A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back into the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife."
Pooners try this!
- Thread starter Randy Whorewald
- Start date
Here's another couple of tricks.
What's the difference between "guts" and "balls"? Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next."
What's the difference between "guts" and "balls"? Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next."
A man comes home one day to find her wife royally getting fucked by some guy.
The man then proceeds to beat the shit out of the guy and drags his ass into the garage where the offender's penis is quickly clamped and locked between a pair of vice grips.
The offender said "Let me guess you are going to cut my dick off with a dull butter knife for fucking your wife."
The husband replies "No, I am going outside then setting fire to the garage ... YOU are going to cut your dick off with a dull butter knife."
The man then proceeds to beat the shit out of the guy and drags his ass into the garage where the offender's penis is quickly clamped and locked between a pair of vice grips.
The offender said "Let me guess you are going to cut my dick off with a dull butter knife for fucking your wife."
The husband replies "No, I am going outside then setting fire to the garage ... YOU are going to cut your dick off with a dull butter knife."
