Revealing Your Fetish to Your Partner?

[Holly Taylor]

I realize there are many different kinds of fetishes. And sometimes they aren't fetishes, but merely preferences. I'm wondering if you've ever revealed a fetish or strong preference to your partner, and how it went?

This question is inspired by an advice column I read recently. You can find the article here:

http://life.salon.com/2011/11/25/i_cross_dress_and_my_wife_doesnt_know/singleton/

Here is a partial excerpt:

I’m a 40-year-old male that has been married for 19 years. It has been about as good as it gets except … I have a lingerie fetish that I have been trying to repress since I was a teenager. It ebbs and flows, but I can’t remember going over a couple of months without putting on something satin, typically panties, but I love adding thigh-highs and a satin nightie if available. I realize I look ridiculous, but it feels great against the skin, and mentally brings on a sense of relief, calm and arousal.

Over the last few years I have had a couple of same-sex experiences and a dominatrix that specialized in forced fem. It was all good, but the dominatrix was best. In all of those cases it felt good to be accepted with my secret and not to feel like a freak.

I have tried to share this side of me with my wife a couple of times over the years, but she is not having any of it. The last time I slipped on her thong, she got mad and said, “Never do that again, I don’t want you to stretch them out.” I then went on a two-month drought before she let me touch her again. She never mentioned it, but it was chilly. She is a great mother and wife, and I do love her, but I can’t repress my fetish despite trying several things.

Do I just accept my fetish, enjoy it safely, and keep my secret to myself? Or wait four more years when the last child is off to college, tell her about it, and give her the option to leave or accept it? If she reacts badly, I will need to be able to move out of state and probably lose my family because I’m certain she would advertise in the paper to humiliate me, and they would all stop talking to me. And that’s just the best case.

If a woman would doll me up and play with toys on occasion, I would be in heaven. I’m just not sure that exists.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

I realize there are many different kinds of fetishes. And sometimes they aren't fetishes, but merely preferences. I'm wondering if you've ever revealed a fetish or strong preference to your partner, and how it went?

This question is inspired by an advice column I read recently. You can find the article here:

http://life.salon.com/2011/11/25/i_cross_dress_and_my_wife_doesnt_know/singleton/

Here is a partial excerpt:

nope, never expressed it verbally nor had an urge to live it out - but i get quite turned on by those pics of ladies all trussed up

must be the cowboy in me... lol

 

[blazejowski]

My SO is as vanilla as they come in the bedroom - hence why I enjoy the company of SPs - they help me "iron my kinks out"

 

[Aeiyah]

I realize there are many different kinds of fetishes. And sometimes they aren't fetishes, but merely preferences. I'm wondering if you've ever revealed a fetish or strong preference to your partner, and how it went?

I'm fortunate to have a partner who is open-minded and is willing to try many things at least once. We both have an understanding that if there is something that the other is uncomfortable with or just not their cup of tea, as long as it's legal and involves consensual adults, then we can pursue it with others. Reaching this point didn't happen overnight, though, it developed over-time after years of discussion about boundaries and limits.

 

[the old maxx50]

I actually don't thing i have that many odd cravings .... But i am not in any relationship .. so I allways saw the girls that were more open minded so we could try new things ... New to me anyways ..

I am not sure where i am going to find . 40 something lady that likes sex any where any time,, is up for trying new positions ,i would like to try at least 100 different one before cease up completely ... and i love them to dress up in some of those sexy leathers corsets and thongs p, [play with toys.. Oh and then there is taking sexy pic...... It seems the only place that all will happen is with and Escort ...But once it become a relationship it all stops :0(

 

[PlayfulAlex]

So, talk about that shit very early, and be completely open. If she's worth your time, not only will she listen and in the language of Dan Savage, be GGG, but she might even like it, god forbid.

Well said, RC...it's much better to share your needs and find out the truth early on since, if things don't work out, it gives you the chance to keep looking for the right one, who will accept you.

And whether she enjoys it or not, it also gives her the chance to make a decision about you. Maybe she'll be open-minded enough to say that it's not her thing, but you can go ahead and indulge it without her.

I know a couple that is very open to each other's needs. He has infrequent D/s urges, while she's not into that scene at all. If the urge comes up, and a party's available, she and I can have a girls night out while he's playing. She holds no hard feelings against him, and she's glad he got his kink out! Mind you, it's his 3rd marriage, so he probably had the same problem in previous marriages, and had to find the right lady...