Well met this lady online,we became friends talked quit a bit.I suppose we talked for months,well one day she says we should meet,because she has a daughter,and she going camping with her school class.I agree to meet,and she says no big expectations,just meeting up as friends,that cool with me.So we meet spend a few hours together it goes well but in my mind,friends is what I like to stay with her.I tell her call you soon and make my way home,I wait for about a week to call her,and now we dont talk much since that meeting.I really thought of her as a friend that I can confide in,but maybe she wanted more not sure,what do you ladies think.
looking for some advice
- Thread starter maximus
- Start date
Waiting a week to call her was really a sign that she might never be more than a friend. Obviously that is how you felt and reacted. But I am not sure how many new friends these gals want. Many are looking for deep friendship and maybe eventually a serious relationship. And maybe your way is best though, deep relationships often come from good friendships first, so play it as you well. If she remains cool or refuses another meeting, move on.
imho, a week is too long to wait to call after some time spent together. even with my male buddies i don't wait a week to get in touch with them to talk about a fishing trip or a hunting trip or a drinking trip we went on. i think that week was too long a period of time if you wanted to keep her as a buddy, especially as she is female
i think she views that week as a snub, and has reacted in a predictable manner
better luck with the next one
It's the year 2012, texting and email is your friend. Texting especially is a great way to pop in a "hi how are you doing?". Sometimes these develope into actual conversations (maybe even a call if there is alot to say), but is non-comital enough that it can just be a short exchange and everyone goes on their merry little way, maybe even feeling a little better. Was no real need to wait that long (doesn't everyone like a text from their sp after or the day after their session?); at leas now you know right?
Since you used to talk "all the time" yea an extended period without communication probably left her feeling snubbed (especially after a first meeting). However it should not have completly wrecked any chance of friendship, you should just look at like you're back a few steps and continue on from there. If she doesn't respond well then either she wants something else or requires (imho) too much attention. I don't think with friends I should have to talk to them all the time, nor them to me (seems very needy to me). Heck I've got good friends that I haven't spoken too in a month (I don't live there anymore) but if we get together nothing is different.
Since you used to talk "all the time" yea an extended period without communication probably left her feeling snubbed (especially after a first meeting). However it should not have completly wrecked any chance of friendship, you should just look at like you're back a few steps and continue on from there. If she doesn't respond well then either she wants something else or requires (imho) too much attention. I don't think with friends I should have to talk to them all the time, nor them to me (seems very needy to me). Heck I've got good friends that I haven't spoken too in a month (I don't live there anymore) but if we get together nothing is different.
To me, it sounds like there was a mutual cooling-of-enthusiasm. You didn't call her, and she didn't really miss you.
I have a theory about why this is one of the problems with meeting online:
Our brains are so eager to seek answers to the mysteries of life that, while we're talking to this new person, we are conjuring up an identity of them in our minds. We use every bit of information they give us (photo, hair colour, eyes, h, w, etc), and add that to the masses of information we have in our heads, and we create a living, breathing human in our mind's eye.
The longer we wait to actually meet each other in person, the more solid this self-created identity is. Meanwhile, every time we're on the phone with this imaginary person, we "see them' as we've created them (and not as they really are).
Then, when you meet in person (and let's be honest, people that use online dating often have self-confidence issues), this person looks, acts, and moves NOTHING LIKE the person you've created in your mind. We suffer a huge disappointment.
So there's this disappointment to deal with, along with the generally difficult task of two human beings finding similar chemistry and attraction motives to continue and move forward with the establishment of some kind of relationship (even if it's just fuck buddies).
I hope that made sense...this transition from who you are to each other online and in your minds, to present day reality upon physically meeting, is dicey at best.
I'm sure, for some people, they wish they had never actually met, and rather, just got to keep their fantasy person in their mind.
Reality can be a bitch! :nod:
I have a theory about why this is one of the problems with meeting online:
Our brains are so eager to seek answers to the mysteries of life that, while we're talking to this new person, we are conjuring up an identity of them in our minds. We use every bit of information they give us (photo, hair colour, eyes, h, w, etc), and add that to the masses of information we have in our heads, and we create a living, breathing human in our mind's eye.
The longer we wait to actually meet each other in person, the more solid this self-created identity is. Meanwhile, every time we're on the phone with this imaginary person, we "see them' as we've created them (and not as they really are).
Then, when you meet in person (and let's be honest, people that use online dating often have self-confidence issues), this person looks, acts, and moves NOTHING LIKE the person you've created in your mind. We suffer a huge disappointment.
So there's this disappointment to deal with, along with the generally difficult task of two human beings finding similar chemistry and attraction motives to continue and move forward with the establishment of some kind of relationship (even if it's just fuck buddies).
I hope that made sense...this transition from who you are to each other online and in your minds, to present day reality upon physically meeting, is dicey at best.
I'm sure, for some people, they wish they had never actually met, and rather, just got to keep their fantasy person in their mind.
Reality can be a bitch! :nod:
I didnt quote your whole post Alex, but I totally agree with you.
The feeling was mutual.
Also, I think it's best to meet early before you have time to conjure an identity for the other person.
However, some people enjoy the whole conjuring process and online fantasy relationship.
I'd agree with that too, Hoops, you must meet right away, if you think there's any inkling of potential interest in each other. I wouldn't even give it a week.
I've known more people that got to know someone far away, saved up the money and eventually took a plane to meet them, and came back SO disappointed with the whole experience. I even met one couple who decided to meet halfway on a cruise ship (how romantic?) and the entire trip was a disaster from start to finish.
