Informing an SO about a planned pooning trip overseas: any ideas how best to do this?

tantalizeme · Dec 28, 2012

I've heard from several brothers who'd like to join me on an overseas pooning vacation.

But they're in a committed relationship. They don't know how they could get away for several weeks of unbridled lust, without endangering what they have.

Personally, I think it's best to be direct and let the chips fall where they may.

"Honey, there's something I need to tell you. Next month I'm planning to go away on vacation for a few weeks...with my good buddy Bob...to Thailand. Hope you don't mind."

Give her a chance to reply, but stand firm.

"Look, of course I love you. Please understand, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. All I ask is for a few weeks off, no questions asked. This may be good for both of us."

If you're having this kind of conversation with your SO—or if you've any bright ideas how else to break the news of your planned pooning vacation to her—hope you'll let us know.

SFMIKE · Dec 28, 2012

My first thought was that a guy might pull it off if he invited the SO along for the ride. But showing your hand that early in the game might result in said guy finding himself skating on thin ice. Or, literally out in the cold

Edward Lei · Dec 28, 2012

Unless you have a pre-nup and/or have set aside the required divorce funds in advance (if you're married, of course), I don't think 95% of us have any other option but to make up some plausible reason/excuse to be away for a 2-week vacation without an SO.

Lying is the ONLY option here.

But if you're ready to pull out of a relationship (ie. GF), this would be the perfect catalyst - I can't imagine any GF not throwing you to the curb with such a request.

yazoo · Dec 28, 2012

I've already asked. SO says I can go again when I have independently saved the funds. She's not going to subsidize my fun. That means this year is out, but 2014, look out!

FloridaGuy · Dec 28, 2012

The standard lie is that you are going to see temples and monks in Northern Cambodia or Laos. Male bonding. One of your buddies had a heart attack and needs to reassess his career and his spirituality and all that, so his wife is paying for him to go to SE Asia for a few weeks of soul searching. You and the boys are going along to support him and for a bit of a jungle adventure. Lots of bugs and bizarre food and buddhist temples. Oh yes, and a two-week layover in Pattaya, but that part can be left out. You have to transit through Bangkok Airport, natch!

PlayfulAlex · Dec 28, 2012

FloridaGuy said:
The standard lie is that you are going to see temples and monks in Northern Cambodia or Laos. Male bonding. One of your buddies had a heart attack and needs to reassess his career and his spirituality and all that, so his wife is paying for him to go to SE Asia for a few weeks of soul searching. You and the boys are going along to support him and for a bit of a jungle adventure. Lots of bugs and bizarre food and buddhist temples. Oh yes, and a two-week layover in Pattaya, but that part can be left out. You have to transit through Bangkok Airport, natch!

What happens in Northern Cambodia (or Laos), stays in Northern Cambodia (or Laos), right?

Strawberry · Dec 28, 2012

This just cracks me up on so many levels !!! Anyways if my so wanted to go and act like a stray dog on a so called vacation then I would have to say you can find me in Italy enjoying some well deserved eye candy for myself. Alls fair in love and war

tantalizeme said:
I've heard from several brothers who'd like to join me on an overseas pooning vacation.

But they're in a committed relationship. They don't know how they could get away for several weeks of unbridled lust, without endangering what they have.

Personally, I think it's best to be direct and let the chips fall where they may.

"Honey, there's something I need to tell you. Next month I'm planning to go away on vacation for a few weeks...with my good buddy Bob...to Thailand. Hope you don't mind."

Give her a chance to reply, but stand firm.

"Look, of course I love you. Please understand, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. All I ask is for a few weeks off, no questions asked. This may be good for both of us."

If you're having this kind of conversation with your SO—or if you've any bright ideas how else to break the news of your planned pooning vacation to her—hope you'll let us know.

tantalizeme · Dec 29, 2012

Excellent comments

Strawberry said:
This just cracks me up on so many levels !!! Anyways if my so wanted to go and act like a stray dog on a so called vacation then I would have to say you can find me in Italy enjoying some well deserved eye candy for myself. Alls fair in love and war

In the light of your comments, I've a better grasp of the options in this situation—so I've added a poll.

