Tips for Self-Improvement

[Lancaster]

Hello,
I guess I'm a troller, since I don't poon or add anything useful to this board... but I really enjoy reading posts from all walks of life and especially those from the women's perspective.

Anyways, long-story short, I've got out of a long-term relationship and I also realized that I'm not much of a catch
I've started going to the gym, taking a few night courses, and thinking about picking up a hobby that might be useful if/when I do date again. I'm assuming women like guys who can dance and probably give out good massages or something.

What I need are suggestions from women about what they like/want/prefer for a guy... and from gents who has experience in this matter.

Thanks

 

[porcelianprincess]

A deal breaker for me is bad table manners. The guy can be good looking and charming but if he has bad table manners all bets are off.

 

[Lancaster]

Let me see....you "not much of a catch", out of shape and don't have any hobbies......by God I've got it.......


......you my friend have what it takes to become.....a Pooner!

Enjoy!!!

lol. Well, "not a catch" might be a bit over-exaggerated. It's more that I'm pretty average in every way, thus I don't stand out much with every other guy.

I like men who are well-read, hit up a bookstore pronto!

Do you mean reading books that other people might be interested in or just being knowledgeable? Because I tend to read encyclopedias, now wikipedia... lol.

A deal breaker for me is bad table manners. The guy can be good looking and charming but if he has bad table manners all bets are off.

As for table manners, do you mean knowing to use the right folks and stuff?

Also.... when I do go out to eat with people, I usually just eat as fast as possible, since my intention is to go there to eat. The quicker I can eat, the more I can eat.... and I really like to eat, lol.

Man you are on a roll today there big fella!

Lancaster, I think you are on the right track. The fact that you are even working on yourself with women in mind is a plus.

Now, how about developing some listening skills (assuming you don't already have them) and dropping the "need to save" complex (assuming you do already have it) that is so rampant with your sex.

Or communications skills in general... Come to think of it, I might be able to use some of those myself.

And, like Ingrid said, becoming well read (assuming you're not) is always a plus.

Then, add to that upgrading your grooming: Good haircut, get a mani/pedi, update your wardrobe. Just some general outward self care.

And hey, while we're at it, maybe some counselling to see what part you may have played in the breakup of your last relationship.

Thats all for now (You DID ask!)

Ok.... how do I try to focus on listening (since all guys love to talk), and not appear disinterested or eventually turning the conversation into an interrogation?

The "need to save"... I'm assuming you mean not be a penny-pincher? If that's the case I think I'm alright... I'm a shop-o-holic

I like man who is well mannered, communicates, trustworthy, well groomed but still the rugged look for me. Independant...that is all.
So I say going to the gym and working out (I best get on that myself), find a hobby yes something you enjoy. Giving a woman a good massage is a plus. Oh I forgot a good listner is good too.
I'm done. Good Luck.

Is there any way to be good at massaging? The only classes I've found relating to massages usually are for those wanting to do massaging therapy, which isn't what I'm looking for. My fear is that if I just attempt to do it without any knowledge of how to do so, I might end up doing the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on her, hahaha.


Thank you all for giving me advice... more are still welcomed

 

[snif]

welcome to the single mans world.
many of us went thru what you are going thru.
Go do all the things you always wanted to do , the things that your married life did not allow.
then think about your dick and what you have to do to keep it happy.
You probably really dont need a relationship right now. concentrate on being you and being happy , being YOU.
but , you have to service your dick.
So , do you go on dates and spend hundreds on taking some old bag out and not even get your finger smelling like pussy or you join us pooners.
Then you get your pick of many hundreds of splendid morsels. Shit man , its easier than ordering a pizza and more toppings , delivered to your door , HOT.
And then you not only SAVE money but you free your brain from the stress of some old hag asking why you did not phone last night , or you wore that shirt last date. Concentrate on all the fun stuff, hobbies , sports , different pussy every week etc. let life treat you for a while , you earned it and deserve it. spoil yourself man. and then post a review of your experience. welcome to the pooners club!

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Mind, Body, and Soul

 

[Captain Jonny]

I agree with Snif 100%. Focus on yourself and have fun, chances are a girl will be attracted to that more than anything. Pooning is a great way to keep yourself sane during the down times. I chose to stop dating for the next while as it was costing me a fortune and I wasn't always guaranteed any action and at this stage of my life I need to start saving for a down payment.

Pooning isn't only for the guys who don't see themselves as a catch. I feel that I am a young average to good looking guy who is well mannered and in good shape and I don't have a problem with meeting or attracting women and I'm sure many other guys on this board are in the same boat. I questioned my morality when I first got into this hobby but I felt it was much better then misleading a lady that I just wanted to sleep with and end up hurting her in the end.

Everyone poons for different reasons but in the end, we all get screwed! (in a good way)

 

[vancity_cowboy]

pooning can definitely teach you ur way around a woman's body if you aren't too afraid to ask... definitely some skills you want to have when ur dating the kind of civvies you might be interested in... just check that out ^^

 

[makelove2me]

I couldn't agree more with snif and captain johnny.

