tips on playing hard to get?

[Aerts]

I'm a person who has never been very good at playing games in relationships, and have had a lot of shitty luck with women. I have had a few women where everything was going well, we are sleeping together, having fun, and then I get dumped for no reason. I've been told I need to learn how to play hard to get.

So I have been dating this one woman for a about a month now. I really like her, but am insecure of how this is going. Apparently we are in between "friends" and "officially dating." I feel like I need to create more attraction between us. I sent her flowers at work the other day for example... Beautiful $100 flowers, her friends are jealous, she loves them, etc.... her coworkers ask who they are from. She says "from X." "Who is X?" "A friend." (FYI I did sleep with her before I bought her the flowers).

The last two days we have had no contact. She hasn't texted/called. I'm thinking of waiting until tomorrow night to contact her. I am trying hard to not come off as desperate, but I do like this lady and would like for things to continue between us. I don't really care in a sense, because I am so used to being alone/dumped that I stopped caring for the most part. I am in this with my heart though and want to get the girl.

Suggestions?

 

[Aerts]

You fucked up. Flowers too early.

I thought that over pretty hard before I sent them, took some outside input too. I guess I still had the wrong conclusion.

 

[MissJasmine]

Two days is a short time to not talk to someone you've only known for one month
I think flowers are a nice gesture, but a clear sign that you want romance while you mentioned you are "between friends and dating"?

Playing hard to get means allowing the other person to take the initiative and pursue you, rather than doing all the work yourself. It also means being independent and valuing your own time.

The biggest fear a lot of us women have with guys who try too hard early on is that they will be clingy later. If she likes you she will call. Don't worry and best of luck

 

[Aerts]

Two days is a short time to not talk to someone you've only known for one month
I think flowers are a nice gesture, but a clear sign that you want romance while you mentioned you are "between friends and dating"?

Playing hard to get means allowing the other person to take the initiative and pursue you, rather than doing all the work yourself. It also means being independent and valuing your own time.

Okay so how long do I wait before making contact? I heard 72 hours is ideal.

I think the pursuing has been pretty 50/50 up until now.

 

[maroonedsailor]

Okay so how long do I wait before making contact? I heard 72 hours is ideal.

I think the pursuing has been pretty 50/50 up until now.

read it again dumbshit - WAIT for her to contact you!!!! anxious, needy, desperate, pushy.........maybe you don't think so but she will - A woman wants to make her own decisions just like you do. It's like conversation, chess, cards, and other polite forms of interpersonal games. First it's her move then your move then her move etc. it does not become your move just because the other party is taking a long time to decide his or her next move. Love is NOT like hockey where you keep driving the "opponent" until you "score" Does that clarify it or do you need a two x twice upside the head in the form of total rejection from your love?
I think Miss Jasmine hit it right on the head when she said,

"Playing hard to get means allowing the other person to take the initiative and pursue you, rather than doing all the work yourself. It also means being independent and valuing your own time."

 

[Harmony-bc]

I would have appreciated the flowers and loved them. They can either show desperate or romantic. I think it depends on the girl and her past history which will determine how she reacts to them and how the last month went. I know for myself that a lot can happen in a month. If it was starting to fizzle before the flowers, then it could look desperate. If it was passionate up to the flowers than it could look romantic. I know for me, I need to laugh and when I can sense my lover is insecure about me, the relationship can take a strained uncomfortable turn, and the fun becomes harder to have, and then that's when I cut loose.

Rereading other peoples comments, maybe you should wait until she calls you. If she doesn't call you in a week or two, then call her, super casual like. I don't know, I'm not good at games, lol.

Good luck and remember that she probably has just as many insecurities as you and that confidence is a really sexy trait in anyone.

 

[MissJasmine]

Okay so how long do I wait before making contact? I heard 72 hours is ideal.

I think the pursuing has been pretty 50/50 up until now.

I don't know about any 72 hours rule, but if feelings are mutual up to now she will miss you and call you. Maybe she wants to think things over and move at a slower pace than you... maybe shes doing her 30 day overview of you

Although most of the bouquets I've received are from people I've never slept with, I do think sending flowers after sex (especially the next day) has a romantic connotation.

