What should I do? Advice please

[Sweetiepie]

I dated this guy a couple of years ago and he said he wasn't really interested in me as a gf so we became just friends and both of us dated other people while still seeing each other. The friendship got pretty close and lately I've had, um feelings, for him. Is it possible that he has or could develop the same feelings for me?
1. No, if it was going to happen it would have happened by now.
2. Yes, it is possible. get more flirtatious/seductive to get him to see you that way.
3. Yes, it is possible but let it happen on its own.
Also, ANY other advice you guys and ladies want to give me is really welcome.

 

[Sweetiepie]

One more thing. I didn't add to tell him how I feel because I was concerned it might affect our friendship but I'm open to suggestion.

 

[Lefty]

advice

Bit more info....

How does he feel/behave when you are dating someone else?
How old are you/him?

Perhaps he has harboured feelings for you all along but wasn't ready to committ.
Maybe he's hoping for a rekindling of nsa casual sex.

I recommend you don't bait him with sex if you are looking for more. He'll go for the bait but may not give you what you seek.

If he's mature enough (grown up some since round 1) he may be more ready now to have you as a GF.

Are you an SP and if so does he know?

 

[Sweetiepie]

Thanks for the responses so far. To answer the questions: I'm not an sp and we're over 30 (which makes it weird for me to be asking for this teenager-level advice, I know). When I dated other guys before he was helpful with advice about dating, but I haven't mentioned anyone lately to him. Maybe I should, as I am seeing someone else very casually (no sex).

 

[Sweetiepie]

Sometimes I think that...

.. Brandi, you and other great SP's should run courses on "How to Deal with Men." I would sign up!!!

 

[LonelyGhost]

One more thing. I didn't add to tell him how I feel because I was concerned it might affect our friendship but I'm open to suggestion.

I went through this: dated a girl ... we broke up for a bunch of reasons ... became friends and stayed friends for a long time ... then dated again ... then broke up for the SAME bunch of reasons ... went back to being friends ... then dated again ... and broke up for the SAME bunch of reasons!

last break-up got nasty (we had a long history by now ...) and that was that: no more friends, no more dating, no nothing.

And yes, some people have made it work ... but typically the old stuff just comes back and its like 'we each grew as individuals, but as a couple we were stuck in a time warp'.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Just be his pal, don't try to seduce him. He probably already knows you like him anyway, or at least has crossed his mind a number of times. Drop the guy you're seeing because this will confuse the guy you're interested in into thinking you only want him as a friend. When you drop the guy, tell your male friend immediately - this should be a strong enough hint. Never offer sex to entice him.... usually men will take it and may not offer more in return. Lastly, offer to hang around him whenever you both have free time. That will give him plenty of opportunity to make a move.

 

[American Male]

Be advised: I am a cynic when it comes to romance. The view you are about to read is that of someone who does not believe in the concept of love.

The feelings you are talking about, from my point of view, are simply those of some sort of biochemical reaction that is common between two people. They are intense, of course, but they are as meaningless as a burp. You will have those "feelings" for many people in life. Does that mean you love them all? Again, I am cynical on this view.

My advice: just be his friend. Friends are better in the long-term anyway. And if just being his friend is too much because of the feelings, then be a friend with benefits, but attach no long-term meaning to the benefits.

You are probably young and excited about love and want a relationship, etc etc etc. My advice will be easy to ignore as the rantings of a bitter, older man. You are probably right. But the problem is, I might be right. That's what you will have to figure out, whose right about love: you or me?

Have fun with that one!!!!

 

[American Male]

Although, I agree with AM's analysis of Love as a bio-chemical phenomenon, it is still worth pursuing and experiencing in one's life. Even if one is conscious of such mechanics, living without someone to love for most people can be depressing. So don't worry, be happy and be his friend. If he does not recognize the significance and the type of relationship you seek does not happen, he was not worth it in the first place.

I generally reach for my rose-coloured glasses on a regular basis. I like the way the world looks through them. This is the one area of my life in which my rosey glasses just don't work any more. Wish they could.