Just love and take care of yourself and enjoy life. We all have just one shot at it.

It's wonderful if someday you find someone who accepts you and love you for who you are. If that day never comes, at least you enjoyed being alive.

 

[Harmony-bc]

lol.
Is there any way to be good at massaging? The only classes I've found relating to massages usually are for those wanting to do massaging therapy, which isn't what I'm looking for. My fear is that if I just attempt to do it without any knowledge of how to do so, I might end up doing the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on her, hahaha.

Google is your friend.

http://www.sourcepoint.bc.ca/courses.html
http://www.tmccanada.com/programs.htm
http://www.brandonraynor.com/our_ma...tion/certificate_massage_therapy_courses.html
http://omanamassage.com/articles/?cat=6

 

[joho]

Don't forget confidence. You should be able to smile when a pretty lady is looking right at you. She might smile back, then that is an excellent sign. If she ignores you, don't feel rejected. Just move on. Good luck to you!

 

[Lancaster]

Being knowledgeable when it comes to facts is one thiing (a good thing, yes) but to be well-rounded, you should expose yourself to as many ideas as possible. Head to a bookstore and pick up books on a variety of subjects that interest you and make sure there is some fiction in there as well.

Chapters, here I come!

pooning can definitely teach you ur way around a woman's body if you aren't too afraid to ask... definitely some skills you want to have when ur dating the kind of civvies you might be interested in... just check that out ^^

Pooning probably won't be my thing for the foreseeable future, but I am tempted just to "learn" what to do. I do know the "basics", but let some people, you want to be an "expert" on it.

Google is your friend.

http://www.sourcepoint.bc.ca/courses.html
http://www.tmccanada.com/programs.htm
http://www.brandonraynor.com/our_ma...tion/certificate_massage_therapy_courses.html
http://omanamassage.com/articles/?cat=6

Yeah, I did google a bit and most were kinda the last few you listed. Way too expensive and where too in-depth for someone who just want to massage "for fun". But the first one seems pretty good, 80 bucks per session, a bit steep, but it's kinda what I'm looking for. I guess I can skip out on McD for the new couple of weeks, lol.

Don't forget confidence. You should be able to smile when a pretty lady is looking right at you. She might smile back, then that is an excellent sign. If she ignores you, don't feel rejected. Just move on. Good luck to you!

I'm not much of a smiler. Any forced smile makes me look like a perv or something, lol. Also, I guess eye contacts with strangers is somewhat "difficult" for me. Perhaps I'm worried about what they are thinking... which is weird, since I probably won't see them ever again, but yeah... mental barrier I guess.


Anyways, thanks for the input everyone!
If there's anything else, please post it =)

 

[old pooner]

IMHO the most important thing is to like yourself. When that happens, you will come across as confident and you will be more relaxed around others.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Most importantly, just be yourself and capitalize on your strengths.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

There's quite a big difference between improving yourself and being someone you're not.

 

[jetsam]

There's quite a big difference between improving yourself and being someone you're not.

Exactly, any hobbies or pursuits you take up should be of interest to YOU and that interest and the joy derived from it will shine through. Otherwise it is just veneer put on to impress and you really haven't improved yourself.

 

[a_shy_guy]

This thread is somewhat motivating me with all the advice from everybody. I have never really had much luck with the ladies. I am usually the quiet one sitting around that normally does whatever it takes to not draw attention to me. Not very sociable, and not really one to start a random conversation with anybody I don't know. When I started working 5 years ago, my good clothes started turning into my work clothes, and soon after, it all became work clothes. I started to acquire some new clothing, and started using the second closet in my room. That closet stores all my 'good' clothes now which I wont dare go near a dirty engine bay, or renovation.(I like getting my hands dirty)


A few weeks ago, I dressed up rather nicely for my friends party. Since I knew everybody there and they all knew me, they were all rather surprised by how much I have changed(I haven't seen them in a while). From my massive weight loss, to all my new clothes, they said I looked like i a completely different person from when they first met me, or even half a year before that. I was told my look projected confidence, that I knew where I was going, and knew what I was doing. Those comments boosted my somewhat low amounts of confidence levels and made me feel better about being myself. On my way home later on that night, I stopped by Slave On Foods for some food for the next day. Since it was very late at night, and they were maybe an hour away from closing, there wasn't going to be many people there(kind of a given). Since I was feeling better about being myself from all my friends comments, I was much happier when I was shopping. A simple smile went a long way for me as it felt like a massive confidence booster. After finding everything I needed which took maybe 30 minutes, I took all my stuff up to the till. 2 girls greeted me before I actually made it up to the till. Even while she was swiping my items through, we had a bunch of small talk in between. All said and done, because there were next to no customers, we kept talking after I paid for my stuff. It wasn't until I looked at my watch, did I noticed there was maybe 15 minutes left until closing. We talked for 15 minutes about random stuff. I apologized to her for stalling her and wasting her time and was on my way. As I walked up to my car, I hear her screaming after me as apparently I left my credit card at the till. We talked for another 5 minutes or so out in the cold and out of the blue, I offered to buy her coffee for troubles(timmies was across the parking lot). From timmies, I drove her home and exchanged numbers with her.


