SPs: Why and how did you become an SP and how have your attitudes changed over time?

[juniper]

I was interested in this question because I knew an SP who worked for a while at an establishment in Victoria. She was in her early twenties, a single parent with one child, a sweet and reasonably attractive young woman. She also enjoyed men. While massaging her during one session, while conversing, she said: Obviously, this was not my mother's dream for me. She left the service after two months, never to reappear. I always recall her statement. What I'd like to know from SPs or from people who know SPs, is this young woman's response typical? Do attitudes towards this job change? Why is there a typically short "shelf life" for many women whereas others appear to be able to manage for years? Thank you, in advance, for any educated replies.

 

[juniper]

My mistake, Kim Honey. Edited.

 

[island-guy]

I was interested in this question because I knew an SP who worked for a while at an establishment in Victoria. She was in her early twenties, a single parent with one child, a sweet and reasonably attractive young woman. She also enjoyed men. While massaging her during one session, while conversing, she said: Obviously, this was not my mother's dream for me. She left the service after two months, never to reappear. I always recall her statement. What I'd like to know from SPs or from people who know SPs, is this young woman's response typical? Do attitudes towards this job change? Why is there a typically short "shelf life" for many women whereas others appear to be able to manage for years? Thank you, in advance, for any educated replies.

I hope you did get a chance to read the replies to your original thread that was deleted and I hope you realized all the things you did wrong.

Do you also realize that your actions, as stated by you in your previous thread, are exactly the sort of behaviour that drives girls out of this business? (posting personal private information, not listening to restrictions, unwanted touching, showing up at an SP's non-SP day-job to talk to her)

Many girls leave the business because one or more of their customers treats them with a total lack of respect, as you did for the SP you are talking about, and they are repulsed/frightened/turned-off by it.

I think a better question for you to ask, which would give you the answers you are looking for and maybe help you to understand would be this:

To the SP's out there: Have you ever considered leaving the business or actually left and returned? If you have, what were the reasons? What made your attitude change and if you came back or chose not to leave the business, why did you do that?

From your last comment about "educated replies", I wonder if you actually understood what people were telling you the last time you posted this question. Maybe I gave you too much benefit of the doubt in assuming that you were just clueless and not deliberately sexually assaulting, outing and stalking an SP.

 

[island-guy]

+2

I seldom post in these kinds of threads as they are not really designed (to my view) for discussion. They usually use the discussive platform to further a personal agenda and hence I just stay out.

This time I agreed so strongly with the above that I decided to post.

When Ropey agrees with something that I say, then you know it's gotta be something inarguable.

Next Krustee and SNL will both agree and it will be a proven fact at that point.

 

[Holly Taylor]

I am an extremely privileged individual. There is really no need for me to be doing this work - I have a "normal" part-time job that I enjoy, I have scholarships from my university, and I come from an upper middle class family that always has a room waiting for me if I need it. I think that says a lot about my involvement with this industry - I truly choose to be involved in it. If I didn't like it, I would just quit. I have enough money to support myself quite comfortably for several years, and I have a university degree. I have a lot of options. I stay in this job because it is still fulfilling for me, even after almost 5 years, and because it provides me with an opportunity to get ahead financially in a way that I would never be able to otherwise. I am in a far better financial situation than any of my friends under the age of 30.

When I first got involved, I just wanted a job that paid decently and that didn't require a huge commitment. What I hated about working in retail was that I needed to ask permission to go away for the weekend, and for all my efforts, I was treated like a child/imbecile and paid only $8/hr. It was a soul-killing experience. I felt that I was an extremely competent person and wanted to manage my own affairs without having to ask, beg, grovel for a 50 cent raise, or a weekend off, or to get someone to cover my shift if I was sick. I found it extremely degrading and I pity everyone who works in retail. I am the nicest customer because I know how horrible it is to do that job.

Being sexually open-minded, work in adult entertainment seemed like a good option for me, and it turned out that it was. I could choose my own clients, work whenever I felt like it, take time off for weeks if I was working on a big essay, buy nice presents for Christmas and birthdays, go on amazing vacations, etc.

As mentioned previously, I do have a university degree already, and there are many other jobs I could do if I wanted to. Why would I leave this job when I am still so happy with it? Before each and every session, I remind myself how important the work is - the man I'm about to meet might have saved up for a year to see me, or could have spent months deciding on who his first companion would be, or it could be his birthday treat to himself, or it could be the first time he's had sex in 5 years. I always remind myself how special and important the experience might be so that I never think of someone as just an easy $300. While I do find the work easy for the most part, that doesn't mean I'm lazy about it. I put a lot of thought into being attentive, kind, and open-minded because I think sexual intimacy is quite special and can sometimes make people feel vulnerable and nervous.

