What Everyone Should See!!

[Eden]

Patching up a friendship

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I hope this is ok to post here but I'm at a loss right now and need to try and sort some things out. Without getting into detail, I screwed up with someone I consider my best friend very recently and unintentionally hurt that person. I'm at a loss because the more I try and fix things the more I seem to dig the hole deeper as I keep crowding this person by trying to apologize. (I hope that made sense) I do not want to loose this person as a friend as I've known them for a long time and we have had our share of ups and downs and I'm ashamed of myself for the mistake I made but can't seem to make it right. Just looking for some feedback as I do not want to make things worse but yet I don't want to loose the friendship either. I think I should have titled this Dear Abby Thanks for letting me rant and hopefully I can draw on some of the wisdom out there. Lastly the person does read perb so in light of that......



NormP
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Today, 01:23 AM #2
hitrack
I'LL KILL YA ALL!!




Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Surrey
Posts: 2,942 As a response to your crowding them problem. Trust, respect, friendship has to be earned. Like a cut on yer arm it now needs healing time.

Forgive and forget to both parties involved. Just go back to being a bud, and he will realize you fukked up but have made it right.

PS: it may take months and or years depending how bad you fukked up.

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Today, 03:05 AM #3
captnsavaho
Registered User


Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: in Alberta
Posts: 99 As per Rotten Ronnie Reagan. . .

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Trust but verify

Your friend will be all over you like lice.

Show you can be trusted, and live your life so the facts can be trusted. You might not like the truth, and they might not like the truth, but facts are facts and if they do not trust you for them, they are not a friend.
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Today, 08:58 AM #4
LonelyGhost
Registered User




Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,688 there are two ways to look at this:

1. the friend will forgive and forget and you both move on with the friendship ... all the rest is just game-playing and stupidity.

2. the friend will not forgive and forget and you both move on without the friendship ... all the rest is just game-playing and stupidity.

you've admitted the mistake and have apologized ... if someone is walking around with hurt feelings, that is their problem, not yours. you have to decide how much is reasonable before walking and the friend has to decide the same.

i got royally fucked over by a friend of over 20 years and i tried to work through it but realized that he didn't consider my friendship worth enough to try to fix the problem ... so i ended it.

sometimes you do lose friends who you have known the better part of your life to little things ... but like any relationship, people change, their interests and priorities change, and all it takes is one stupid thing to show them that there's not enough 'there' to fix it.

yes it hurts, but anything in life worth having usually comes with a whole lotta pain anyway ...
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Today, 12:12 PM #5
NormP
Registered User


Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 42 thank you for the comments thus far, they are helping. I can't go into anymore detail but at least I got a chance to vent. thanks Hitrack, Captsavaho and LG !! if anyone else would like to contribute please do so and again thanks!!!

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Today, 12:12 PM #6
mia
Senior Member


Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: here
Posts: 353 dear sorry....

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we all make mistakes. any friendship is going to experience disagreement and such mistakes at some point.
someone once said to me...a true friend will always come back no matter how bad the disagreement or how long you stay apart due to the disagreement.
don't crowd...i would sit back and give your friend some time. take this time to think yourself. why would you hurt them. when time has passed and emotions are calm, take them out for a coffee, apologize, express your feelers, talk.
if all works out your friendship will only come out that much stronger. after all this is what a friend is.
ying yang...no good without the bad.
xo...azen

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Today, 12:16 PM #7
NormP
Registered User


Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 42 Quote:
Originally Posted by mia
we all make mistakes. any friendship is going to experience disagreement and such mistakes at some point.
someone once said to me...a true friend will always come back no matter how bad the disagreement or how long you stay apart due to the disagreement.
don't crowd...i would sit back and give your friend some time. take this time to think yourself. why would you hurt them. when time has passed and emotions are calm, take them out for a coffee, apologize, express your feelers, talk.
if all works out your friendship will only come out that much stronger. after all this is what a friend is.
ying yang...no good without the bad.
xo...azen



Very well said Mia thank you. Yes this person has been a very good friend to me over the years and you are right I think about laying back and letting things calm. that is something that is hard for me to do as I try to fix things when I screw up or it eats away at me and it's hard not knowing or being able to know how the other person is really feeling when they won't talk to you at all. I have to learn to give space when needed and not try for the quick fix or to make things all better over night !!! thanks again!!

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Today, 12:17 PM #8
Massagegirl
The voice of reason.




Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Victoria, B.C.
Posts: 932 I suggest writing him/her a letter saying how sorry you are, how bad you feel and why you did what you did and that you don't blame them if they never speak to you again but you will miss them yada yada yada. Say your good byes basically, it would be closure for you and something tangible for them to read and re read when/if they are thinking of giving you a second chance. If it's a guy it might come off a bit gay though...

Even admitting publicly what sin you committed so we can all call you an asshat might help them forgive you...owning it so to speak.
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Today, 12:20 PM #9
NormP
Registered User


Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 42 Quote:
Originally Posted by Massagegirl
I suggest writing him/her a letter saying how sorry you are, how bad you feel and why you did what you did and that you don't blame them if they never speak to you again but you will miss them yada yada yada. Say your good byes basically, it would be closure for you and something tangible for them to read and re read when/if they are thinking of giving you a second chance. If it's a guy it might come off a bit gay though...

Even admitting publicly what sin you committed so we can all call you an asshat might help them forgive you...owning it so to speak.



sorry Massagegirl I can't give the details. there are extenuating circumstances to the whole situation but that is not an excuse. I have written the person a couple of emails and tried to phone to apologize and talk things out. hence the crowding. I think Mia's suggestion is very well put. people here who don't know me calling me an asshat would not help. but thanks for the advice. belive me I'm owning it already!!

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Last edited by NormP : Today at 12:51 PM.

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[Eden]

Today, 03:03 PM #10
Eden
searching




Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: victoria
Posts: 320 Since Chuck1561 got to say his side, I will now give you mine!!

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The only thing that got written right in here is the fact that he made a mistake!! Let me give it all to you in short form. After multiple emails, phone calls, and pm's every day I asked him to respect the fact that it was getting a bit much and that I did not want him to feel slighted if I did not respond to all of his emails and I asked him to cut them back a bit. Respecting the fact that he needs constant interaction, I wanted to make sure his needs were taken care of, but that my boundaries were being respected as well. This worked for a day or so then they started again. I then asked him to please choose one method only to communicate with me phone, pm, or email: he tried this for a day or so and it didn't work for him. I then told him that he could only email me once per day and to leave perb alone (pm). That did not work. I then explained to him that my boundaries, no matter how clearly I laid them out, were being exceeded and that he was now being disrespectful. He said that as a client he should be able to choose his way of communication, I then carefully and completely explained to him that, that was fine he was no longer welcome as a client of mine! He still continued to call, email, and pm and it got to the point that I would just hang up on him on the phone, I then refused to answer my phone. Bad on me, I know. He knows how many messages my answering machine holds so he would make sure that he would fill them up, etc. so that I would then have to constantly keep listening to my messages (I can't delete them without listening to them first), some not so nice ones either, but hey part of the territory I am sure! Then the final straw, he showed up at my apartment uninvited, I asked him to leave, he proceeded to continue to buzz anyway (since then my landlord showed me how I can disconect my buzzer while I am "busy"), he apparently sat out there for awhile. Then he decided that I wasn't paying enough attention to him and thought that it might be a great idea to park right beside my car, which is underneath my balcony, and wait for me. I felt trapped and isolated since I only know one person in my apartment and when I looked outside their vehicle was not there. Lucky for me, my landlord happened to be in my building and I called him, he went out and talked to him for about an hour. Since then he has been asked to leave the premises a couple of times! Now he still emails me, calls me, and pm's me, and has decided that, just the same as assuming a new name here that he can email me with a different one too!! Now what? I am at a total loss. Last time he did this, yes folks I said last time, we ended up in court, after he diecided it would be fun to follow me from my other job to finally the police station where he walked right in behind me saying that he just wanted to talk. When I asked Crown Council if they could get me a courtroom ban as well as a publication ban I was denied, so I dropped it. I don't want to drag others into my mess, that is simply not fair. So Ladies and Gents, since everyone is giving such constructive advice to him, perhaps at the same time you could help me out.
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Today, 03:45 PM #11
Hipster Doofus
Grand Exalted Poohbah




Join Date: May 2002
Location: wow! yer a fucking idiot!
Posts: 1,196 She ain't your friend.

Leave her alone! ( for the umpteenth time)
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Today, 03:49 PM #12
icicle
Registered User


Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Delta, BC
Posts: 6
Eden,

With respects to the publication ban...I don't really think you have much to worry about. Not to trivialise your situation as not being serious 'cause it's very serious but there's a very very miniscule chance that some media source will pick up and publish details from your case. We live in a society where crime is so prevalent that cases like this are no longer newsworthy. That being said...if I was in the same situation, I'd apply for a restraining order. He knows where you live and you don't feel safe in your own home anymore. Your safety has to come before all else - including maybe your privacy. It's unfortunate that a person would have to sacrifice something for her own safety but it's the sad reality. Just my .02.