Sweetiepie, ignore me, listen to dessert.

 

[crazydancer]

sweetiepie, i'm currently in the similar situation. i dated my female friend 2 years ago, but she changed her mind n just want to be friend. she just broke up with her bf ~ 3-4 months ago. since then she started acting like she's interested in more than just friendship. not that i'm not interested, but she keep giving me mixed signals. keep telling me that she has hot for her co-worker etc, but dropping comments like 'she missed me" or "she love me" etc etc. i'm not sure i want to make any move cause if i read it wrong then the friendship may go caput.

i think the best advice i can give is just talk to him n ask. that way there's no confusion or doubt.

 

[dbrw42]

Don't assume he can read your signals that you want more than just friendship. Some guys have a hard time reading signals. One of the reasons I see SP's is that I never could read signals from women, and I missed out on a bunch of chances(including with a Sunshine Girl of the month) because I misread the signals, or missed them totally. If you want more, just flat out say so.

 

[BS Detector]

SweetiePie, I totally agree with Brandi bit also want to add, don't EVER hold back how you feel because you are afraid of how it may affect the friendship if what you really want is more. Three good reasons for this.

1. What if he is thinking the same thing. Now you both want each other but think the other does not want you. One day you'll both kick youreselves if it is ever found out you both wanted a relationship but thought the other didn't.

2. If you are afraid of ruining the friendship but really want more then is it REALLY a totally satisfying friendship?

3. Isn't friendship (what you say you have right now) based on honesty?

Someone else also said people grow and things change so...As I said...Maybe he feels the same way as you. Why not find out for sure. I always feel honesty id the best choice because if you are not, every decision made after that could be based on assumptions and not fact. If it is not to be, it is not to be BUT at least you KNOW and don't have to spend the rest of your lives wondering. Go for it baby.

 

[TheGuy]

in the end

In the end I would rather realise i made a few mistakes than regret never have tried.

I have lived that way and have few regrets - if any!

 

[chilli]

It's these very situations that man invented beer for.

Get em drunk...

 

[RAIDER66]

The friendship got pretty close and lately I've had, um feelings, for him. Is it possible that he has or could develop the same feelings for me?

You've given me hope.
I've got a lot of friends who are girls.
There always seems to be one or two who I've often thought "wouldn't it be nice if we were just more than friends?"
Have I ever followed up?
No
In fact there's this one girl who's just fantastic but she's always dating other guys. And I think there's just no chance we'd hook up.

In the twilight zone
You'd be my friend and I would be yours.........
But we'd never find out because nobody uses their real name on PERB.

 

[Sweetiepie]

Have I ever followed up?
No
In fact there's this one girl who's just fantastic but she's always dating other guys. And I think there's just no chance we'd hook up.

In the twilight zone
You'd be my friend and I would be yours.........
But we'd never find out because nobody uses their real name on PERB.

Why don' t you follow up? If you do it, I'll do it. Then we can find out if we're the friends we're talking about. If its not you, maybe I should get him drunk and then be disgusted that he got so drunk. That would wipe out any feelings for him and solve the whole thing right there. Seriously folks, thanks a lot for your advice. I really really appreciate it. I think I'm leaning towards flirting more and/or bringing it up but I'll wait and see what others have to say.

 

[Sweetiepie]

I should add that I'm not going to get really seductive or sleep with him til I know he has real feelings. Thanks for helping me rule that one out.

 

[Maury Beniowski]

I'm not an sp and we're over 30 (which makes it weird for me to be asking for this teenager-level advice, I know).

Many of us never get out of our teenage years, and the ones that do are always trying to get back there, one way or another. The start of any relationship is always filled with actions that are playful, nonsensical, and devoid of any logic or maturity. This process is perfectly normal, perfectly beautiful, and is one that re-invigorates the mind, the body, and the spirit within.

Enjoy it while you can, as it can be as fleeting as a breath of Spring!