 

[visiting]

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[PuntMeister]

Buddy, just be Y O U! Whatever a woman reads into something is beyond your control ... or is your intent to manipulate her? Do what feels right to you and if she reads the wrong thing into it .... move on. Too many BS rules and timelines these days.

Flowers mean romance? Really? I am sooo glad I am not young. I've sent flowers to a waitress because she always had a smile for everyone.

Best damned advice I've heard in a long time. Keep posting Chevy.

Be nice, Be yourself, and if they don't reciprocate, there's always beer!

I think the world could use a few more romantics in this weary world. Genuine romantics--just not needy or manipulative. Be romantic for the joy of it. If she ignores you, it was never meant to be. If she responds in kind, you were meant for each other. Kharma is as Kharma does.

 

[hornyhunk]

http://www.sosuave.com/

 

[badbadboy]

Funny I was lamenting this issue with a female friend of mine today. She was basically describing a male friend of her's who will text her saying "let's go out Friday night". She will respond, sure sounds good. Thursday, then Friday comes along and no confirmation. Texts him back Friday lunchtime. No response.

I figure if he wanted to take her out, he would have communicated by Thursday. That is just me.

So here it was Sunday and she was still sort of 'wondering' about it. I asked her would she still go out with him again and she said 'sure, he is fun, why not?'

Seems to me if you are a straight shooter you will have to go through this stuff and wonder what you did wrong. If you don't give a shit and string her along, you will still get a date regardless how you have treated her in the past.

 

[Harmony-bc]

Weird question: how often does a guy who initially seem confident become an overbearing prick in the long run?

Do all males have to be alphas? What of the betas?

I prefer betas. I like soft gentle men that will treat me good. Confidence has nothing to do with alpha or beta. An alpha male can be just as insecure as anybody and vice versa. I'm kind of alpha in a lot of ways. If I'm with somebody, I like things equal, and that works better for me emotionally with a beta. More fun, less angry temper tantrums on my part, lol. I like funny, easy, sweet guys that are willing to go the extra mile sexually and are open to experiment. I like guys like Ross from friends.

Funny I was lamenting this issue with a female friend of mine today. She was basically describing a male friend of her's who will text her saying "let's go out Friday night". She will respond, sure sounds good. Thursday, then Friday comes along and no confirmation. Texts him back Friday lunchtime. No response.

I figure if he wanted to take her out, he would have communicated by Thursday. That is just me.

So here it was Sunday and she was still sort of 'wondering' about it. I asked her would she still go out with him again and she said 'sure, he is fun, why not?'

Seems to me if you are a straight shooter you will have to go through this stuff and wonder what you did wrong. If you don't give a shit and string her along, you will still get a date regardless how you have treated her in the past.

I'd dump him so fast on his inconsiderate ass, he would have felt the wind. Fine, make other plans, that's ok, Just let me know. I don't care. I have lots of friends to fill the gap. But to have plans with me, then not answer my text and leaving me wondering, grr. He'd need a note from the doctor before I made plans with him again. I wouldn't have texted him though. I would have assumed that he made other plans if he didn't call me to confirm, and so I would have made other plans. I have too much pride though, lol. I've never chased a guy in my life. We either mutually like each other and I can feel it or I don't bother.

There is a difference between having confidence in who you are and thinking you are gods gift to women. Confidence is simply appreciating yourself for who you are and showing it. Alpha's, beta's, omega's... they can all have confidence. Know yourself, accept yourself, and then find a partner that accepts you too.

Exactly my point. My dad is a beta and he has always had very beautiful girlfriends. My mother when she married my dad looked like a swim suit model. My dad is short and never had any money. All his relationships have been long term. He's intelligent, creative and funny, and very gentle

I like this one, lol

 

[Dark Knight]

The first thing that kills attraction is being too clingy. Women hate that! Give her some space. Don't call her 3 times a day or send endless text. If a woman wants to get a hold of you she will. I'm sure she already knows that you like her so let her decide on what she wants to do next. Be aloof. Spend time with some else or at least seem that you have other people in your life.

Go rent the Tao of Steve.