It's really an incredible job for those who are suited to it, and I wish that was recognized by all the people who rally against sex work and - despite evidence to the contrary - insist that it is a demeaning occupation for all women in all circumstances. The industry is a lot more nuanced than that.

 

[threepeat]

I was interested in this question because I knew an SP who worked for a while at an establishment in Victoria. She was in her early twenties, a single parent with one child, a sweet and reasonably attractive young woman. She also enjoyed men. While massaging her during one session, while conversing, she said: Obviously, this was not my mother's dream for me. She left the service after two months, never to reappear. I always recall her statement. What I'd like to know from SPs or from people who know SPs, is this young woman's response typical? Do attitudes towards this job change? Why is there a typically short "shelf life" for many women whereas others appear to be able to manage for years? Thank you, in advance, for any educated replies.

I think the problem posting this question in a public forum is that the only answers you will likely get will be from the well-adjusted, normal girls. The ones with sketchy backgrounds are not going to spill their guts to just anyone, only for those that they trust. And to be honest, if you were one of the ones they trusted, they would have shared their story with you privately and you would already have your answer.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

Holly Taylor I appreciate what you have written and truly believe you to be a genuine and sincere person with a great deal going for you. Since you have mentioned University degrees it seems likely you have something in the form of an "exit plan" ...perhaps equal to or even moreso than some non industry citizens who think that simply having a blue or white collar job is any more assurance of having 'somewhere to go' if the road takes a turn they don't expect whether it be due to age (45 or 65), illness, injury, burnout, neglect, addictions, bad choices or poor performance.

Juniper it is extremely likely that every SP will have a completely unique answer to this question you have posed, much like asking any person in any occupation why they do what they do. I appreciate your curiosity and would be more than happy to share reasons that this 'little blonde haired girl from a very rich and priviledged family" came to the decision at the age of nearly 41 to enter this industry. I fear my truth may appear a touch boring, much like a majority of peoples answers when asked "why do you do what you do".

There are those of us who started in the industry because we chose to, those who needed to, those who felt forced to, those who love it, those who hate it. There are those who have never felt they did not want to 'go to work' and those who feel they'd rather be going anywhere except 'to work'. It's my opinion that like most people, we are doing something to get by that fits us for now ...sounds like just about everyone in all industries I have known throughout my life. Each of us (you and I) are doing something 'for now' and always need an 'exit plan'.

I Doubt this appeases your appetite for answers to "Why would a lady do this?" I wonder what kind of answers you were hoping for?

JessicaPRabbit

 

[*emmanuelle]

The day will come when you'll need a second option and it will take more than a university degree. I realize you're young, but planning your long term future is a good idea.

Holly has a B.A. and is still at university, pursuing an even higher degree
She is not the kind of girl who is going to end up at age 45 with no "exit plan" !

 

[snif]

I never think of someone as just an easy $300. While I do find the work easy for the most part, -

wow 300 bucks....your snatch must be gold plated?
I guess your mommy said "your sitting on a gold mine baby"

 

[juniper]

Holley, Jessica and Kim: Thank you for your replies. Much appreciated. Each of you appear to have interesting stories to tell, especially should were these stories to be elaborated. Based on a sample of only three from a reasonably exclusive pool (independent SPs who express themselves on PERB), there is no possibility of finding a pattern and that one must expect quite varied responses. Nonetheless, there are some commonalities which attract women to this way of life: 1) High income; 2) Independence; 3) Sexual freedom; 4) Pleasing people or, alternatively, servicing them; 5) Becoming the centre of peoples' (clients) attention. I'm up for discussion on these points and in reading other womens' stories.

As to leaving the service, I would suggest the following: 1) Burn-out; 2) Loss of interest; repetitiveness 3) New job or life pathway; 4) Meeting one's love mate; 5) Having children of one's own; 6) Shame; 7) Aging. Again, it would be interesting to read comments, agree or disagree, on these factors just listed.

For the benefit of the severe critics to this post and to the former one which, I understand, was deleted, and just to make things clear: 1) I never knew what happened to the former post; 2) The woman I was speaking of was someone I met about ten years ago and it's highly unlikely, just about impossible, that she or anyone she knew would recognize her but I concede I was too personal nonetheless; 3) As far as "stalking", she was, in fact, very happy to see me, had coffee with me, expressed an interest in seeing me further and requested that I'd be very discreet, which I was.

