Possible midlife crisis? What do ido?

[Team110]

Hey guys and girls. I've noticed that I've been going through alot of emotional changes and and desires over the last year. I'm just approaching 40 and feel like I'm searching for something to fill an empty space although I don't know what it is.

I've been married 17 years, have had only two sexual partners and now wanting to experience sex with other women more than ever. I haven't yet seen an SP as I keep going back and forth weather or not I should commit or wonder if this is something that will make me feel better about my life. I've just recently met some wonderful women in the industry at a gettogether and it was so fresh and exciting, something that I am craving for right now.

However, I have an amazing wife that loves me, we have a great relationship, and my son is my whole world. The thought of the possibility of losing my family for my own greed scares the shit out of me. My father left my family when I was quite young, I'm suspecting to a midlife crisis, to devote his life to the church because he was afraid of dieing. I've been on cipralex and wellbutrin for the last 4 years for depression and just not really sure were to go from here.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

 

[sybian]

I'd give anything to have a wife ,and a son..........Sometimes you may need to look at what you have,and how long it took to build. That is what you risk losing.

 

[Team110]

I am very lucky to have to have an amazing partner and I am absolutely grateful and don't want anything to ruin what I have. I'm at the crossroads and having an inner struggle.

Maybe I should just spend the money on a new motorbike instead

 

[badbadboy]

See a counsellor and talk it through with them.

The free advice you get on the internet may be the same, free and not necessarily the best for you.

 

[resercher]

hum dont think i have ever had one of those must be becase i bad at math and not so shure about when my life is suposed to realisticaly end . You mentiond two things that sounded like anti depreshon drugs.

you said" I've been on cipralex and wellbutrin for the last 4 years for depression " I have no idea what those are however

First thing i would do is research the side efect of those drugs. Here is a link to a book that might help . http://www.alibris.com/Worst-Pills-...-Adults-Should-Not-Use-183-Safer-Alternatives.

Your queston was if this is something that will make you feel better about your life. I don't know you or your personal value system so I can't answer that. This is a hobby and should be treated as such lLke any hobby it can be both an improvment to your life or ruin it But it will not fix any problems you may have with your life . . Ie One man may like stamp colecting as a mild hobby and another man may become so obbessed with stamp colecting that he ends up homeless and in debt becase he purchased more stamps than he can aford.

have you herd the song by rupert homes pina Coloda here are the lyrics

Rupert Holmes

Pina Colada Lyrics

I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape."

I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape

repeat chorus twice and fade out
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/pinacoladalyrics.html

My sugestion being that perhaps ask your wife if she would be interested in an open marrage .

If you dont want to do that and still want to see a sp read this thread for some sugestions as to how to as a Married man not get caught by your wife with it. However I warn you nothing is fool proof and unless you have a good prenuptual agreement you should be prepaird for what to do if you do get caught by your wife.

http://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread...on-sense-To-some-not-(&highlight=common+sense

 

[luvsdaty]

Hey guys and girls. I've noticed that I've been going through alot of emotional changes and and desires over the last year. I'm just approaching 40 and feel like I'm searching for something to fill an empty space although I don't know what it is.

I've been married 17 years, have had only two sexual partners and now wanting to experience sex with other women more than ever. I haven't yet seen an SP as I keep going back and forth weather or not I should commit or wonder if this is something that will make me feel better about my life. I've just recently met some wonderful women in the industry at a gettogether and it was so fresh and exciting, something that I am craving for right now.

However, I have an amazing wife that loves me, we have a great relationship, and my son is my whole world. The thought of the possibility of losing my family for my own greed scares the shit out of me. My father left my family when I was quite young, I'm suspecting to a midlife crisis, to devote his life to the church because he was afraid of dieing. I've been on cipralex and wellbutrin for the last 4 years for depression and just not really sure were to go from here.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Grass is always greener on the other side buds. True there are guys that cheat on their wives but do you see yourself as that type of guy?Realize that if you do go through with it, that there is the risk of std's and getting caught, falling for an sp.
The guilt that may go with cheating(ever heard of a womans sixth sence?)
You been in this relationship going on twenty years so don't think your wife isn't going to notice any changes in your regular routine, be they changes in mood, hygene or your daily routine.
Ask yourself and be honest, Am i in a loveless marriage? Generally that's why a lot of guys who cheat start seeing an sp.
Good luck with your decision, just be prepared to live with it.
Cheers LD

 

[Sonny]

My sugestion being that perhaps ask your wife if she would be interested in an open marrage.

