This is soon to be a YouTube video with a big Cockney guy in a vagina suit playing the part of my vagina. For now though....I present something really fucking weird.....
R: So, How's it going today Vaggie?
V: So this is what we're calling me, eh?
R: I think it sounds cute.
V: You think, you think...why don't you stop thinking and give me a shave already? I'm all stubbly...
R: I was waiting to wax you...
V: Waxing hurts.
R: Yeah, but folliculitis is itchy and shaving can cause cuts (which can lead to disease transmission,FYI)
V: Fine. Can you at least make me a better hat then?
R: I don't even know why you have to wear a hat.
V: My clitoris was showing....
R: Listen, Vaggie, I don't have time to sit around making hats for vaginas...
V: You can't work without me you know...
R: Fine, I'll make you a better hat. Can I ask a question now?
V: Go ahead.
R: How do you like my new job?
V: Well, it's nice to finally be more a part of your everyday life, that's for sure...and it's good to feel useful. Especially after the whole 40 hr c-section incident...I am so sorry about that.
R: Listen, she was 10 lbs and had my genetically large head...there was nothing you could do.
V: I suppose you're right...but still. No, I like all the attention, that's for sure. How come you don't show me off in pictures more though? Are you embarrassed by me?
R: Well, I can't use it in most ads if I show you.
V: Why not?
R: It's considered pornographic or obscene.
V: What the hell...really?? Why is that?
R: I don't really know. Never stopped to think about it really. Everyone just freaked out so much whenever you were visible, that I guess you just stayed put away.
V: But I have these big labia...you can't really see too much inside with the right angle anyways...
R: I know, Vaggie...guy's can't show their cocks either in most places...it's just a thing...I don't know where it originally came from...probably something to do with the leaking of fluids onto furniture. So, I noticed your clitoris has grown...
V: I know, right? It's actually grown from all the attention.Except with the occasional 2 day stubble rub and the over-washing, I have never been so happy, seriously. A couple years ago, I was so stiff that I could barely move, and now I'm like Natalie Portman in Black Swan.
R: Well, that's great to hear. Don't worry, we'll do a photo-shoot for you soon as well. You were in a lot of porn though, so it's not like your face isn't out there...
V: Yeah, but I want the new "Vaggie" to be out there like how I am now, my new style.
R: Okay, Vaggie, let's do it. Thanks for finally giving me a chance to hear your point of view. It means a lot.
V: To me too.
If anyone honestly has any questions for my vagina, or about vaginas in general, ask away
Yours in surrealist humor,
Roxanne Ritchi
R: So, How's it going today Vaggie?
V: So this is what we're calling me, eh?
R: I think it sounds cute.
V: You think, you think...why don't you stop thinking and give me a shave already? I'm all stubbly...
R: I was waiting to wax you...
V: Waxing hurts.
R: Yeah, but folliculitis is itchy and shaving can cause cuts (which can lead to disease transmission,FYI)
V: Fine. Can you at least make me a better hat then?
R: I don't even know why you have to wear a hat.
V: My clitoris was showing....
R: Listen, Vaggie, I don't have time to sit around making hats for vaginas...
V: You can't work without me you know...
R: Fine, I'll make you a better hat. Can I ask a question now?
V: Go ahead.
R: How do you like my new job?
V: Well, it's nice to finally be more a part of your everyday life, that's for sure...and it's good to feel useful. Especially after the whole 40 hr c-section incident...I am so sorry about that.
R: Listen, she was 10 lbs and had my genetically large head...there was nothing you could do.
V: I suppose you're right...but still. No, I like all the attention, that's for sure. How come you don't show me off in pictures more though? Are you embarrassed by me?
R: Well, I can't use it in most ads if I show you.
V: Why not?
R: It's considered pornographic or obscene.
V: What the hell...really?? Why is that?
R: I don't really know. Never stopped to think about it really. Everyone just freaked out so much whenever you were visible, that I guess you just stayed put away.
V: But I have these big labia...you can't really see too much inside with the right angle anyways...
R: I know, Vaggie...guy's can't show their cocks either in most places...it's just a thing...I don't know where it originally came from...probably something to do with the leaking of fluids onto furniture. So, I noticed your clitoris has grown...
V: I know, right? It's actually grown from all the attention.Except with the occasional 2 day stubble rub and the over-washing, I have never been so happy, seriously. A couple years ago, I was so stiff that I could barely move, and now I'm like Natalie Portman in Black Swan.
R: Well, that's great to hear. Don't worry, we'll do a photo-shoot for you soon as well. You were in a lot of porn though, so it's not like your face isn't out there...
V: Yeah, but I want the new "Vaggie" to be out there like how I am now, my new style.
R: Okay, Vaggie, let's do it. Thanks for finally giving me a chance to hear your point of view. It means a lot.
V: To me too.
If anyone honestly has any questions for my vagina, or about vaginas in general, ask away
Yours in surrealist humor,
Roxanne Ritchi
