Just so you all know, its not easy to be an escort and then change to being a working person in the real world. First of all, the schedule is totally different. I have spent the last few years getting up at ten and taking my time in my day. I struggle now to wake up by 6 and nevermind how hard it is to get to bed early enough. These are patterns that are difficult to redirect. Then theres my boyfriend. He only wanted me to get a real job and then I thought everything would be ok. Not the case. I am still doing the odd call to pay rent etc as I haven't been paid yet but why can't he stop treating me like I am a hooker? When will he stop resenting me? When do I get to feel like a real person and get credit for working every day and having such stress about being on time and not dressing too slutty in my all male office and getting respect from my coworkers who may or may not know my previous occup? What kind of man would still cause me stress through this transition? Not one who I have loved for 2 years you'd think. Is he scared now? Does he hate me for being a sp up till now? He is not cooperating and he is just doing whatever he wants to do. Still I need advice on how to fix this.
Does it ever hurt.
- Thread starter onemanwoman
- Start date
Hmmm...I feel for you girl. It sounds like he wants to have it both ways. Too bad. I get a sense that you are feeling used. He will only start respecting you if you stand up for yourself and not allow the unacceptable behavior.
Don't try to GET his respect. DEMAND it!! And if he can't show you genuine respect and love you for who you are AND were then show him the door. - You deseve better then that.
If you still do the odd call then your still a SP, and if he knows about that then maybe that is why he is resentfull.
I dont see why you need to make the odd call every now and then, this is alberta, anyone can make 80k a year with no real education or effort, and if 2 people together with a yearly before tax income of 160k or more need one of them to do "the occasional call" maybe you should simply change how you live.
Maybe HE dosent make enough money to support you and you should be resentful at him for being a lazy douche bag who cant keep you in the life style you are accustomed to?
Why should you have to work a office job anyways? If your going to be with a guy, make sure he loves and respects you and is at least worth a few mill.
Also what kind of woman stays with a guy for 2 years and he is still only your boy friend? GET A RING.
I dont see why you need to make the odd call every now and then, this is alberta, anyone can make 80k a year with no real education or effort, and if 2 people together with a yearly before tax income of 160k or more need one of them to do "the occasional call" maybe you should simply change how you live.
Maybe HE dosent make enough money to support you and you should be resentful at him for being a lazy douche bag who cant keep you in the life style you are accustomed to?
Why should you have to work a office job anyways? If your going to be with a guy, make sure he loves and respects you and is at least worth a few mill.
Also what kind of woman stays with a guy for 2 years and he is still only your boy friend? GET A RING.
Imo.............
...............He should love and respect you know matter what. He obviously fell for you when you were a full time sp so he cannot take issue with it. Sounds to me like he is kinda jealous type. Telling you to quit and all. You should do what you want to do with your life within reason. Sounds like you quitting full time was a sacrifice! What has he sacrificed to put your needs first? For the issue of money people put too much emphasis on it. Who cares what each other makes as long as in a relationship you each give 100% towards it. If you were making more money than I I could handle it as long as we were as a couple working towards a common goal, and future!!!! IMO.
...............He should love and respect you know matter what. He obviously fell for you when you were a full time sp so he cannot take issue with it. Sounds to me like he is kinda jealous type. Telling you to quit and all. You should do what you want to do with your life within reason. Sounds like you quitting full time was a sacrifice! What has he sacrificed to put your needs first? For the issue of money people put too much emphasis on it. Who cares what each other makes as long as in a relationship you each give 100% towards it. If you were making more money than I I could handle it as long as we were as a couple working towards a common goal, and future!!!! IMO.
He wanted you to get a real job.. What about you? Is this what you wanted as well? Would you have done it yourself if he had not requested it?
He won't. His issue is his own, not yours and is likely far from being only about your previous occupation. That's probably the excuse he's used to explain his behavior and put the blame on you and your occupation but in reality, his continued bs shows you it isn't all about that and his issues are a little deeper than that.
When you give yourself credit for it. I understand being hurt by not getting this from the man you love but this is something you should be proud of. Don't wait for his approval...he's not likely to give it that easily. Some ppl like to project how they feel about themselves onto others around them. I'd be willing to bet he isn't all that happy with himself but instead of looking at that, it's much easier to focus and pick at someone else's faults. That isn't likely to change unless he sits down and deals with his own crap.. and that's something you have no control over or cannot change.