 

[island-guy]

For the benefit of the severe critics to this post and to the former one which, I understand, was deleted, and just to make things clear: 1) I never knew what happened to the former post; 2) The woman I was speaking of was someone I met about ten years ago and it's highly unlikely, just about impossible, that she or anyone she knew would recognize her but I concede I was too personal nonetheless; 3) As far as "stalking", she was, in fact, very happy to see me, had coffee with me, expressed an interest in seeing me further and requested that I'd be very discreet, which I was.

I guess it's too bad that you didn't see all the comments related to you original, truthful version of the story.

And I did give you too much benefit of the doubt, you clearly ARE a self-centered asshole who couldn't care less about how wrong what you actually did was because you are delusional enough to think that your sexual assault on her and then your stalking of her was somehow something she wanted.

1) You ignored her stated restrictions during sessions and "Pushed on" and then you deluded yourself into believing that she wanted your sexual assault, bravo. You are LUCKY that she didn't have the bouncer at the place kick the crap out of you, she probably needed the money too badly. You are the guy who grabs a girl and tears off her clothing and then figures that because her pussy isn't sandpaper dry she must "want you".

2) You posted personal information about her, and you STILL do not see that what you did was wrong because you can't believe that you are ever wrong, so you just ignore anyone who tells you something negative about your actions, bravo again.

3) YOU DELIBERATELY SHOWED UP AT AN SP'S DAYTIME NON-SP WORKPLACE UNINVITED. By your own original admission "She was guarded" when she saw you, ie: you scared the crap out of her and she put up with you because she didn't want you to out her to her co-workers and/or family. Bravo again, moron.

4) If your idea of being "Very discreet" is posting about it all on an online forum, well... There is NO hope for you.

At least this thread will serve as a warning to other SPs to avoid you like the plague. It's too bad that your original post had so much personal information about the SP in it that it had to be deleted. The rest of your post would have totally creeped out any SP who ever read it.

This goes beyond any facepalm ever made in the history of the universe.

 

[juniper]

Island Guy: Your a silly and nasty little man who makes up conclusions based on negligible or no information. Example: Your use of the term "sexual assault". I can see why you post here. It's your sick need for attention, political correctness and a place to park your hostility. Okay, now you've done it. Unfortunately, you not only added nothing to the discussion. In fact, you've detracted from it. I suppose in real life you're just a miserable little person who requires anonymity to feel brave.

 

[island-guy]

Island Guy: Your a silly and nasty little man who makes up conclusions based on negligible or no information. Example: Your use of the term "sexual assault". I can see why you post here. It's your sick need for attention, political correctness and a place to park your hostility. Okay, now you've done it. Unfortunately, you not only added nothing to the discussion. In fact, you've detracted from it. I suppose in real life you're just a miserable little person who requires anonymity to feel brave.

Like I said, clueless asshole.

 

[island-guy]

Your use of the term "sexual assault".

You went to see a girl at an MP who had specific stated restrictions which you were aware of.

You decided to "Push on" past those stated restrictions, despite your own observation that she was not initially comfortable with you doing so.

So, you touched a girl in a sexual way after being told that she was not in agreement with you touching her in that way (ie: her restrictions).

That is the definition of sexual assault.

Do you really think that SPs working at an agency are eager to be "seduced" by you into going past their restrictions?

I guess you're just such a catch that all women want you and those that say no are just in denial and waiting for you to "push on" past their "reluctance".

 

[juniper]

Like I said, Alix, I was discreet, had coffee with her and that was it. And making a mountain out of a molehill like "Island Guy" does just to dissipate his considerable hostility and need for attention detracts from what could be, could have been, a pretty interesting discussion.

 

[juniper]

There are no absolutes here, Alix. If you are discreet, not invasive, cause no harm, then you could do pretty much as you please. I don't buy the extreme politically correct line that I often find here on PERB, incidentally. I don't buy into it. I find it false, unreal. Many people do advocate such a stunted liberalism. We, in Canada and the USA, are in love with our bubbleheaded liberalism so much so that no act is real, everything must be "correct", just "so". And I'm sure, Alix, that you, too, have done things which have not fitted into such a correct and polite and unspontaneous way of acting. I think your false moral superiority which is beginning to show. Well, for certain, you're not the gal for me nor am I the guy for you. It's okay.

