pager
hanging up. I did not do that. I did leave a couple of messages and they
were emotional but not abusive as I was being accused of. A few days later I
was arrested for criminal harassment. When I told the officers of the
appointment that was made they said that they would look into it. They never
did as far as I know. In her statement she stated that any piece of personal
info I had on her, I stalked her to find out. She stated that I felt the
hoods of cars in the parking lot outside the agency to find out what kind of
car she drove which was untrue as she simply told me that as well as her
name etc. She invited me to her place of work as a customer but in the
statement said I stalked her to find out where she worked and just showed up
one day. I remember the day she gave me permission she even let me know
about their specials that they had going. So she was lying about a bunch of
things to make things look a lot worse than they were!! She said I just
started writing emotional letters and bringing them to appointments and it
made her uncomfortable when it was her idea in the first place. She called
it an exercise she assigned me. She said that my buying her gifts, clothing
etc was making her uncomfortable which was also untrue. She helped me close
out LaSenza at the mall after dinner on our last agency appointment and she
certainly did NOT seem uncomfortable to me. She didn’t say anything if she
was as I dropped about 1k in one week on lingerie and clothing all of which
she said she loved very much and that noone else had done that for her!! I
was very happy to do it as well I enjoyed doing it!!

Part 3

I am certainly not saying that I was right to do anything I did but I
certainly did not do a lot of the things she accused me of!! Trial dates
were postponed a couple of times down the road. I had an outstanding bill to
pay at her place of work. I guess I could have mailed it but I just wanted
to get it over with as it was overdue and I thought if I could go to an
outlet where she was not at it would be ok. She was present at the one I
went to. This was about 8 months down the road. She looked at me when I came
in and said you know you’re not supposed to be here. I said I know but I
just want to pay my bill and leave. She said ok and I took care of that and
walked out. She came out behind me and called out my name before I got into
my car. She told me that she was not going to show up at trial. I said that
I did not want her to be caused any further grief on account of me. She said
that was her problem and decision to deal with. She wanted to drop it but
Crown would not allow it and threatened if she did not show up that they
would issue a bench warrant for her arrest.

Trial date came along and she did not show up. Crown was going to issue the
bench warrant and my lawyer talked her out of it. My lawyer told me that if
it were not for all of the false accusations that there would have been no
arrest. Again that is not to say that my actions were right, but I was not
the person that they were making me out to be. I do not mind taking lumps
for things I did do but not for things I didn’t do!!

A few months down the road after absolutely no contact on my part she
contacted me via my pager to call her at her place of work, I did so. She
then asks for MY phone number to call me later as she wants to talk to me so
I say OK no problem. She calls me at a later time in the afternoon and just
wants to find out how I'm doing. She talks to me for a couple of weeks
almost every morning her calling me and the last phone call being on
Valentines day of 2002 Later down the road she's on perb and I did not know
it. She pm's me to ask me why I'm ignoring her. I have the saved pm's all of
them and emails and voicemails etc.(those are recent ones one of which she
is inviting me over to her work apt for a drink) am I saying these things
are bad things NO of course not but certainly not the actions of someone
being stalked. She never complained about the content of the emails or pms
that were sent just that I sent too many.3 in one day etc. I’m sorry about
that but she could have just deleted them as well or skipped over them. And
at first we mutually exchanged pms and emails as if we were chatting so it
can be quite confusing for something to be ok one minute and then not ok the
second. Especially when she posts threads to all on perb about pm’ing her
for some fun responses etc. I tried my best to abide by her restrictions.
She also would call me to ask if I could do errands for her as in ordering
and picking up trays of food for her long appointments etc. sometimes
entrusting me with large amounts of cash which I was more than happy to do
for her. And she paid me for doing these errands which was very generous of
her. But it would not give me the impression that she thought of me as a
stalker. When we started seeing each other again we had a long talk about
what happened 5 yrs ago and came to the understanding that we both crossed
lines. She still conveyed to me that she was a friend and I was elated at
how understanding she was about things. She invited me over a couple of
times and also out to stores to help her with things. I was feeling needed
and very good about myself. She had sent me this email with reference to the
emails and boundaries and after respecting her wishes she sent me this…

part 4

here ya go
From: garden delight
Date: 05/12/05 07:28:52
To: cecphotogd70
Subject: RE: on Parole and bday appt


Chuck,
I am extremely impressed thank you for respecting the boundaries, I now feel
very confident again. As for your appt. let me know if and when you are
ready and we will make it work, ok. As for you helping me out I really did
appreciate it, I will have to call you later as I do need some tray made up
for certain days and if you write them down it will alleviate it being done
the last minute. Then there won't be too much grief!! On TER could you
please put under amount and time 1hr for $200 and not Half for $100, can you
access discover lifes, I don't think that I have seen that one. Again thank
you for totally respecting my wishes and WELCOME BACK!!!!