This suggestion is one I disagree with, as the conversation with your wife would start with the premise that you are dissatisfied with her sexually, and that you need (an)other sex partner(s).

As for seeing a SP, do it not so often and irregularly. Choose girls located at places 20 - 30 minutes from home and work.
Do not repeat regularly with the same SP to avoid being recognized as a frequent entrant into some building.
Be sure you shower at home before leaving for the day. Make sure your choice of SP is not sprayed with a fragrance.
Shower after the deed using liquid soap you've brought with you.... the same brand as you use at home.
Tell absolutely no one that you are pooning. Do not fall for a SP. Use a cover for intercourse with the SP, without exception.
Keep fucking your wife on the same cycle as you do presently.
If you introduce something new into sex with your spouse, you offer sheepishly, "I read it in an article on the web. Do you like it, sweetheart?"

 

[clu]

A number of SPs entertain couples. If you bring your wife in on it... No guilt.

Obviously I know nothing about your wife but we're all human and go through similar things. Who says she wouldn't appreciate a little guilt-free adventure too?

 

[vancity_cowboy]

...I have an amazing wife that loves me, we have a great relationship, and my son is my whole world. The thought of the possibility of losing my family for my own greed scares the shit out of me.

don't do it bud, don't do it...

it would be another thing if she didn't love you, or was less than amazing. but you have something there that WAY fewer than 1% of the population has. don't throw it away

approaching 40 is the time you should be socking your capital away for a robust retirement, not filling 20-something-years-old's stockings with trinkets to make yer cock feel good

you've gotten some stellar advice above - read it again and again until you understand it

i don't know shit about depression, but i'd be devoting my time towards finding some natural cures rather than the taking the shit the sawbones peddle

 

[Elmore]

This suggestion is one I disagree with, as the conversation with your wife would start with the premise that you are dissatisfied with her sexually, and that you need (an)other sex partner(s).

As for seeing a SP, do it not so often and irregularly. Choose girls located at places 20 - 30 minutes from home and work.
Do not repeat regularly with the same SP to avoid being recognized as a frequent entrant into some building.
Be sure you shower at home before leaving for the day. Make sure your choice of SP is not sprayed with a fragrance.
Shower after the deed using liquid soap you've brought with you.... the same brand as you use at home.
Tell absolutely no one that you are pooning. Do not fall for a SP. Use a cover for intercourse with the SP, without exception.
Keep fucking your wife on the same cycle as you do presently.
If you introduce something new into sex with your spouse, you offer sheepishly, "I read it in an article on the web. Do you like it, sweetheart?"

This guy is a pro. Where was this advice when I needed it back in the day.

I was a jackass though...sleeping with more than one woman from work. Getting caught was inevitable.

If you must cheat then do it discreetly with an escort. You may be surprised to learn the experience with an escort is just okay...definitely not worth throwing your current situation away for. The whole experience can be very anticlimactic but sometimes you just need to get it out of your system.

It comes down to risk vs reward and there are health risks even if you do this with all the safety precautions.

One thing that caught my attention in your post was your comment about how your wife loves you. But do you love her?

 

[Team110]

Love her? Absolutely! She is an amazing person and we've been through very hard times and pushed through it together supporting each other through it all. Like I said, I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life.

 

[Elmore]

Love her? Absolutely! She is an amazing person and we've been through very hard times and pushed through it together supporting each other through it all. Like I said, I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life.

Nuff said. Seems like a no brainer to me.

Take this advice....don't go on leolist, close your account here and take up golf.

There's no point in tempting yourself to do something that you will regret. An hour of sex with someone who doesn't genuinely care about you isnt worth the potential for a ruined family.

 

[addicted2lov]

What would she say if she would find that you are banging someone else? With or without money.

Is there a way to tell talk to her - maybe explain the situation like, look, honey, I'm loosing it, I need some extra spice.

You don't have to tell her that your are going to see an SP as just the idea of an SP makes some people gross out (mostly because they don't know anything about it but that's another story). You can tell her just like that - I'm going through a crisis, I need your help otherwise hell can happen. If she loves you truly, she will understand. If she doesn't understand maybe she needs to be reminded that men don't work the same way as women and this is about your needs and not necessarily that you're bored of her or don't love her or she is not good enough, etc.