Clearly, guys fall along a spectrum between two extremes, ranging from pussy-whipped wimps to hardcore freedom-lovers.

I'd locate myself somewhere between the midpoint and the second extreme. Having warm intimacy in my life is hugely important, and I'm willing to compromise up to a point. But I always negotiate mutually acceptable terms of responsible non-monogamy early on in a relationship.

If a woman wants to monopolize my sexuality—and blackmails me emotionally to do so—I just let her go. We're not meant for each other.

Obviously, that's easy for me to say, compared to guys who've formed a reproductive unit with some lady who now holds them by the jugular—and where the exit cost involves alienated kids, loss of a house, alimony payments etc. I'm sorry for such guys. Missing out on all those exotic lovelies, and for what? A lifetime of marital boredom?

Kudos to yazoo and oceanic, who actually came to an arrangement with their SOs! Clearly, they've not been thrown "to the curb" by their wife or GF, and neither have I. Some women, nowadays, are openminded about a man's craving for sexual variety (and often find, they like a bit of variety themselves).

As for Ms. Strawberry's comparison of a travelling hobbyist to a "stray dog," that seems simplistic and judgmental. It's surely more accurate to think of pooning as an art form—and of overseas pooning as involving both special challenges and special rewards.

You only have to google "Thai porn" (e.g. http://thaiporn.me/) to realize what potential joys await a Western guy in Asia—joys for which evolution has programmed any normal, healthy male. Personally I can't help thinking, a man hasn't really lived unless he has done some serious pooning overseas.

Strawberry · Dec 29, 2012

As for Ms. Strawberry's comparison of a travelling hobbyist to a "stray dog," that seems simplistic and judgmental. It's surely more accurate to think of pooning as an art form—and of overseas pooning as involving both special challenges and special rewards.
Simplistic yes, nothing is more simple than seeking and having sex, is one of our human needs, wants and desires . Judgmental , well that is in the eye of the beholder. I base that on reading your many experiences in another post and that was the picture that came to mind. It's not really a generalization of pooners. I appreciate all aspects of this hobby, just with a bit more grace. But then I'm a girl

we think differently .

tantalizeme said:
In the light of your comments, I've a better grasp of the options in this situation—so I've added a poll.

Clearly, guys fall along a spectrum between two extremes, ranging from pussy-whipped wimps to hardcore freedom-lovers.

I'd locate myself somewhere between the midpoint and the second extreme. Having warm intimacy in my life is hugely important, and I'm willing to compromise up to a point. But I always negotiate mutually acceptable terms of responsible non-monogamy early on in a relationship.

If a woman wants to monopolize my sexuality—and blackmails me emotionally to do so—I just let her go. We're not meant for each other.

Obviously, that's easy for me to say, compared to guys who've formed a reproductive unit with some lady who now holds them by the jugular—and where the exit cost involves alienated kids, loss of a house, alimony payments etc. I'm sorry for such guys. Missing out on all those exotic lovelies, and for what? A lifetime of marital boredom?

Kudos to yazoo and oceanic, who actually came to an arrangement with their SOs! Clearly, they've not been thrown "to the curb" by their wife or GF, and neither have I. Some women, nowadays, are openminded about a man's craving for sexual variety (and often find, they like a bit of variety themselves).

As for Ms. Strawberry's comparison of a travelling hobbyist to a "stray dog," that seems simplistic and judgmental. It's surely more accurate to think of pooning as an art form—and of overseas pooning as involving both special challenges and special rewards.

You only have to google "Thai porn" (e.g. http://thaiporn.me/) to realize what potential joys await a Western guy in Asia—joys for which evolution has programmed any normal, healthy male. Personally I can't help thinking, a man hasn't really lived unless he has done some serious pooning overseas.

PlayfulAlex · Dec 30, 2012

I would quote Post #10 but it bugs me when these long quotes take up so much scrolling room.

