part II, cheating on my regular and asking for reference, opinions please.

[Oslo]

ok long story short, updating first thread that went lost in a cloud of off topic stuff.

basically, asked for some advice, got great opinions from providers and pooners about being hesitant to ask a regular for a reference. new to doing this, worried about maybe negatively affecting the relationship with regular. after opinions from all I sent this text.

"hello beautiful (insert name), I was wondering if it is ok to put ur name down as reference. I wanted to visit a provider who is from venus and ive never been with a venetian. in no way am I unhappy with u. I adore u. thank u for ur time, regards Oslo"

so its only been a few days since I sent it but my regular always responds within 24 hrs, how many more days should I wait before I contact my regular again and ask. I can understand she maybe busy. should I ask again the same way or a different one. any suggestions?

thanks again every one who responded to thread 1 and this thread.


https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthrea...ular-and-asking-for-reference-opinions-please

 

[uncleg]

ok long story short, updating first thread that went lost in a cloud of off topic stuff.

basically, asked for some advice, got great opinions from providers and pooners about being hesitant to ask a regular for a reference. new to doing this, worried about maybe negatively affecting the relationship with regular. after opinions from all I sent this text.

"hello beautiful (insert name), I was wondering if it is ok to put ur name down as reference. regards Oslo"

so its only been a few days since I sent it but my regular always responds within 24 hrs, how many more days should I wait before I contact my regular again and ask. I can understand she maybe busy. should I ask again the same way or a different one. any suggestions?

thanks again every one who responded to thread 1 and this thread.


https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthrea...ular-and-asking-for-reference-opinions-please

Before this turns into another cloud of lets pick on sybian....I made a change to your message to what I think it should have been. You are in a business relationship, treat it as such. She is. The way you had it written it's like the the guy/gal that says "I'm not a racist but...."and then he enlists you in the Klan.

 

[steverino]

I am not surprised that your provider responds quicker when you are requesting an appointment to spend money on her than when you make a request to have her help you spend money on a competitor. I suggest not asking again and figure out another way to get your new lady of interest to see you. Perhaps she can join perb and view your posts and you can pm her. To be perfectly honest you seem to be intent on pissing off your current regular.

 

[ElsiDawson]

I am not surprised that your provider responds quicker when you are requesting an appointment to spend money on her than when you make a request to have her help you spend money on a competitor. I suggest not asking again and figure out another way to get your new lady of interest to see you. Perhaps she can join perb and view your posts and you can pm her. To be perfectly honest you seem to be intent on pissing off your current regular.

We're not in competition for clients, steverino. Gas stations are in competition. Telus and Shaw are in competition. Different bands playing different sets at different venues aren't in competition. The concept might be a little easier to grasp if you consider women and service providers to be multidimensional people instead of just interchangeable unfueling stations.


As for you, Oslo, not replying is an answer. She's telling you she's not interested in providing a reference, otherwise she'd have jumped on it. Read into that what you will.

 

[steverino]

Lawyers and accountants are multidimensional people and they compete for clients. Personal trainers are multidimensional people and they compete for clients. There is nothing demeaning about competition and people can compete in friendly and ethical ways.

 

[P3t3rp4n]

In my honest opinion, she didn’t like you as much as you liked her. Thus she’s probably won’t give you a reference.

 

[felixthecat]

Lawyers and accountants are multidimensional people and they compete for clients. Personal trainers are multidimensional people and they compete for clients. There is nothing demeaning about competition and people can compete in friendly and ethical ways.

Well said.

I think the multidimensional aspect increases the chances of an internal conflict, if anything.

Can she be personally attracted to a client? Probably not much, but who knows.
Can she feel less secure / less desirable if a regular strays? Quite possibly.
Is she worried about the money? She might. And it's not just the money, it's the extra effort of getting new client(s) and extra risk dealing with new people.
Can she direct her rage to a competitor who "steals" her client? Not common, but it happens.

Now she hopefully remembers it's not a committed relationship and the regular owes her nothing. And that being polite works better than drama. And exchanging references is for the benefit of all the SPs. And she should wish well to all the other people.
Multidimensional people will have more factors affecting their decision, it is hard to predict.

 

[Stamkos]

Oslo, you’ve beaten this one to death. She’s clearly sending you a message that she’s not going to be a reference. The reason doesn’t matter and she doesn’t owe you an explanation.

Go down your list of reputable SP’s. Find one you can see without a reference. After a few good sessions with her ask for a reference.

It’s now time to move along....

 

[luvsdaty]

Oslo, you’ve beaten this one to death. She’s clearly sending you a message that she’s not going to be a reference. The reason doesn’t matter and she doesn’t owe you an explanation.

Go down your list of reputable SP’s. Find one you can see without a reference. After a few good sessions with her ask for a reference.

It’s now time to move along....

^^^^^^^this, time to stop beating this dead horse and move on partner. Move on to the next one on your wish list.

 

[felixthecat]

she doesn’t owe you an explanation

She kind of does. I mean, a failure to reply looks selfish and inconsiderate. She could have at least said "I don't provide references", with still leads to "no problem, I'll look for references elsewhere".

 

[ElsiDawson]

She kind of does. I mean, a failure to reply looks selfish and inconsiderate. She could have at least said "I don't provide references", with still leads to "no problem, I'll look for references elsewhere".

She doesn't. Owe him. Anything.
He bought time, they had time, end.

She is not in his debt.

 

[Chacha]

I agree with Elsi. It would be the same if you were to contact a new SP for an appointment and she doesn’t respond. You move on, because she is not interested for whatever reason that may be. All one can do is ask politely and if the answer is no or no answer whatsoever, so be it.

Chacha

 

[johnnydepth]

Move on. Plenty of other ladies to see. If she requires a reference and you are having a difficult time getting one move on. If you feel your regular isn't willing to respond I would dump her too.
If you wanted to put an effort into something get a girlfriend or wife.
I'm not waiting in line at McDonald's when I know there is a Burger King on the next block.

 

[CanineCowboy]

She doesn't. Owe him. Anything.
He bought time, they had time, end.

She is not in his debt.

By convention, if a customer contacts a business with a question or request, a reply is expected, it is not about 'owing' or being 'indebt', it is a standard business practice (and to be fair to Felix, I think that is what he implied).

A nonresponse, delayed response, flakey response ... reflects on the sex worker, the same thing with reliability and punctuality.

At times I find it bizarre that some sex workers feel there is some kind of exceptionalism to the industry which excuses them from regular responsibilities/conventions and I think that attitude possibly works counter to destigmatising, legitimizing and normalizing sex work.

 

[felixthecat]

At times I find it bizarre that some sex workers feel there is some kind of exceptionalism to the industry which excuses them from regular responsibilities/conventions and I think that attitude possibly works counter to destigmatising, legitimizing and normalizing sex work.

Agreed. In my turn, to clarify CC's words, I'm assuming we are talking in the context of the OP's situation. A regular paying customer, not having done anything wrong to our knowledge, can expect some respect both from personal and business perspectives. Also one can hope for solidarity with other workers, who wonder why the potential customers are not providing references.

It is far off from saying all SPs should reply all the messages. When contacting somebody for the first time, I fully understand the issues with anonymity and time wasters. I wouldn't read much into a lack of the first reply, and may try again in a few weeks. There can be also technical issues or a valid policy of not replying texts after a certain time, but it does not seem to be the OP's case.