 

[island-guy]

Showing up at her work is something you've admitted to, but you could just as easily have scared or created any number of problems for that girl t you were there.. Despite you saying she was happy to see you, what did you do ti shield her from the possibility you would be in some way doing her a disservice or scaring her

In his original post, he even admitted that his showing up there made her uncomfortable, but then she agreed to meet him for coffee.

Uh duh.. she probably would have agreed to just about anything to get him the hell out of there before he outed her. She was probably terrified but this moron just can't see it.

 

[island-guy]

There are no absolutes here, Alix. If you are discreet, not invasive, cause no harm, then you could do pretty much as you please. I don't buy the extreme politically correct line that I often find here on PERB, incidentally. I don't buy into it. I find it false, unreal. Many people do advocate such a stunted liberalism. We, in Canada and the USA, are in love with our bubbleheaded liberalism so much so that no act is real, everything must be "correct", just "so". And I'm sure, Alix, that you, too, have done things which have not fitted into such a correct and polite and unspontaneous way of acting. I think your false moral superiority which is beginning to show. Well, for certain, you're not the gal for me nor am I the guy for you. It's okay.

Wow, you actually do need serious professional mental health help.

I hope you get it before someone gets hurt.

Go back to taking your meds, for everyone's sake

 

[juniper]

Island Guy -- You continue to make assumptions without needed information and your attacks only tell me that you lack any worthwhile work.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

I am an extremely privileged individual. There is really no need for me to be doing this work - I have a "normal" part-time job that I enjoy, I have scholarships from my university, and I come from an upper middle class family that always has a room waiting for me if I need it. I think that says a lot about my involvement with this industry - I truly choose to be involved in it. If I didn't like it, I would just quit. I have enough money to support myself quite comfortably for several years, and I have a university degree. I have a lot of options. I stay in this job because it is still fulfilling for me, even after almost 5 years, and because it provides me with an opportunity to get ahead financially in a way that I would never be able to otherwise. I am in a far better financial situation than any of my friends under the age of 30.

When I first got involved, I just wanted a job that paid decently and that didn't require a huge commitment. What I hated about working in retail was that I needed to ask permission to go away for the weekend, and for all my efforts, I was treated like a child/imbecile and paid only $8/hr. It was a soul-killing experience. I felt that I was an extremely competent person and wanted to manage my own affairs without having to ask, beg, grovel for a 50 cent raise, or a weekend off, or to get someone to cover my shift if I was sick. I found it extremely degrading and I pity everyone who works in retail. I am the nicest customer because I know how horrible it is to do that job.

Being sexually open-minded, work in adult entertainment seemed like a good option for me, and it turned out that it was. I could choose my own clients, work whenever I felt like it, take time off for weeks if I was working on a big essay, buy nice presents for Christmas and birthdays, go on amazing vacations, etc.

As mentioned previously, I do have a university degree already, and there are many other jobs I could do if I wanted to. Why would I leave this job when I am still so happy with it? Before each and every session, I remind myself how important the work is - the man I'm about to meet might have saved up for a year to see me, or could have spent months deciding on who his first companion would be, or it could be his birthday treat to himself, or it could be the first time he's had sex in 5 years. I always remind myself how special and important the experience might be so that I never think of someone as just an easy $300. While I do find the work easy for the most part, that doesn't mean I'm lazy about it. I put a lot of thought into being attentive, kind, and open-minded because I think sexual intimacy is quite special and can sometimes make people feel vulnerable and nervous.

It's really an incredible job for those who are suited to it, and I wish that was recognized by all the people who rally against sex work and - despite evidence to the contrary - insist that it is a demeaning occupation for all women in all circumstances. The industry is a lot more nuanced than that.

I myself have a university degree and I know of several others who do as well, and unless you actually do something with them, they can become close to meaningless. A university degree in and of itself is just a first step and will allow you a few opportunities you otherwise wouldn't have access to on the basis that it shows you have determination, commitment to finishing something, and presumably the ability to think, but if you can't parlay this into some kind of career opportunity for yourself it can be close to meaningless from an economic standpoint.

That said, money and a university degree, could translate into opportunity if you go about it the right way. For me personally, being self employed and having a business/economic/accounting background have been great.

As far as the rest of this thread is concerned it seems to follow a certain path that most threads do. They start out reasonably civilized and then the mud slinging starts and then it quickly becomes a waste of time. To bad as a perb community we couldn't rise above this constant pattern.