I may not be the most attractive person, or a catch, but I believe that little changes here and there will net you some positive attention as it did for me. Sometimes it takes a little luck, and good timing, but a positive attitude will be noticed. I used to be a pessimist, but since the Slave On Foods incident, I changed my outlook, and I feel damn good about being myself. I still have a ways to go, but its a great start and I haven't looked back since

 

[sevenofnine]

have you ever noticed that some of the hottest women out there like bad boys
guys with a little bit of an edge to them i guess there is a certain excitment that goes with it,

a guy i used to go drinking with could charm just about any women out of her panties
he was fun to drink with but he was a jerk, unreliable as hell like to start fights never had any money divorced twice but he could charm the ladies.
funny how that works.

i think im a nice guy but i don't have much of a style that goes with it, to much baggage im carrying around from my childhood,
i have made lousy first impressions with some sps, but once we get passed it they think im great funny,
but i know im not some one they would settle down with,
life is funny isn't it, we see at lot of stuff but mostly only what we want to,

as far as self improvement, don't compare your self with anyone your you,
follow your feelings and be honest with your self
and that goes for other people don't be critical its so easy to judge and find fault but you don't know what any one else has been through

like me i don't have much of a style but my father was an alcholic abusive pedophile jailed twice,
but to the rest of the world he was a very nice guy, he was a charmer,

its funny the world people they realllly are
be compassionate and understanding but if you can't leave well enough alone don't make it worse,

 

[Lancaster]

There's quite a big difference between improving yourself and being someone you're not.

You're right, but since now being single, I feel as if there's lots of stuff I want to know and to learn.... no better time to take advantage of it than right now.

That just jumped out at me immediately. I hope you aren't doing this when on a date. Or are you? McD's? Maybe take a cooking class. Women love to have a man cook for them and Hey! you may meet a nice lady there.

I was in a few long term relationships and it got to the point where we go out only to eat. So you can say I'm "used" to eating quick. Plus, I always try to eat until I'm about to burst... thus the best way to eat as much as possible is to eat as quick as possible.
I've been working on it.... very hard when the food is just so yummy, haha.

What makes you think that ?

I guess I was a "late bloomer" for talking to girls... so from when I was younger and now I'm still kinda filled with self-doubt/fear and stuff. Even though I've already been in relationships before, and even my best friend is a chick.... I still get very very nervous. Plus I'm also a very competitive person, thus I feel as if I always gotta "prove myself" and "win" the girl. I'm smart enough to realize that you can't just use material goods to win girls over (potential rate of return can still end up as zero), but if I instead "invest" in myself.... worst case scenario, I learn something new (massaging, dancing, cooking, etc).

Also, I noticed I'm not as good looking as a was 7 years ago. I was just a good looking lad back then.... even I would have fallen in love with my own good looks, hahaha.

 

[laurel love]

This is a great thread and some very helpful responses have been submitted.

I find that attraction is a very foggy concept. Just the other day I walked past a fellow that was not the idea of manly looks by our current definition. He was scarcely taller than I am, very stocky, big flattened nose like a boxer and a shaved head that you could see was balding. Yet, I had this urge to drag him in the other room and do him...wildly!

He had an energy around him, a confidence, that was very attractive. He was talking to someone and didn't even notice me. (sniff)

But, the thing that would kill it would be lack of hygiene. If you go in for the passionate kiss, or when the boxers come down and go in for the other passionate kiss (and I could so visualize myself on my knees in front of him) and things are smelly, then the attraction evaporates.

Instant attraction is not something to build a relationship on but it gets you through the front door.

For a long term commitment there would have to be mutual likes and activities, and common goals, and the ability to be with each other and not have to say a word. Comfortable silence.

You have to know who you are so you can find someone who matches your lifestyle. Trying to change to fit a lifestyle that you think is better just makes everyone involved unhappy. (although Nina's suggestion of changing old habits in your brain is very good, and, I am going to start today with the eating one)

Find your passion and get involved somehow through volunteer work. This will also put you in contact with people you may get along with.

Getting in shape is a good thing. A nice body is a plus!

 

[Guitarzan]

Lancaster, I think you are on the right track. The fact that you are even working on yourself with women in mind is a plus.

I strongly disagree with this, a person should never work on themselves with someone else in mind. Taking that approach can lead to big issues, if you're going to do something for a woman do something that is for and about her.

Work on you for YOU. It will build more confidence and confidence is more important to most women than just about anything else (so I've been told time and again) ..... Doing it for someone else is no different that trying to be the knight in shining armour.

That might work for some women at the outset but they'll grow tired of it sooner or later.

Take up ballroom or salsa dancing.