An insecure, selfish and unhappy man.
Unless he is cooperating, you can't fix anything on your own, sweetie. Unless he is cooperating, you are wasting time and energy.. giving and not getting anything back in return. If you asked him what you can do do finally please him and get his approval and respect, I'm sure he could name you a bunch of things. Not because you're especially in need of fixing more things than the rest of us btw and I'm sure there's quite a list he could be working on - but the truth is that if you went and changed all the things he could come up with, not only would you be doing it for the wrong reasons and not feeling any better because of it, but I am quite sure you would find yourself in the same situation you are in. Because he will still be feeling shitty about himself and still be putting the blame on you and what (he thinks) you do wrong.
I don't mean to be harsh. And of course may be wrong since I don't know you. But I just wanted to bring up the fact that it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. Just make sure you don't waste your time and self esteem on this if this is the case. And don't bother if you're the only one putting in and not getting cooperation from him. It's always hard to see some things when we're involved in the situation and sometimes it's good to get an outside point of view.
Hope this can help you give it some thought.
Good luck.
Maybe this isn't the right relationship. Or maybe he just can't get it out of his head that you did what you did. if that's the case, it's not your problem, it's his. I'm sure that for 2 years he was with you, he helped spend the money, or at least enjoyed the things you bought.
I have an S/O, and he is very understanding. Any money I make is mine. He doesn't touch it. We own a business, and thats OUR money. He doesn't ask for money, and he doesn't hint. I offer to buy him things once in a while, and he says no.
He is ok with my work. There is the odd time he doesn't want me to work that night and says, "Can we just shut the phone off and spend some time together?" Those days, the phone gets turned off.
What I do is never thrown in my face, and we are both very happy. Like I said, maybe it's not the right relationship. Maybe it's time to think about if the relationship is what you want and if it's worth it, as opposed to HOW CAN I FIX IT.
respect
He either respects you or he does not.
If he does, love him.
If he does not, then ditch him.
to me it sounds like he was not respecting you along the way to now. It would be difficult to try and make him change by changing you. Don't waste time trying, just lay out the options. Respect or gonzo.
Think about yourself, and make sure that you respect you. Make changes to your life for you, not for others.
He either respects you or he does not.
If he does, love him.
If he does not, then ditch him.
to me it sounds like he was not respecting you along the way to now. It would be difficult to try and make him change by changing you. Don't waste time trying, just lay out the options. Respect or gonzo.
Think about yourself, and make sure that you respect you. Make changes to your life for you, not for others.
I still do calls here and there because I don't have any money haha. Basically new job is a once a month payday and I haven't worked a month yet. I am just lucky that my days are short and I have a few hours to get a call in if I really try in the pm. It hasn't happened much but it helps. I know this still titles me an sp but the effort I am putting into not being one should feel better then it does. I am not trying to be a whiner. I know I sound like one.
Tough times
As a pooner, my hobby has given me a great number of opportunities to be intimate with many beautiful women like yourself. But I have never had any desire to get together with any woman who does not willingly want to do so.
I am sure that just as it wasn't easy to begin your career as an sp, it won't be easy to end it. The motivation that you had to begin has obviously worn away and now you are ready to move on in your life away from this activity. I am also sure that you did not truly believe that it was going to be easy to put the past behind you and start a new career. I'm sure it was hard to get the courage to get into being an sp. But you decided to do it and just got through the difficult time and now here you are. Now you need to summon the courage that you had when you started and realize that nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. You will have problems and it will be tempting to revert back to that lifestyle but again use your courage to overcome the temptation to slip back into the lifestyle that you really don't desire anymore. There will always be tough times like when someone who knows about your past makes your life difficult and when you are short on money or even the excitement that your past career sometimes gave you. But you need to look at the benefits of changing your lifestyle versus going back to the old one. It must be very difficult to try to work in an office not knowing what anyone is really thinking or if anyone will find out about your past. It must be also very tempting to use your charms to your advantage on some of the males in your office. But from many years of experience working in offices it would most likely end up not being to your advantage. I have seen many reputations ruined by one evening with a bad decision.
