Balancing security and privacy... a question for pooners and sp's

[Irresistible Isabelle]

Hello all,

I am in a quandary. I have had the unpleasant experience of running into people that I know personally and professionally (as in not SP work) while working as an SP (fox den). Luckily one person didn't recognize me and I had a laugh with the other but it was still really uncomfortable. I have also had someone I know try to book an appointment with me... luckily I let the phone fox know that I knew them before they confirmed the appointment.

Vancouver is a small town and I know a lot of people here. Most people that are really important to me would not like to find out that I am in this line of work. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and find it very rewarding in many ways other than just financially, but they just would not understand, and I would rather spare them the stress.

So now that I'm indy I have to figure out how to balance MY privacy and security with client's privacy. I thought that by requiring a last name that I could minimize my risk of running into someone I know, but of course they can just lie.

It has been suggested that I allow people into my building and tell them that I have to get a good look at them through my peephole before letting them in, and that if I do recognize them that I simply tell them that and that I can't let them in and I'm very sorry for taking up their time.

It sounds like a great idea but I have concerns about people causing a scene in my hall or refusing to leave.

I'm new to all of these formalities so any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Isalicious

 

[eurhythmia]

First, Isabella, you look delicious!

For me, requiring my last name is a real problem. Discretion = anonymity. And as for making your decision when a prospective client is already at your door will very likely cause an unpleasant experience. Not to mention problems with the neighbours and bldg mgt.

Asking for a photo via cell phone or email is also problematic. Blackmail is a concern, thus I always maintain 'deniability'.

Possible solution would be checking out the client via your building's video security before they get into the building.

Hmm, this is a bit of a pickle balancing security and possible loss of business.

Or just announce to the world that you are who you are. (Easier said than done of course.)

 

[Damaged]

I had this happen to me once. When the door opened the SP was a woman I knew from School. She was freaked at first but once we talked it was fine.
I don't think it is as big of an issue as you make it out to be. The guy will be as surprised and isn't likely to brag about it as he probably doesn't want people to know that he sees SP's. If you are uncomfortable proceeding with the session then I'm sure he'll understand. If you are both fine with it them proceed with the fun!

 

[littlejimbigher]

. And as for making your decision when a prospective client is already at your door will very likely cause an unpleasant experience. Not to mention problems with the neighbours and bldg mgt.)

Problems would definetly occur with screening at you door.
Most pooners don't talk to others about their hobby(except on a site like this)
They are going to keep you a secret just as they expect you to keep them a secret.
You just have to bite the bullet and not care if someone you kmow shows up.

Unless he turns out to be family and then all my advice goes down the drain.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Move to an apartment or condo with a security camera out front. When they ring your door on the intercom system, you can usually watch to see who it is on your television set. This way they never even make it to your suite's front door. Most decent condos have this setup.

 

[nube]

I guess we all will be concerned with this on both sides - but still the odds are in our favor. As Others said if it turns out to be someone you know - you both will be in the same pickle.

Keep in mind that you post pics - if he does know you chances are he'll recognize you in the photos.

But in my opinion screening at the door or the front of the building is just bad news. The least you'll get is a bad review (bad for business) and the most is a BIG scene at the door (neighbours could call cops).

Its a risk that you could get someone you know but really its not that big a risk. Rather I think there is a greater risk AFTER you've (either side) seen someone and you meet them in another setting....especially if there are SO involved. Or if either the SP or the client is pissed at the other (really bad news).

In the end this is a hobby where there is a significant amount of trust that needs to be involved.....

BTW I DON'T know you.....but I'd like too get to KNOW you...AND I am from out of town....so....I am probably one of your safest BETS... Naturally I don't expect a cut in the rates....just a mutually awesome time

 

[westwoody]

Re:Screening at the door
Some guys might get very obnoxious if they make it all the way to your door, all raring to go, and then get turned away without even seeing your face. I recall a thread about another SP(Julia maybe?) who had some lout show up who simply would not leave and kept banging on her door for ages.

 

[anonanon]

I, for one, would not go to an SP if she required my last name. i simply wont give it, and if the SP "needs" it, then I go somewhere else.

The camera idea at the front of your building is a good idea.

Keep in mind that besides on PERB and other boards, none of us tells anyone what we do behind closed doors. While the idea of bragging to my buddies that I bagged this hottie does sound appealing, I wont do it. 1, for myself and 2, for the girl.

