$20,000 lesson

[CanineCowboy]

I am the guy who fell for an sp, when I got up, I realized there was nothing there.

I know it is a well worn story in this industry, but let me be the latest cautionary tale. Guy meets provider, enjoys time with provider, falls for provider, devotes his free time and money to her. As trust develops they are open with each other, she changes his life, the way he sees himself, they talk of friendship, caring and love.

Slowly he recognizes she is chronically late for appointments, she begins missing and forgetting appointments. She is no longer ready for him, certain common services become mirage like, requests go unfulfilled - its 'not as easy as that, maybe next time.' Disappointments become discussions, appointments become discussions. All their time is on the clock.

Things she did in her past with one visit clients aren't available to him, maybe she is down today, its complicated, but when?

Realization sets in, nothing really matters - frequent long time patronage is absent of goodwill - this relationship is only built on his current bill.


I am not painting everybody with the same brush, but be careful with yourself.

 

[chilli]

Sometimes you need to experience things first hand to learn your lesson.

Me I've been lucky; I've known for a very long time that if you have to "buy" a woman's affections or love - your "love" is very conditional and that's not the type of woman I want to be with.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

 

[badbadboy]

I feel for you and the position you got yourself into Canine Cowboy.

Sometimes the toughest part is knowing when to walk away.

It's rough going from ATF to ATM or at least having that perceived feeling.

I am guessing Automated Teller Machine and not Ass to Mouth?

 

[Alix Turner]

I feel for you and the position you got yourself into Canine Cowboy.

Sometimes the toughest part is knowing when to walk away.



I am guessing Automated Teller Machine and not Ass to Mouth?

lol - i thought ass to mouth first too.. but as they taught me in grade school if it only makes weird sense, always read it twice for context before you go repeating your first impression.

 

[deathreborn]

I am the guy who fell for an sp, when I got up, I realized there was nothing there.

I know it is a well worn story in this industry, but let me be the latest cautionary tale. Guy meets provider, enjoys time with provider, falls for provider, devotes his free time and money to her. As trust develops they are open with each other, she changes his life, the way he sees himself, they talk of friendship, caring and love.

Slowly he recognizes she is chronically late for appointments, she begins missing and forgetting appointments. She is no longer ready for him, certain common services become mirage like, requests go unfulfilled - its 'not as easy as that, maybe next time.' Disappointments become discussions, appointments become discussions. All their time is on the clock.

Things she did in her past with one visit clients aren't available to him, maybe she is down today, its complicated, but when?

Realization sets in, nothing really matters - frequent long time patronage is absent of goodwill - this relationship is only built on his current bill.


I am not painting everybody with the same brush, but be careful with yourself.

talk to dickson. he knows all about this and has spent far more then $20,000.

 

[PuntMeister]

I thought teller machine too! Clever, if intended or not. LOL.

Punt's take: If either the client or the SP starts taking the other for granted, the relationship is going down hill fast. Discuss, then fix or fail. One time, maybe two. Three strike rule applies.

Life is short. Lots of fish. Swim with the good ones. The ones that like to swim with you.

 

[Violet]

Pretty sure bbb was just making a joke However I have to admit I thought ass to mouth too, and I thoroughly read the original post. It is an escort review board after all

As to the OP, I don't mean to be harsh but I'm a little confused. If the relationship had truly progressed to romantic love, why were you still paying for appointments? To me that would be a sign that even if you had become friends or mutually cared for each other in some way, that it was not a requited romantic love type relationship. I'm also assuming that you felt like all the money you spent on seeing this SP was "wasted" because you had some expectation that you would end up in a certain type of relationship, which I personally feel is a mistake regardless of how you meet someone. SPs are pretty much like anyone else when it comes to love: just because their job is to do intimate things in exchange for money does not mean you can buy their love.

In addition, as far as feeling like this woman was not putting in as much effort as far as service or being on time, it very easily could be for reasons aside from deliberately taking advantage. In any caring relationship (whether friends or romantic or what have you) many people will start to feel more comfortable being themselves and not stressing over things that they would in a strictly business relationship, so it may just be that. Yes it's true that there may be an element of taking each other for granted involved, but there is always a difference between, say, a first date and a 100th date, whether it's a business situation or not. And clients/men do it as well. A client who has seen an SP many times may not be as careful about not overstaying his allotted time, just for one example. Or a man romantically dating a woman may not shave his face as often. If someone is not feeling at their best they might not try to hide it when they have gotten to know someone and feel comfortable with them. Things like that. My point is just that I wouldn't assume the worst about this woman's intentions or reasons and I would also consider what assumptions you were making as far as her perceived feelings for you or where the relationship was going.

[EDIT: Sorry if this is not super clear or eloquent, I'm posting from mobile]

 

[badbadboy]

I did assume Automated Teller Machine but then looked at the OP's post and thought no can't be, well maybe; hence the question about Ass To Mouth.

Only time I have ever seen ATM as ass to mouth on this board or others related to it was always all Caps.

 

[dickotoole]

Little head leading the big head and then the little head don't get no attention either but by then the big head had fallen for the damsel.
Money continued to be exchanged.
"Love" by the OP for the damsel caused him to accept no service or lousy service.
Damsel continues to accept pay for no service or lousy service.
"Romance" ends leaving OP feeling like he wasted 20 large
More likely is some of the 20k got good service in return, so good that the big head fell for the damsel.