If you make a decision that you want to have that sp kind of lifestyle, then you have every right to do so. But I am sure that you realize that especially for young women, it has much danger and your looks will only hold out for so many years. So, if you have the opportunity to change your lifestyle, don't worry about what some asshole thinks about you, worry about what you think about you. In the end it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. You should be in control of your life and if you are happy, then those around you will sense that and be happy to be around you. If your "boyfriend" is giving you a hard time about quitting then you go back to the lifestyle it will be like he will be controlling you. I am sure that is not what you want. So, unless he is with you, then he is against you and you should deal with him accordingly.
As a pooner, my hobby has given me a great number of opportunities to be intimate with many beautiful women like yourself. But I have never had any desire to get together with any woman who does not willingly want to do so.
I am sure that just as it wasn't easy to begin your career as an sp, it won't be easy to end it. The motivation that you had to begin has obviously worn away and now you are ready to move on in your life away from this activity. I am also sure that you did not truly believe that it was going to be easy to put the past behind you and start a new career. I'm sure it was hard to get the courage to get into being an sp. But you decided to do it and just got through the difficult time and now here you are. Now you need to summon the courage that you had when you started and realize that nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. You will have problems and it will be tempting to revert back to that lifestyle but again use your courage to overcome the temptation to slip back into the lifestyle that you really don't desire anymore. There will always be tough times like when someone who knows about your past makes your life difficult and when you are short on money or even the excitement that your past career sometimes gave you. But you need to look at the benefits of changing your lifestyle versus going back to the old one. It must be very difficult to try to work in an office not knowing what anyone is really thinking or if anyone will find out about your past. It must be also very tempting to use your charms to your advantage on some of the males in your office. But from many years of experience working in offices it would most likely end up not being to your advantage. I have seen many reputations ruined by one evening with a bad decision.
If you make a decision that you want to have that sp kind of lifestyle, then you have every right to do so. But I am sure that you realize that especially for young women, it has much danger and your looks will only hold out for so many years. So, if you have the opportunity to change your lifestyle, don't worry about what some asshole thinks about you, worry about what you think about you. In the end it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. You should be in control of your life and if you are happy, then those around you will sense that and be happy to be around you. If your "boyfriend" is giving you a hard time about quitting then you go back to the lifestyle it will be like he will be controlling you. I am sure that is not what you want. So, unless he is with you, then he is against you and you should deal with him accordingly.
Please enlighten me as to where I can make 80K with no education or effort![/QUOTE]
X2
Onemanwoman, let me say off the top congratulations for biting the bullet and trying the square job. It takes a lot of courage and commitment, and that's commendable. I don't know you at all, but threads like yours unfortunately come up quite a bit here on PERB and I've given some of these issues a lot of thought.
If you are looking for sympathy or someone to unload on, you will get lots of that here. However, one thing I've learned is that there are two sides to each story. If you have somehow decided to become the girlfriend of a jerk or an asshole, then it sounds to me like you probably know that deep down already and it's just a matter of summoning up the courage to get out. But if your boyfriend is more or less just a regular guy (I'm assuming there must have been some reason you liked him and we are just hearing the worst of him right now), then I have a few thoughts on what you just wrote:
Anyways, that's just my $0.02. I'm assuming that your boyfriend is a regular guy and that he just didn't wake up one day and want to start calling his girlfriend a hooker. If I'm mistaken and he's an asshole, then you probably know what you need to do. Good luck.
If you are looking for sympathy or someone to unload on, you will get lots of that here. However, one thing I've learned is that there are two sides to each story. If you have somehow decided to become the girlfriend of a jerk or an asshole, then it sounds to me like you probably know that deep down already and it's just a matter of summoning up the courage to get out. But if your boyfriend is more or less just a regular guy (I'm assuming there must have been some reason you liked him and we are just hearing the worst of him right now), then I have a few thoughts on what you just wrote:
As someone who has worked their whole life in the square world, this sounds really bad. Sorry, but if getting up at 6 is one of your biggest issues, you might be beating yourself before you even start.
If you are only doing clients because you haven't been paid yet at your regular job, then it stands to reason you will be able to stop after a month (ie., after you get paid from your square job). If you cannot or will not quit after you get paid at your square job, then you will either need to get a better square job, continue SPing, or learn to live with a lower income. To be really honest with you, the SPs I've met have typically not had great money management skills because they are so used to having so much money. That's why I'd suggest you take a really hard look at whether the only reason you're SPing is because you haven't been paid *this* month. Because if it's an ongoing thing, then your relationship problems (and this argument with your boyfriend) will also be an ongoing thing.