 

[Irresistible Isabelle]

Thanks for all of the feedback boys it is very much appreciated.

I do have a security camera in my building so I guess I should probably hook a TV up to it then should I? I hope that works well enough that I can have a good look at them.

The more I think about it and the more feedback I get the less concern I am.... the people I'm most concerned about running into are not the type of people to ever cause a scene at my door. They are nice, decent guys so I'm not too worried about them causing a big scene.

What I'm just going to do is tell anyone who wants to see me that if they don't want to give me their last name, that I have to get a good look at them before I buzz them in and that the will simply have to deal with it if I say "I'm sorry, but I think I know you and I don't feel comfortable seeing you." If they aren't comfortable with that possibility then they simply should not see me.

So I guess now my question is: What do you guys think of the "I need to have a good look at you before I buzz you in and if I know you, I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable seeing you and I'm going ask you to quietly walk away, with my sincere apology for any time you have invested."

I really don't think that that is asking too much, is it? It's unlikely to happen anyway. It seems fair and if anyone feels like they are entitled to see me despite my discomfort... I guess those aren't the type of people I'd want to see anyway.

Thanks a bunch guys! Many kisses of gratitude!

 

[anonanon]

That does not seem so bad. I guess, when you get a larger base of "regulars" then you will know who is who...

 

[westwoody]

One lady has her visitors park in the "Visitor Parking" area of her complex, which she can see from her apartment, then has them call for her apartment number. That way she can have a look at them and if necessary, turn them down without giving them her number or the number of her building. At least then if they have a hissy fit it will be out in the parking lot and not in the hallway outside her door.

 

[Avery]

Zoe of Winnipeg used to have first-time clients park outside her building and stand beside their car. She would then disguise herself, leave via the rear entrance of the building, and walk around the block, passing by the client to check him out. If she liked his appearance, she introduced herself and invited him up. If she didn't like his looks, she would simply go into the front entrance and leave him standing there, none the wiser. I presume she'd then wait until he called back, and tell him she didn't want to see him.

The first time I saw her, after I passed muster and she changed into something sexy while I showered, I told her the risk was that she'd make herself so unattractive that the guy would reject her!

 

[Mr.O]

Izzy... ya got a tough row to hoe here! (or should that be Ho?)

She would then disguise herself, leave via the rear entrance of the building, and walk around the block, passing by the client to check him out. If she liked his appearance, she introduced herself and invited him up. If she didn't like his looks, she would simply go into the front entrance and leave him standing there, none the wiser.
I presume she'd then wait until he called back, and tell him she didn't want to see him.

I agree with Avery, if you are THAT concerned, some of the inconvenience should be borne by YOU!
Set up a meeting arrangement where you can anonymously walk past the gents & make your decision. If you don't like the looks of the guy you can call him back (I assume you require unblocked phone #'s) & tell the sorry bastard that you have summarily rejected him!
Hey, let's not gloss this thing over, any guy trying to set up a session with you is going to be quite disappointed when he gets the boot. The type of guys calling you have no doubt looked at your site & have decided to pony up your fee, so likely they ain't Flakes!
Now, what to do if ya don't got their phone #, you better work on that one, if yer gonna reject him, ya got to tell him. I don't think letting him wait there till he finally called to ask - "Miss Isabelle am I OK" or "Hey Isabelle it's Bob, your uncle" or
"Hey Isabelle... it's Mortimer... don't tell me... I'm too ugly to fuck right? You think I fell out of the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down... don't you?" (boo hoo hoo)

Ya got's a tough row to ho here but I do wish U Luk!

By the way, I think you are a very pretty & sexy girl but I would never compromise my anonymity by providing anymore identity than a first name.
Not until I were to get to know & trust you.
DISCRETION is a two way street & one that we, in this type of activity, need to keep uncluttered.

Cheers & Licks!
.

 

[tomatoe man]

I realize your concern, but after I gave it some thought, you are in a profession on some risk. Now if you open the door and find your parents next door neighbour that would be damned embaressing, however I don't think he's going to run home and tell your Dad. I feel if you find yourself in this bad situation you really have the upper hand because not many pooners want to be outted to their family and friends that you mutually know. You could just say " I won't tell if you don't tell " and send him on his way. And at the next Christmas party give him a wink and a smile.