Once and ONLY IF you get her acceptance - you gotta be really careful here - and if she really wants to know you can try telling her that you have a date with someone that you met on POF or something like that. Most women though may say: I don't want to know what you do, just don't bring any STD home and don't get her pregnant - that kind of thing. Give it a few weeks and be patient. If she really wants to know the details then tell her you've met someone and had sex, etc. Make a fake story with details if needed. That is when you will really know if she's cool with the whole thing. Some women won't stand the idea you touched someone else, they will get distant, get a revenge fuck, go mental, will file for divorce in secret, etc. So if you are testing her through the whole scenario and you see she is loosing it you can always reverse and say - honey I lied to you I didn't meet anybody I just wanted to see if you're really cool and you really love me and you can really accept this.

 

[booblover]

Hey maybe stop taking your meds so that when your amazing finds out you have ruined your marriage because you think something MAY be missing in your life, at least you can call back on the sorry ass excuse if being off your meds.....
Read what you wrote about your family life. If that doesn't tell you your answer then visit your Dr and ask him to increase your meds as you are still making decisions like a depressed self centered child

 

[wetnose]

You got it good, my friend....a wife who loves you and a great little kid. Why spoil it? This hobby is no guarantee - I've seen lots of women in the hobby over the years and my batting average is about .3. You can get bait & switch, poor chemistry, her having a bad day, etc etc. Really outstanding memorable performances are rare.

If she finds out and splits, then you're gonna need even MORE anti-depressants because trust me, the lone monger's life is no fun. The single scene is pretty desolate after 40.

 

[sdw]

Hey guys and girls. I've noticed that I've been going through alot of emotional changes and and desires over the last year. I'm just approaching 40 and feel like I'm searching for something to fill an empty space although I don't know what it is.

I've been married 17 years, have had only two sexual partners and now wanting to experience sex with other women more than ever. I haven't yet seen an SP as I keep going back and forth weather or not I should commit or wonder if this is something that will make me feel better about my life. I've just recently met some wonderful women in the industry at a gettogether and it was so fresh and exciting, something that I am craving for right now.

However, I have an amazing wife that loves me, we have a great relationship, and my son is my whole world. The thought of the possibility of losing my family for my own greed scares the shit out of me. My father left my family when I was quite young, I'm suspecting to a midlife crisis, to devote his life to the church because he was afraid of dieing. I've been on cipralex and wellbutrin for the last 4 years for depression and just not really sure were to go from here.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Both Cipralex and Wellbutrin can cause lack of interest in sex. So before you go burning bridges, talk to your doctor about the side effects. Wellbutrin also comes with the warning that it can cause suicidal thoughts. Cipralex is known to cause "slowness/dullness" as a side effect.

Also, your wife is probably aware that you are having problems. Think about having the discussion with your doctor with your wife present.

Paying for sex isn't going to solve the side effects of your medications.

 

[luvsdaty]

Something you need to think about, and that's your kid. Cus if you do this and you get caught?????? Well lets just say a woman scorned will make you rue the day you were born, you haven't seen bat shit crazy until you've given a woman a reason to hold a grudge against you, and cheating with an sp if you get caught.
Well lets just say you won't be seeing much of that little boy you love so much. Sorry to fuck you up with the truth my man but as fun as this hobby is, a lot of times it sucks and it gets boring just like anything else.

 

[Team110]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad I have this forum to throw down my thoughts as I really don't know who to talk to about my situation. Reading everything let's me really reflect on what is the most important thing in my life and having everyones input definetly helps me process my thoughts. it's very clear what my choice should be and it will be another journey to work through this one. I'm grateful I got to meet some of the ladies in the industry as I had a ton of fun (even without the sex). Maybe I should paety with sp's more often! But probably not the best idea.

 

[Team110]

You know what's funny, I've listened to the pina colada song so many times but never paid attention to the lyrics. I had no idea that's what it was about.

 

[frisky business]

What have you read about spicing up your sex life with your beloved?

I had a GF who liked to try new things at her initiative. I'm pretty sure she was getting her ideas from a book called: "101 Naughty Things You And Your Partner Can Do In Bed" or somethng like that.

I say try that. Search online and in the sex section of a big bookstore. Then give it to her for Christmas with a smile, a wink and a kiss. It could be that e everything you crave, and more, is literally under your nose.

Regarding the meds I believe that all of the SSRI class of antidepressants (Paxil, Prozak, etc.) get in tne way of sexual desire and/or function.