That article caused my perverted mind to dredge up a long-forgotten memory of an article in the British journal New Scientist over twenty years ago. New Scientist is a highly regarded publication filled with papers and articles written by leading researchers and academics, but every once in a while, they slip in an article on the lighter side.
One such article was on men and boys who use vacuum cleaners as masturbation devices, and the injuries that sometimes result. I don't recall many of the details, but one injury stands out in my mind. A man decided that he wasn't getting enough suction from the hose, so he decided to stick his dick directly into the machine intake. He apparently never thought about all the moving parts within one penis length of the opening, and the result was severe cuts and lacerations (OUCH!!) to Mr. Happy, as well as permanent impairment of its performance.
BTW, despite his obvious stupidity, I still have some sympathy for the kid in the article. First, he suffers a painful injury and has to endure the embarrassment and humiliation of explaining the circumstances to medical personnel. Then, to top it all off, his name appears in a publication and is splashed all over the internet!