New jokes

[Massagegirl]

Compliments of phone girl again...

This one might be considered not politically correct but is very cute so here goes

How to pass an immigration test in Canada...

Mujibar was trying to get into Canada legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed most of the required tests, but there is one more compulsory test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter Canada."

Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."

The Officer said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works at a Telus or Dell help desk.

 

[Massagegirl]

Don't adjust your mind - There's a fault in reality.

The National Poetry Contest had come down to 2 semifinalists:

A Yale graduate and a Newfoundlander. They were given a single word, then
allowed two minutes to come up with a poem that contained that word.

The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'.

First to recite his poem was the Yale Graduate. He stepped up to the
microphone & said.....!

SLOWLY ACROSS THE DESERT SAND
TREKKED A LONELY CARAVAN
MEN ON CAMELS, TWO BY TWO
DESTINATION - TIMBUKTU!!

The crowd went crazy! No way could the Newfie top that they thought.

The Newfoundlander calmly made his way to the microphone and recited....

ME AND TIM A HUNTIN' WENT
MET THREE WHORES IN A POP-UP TENT
THEY WAS THREE, AND WE WAS TWO...
SO I BUCKED ONE, AND TIMBUKTU!!

The Newfie won hands down!!

 

[Massagegirl]

And she goes for the Hat trick

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not, you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says:

"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

 

[Massagegirl]

And one more...since I'm leaving soon for my trip to Drumheller "lake" by now.

USRS Forces:

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-Man elite fighting unit called the U . S . REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF).

These North Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and will have been given only the following facts about the Terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK.

 

[Massagegirl]

I lied, this is the last one!

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off! Angrily, the woman tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12-year-old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away with her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his 12-year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies," It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

Take care y'all, I'll be back soon!