the ex

[JustJess]

So I have a question....do you think it's right to speak with or hang out with your ex if you're in a new relationship? And obviously there are many tangents to this question, like how long you were together etc etc etc....
Just curious...is it right to ask your SO to stop speaking with them???
I would love some input...and since this is the first thread I've started here, and this topic has been pissing me off for some time now...I thought...what the Heck??

Jess

 

[IslandMonger]

connection with the ex

Jess;

I am not sure whether you are talking about you maintaining a connection with a former SO or your new SO maintaining a connection with his ex.

If it is you and a former SO, the big issue is how your new beau feels about it. If he is uncomfortable with the idea, you should not maintain a connection. I have remained friendly with many ex-girlfriends over the years and have had no problems. Other exs, however, wanted a clean break with no further contact - I can understand that also.

If is your new guy and his former SO, the issues are your comfort level and how much you trust them to keep their relationship as one of just friends (with no benefits).

In summary. use your best judgment while considering the feelings of the 3 people involved. No one else can answer the question for you. The devil is in the details.

good luck, A

 

[Banger77]

Jess;

I am not sure whether you are talking about you maintaining a connection with a former SO or your new SO maintaining a connection with his ex.

If it is you and a former SO, the big issue is how your new beau feels about it. If he is uncomfortable with the idea, you should not maintain a connection. I have remained friendly with many ex-girlfriends over the years and have had no problems. Other exs, however, wanted a clean break with no further contact - I can understand that also.

If is your new guy and his former SO, the issues are your comfort level and how much you trust them to keep their relationship as one of just friends (with no benefits).

In summary. use your best judgment while considering the feelings of the 3 people involved. No one else can answer the question for you. The devil is in the details.

good luck, A

True Dat, totally agree about dealing with exs'

 

[athaire]

I think in a relationship of love and trust you shouldn't have to ask him to cut off the connection to his ex, or he to yours.
It should be done without a thought once it becomes apparent your partner feels uncomfortable.

They are ex's for a reason after all......

 

[Daedalus]

I think in a relationship of love and trust you shouldn't have to ask him to cut off the connection to his ex, or he to yours.
It should be done without a thought once it becomes apparent your partner feels uncomfortable.

They are ex's for a reason after all......

I would have to agree with Athaire on this one. The "Ex" is an ex for a reason. Unless the ex and whichever party have had kids together and there is still a responsibility to the children, why would you want to maintain contact? What do you hope to gain? Maybe you have more to lose . . .

I have fond memories of my ex partners and some not so fond memories but I do not maintain contact with any of them. For me, cut the ties that bind and move on!

 

[Holly Taylor]

A lot of people I know are still friends with their ex partners because they were friends before they ever got together, and remained friends after the break up. Some of these were serious (5+ years) relationships, and others were just brief.

After the break up, if both people are mentally stable and they still share the same interests as friends, then I don't see why they shouldn't remain friends.

(Of course there are some very good reasons to totally cut someone out - like if the relationship was toxic, or one person still loves the other person and it's just too difficult, etc, etc.)

In terms of jealousy, I think it's wrong for one partner to tell the other partner who they can be friends with, and that includes their ex. I would never date someone who told me that I couldn't choose my own friends.

 

[athaire]

I think it's wrong for one partner to tell the other partner who they can be friends with, and that includes their ex. I would never date someone who told me that I couldn't choose my own friends.

I agree it is wrong to dictate who your partner can and cannot be friends with.....but if you knew they were uneasy/unhappy with an ex still being a big part of your life would you severe the new tie or expect them to endure it because you felt it okay to continue to see the ex?

 

[athaire]

I think your wrong my man. I am friends with everyone of my X's......they are all great people and no person could tell me I can't see them or talk to them. If they tried to, I wouldn't want them in my life. Having said that, any girlfriend I would go out with would be introduced and understand there is nothing there but genuine friendship ( all are over).

I guess it could be different if they were all nutz and not great people but that isn't the case

LOL...then you answered my question, the new partner would be sent packing. Its not a right or wrong thing in my mind, more of a point of consideration for the feelings of the partner involved.

 

[Harmony-bc]

I had sex with my ex every few months for years after we broke up. Sometimes even when he had another girlfriend. I broke up with him, for many reasons, but even now, I could have him back and its been years. I completely stopped talking to him a few months ago. He is just way too obsessive, mean, jealous and many other reasons. Great, sexy lay, horrible partner.

I would vote yes, if you are included in the friendship and no if it is a friendship behind your back. I also think the reasons behind the breakup and who broke up with who are important. I have one ex that after a year of being together, I felt like I was fucking my brother. Lots of love, but no sexual feelings. I would be fine with someone being friends with their ex, if the attraction was dead.

 

[belmontkingsize]

A lot of people I know are still friends with their ex partners because they were friends before they ever got together, and remained friends after the break up. Some of these were serious (5+ years) relationships, and others were just brief.

After the break up, if both people are mentally stable and they still share the same interests as friends, then I don't see why they shouldn't remain friends.

(Of course there are some very good reasons to totally cut someone out - like if the relationship was toxic, or one person still loves the other person and it's just too difficult, etc, etc.)

In terms of jealousy, I think it's wrong for one partner to tell the other partner who they can be friends with, and that includes their ex. I would never date someone who told me that I couldn't choose my own friends.

I totally agree with you here Neither of the partners should be able to dictate who you can or cannot be friends with.