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Today, 03:51 PM #13
IceG
Registered User


Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 452 what a loser... Eden be safe and thanks for putting up the truth.
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[icicle]

I was wondering where that post went. Guess the chickenshit bastard deleted it after the truth came out!

 

[Eden]

My question is this...............

He is banned already for two years, why call attention to yourself? He should be hiding, but instead I want to weed him out, show him what it feels like to be me. How uncomfortable someone watching, following, and calling you feels like, when you don't want it! How taking a different route home at night feels because you don't want him to know where you live or what school your child goes to, etc. Now it is time for him to get all of the attention he craves for!!

Come out come out, Chuck1561, I want to play with you - and so do some of my friends on Perb!

 

[My Name is Mud]

Eden

Not sure what advice I can give you, but at the very least, I support you in spirit

 

[icicle]

Atta girl!

 

[IceG]

way to go Eden..

Eden, don't let any scumbag stalking losers interfere with your life and personal space.

thanks for setting the record straight for all the "naive" Perberts who don't realize that there are some complete fvcking losers here and unfortunately you have to be careful that these guys "re-birth" themselves with new identity handles.


stay brave and strong Eden.

 

[Eden]

Thank you, Modwest

I won't post anything personal, I have not posted anything about him before even though if you research all of my threads he is in them at least twice each. He brought it into the open, not I. It is clean and important for all to see and know. I am just not going to let him do this to anyone else!

 

[westwoody]

I hope everything works out for you, Eden. You seem like a nice kid.
Was this the guy with the Danny DeVito avatar?

 

[Eden]

westwoody,
Yes, it is (or was). Sad thing is he is still phoning me as we speak, so my phones are turned off, sorry everyone! He says that I posted personal info on him, if I have could someone bring it to my attention, as I would not wish that on myself. The only thing I did post was that Chuck1561 = NormP I don't think that can be considered personal do you?

MESSAGE FOR CHUCK = If it hasn't been loud and clear let me make sure that it is, Leave me alone = no phone calls, no pm's, no emails from any email address, and don't go near my apartment. It is my perogative to choose who I will spend my time with and you can't take that away from me. Don't threaten me with lawyers, you will get the short end of the stick there my friend. Be amicable just leave me alone, it really is not much to ask, is it?

 

[Massagegirl]

NormP is Chuck 1561?

That makes a lot of sense, I had an arguement with him once about taking things too far but he wouldn't listen and instead got offended. I see now it's because he was taking things much farther than anyone knew. I believe Chuck thinks that every provider he's seen and got along with is his friend and he doesn't understand that all SP's or people in general don't feel the same way about him. Someone who's delusional could also be dangerous.

Life isn't like that Chuck, most people have a select group of friends that they persue and a 50 year old balding overweight single man who has seen her at work will not fit in with her 20-30 year old friends. She has kids man, have you never seen any scary movies about nutbars who go about killing women they are obsessed with? That's her fear right now, that you are certifiably insane and that you might come and kill her and her whole family! It's very serious! Have a care for her and not just your "loss"!! She is NOT your friend, most likely never has been, please for your own sake, get over it! Do NOT try to talk to her, send her email, or leave messages "to get her back", it's not going to happen! Forgetting you ever met is what she wants!

P.S. And don't call me to talk about it, I quit being your counsellor long ago! My only piece of advice is if you are not part of the solution then you ARE part of the problem!

P.S. To Eden, I think you can take him!

 

[Eden]

Massagegirl

TY and I know I can, I have been doing this on and off for five years and I have now just had it. You understand perfectly so maybe when he assumes another name, and I know that he will, he will be like a fire starter and come back to watch it burn, only this time I will be waiting.....not the other way around!

 

[Arizona40]

Shit girl! Way to go. Goodluck with this dickwad.

 

[Lurker 123]

Hipster Doofus
That being said...if I was in the same situation, I'd apply for a restraining order. He knows where you live and you don't feel safe in your own home anymore. Your safety has to come before all else - including maybe your privacy. It's unfortunate that a person would have to sacrifice something for her own safety but it's the sad reality. Just my .02.

[/QUOTE]
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Eden ,
I totally agree with Hipster's suggestion. For your own personal safety, restraining order is the way to go.

If anything happen to you, you will have the authority behind you!

May peace be with you!

 

[BOBST]

Chuck

Chuck, I tried to tell you that you needed to back off! I know you can read this even though you are banned, Look very carefully at the advice that is being given and try and move on. I MUST BACK EDEN UP ON THIS!