Here's the Coles Notes version from a quick google find:
http://www.thesage-speaks.com/dating-tips-for-men-tao-of-steve/

DK

PS it sucks having to play games but necessary.

 

[Tugela]

So I have been dating this one woman for a about a month now. I really like her, but am insecure of how this is going. Apparently we are in between "friends" and "officially dating." I feel like I need to create more attraction between us. I sent her flowers at work the other day for example... Beautiful $100 flowers, her friends are jealous, she loves them, etc.... her coworkers ask who they are from. She says "from X." "Who is X?" "A friend." (FYI I did sleep with her before I bought her the flowers).

I would hold off on the expensive flowers until both of you are clear that you are "officially dating" (lol...do you need to get a permit for that?), otherwise if she is not quite at the same stage as you emotionally you run the risk of creating an awkward and uncomfortable situation for her which could end up not only blowing your chances but ruining your friendship as well. Once you are both agreed that you are a couple, then it is OK to go hog wild with the gifts if that pleases you.

 

[Tugela]

Weird question: how often does a guy who initially seem confident become an overbearing prick in the long run?

95% of the time

Do all males have to be alphas? What of the betas?

Evolution takes care of them

 

[hang5507]

Well!, It's been 4 days since the original post, what happened??


Regards

H

 

[chilli]

My experience with women is simple - when their into you - they'll let you know.

Women today for the most part have no problem going after what they want.

In other words - if you haven't heard from her - it's over or more than likely it never was.

 

[Krustee]

I hate guys who try to give me there house key within knowing them in 2 weeks.

Good luck !!!

By the way ...
are you ever gonna give my fucking key back?


Or do I have to change the locks?

 

[mistressfreyja]

Don't play games.

Be patient, and don't jump off any emotional cliffs.

It's only been a month that you have known her.

Recognize the neediness in your quote about it being 2 days since you have heard from her.

Flowers were a lovely gesture, but until she contacts you, I would sit tight.

PS: Your quote from your marriage thread gives me indication why you are single. Honey, it sounds like you are conflicted. Have fun! You have the rest of your life to settle down.

"marriage
is there any point if you don't want kids? (I don't want kids).

I always think I might find a nice intelligent divorced woman when I'm around 40ish and settle down then? Or am I dreaming? I enjoy my freedom right now too much to get married. If I want to play videogames for 4 hours on a saturday, or leave town and go work at suncor for 6 months at a time, I damn well do."

I'm a person who has never been very good at playing games in relationships, and have had a lot of shitty luck with women. I have had a few women where everything was going well, we are sleeping together, having fun, and then I get dumped for no reason. I've been told I need to learn how to play hard to get.

So I have been dating this one woman for a about a month now. I really like her, but am insecure of how this is going. Apparently we are in between "friends" and "officially dating." I feel like I need to create more attraction between us. I sent her flowers at work the other day for example... Beautiful $100 flowers, her friends are jealous, she loves them, etc.... her coworkers ask who they are from. She says "from X." "Who is X?" "A friend." (FYI I did sleep with her before I bought her the flowers).

The last two days we have had no contact. She hasn't texted/called. I'm thinking of waiting until tomorrow night to contact her. I am trying hard to not come off as desperate, but I do like this lady and would like for things to continue between us. I don't really care in a sense, because I am so used to being alone/dumped that I stopped caring for the most part. I am in this with my heart though and want to get the girl.

Suggestions?

 

[maroonedsailor]

Don't play games.

Be patient, and don't jump off any emotional cliffs.

It's only been a month that you have known her.

Recognize the neediness in your quote about it being 2 days since you have heard from her.

Flowers were a lovely gesture, but until she contacts you, I would sit tight.

PS: Your quote from your marriage thread gives me indication why you are single. Honey, it sounds like you are conflicted. Have fun! You have the rest of your life to settle down.

"marriage
is there any point if you don't want kids? (I don't want kids).

I always think I might find a nice intelligent divorced woman when I'm around 40ish and settle down then? Or am I dreaming? I enjoy my freedom right now too much to get married. If I want to play videogames for 4 hours on a saturday, or leave town and go work at suncor for 6 months at a time, I damn well do."

Uh huh - what Free said........