If you have been an SP for several years, it's very possible that the crowd you were hanging with then was not your typical 9-5 office crowd, and so you might be used to a whole different set of values. Here's an example: in a typical office, a girl cannot wear a skirt higher than 2 inches above the knee. And that's not even getting into the rest of it, like the size of your jewelry, the length of your hair, the amount of makeup or perfume you wear, etc. etc. etc. I'm not blaming you or anything, but I'm just saying there might be a disconnect between how you see yourself and how others in your workplace are seeing you. Maybe look around at the other women in the office and see if you are following their lead style-wise.
Anyways, that's just my $0.02. I'm assuming that your boyfriend is a regular guy and that he just didn't wake up one day and want to start calling his girlfriend a hooker. If I'm mistaken and he's an asshole, then you probably know what you need to do. Good luck.
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Dosen't need to be the oil sands, but yes that is a easy place to make over 100k a year.
We have guys in our in city warehouse starting at 20 a hour, do 12 hour shifts, and after 8 hrs your in over time (4 days worked)
800 for the 40 hours a week
240 for 8 hours over time
360 toss in 1 12 hour shift over time
now you have worked 5 days, and can take 2 days off
Gives you 67k a year, though thats not much
If you do more over time say 1 extra day a month you make another 4.3k and you still average just 5 days a week maybe 6 days a week of work once a month and your getting 71k a year.
So if you make less then 70k a year with your current job, get a new one!
Also if your a woman out there and your man dosent bring home at least 6 figures, dump his ass!
If you cant cut it on over 120k a year (two people should household income at least 120k) you have a problem.
Though I guess as a SP you must of made over 100k a year just on your own, and thats with out paying taxes, so it must be hard to go to a legit tax payer.
We have guys in our in city warehouse starting at 20 a hour, do 12 hour shifts, and after 8 hrs your in over time (4 days worked)
800 for the 40 hours a week
240 for 8 hours over time
360 toss in 1 12 hour shift over time
now you have worked 5 days, and can take 2 days off
Gives you 67k a year, though thats not much
If you do more over time say 1 extra day a month you make another 4.3k and you still average just 5 days a week maybe 6 days a week of work once a month and your getting 71k a year.
So if you make less then 70k a year with your current job, get a new one!
Also if your a woman out there and your man dosent bring home at least 6 figures, dump his ass!
If you cant cut it on over 120k a year (two people should household income at least 120k) you have a problem.
Though I guess as a SP you must of made over 100k a year just on your own, and thats with out paying taxes, so it must be hard to go to a legit tax payer.
just a thought...
i don't know if this will help or not but there is an incredible book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt...while it is not directly related to what you are dealing with, it certainly might be something to share with your bf as it talks about things like jealousy, communication, being non-judgmental and more...there is a small section on sex workers that starts with the sentence "How about if we stop stereotyping sex workers?"..."sex workers are doing essential and positive work healing the wounds inflicted by our sex-negative culture...they have a great deal to teach us about boundaries, limit-setting, communication, sexual negotiation and ways to achieve growth, connection and fulfillment outside a traditional monogamous relationship...we know of many sp/client relationships that have been a source of tremendous connection, warmth and affection for both parties...practitioners of the world's oldest profession offer all of us the wisdom of the ages about understanding, accepting and fulfilling our desires..."
i have found this book to be one of the best resources for many types of relationship issues...perhaps it could be a way to move some of the issues you are facing into a more positive light - or at least help you open the lines of communication a little more...
good luck
i don't know if this will help or not but there is an incredible book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt...while it is not directly related to what you are dealing with, it certainly might be something to share with your bf as it talks about things like jealousy, communication, being non-judgmental and more...there is a small section on sex workers that starts with the sentence "How about if we stop stereotyping sex workers?"..."sex workers are doing essential and positive work healing the wounds inflicted by our sex-negative culture...they have a great deal to teach us about boundaries, limit-setting, communication, sexual negotiation and ways to achieve growth, connection and fulfillment outside a traditional monogamous relationship...we know of many sp/client relationships that have been a source of tremendous connection, warmth and affection for both parties...practitioners of the world's oldest profession offer all of us the wisdom of the ages about understanding, accepting and fulfilling our desires..."
i have found this book to be one of the best resources for many types of relationship issues...perhaps it could be a way to move some of the issues you are facing into a more positive light - or at least help you open the lines of communication a little more...
good luck