 

[nube]

Thanks for all of the feedback boys it is very much appreciated.

So I guess now my question is: What do you guys think of the "I need to have a good look at you before I buzz you in and if I know you, I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable seeing you and I'm going ask you to quietly walk away, with my sincere apology for any time you have invested."

I really don't think that that is asking too much, is it? It's unlikely to happen anyway.

While I can understand your concern and possibily the idea of refusing someone not you type, I still think you run the risk of bad PR from a business perspective.

I am with hattrick on this one.

If you think about it say I am your dad's best friend...I can tell you that I would have probably 'thought about doing you many many times' Then one day after arrangements i knock on your door...one of two things is going to happen We look at each other and after awkward laughs from both of us I maybe get what I came for...or we may just chat a little and agree its not a good idea. In either case neither one of us is going to say anything more I got caught pooning and you are caught as an SP.

Lastly if I am your Dad's best friend, why would I tell him? What good would that do? There are just somethings that a best friend doesn't need to know. Besides even if we didn't have sex....do you REALLY think that your Dad is going to believe me when I say 'Hey Joe, I went to see the hot new SP last night and guess what, now sit down Joe, I knocked on her door and guess you answered...Isabelle...yes your little girl Joe...but I want you to know I didn't lay a hand on her...really that the honest to goodness truth Joe I didn't.." That would probably be the last thing I remember before waking up in emerg...

Its just my opinion, but I think you have more to risk by 'last minute screening' then you do by not screening.

Good luck and do let us know how it works for you..

 

[slacker]

What I'm just going to do is tell anyone who wants to see me that if they don't want to give me their last name, that I have to get a good look at them before I buzz them in and that the will simply have to deal with it if I say "I'm sorry, but I think I know you and I don't feel comfortable seeing you." If they aren't comfortable with that possibility then they simply should not see me.

If you don't want someone to know you do this, I probably wouldn't tell them you can't see them because you know them. If you told that to me I'm pretty sure I'd know who you are because I certainly don't know many women of your beauty and stature and your pictures are fairly revealing. In this case I'd make up some other excuse or just "flake out" and deal with the consequences.

If you are simply uncomfortable being intimate with someone you know but you don't mind them knowing what you do, then I guess you can be honest with them. It's too bad for us you would be uncomfortable, personally there are women I know but might not normally have a chance with that I'd pay dearly to see (like 5 figures plus) as I'd be satisfying desires that might have spanned decades.

Anyway good luck figuring something out!

 

[janesmithferret]

Would it be too self-serving to suggest moving to a different city?

Just asking.

 

[Thais]

Dear Isabelle,

You posed your question to both men and ladies, so I'll bite.

I strongly believe there is no need for you to compromise your feeling of safety and comfort. If you feel that you need to ask for a last name or take a look at a person - do it. Explain it on your website, include your reasoning - and just go ahead with it.

Will it turn away some people? Possibly. But... so what? If you are good at what you do and enjoy it, you will have more than enough people contacting you. Besides, are you sure you want to be meeting those, who will give you bad PR when all you are doing is ensuring your emotional safety and you make an open disclaimer about it?

Your dad's friend most likely will never tell. But do you need to go through the discomfort of running into him?

It's a big world. When I came to message boards with my concept and asked for feedback, I was told plainly it would never fly. I was prepared to get 2 dates a month maximum for the first year of being in business when I just started. Well, you know what? I am exceeding my targets and am slowly growing to be even busier than I wanted.

Don't be afraid to do what you are comfortable with! It will turn some people away. But that does not necessarily translate into hurting your business at all.

 

[total hemi]

Using your own intuition

Isabelle
My 1st thought was, I'm glad I am not someone you know, yet.
As in any business venture, we have to make tough decisions that sometimes affect our business. Overtime we develop our own clientele and or niche market. I am sure you have captured your share of the market and will continue to do so, as evidenced by going independant. My approach to business(although we are in different fields) has always been to proceed in a way that I can maintain enjoyment and satisfaction, and as a result I continue doing what I do. If that means I don't capture all the business out there, that's ok. As for me, any sort of screening isn't a problem, since I have nothing to worry about. So my thoughts are, decide what is good for you and let the rest fall into place. Your peace of mind is something only you can determine the value of. Trust your instincts and intuition.

 

[tomatoe man]

Well said, ......total hemi's advice is bang on.