The wasted money is that which got no service in return, that which was spent and you left the scene feeling lousy. The rest was well spent. It filled sexual and other needs.

Now be aware of those other needs, more aware. Lessons are good if we learn from them. Problematic if they have to be repeated.

And count the number of ways one can lose 20k

 

[BORKO]

I feel for you and the position you got yourself into Canine Cowboy.

Sometimes the toughest part is knowing when to walk away.



I am guessing Automated Teller Machine and not Ass to Mouth?

You'd hope that someone's All Time Favourite would be down for a little Ass To Mouth...

 

[clu]

Not criticizing but I'd like to offer a different perspective: my girlfriend used to be a stripper. That's how we met. We had a great chemistry in the beginning and it was hot. But as we got closer emotionally, spent more time talking and less time "on business", the lap dances turned less erotic. We both started to feel uncomfortable with the obligation to perform on cue. The relationship was becoming more than that. I still got dances from her for a while but it really just became an excuse to visit her at work and spend more time with her. Still eventually it got too awkward and we decided we just couldn't see each other at her work anymore. When we'd get together on our own there are things she'd do as a dancer (which might qualify as foreplay in the real world) that she no longer does between us... Because that was her work routine, not for her enjoyment and proper sex should be something both enjoy.

So consider in your case that the services she stopped offering might be things that she doesn't actually enjoy herself and consider that being ready to get it on on cue is not something that fulfils her needs. You don't go into details so I'm not saying it was lacking in your case, but of course a relationship typically has more dimensions than just the physical chemistry. Keeping it both business and romantic at the same time puts her in an awkward and conflicted situation. You weren't necessarily being played.

 

[badbadboy]

Good points by many. To the O.P....sad you went down the road of sorrow. I feel for you. There have been past threads simliar to this here on Perb. This is just one of the reasons why I, personally, never had a regular. The emotional side of it. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the theory behind seeing a regular.

For me, this once in a while hobby is " fantasy role " and nothing more. Always has been.

For seeking a long term - real G.F material, there are other avenues or websites for that game

I gave my head a shake and found that having a "small circle of friends" is much more natural for me. I see a few ladies maybe once every month or two and the dates still have that sizzle. Its fun getting reacquainted :nod: A couple have said that to me about our dates that its fun seeing each other without any further commitments. Should I be offended that they like seeing the back of me heading out the door?

 

[normisanas]

lol - i thought ass to mouth first too.. but as they taught me in grade school if it only makes weird sense, always read it twice for context before you go repeating your first impression.

You were taught Ass To Mouth in grade school ? Neat !!!!

 

[newton man]

Relationship comes with warmth and headaches, intimacy and compromises.

 

[Alix Turner]

You were taught Ass To Mouth in grade school ? Neat !!!!

clearly, "if it only makes weird sense, read it twice" ... wasn't universally taught.

 

[normisanas]

clearly, "if it only makes weird sense, read it twice" ... wasn't universally taught.

The "universe" didn't include the Phillipines apparently, as the West is wont to believe that universe of course is west-centred.

 

[sevenofnine]

not to really think to deep about it or anything,

but a lot of marriages are like that,

i have been married thirty years, been seeing an escort for the last ten,
what would my wife say about me.

shit happnes,
what did you say, 20 k, down the drain or lost.

in my case a hell of a lot more then that if my wife leaves me. a hell of a lot fucking more.

i most likely spent that on my sp 20 k i guess maybe more, and to tell you the truth, it could be some illusion on my part our friendship that she likes me, etc etc, I have thought about it.,
does it really matter,
i feel what i feel its not an illussion on my part if my sp is lieing to me, its kind of her the fool.
like i said, it doesn't matter on my part.

i haven't left my wife or asked my sp to run away with me,

like i said my wife could say the same way about me, what the hell did she let her self in for with this guy meaning me,

but i have never asked anything from my sp but a session what any body can do,
and if my wife wants to leave me there is the door.
if she can do better be my guest
and if my sp has better places to be,
then with me,
go for it.

i don't think there is any point, mulling over the past.

i told a guy today.

i am all fucked up messed up screwed up need therapy,
but you know we reach a certain point in life we don't care,
this is me, fucked up a mess, but i made it till sixty something, so i guess i will make it a little further,

and you know something were all fucked up messed up screwed up and all in need of a little therapy.
all of us.

but some point if your lucky to live long enough you reach a point were you don't care any more.

you accept

 

[summerbreeze]

would not beat yourself up about it not working out

you did your best to make it work, no one can ask for more than that

chemistry between two people from different background takes time to adapt, sometimes it never adapts

only thing you have control over is giving your best shot, next time things might be different

recommend you take the proud position that despite certain challenges you gave it your best and part company with the dignity and acceptance that your sincere offer of friendship will be abused from time to time, goes with the territory

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Hey CC, it sounds like you had a lovely ride for however long it lasted. It'll be so much easier on you if you just look at those memories and think about the good times. It sounds like you learned some valuable lessons about life and love, and they never come cheap (I'm sure a whole bunch of folks here will agree)! It's really hard not to get mixed up between fantasy and reality sometimes, and it sounds like you're getting it!

Iron Man and Black Widow don't exist; Robert Downey Jr. and Scarlett Johansson do...but, in real life, they are not at all like the characters that they play on the big screen! So I wouldn't hold it against your SP. She was playing a role and things got a little intertwined. Let it go, forgive yourself, forgive her, move on with your wonderful, awesome, fantastic life! xox