So I thought I was doing well and did not recognize that I may have been
doing it with the emails or pm’s again. We were dealing back and forth with
reference to pics and my uploading them to a photo bucket and ideas for a
photo shoot etc so it got kind of confusing for me. Plus she told me that
she liked to flirt via email with clients and wouldn’t I like to partake in
that. On the day in question I had phoned her to ask about a possible
appointment and I forgot she was going away on that weekend and apologized
for my mistake. When I hung up I forgot to ask a question about emails and
phoned her back. A mistake in judgement, I guess I should have waited for a
chance to email her. At the beginning of all this she had asked me to create
another account on perb to pm her with if I wanted to do so as for
discretionary reasons she did not want me to pm her as chuck. So I did. It
eventually got banned so as I thought she would want me to continue I opened
another one and so on. That same day when I noticed she was on perb I pm’d
her just to say hi and she pm’d me back saying “don’t use norm anymore?” I
did not know what I had done wrong and also did not know if she just meant
pming or posting as well. She talks about me posting in her threads as if
I’m the only one that does that. Her fan club follows her quite closely and
nothing is being said about them or that they are doing anything to her. As
a matter of fact she asked me to post something in a thread and I said are
you sure that’s ok and she said why not everyone else does it!!!

She sent me an email telling me I was making her feel claustrophobic via the
internet and to cut things down to one email a day etc. I had NO problem
with that but tried to explain my actions in my response which I should not
have done as she once stated that she is not obligated to listen to my side
of anything. Which is also confusing as a friend would not say that? I did
not mean to come across as demanding I use the phone to call her for
appointments, although I did think it was ok to do so prior to me making the
call! I was just trying to convey that over the years it was force of habit
for me to deal with a lady over the phone and that it was just a hard habit
to break. I obviously worded things wrong and she replied back with a very
sarcastic and mean spirited email saying that maybe I should just not see
her anymore and she took offence to what I said about using the phone to
call for appointments. I did not mean for it to come across like that!! I
was frustrated by emailing as sometimes email does not come across the right
way and sometimes one can sound rude and callous when it is not meant to be
that way. (gee I wonder where I heard that one before). So I tried to call
her to talk things out and she hung up on me. I again started having an
anxiety attack as I felt things falling apart on me and that I was loosing a
very good friend because of a simple misunderstanding. I thought, mistakenly
again that if I could just talk to her that things would be ok. I took a
chance that she would be at her work apt and may have time to talk as
sometimes she goes early. (the times she has invited me over have been one
of those times.)

I went , in that condition and not thinking straight to her work apt just in
case she may be there and may have some time to talk. I did buzz up, one
short buzz, and she clicked open the door as she does when a client is
entering.(without saying anything) I did not want to go in that way so I
spoke up and made sure she knew who it was .she said you can't come up I
have someone coming ..I closed the door and went back to my car. I could not
get my breathing under control and could not manage to drive away. I called
my doctor on my cell. The one assigned to me by DVA (Veteran Affairs), she
stayed on the phone with me as long as she could and told me not to move at
all until we could figure something out as I was in no condition to drive.
Eden knows about my condition so I thought if I parked beside her car when
she was ready to and came down she would see that I was in distress and try
and help I have gone back there before when invited over and bringing things
over for her etc (at her request)..Yes it was not a very smart thing to do.
But I did not mean anything bad by it. I just wanted help. Well she
eventually saw me and it obviously was not taken as intended...no matter the
situation I crossed the boundary. Even though she knows me quite well, it
upset her very much. She called the bldg mgr to come and talk to me or take
care of it. I unintentionally scared her. I certainly did not mean to do
that!! When those kinds of attacks come on all I seem to think about is to
make it stop. I was only wanting her to help (again, the hosp does not work
very well for me)...My Dr from DVA called me when the mgr came out and she
talked to him on the phone. I was having trouble still getting my breathing
under control,. The Dr eventually made her way there. I was asked to move
out of the parking lot, and told that I had really upset Eden. Yes I don't
blame her! The Dr eventually calmed me down enough to go home. I did not
want to go to the hospital! She was concerned that I would hurt myself. But
I said I should be able to manage... I certainly did not want to hurt
anyone!!

part 5

I am not wanting attention from anyone, I just thought I was reaching out to
a friend for help is all I was doing, from someone who understood what I go
through! I am certainly NOT condoning any of my actions and I am trying and
have been for a while to get the help I need. I am truly sorry Eden for
trouble I have caused you. I’m not sure why you chose to add things that did
not happen on a few different occasions or maybe that are truly how you saw
things.

To those who have made threats and called me all sorts of childish names if
you have not walked a mile in my shoes you have no room to judge me at all.
You can threaten me all you want here on the board but it’s what’s out here
that counts and I would not advise anyone trying to take any sort of revenge
on me.

I am sorry for what happened but I do believe that lines were crossed on
BOTH sides. If anyone decides to take matters into their own hands they will
simply deal with the law. I do want to end things amicably but just can’t
understand why someone who called me friend can be understanding one minute
and not the next. It does get confusing to say the least especially when
she’s the one who reinitiated contact with me not the other way around!!
Thank you for your time and thank you Fred Zed for allowing me to reply. If
people are going to start their own thread about his or me I would like to
be able to respond instead of this muzzle that has been put on me! I did not
delete the thread because I am a chicken shit I did so for discretion
purposes as this should be dealt with in private off the board and I know
how vindictive some people can get who are on the board. But I will handle
myself accordingly should anything of that nature come my way! Thank you
again!!

Ps. Eden is a Very Sweet Lady with a lot of compassion and I do appreciate
all of the positive effects that she has had on my personal life and I am
truly very sorry for all of this grief that I’ve caused her. Again it was
NOT intended to be that way I just did not want to lose a friend. If she did
not tell me I was one I would not have considered her as one!

Chuck