This joke deserves it's own thread!

Massagegirl

Banned
Mar 25, 2003
891
1
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THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants

Open presents expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry followed by

12:00 noon lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer

4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror

7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers

10:00 Hot shower (alone)

10:50 Carried to bed . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms



THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en-route to airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine - 2 under

11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine - 4 under

2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs) - on light tackle

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally).

6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave

7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated.

7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game.

9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer.

11:30 A night cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 Blast a 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
 

hitrack

I'LL KILL YA ALL!!
Feb 25, 2003
3,881
0
0
Surrey
The only probs I have with the "Him" perfect day is the....

6:30am Kinda to early for me to launch a power loaf. Usually that happens in the evening when everythings had timne to drop into the lower chamber.

7:30am Limo.....well I'd rather grab the 911 and hit the 99 down to the airport. See if I can break my record of 210km through the massey tunnel.

11:51pm I guess that could be, but I have actually woke myself up laughing too.
 

LonelyGhost

Telefunkin
Apr 26, 2004
3,935
0
0
its a sad day when three blow jobs will suffice ... :(
 

lenny

girls just wanna have fu
May 20, 2004
4,101
76
48
your GF's panties
LonelyGhost said:
its a sad day when three blow jobs will suffice ... :(
I would include this in my day...3, maybe 4 times...

1. {Wake up to} hugs and kisses...massage, foreplay, 1st hour

2. BJ/BJJJ for the second hour

3. Then "sex" for the third hour.

Any girls have a rate on this for my birthday? ;
 

HeMadeMeDoIt

New member
Feb 12, 2004
2,029
2
0
lenny said:
I would include this in my day...3, maybe 4 times...

1. {Wake up to} hugs and kisses...massage, foreplay, 1st hour


Any girls have a rate on this for my birthday? ;
Hugs n kisses my ass! I'll take the BJ thank-you very much! LOL

U sure you're not a chick lenny? hahaha :p
 

lenny

girls just wanna have fu
May 20, 2004
4,101
76
48
your GF's panties
HeMadeMeDoIt said:
Hugs n kisses my ass! I'll take the BJ thank-you very much! LOL

U sure you're not a chick lenny? hahaha :p
I am a woman stuck in a man's body.

So i get the best of both worlds.
 

tom2morrow

New member
Jan 16, 2005
24
0
0
Kansas City
huh?

If I'm getting a blow job at 6:15, why do I need the alarm at 6?

Let those soft lips wake me up.
 

westwoody

Well-known member
Jun 10, 2004
7,422
6,542
113
Westwood
There must be something wrong with me, that's nowhere near how I would picture a perfect day...
 
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