1. If you're over thirty and you have a washboard for a stomach,
you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
and the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you're a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog, but gay. It grooms itself constantly, but never scratches itself. It
has a delicate touch, except when it uses its nails against you. It wines
to be fed, and just think about how you call a dog: "Killer, come here! I
said get your ass over here, Adolph!" Now think about how you call a cat...
"Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus Allmighty, you're fit to be
framed you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured you suck people-puddy. A straight man only sucks
on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, chicken wings, pickled pigs feet or
titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko, and
you're undeniably a homo.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom, or piss in a
parking lot, without doubt you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A
man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like the high
hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full
aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Non-Fat
No-Whip Caramel Machiatto" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've
had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors, or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all
of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in Major League Baseball, the NFL, NHL, NBA and PGA. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you know what "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel all the time, forget
it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on
the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver, or to cut the jerk off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the music, eat a burger, hold his
beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous c'est leGay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion).
...........QM'r
you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
and the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you're a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog, but gay. It grooms itself constantly, but never scratches itself. It
has a delicate touch, except when it uses its nails against you. It wines
to be fed, and just think about how you call a dog: "Killer, come here! I
said get your ass over here, Adolph!" Now think about how you call a cat...
"Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus Allmighty, you're fit to be
framed you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured you suck people-puddy. A straight man only sucks
on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, chicken wings, pickled pigs feet or
titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko, and
you're undeniably a homo.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom, or piss in a
parking lot, without doubt you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A
man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like the high
hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full
aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Non-Fat
No-Whip Caramel Machiatto" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've
had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors, or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all
of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in Major League Baseball, the NFL, NHL, NBA and PGA. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you know what "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel all the time, forget
it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on
the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver, or to cut the jerk off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the music, eat a burger, hold his
beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous c'est leGay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion).
...........QM'r