Anyways, face it Tant, you are stirring up shit. Everybody here knows about your unbridled sexual curiosity, and your unfettered ability to go after as much pussy as you wish.

So you just decided to throw that in the faces of those less fortunate/brave/forward-thinking than you? All of the fellows that didn't know how or just couldn't muster the courage to make sexual arrangements with their SO's before the kids arrived?

Having made your decision, and the arrangements with your SO to accommodate it, what are you trying to do here? Are you now an advocate for these poor gents who don't have the freedom that you have carved out for yourself?

Must you criticize their decision, or harangue them for their lack of foresight when it came to their sexual futures?

Ms. Strawberry's sentiments are, whether you like it or not, the sentiments of the vast majority of the females that our gents here live with and are presently married to. You, on your sexual freedom soap box, aren't helping the situation.

Perhaps early intervention would more suit your goals...maybe you should consider writing a book, or a blog, for young men, pre-teens even. Something like, "How Not To Give Up Your Sexual Freedom in Exchange For Love, Home, & Family!"

Welcome to North America, brother, maybe you were just born on the wrong continent for this lifetime. Sexual freedom and unfettered pooning just isn't the norm here. Criticizing those who wish it was, and don't have it, is downright mean.

And, by the way, I think you'd be surprised to know that, most women, given the option of sexual freedom in her relationship, would only think that was fun for a minute or two. You call it emotional blackmail; most people simply call it a committed monogamous relationship. It works for some, and not for others (some might even argue that it doesn't work for most, but that's a different topic, if we wanted to explore it deeply).

Pillowtalk · Dec 30, 2012

PlayfulAlex said:
I would quote Post #10 but it bugs me when these long quotes take up so much scrolling room.

Anyways, face it Tant, you are stirring up shit. Everybody here knows about your unbridled sexual curiosity, and your unfettered ability to go after as much pussy as you wish.

So you just decided to throw that in the faces of those less fortunate/brave/forward-thinking than you? All of the fellows that didn't know how or just couldn't muster the courage to make sexual arrangements with their SO's before the kids arrived?

Having made your decision, and the arrangements with your SO to accommodate it, what are you trying to do here? Are you now an advocate for these poor gents who don't have the freedom that you have carved out for yourself?

Must you criticize their decision, or harangue them for their lack of foresight when it came to their sexual futures?

Ms. Strawberry's sentiments are, whether you like it or not, the sentiments of the vast majority of the females that our gents here live with and are presently married to. You, on your sexual freedom soap box, aren't helping the situation.

Perhaps early intervention would more suit your goals...maybe you should consider writing a book, or a blog, for young men, pre-teens even. Something like, "How Not To Give Up Your Sexual Freedom in Exchange For Love, Home, & Family!"

Welcome to North America, brother, maybe you were just born on the wrong continent for this lifetime. Sexual freedom and unfettered pooning just isn't the norm here. Criticizing those who wish it was, and don't have it, is downright mean.

And, by the way, I think you'd be surprised to know that, most women, given the option of sexual freedom in her relationship, would only think that was fun for a minute or two. You call it emotional blackmail; most people simply call it a committed monogamous relationship. It works for some, and not for others (some might even argue that it doesn't work for most, but that's a different topic, if we wanted to explore it deeply).

I am afraid that tant puts far too many conditions on his relationships and his inability to be emotionally intimate is exchanged only for physical release. It is sad really that even when he has the idealized asian partner, she still continues to demand far too much from him. Like love, honour and commitment to a partnership, rather than selfish and exploitive demands that we see him refer to all too often.

Tant, there are a lot of swinger open relationships around. Typically the male half has to be unselfish and still committed to his partner, unconditional love and support and communication. Not a bunch of demands and ultimatums and what I assume are emotional blackmail -- from you. "Do this, or else". "Accept this, or else." Why is it you are so determined to see evil manipulations in everyone except yourself.

yazoo · Dec 30, 2012

I'd give it all up in a sec if I was getting it at home. My 'arrangement' is just that I need to get it sometime. I think that makes me a little less fortunate than the majority rather than more fortunate. A pooning vacation once every year or two is poor compensation for a healthy sex life at home.

