No offence is intended by this first one to anyone... I just think its hillarious....
Chinese Newlyweds
A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firt time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want, you say. What you want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want ... numba 69"
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries ... "You want Beef wif Broccori?"
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A Newfie was sitting at a bar when this huge, burly American guy walks in.
As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.
The big, burly American bellows, "That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.
"That's a judo chop from Japan," he says.
The Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves.
An hour later, the Newfie comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar.
He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.
With great pride, the Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Canadian Tire."
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Men and Women
8 Words, 16 Definitions
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male.......... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male. ........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.......... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male......... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.......... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male.......... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.......... Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Chinese Newlyweds
A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firt time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want, you say. What you want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want ... numba 69"
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries ... "You want Beef wif Broccori?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Newfie was sitting at a bar when this huge, burly American guy walks in.
As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.
The big, burly American bellows, "That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.
"That's a judo chop from Japan," he says.
The Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves.
An hour later, the Newfie comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar.
He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.
With great pride, the Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Canadian Tire."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men and Women
8 Words, 16 Definitions
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male.......... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male. ........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.......... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male......... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.......... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male.......... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.......... Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
