How do you find your other half?

[a_shy_guy]

Well, I have hit that time in my life where I figure i'm no longer going to be young forever. Despite being only 23, I have been through a lot of traumatic events in my life. From my family turning their backs on me and kicking me out at 14, to nearly having to file for bankruptcy, coming within inches of losing my life, or my job, it has made me into the person that I am today. I am well on my way of finishing off my trade, and going back to university within the next few years. I own my own car(3 of them actually), have a down payment set aside for the house of my dream. I am pretty much the envy of a lot of people that I work with since they don't have half of what I have at my age. No drug addictions, no criminal records, no illegal activities of any sort is the type of image I show the world of me as and I try and keep it that way. I did not get spoon fed like a lot of people I know, I fed myself with whatever I can and plan to keep it that way.

After a conversation that I had with a friend just after my 23rd birthday and my parents the other day, I looked in the mirror, and I saw myself for the first time from a different perspective. I realized that behind the exterior, is just an unhappy man inside. My closest friends all agree that I use work to shelter myself from having a fun and meeting new people like they did at my age. While they were all going broke drinking, partying and having fun, I worked and accumulated wealth. I find myself envying them because they did everything that I always wanted to do. They envy me because I made all the right choices in life that lead me to where I am today. I realized that I have hit the jackpot in a sense, but I feel as if I failed in life.

I'm 23, single, and have only even been in one relationship in my life. I am putting an honest effort into looking for a girl but its just not working. My friends on the other hand that had fun when they were young, have no problems finding them at all. I have no idea where to even begin looking anymore. I tried some online sites that have worked for my friends and some family members, but failed miserably. I don't want to live with the whole 'it will happen when it happens' so I haven't given up yet. Does anyone have any suggestions on meeting others?

 

[a_shy_guy]

I suggest you get out and have some fun, do not rub in your success to others especially women, you may attract the wrong kind. Spend sometime with friends and socialize.

You are only 23, you are still young. You have lots of life and time to find the right girl. Do not seek her out, it should just happen, fall into place. As for dating sites I have heard horror stories from those. Be who you are. Good Luck.

I am making an effort to create more time with friends and to socialize by cutting back hours at work, and side jobs. Hopefully I can start going out a bit more now. I don't rub in my success in others, they just comment on how I plan everything ahead of time and it works in my favor.(feel free to add your input as I might be doing something wrong here)

I know that being 23, I am still young, I have plenty of time on my hands. Its just that I every year, around Christmas time, I feel lonely. My friends tell me its a seasonal thing, so that may be it

 

[a_shy_guy]

Thank you for the kind words. I know I can't just meet someone out of the blue, but hopefully with the changes i'm making, ill meet someone.

 

[maroonedsailor]

my girlfriend is turning 42 in aug, one beautiful woman and still looking. What are you talking about ???

grins - and just where do we find this beautiful, still looking, lovely?

Shy Guy? spend your time being loveable and she'll find you no problem. Be patient - when you quit "looking" is when she'll fall on your head LOL

 

[a_shy_guy]

Shy Guy? spend your time being loveable and she'll find you no problem. Be patient - when you quit "looking" is when she'll fall on your head LOL

That's what a lot of my friends keep telling me, the 'one' will show up when you least expect it, where you least expect it. I know this isn't a fairytale and I know what not to expect. Its just that nothing has really worked for me, and I was wondering if I was doing something wrong the entire time.


I know I should keep my head up, look forward to the next few years of my life where major changes will happen(education/employment related). Its just that its been on the back burner for a while, and until recently, its stuck to the back of my mind and I can't make it go away as easily anymore. I realize that being 23, I have quite a bit of time on my hands, my friends tell me the same thing all the time. I guess I may have just associated their happiness with the fact that almost none of them are single anymore.

 

[a_shy_guy]

Don't. I'm not totally convinced that everyone has an "other half".
It's more important that you find a way to make your life whole and well rounded without someone else.
Good career, good friends, good family, having things in your life that make you say "damned my life is good".

More importantly, don't try to compare yourself with others. Look at what you have and appreciate it, and build on it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find a mirror and repeat exactly what I said to myself.

I am a firm believer in the whole 'there is someone for everyone'

I am capable of looking at myself in the mirrior and saying 'my life is damn good'. I have a great career, great friends, good family and what I need to get by in life. I find that my life can be 'damn good, but I cant be 'happy' at the same time. There is really no 'happy' to 'damn good' ratio in my life, it feels like its one or the other. Being near the point of having to file for bankruptcy, I was 'insanely happy' especially when I met my first girl that all my problems went away on its own. After she left me to go back home(I could have followed her, my future would have been very different though), my problems never came back, but it just left me with the damn good life, but unhappy at the same time.

I know I shouldnt compare myself to others. I know I should appreciate what I have and build upon my foundation. I just can't help but notice how happy my friends are with their significant others, and look back at my past to a time where I was happy.

 

[maroonedsailor]

Happiness and confidence aren't things that other people can give you. I hear and read this all the time. "If so and so was with me, I'd be happy/confident" That's a world of hurt for both you and her. The reality is that you will always be afraid that she will leave and she eventually will because you aren't happy and confident.

Frankly, people that aren't happy and confident are a pain in the ass to be around and everyone eventually gets tired of babysitting them.

A lot of it is unreasonable expectations. We can't all look like Brad Pitt, we can't all have Angela Jolie living with us.

People need to be happy with who they are. People need to be confident that if they educate themselves, dress well, speak well, act well - that the majority of women that they approach will be interested.

Rather than slinking up like a beaten dog, try strutting up and introducing yourself. I've never met a woman that doesn't have something that she didn't spend some time on. So, if you see she just got her hair cut - "hey, love your hair, it looks nice" is likely going to get a positive reaction and a chance to talk. If she's pulled out her suit for a promotion interview - "love the suit, I'd give you the job" will at least make her a little less nervous and maybe put you in her "friends" column.

The trick is to mostly be positive and inject some humor into conversations.

Whatever you do, don't talk about your ex-wife/ex-gf unless she asks. Don't be negative and one-sided when she does ask.

LOL Shy Guy? Listen to Al - I never said you should stay home and wait for her to walk through your front door. It's possible but not likely. the point is that it's kinda like a bank loan - you qualify when you no longer "need" it and if you ask often enough and modify your proposal based on the feedback you get from each rejection then eventually you qualify. In this case it's not money but confidence - impossible to buy but you can earn it by putting yourself out there, taking some risks and learning how you react to being around women. For some it comes naturally and some of us have to work at it until it does.

PS - it's never your 'other half" The equation is 1+1=3 ....... You, me and us - Two complete and whole people and what they have together

 

[a_shy_guy]

Thank you for all the helpful suggestions everyone. I've already cut back on some of my hours, pretty much stopped all my side jobs in an effort to create more time. Just one thing left to do which is get out more now