Tant you are a great writer, and it seems like you would be a good guy to have a beer (or mongering vacation) with. But you are also an evangelical, and like evangelists of all stripes, you can get a little strident at times. And get carried away with the hyperbole.

Yes most Asian girls are gentle, and sweet, and when placed in contrast with their North American counterparts appear far less harsh and aggressive. N American girls are now the rats and snails and puppy dogs tails, while Asians gals are still sugar and spice.

But that doesn't mean that N American gals are the spawn of Satan either. I'm seeing increasing numbers of Asian male, white woman couples - so they must be doing something right. And the friends I have are great friends. I just don't see them as sexual beings - which is something they state they prefer. My heads lift when an Asian chick walks into the bar, but ignore the western girl. That's not something to proselytize about, it is just the way I am wired. There's nothing wrong with someone who reacts the opposite way. Or schemes to visit Germany or Poland or Romania rather than Thailand or Hong Kong.

PlayfulAlex and PillowTalk - Reading Tant's past posts he doesn't seem like the evil manipulator you make him out to be. Wanting to be not pussy-whipped is not the same as desiring your SO to be 'cock-whipped'. It's not a zero-sum game. You listen to each other, and you bargain, and you come to a treaty that you both can live happily with. If you are good friends as well as partners this should be easy. If not, why are you together - just for appearances?

blazejowski · Dec 30, 2012

Yeah, ummm, no. My SO knows nothing of my secret pooning life, nor does anyone in my family.
I plan to keep it that way....

yazoo · Dec 30, 2012

...generally speaking human sexuality is much more fluid than the conservative normative depictions that tend to prevail, and for this reason I will always side with arguments that lean towards the ideal of absolute liberty. However, this needs to be qualified with some simple caveats...

god, you write textbooks with no pictures, don't you...

yazoo · Dec 30, 2012

Nerdburger said:
Here's a few for you Yazoooooo

Thanks Nerdburger, I understand much better now. And agree wholeheartedly!

Sir Woodster · Dec 30, 2012

If you're in a so called comitted relationship - being married or living common-law is the same thing - there is NO real way to do this especially if you DON"T have a history of travelling overseas with your buddies.

A few will be lucky enough to pull it off the rest will simply pad the bank accounts of "My Learned Friends and I"!

Sir Woodster · Dec 30, 2012

@ BC Babe

You said it!!!

I also think that many of the guys from "here" would be padding the bank accounts of "My Learned Friends and I" if their SO knew of their participation in the "hobby"...

Another Poll comes to mind

Hoops · Dec 30, 2012

I find it hard to believe that the women working in the sex industry and posting their opinions here are so harshly judgemental about someone else's sex life.
We're all sex workers or guys who pay for it.
Make your own thread and judge people on it if you like.
Don't disrupt this one just because you want to bully guys that choose to pay for it in a manner you find unacceptable.

yazoo · Dec 30, 2012

Sir Woodster said:
If you're in a so called comitted relationship

... Means you have made a commitment. Now what that commitment may be is up to each couple. Say if I was in a wheelchair and my wife wanted to hightail it off to Jamaica once a year to have some well-earned fun, I'd say go for it.

All of us bumble through life together. The paths we walk on may look the same, but in reality they are very different.

87112 · Dec 30, 2012

That link by Anita shows someone who is 14 to 15 years old to me.

Informing an SO about a planned pooning trip overseas: any ideas how best to do this?

Suppose you've an SO—but you desire to visit some of the world's best pooning places

You'd suppress your desire to avoid conflict with your SO

You'd tell your SO the truth—and let her choose to stay or leave the relationship

You'd tell your SO the truth—but cancel your trip as soon as she threatens to leave the relationship

You tell your SO a boldfaced lie, saying your spiritual quest requires temple-hopping in Asia

You're taking your SO on the trip, hoping she won't be too much of a millstone around your neck

Prior to the trip you consult a counselor together, in an attempt to negotiate an open relationship

Other possibilities (please explain below)

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