Can a genuine connection be real if money is involved?

masonjar

Large Member
Jan 29, 2019
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I care about her deeply, but I sometimes wonder: if the money wasn’t there, would she still choose to spend time with me?

I’m not asking to judge her ; I’m genuinely trying to understand if the connection can exist in a container like this, or if the transaction always overshadows what’s real.
Well surely a person is capable of genuinely like sex and spending time with many people in the world and yet decide to not take part in them all unless additional reason or incentive is involved. Surely you are not suggesting if a woman truly likes you as a man, she simply will be unable to stop herself and will have no personal control over her burning desire to repeatedly see you and sleeping with you for no additional reason.
 

Bang4thebuck

Well-known member
Sep 23, 2012
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Every transaction in life involves money... Money is a indication of your worth to society... Money was the answer to how much a farmer's work compared to a an carpenter to an artist to an noble. But money took over everything...
I grew up poor and my family was treated like garbage for being poor. I am now quite well-off and once people realize that, they treat me very differently. Seeing the difference in how people treat you because of $ makes me sick. I would have a very hard time being in a relationship centered around money as I gravitate towards distrusting those who care that much about it.
 

blondeluver

Ultimate lover
Jan 27, 2003
927
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North Vancouver
Very possible , I’ve fallen in love many times over almost 20 years in this biz . 🥰
sex is passionate , add tons of pillow talk revealing who you are to each other , it happens. “Most” of the time it does end but NOT necessarily because “she’s silver tongued “ or a “gold digger “ like men here have said .
She let you in to see a real piece of her but is she financially able to drop everything & only love you ? probably not , will you be able to handle the roller coaster of feelings that it takes to truly love a sex worker ? Are you prepared to financially help her transition to a different career if she wants ?
it takes a very strong man who truly understands the business & what goes on in her real world for it to last .
It is not easy to love someone who works in this industry and yes, you need to be very strong emotionally to do so. One of the ways to keep the relationship strong is to reserve certain things just for the two of you. For example, only DFK with him and not with clients. This will help her to differentiate when she is intimate with "him" and helps him to feel safe that is something only reserved for him and not the paying public.
 
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blondeluver

Ultimate lover
Jan 27, 2003
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I’ve been seeing someone for just over 2 years now, and while the dynamic started as a professional arrangement, there’s been real warmth, affection, and consistency. She’s remembered personal details, been playful, and shown up warmly ; but the structure is still transactional at its core.

I care about her deeply, but I sometimes wonder: if the money wasn’t there, would she still choose to spend time with me?

I’m not asking to judge her ; I’m genuinely trying to understand if the connection can exist in a container like this, or if the transaction always overshadows what’s real.

Would love to hear from others who’ve been in similar situations
Thnx
This can be quite simple... ask yourself the following questions.

Would she go out with you on social date without financial compensation?
Would she go out for dinner with you if you call her?
Would she share with you about her family/background?

If the answer is Yes for all of the above, then she will still choose to spend time with you. Obviously, she needs to work to pay the bills so can't expect her to give you freebies just because she has feelings for you. You shouldn't have that expectation either. But if she goes out with you on her days off, during her period or even before/after her work then you know she has true feeling for you.
 
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Rusty razor

Wrinkled member
Aug 9, 2018
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This can be quite simple... ask yourself the following questions.

Would she go out with you on social date without financial compensation?
Would she go out for dinner with you if you call her?
Would she share with you about her family/background?

If the answer is Yes for all of the above, then she will still choose to spend time with you. Obviously, she needs to work to pay the bills so can't expect her to give you freebies just because she has feelings for you. You shouldn't have that expectation either. But if she goes out with you on her days off, during her period or even before/after her work then you know she has true feeling for you.
I’ve had all of the above at various times including free sex, but I never expected exclusivity for anything nor would I ask. If she’s spending time with you off the clock you enter a FWB dynamic, don’t spoil it with expectations or jealousy
 

only_lurkn

New member
Jun 28, 2026
11
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3
Yes it’s possible… I have made some very special connections in this industry that have lasted many years, it’s one of the best parts of being in this world (for me, personally). Being paid doesn’t take away from the specialness, it’s just maintaining the container that it exists within.
Thank you; i really appreciate your perspective 🙏

No pressure to respond to this, but I've realized my kink is the mental stimulation of getting to know someone over dinner and longer dates. It makes the build-up to physical intimacy feel more interesting and intimate lol


I work with boundaries all day, but I don't always feel like I thrive inside a container.

Sometimes I wonder if that fits well with these kinds of dynamics or if I'm just wired for something more fluid
 

only_lurkn

New member
Jun 28, 2026
11
12
3
This can be quite simple... ask yourself the following questions.

Would she go out with you on social date without financial compensation?
Would she go out for dinner with you if you call her?
Would she share with you about her family/background?

If the answer is Yes for all of the above, then she will still choose to spend time with you. Obviously, she needs to work to pay the bills so can't expect her to give you freebies just because she has feelings for you. You shouldn't have that expectation either. But if she goes out with you on her days off, during her period or even before/after her work then you know she has true feeling for you.
Ive never asked or would ask for freebies or discount. I respect that her time nd presence is valuable, the hardships she puts up with.
Id never want someone to make my job more difficult than it is,
 

only_lurkn

New member
Jun 28, 2026
11
12
3
Every transaction in life involves money... Money is a indication of your worth to society... Money was the answer to how much a farmer's work compared to a an carpenter to an artist to an noble. But money took over everything...
I understand and agree every transaction in life is a barter
 

only_lurkn

New member
Jun 28, 2026
11
12
3
Very possible , I’ve fallen in love many times over almost 20 years in this biz . 🥰
sex is passionate , add tons of pillow talk revealing who you are to each other , it happens. “Most” of the time it does end but NOT necessarily because “she’s silver tongued “ or a “gold digger “ like men here have said .
She let you in to see a real piece of her but is she financially able to drop everything & only love you ? probably not , will you be able to handle the roller coaster of feelings that it takes to truly love a sex worker ? Are you prepared to financially help her transition to a different career if she wants ?
it takes a very strong man who truly understands the business & what goes on in her real world for it to last .
Thank you for sharing your experience! Ive been at this for about 3 years now. I am strong in terms of supporting whatever dreams the person i am into wants, they want to go back to school am there for them, wants to continue working am there for the roller coaster, i identify in the millenial generation and have done fairly well for myself to have disposable income to have enjoy life but i am always down to support someone in achievint their goals if i feel they are genuine
 
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steverino

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2004
1,608
1,161
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I have a different view of the term "connection." I have genuine friendships (connections) with my dentist and financial advisor (both of whom are attractive ladies) even though money changes hands. In a similar vein, over the years I have what I think are genuine friendships with some providers I have paid for services. I recognize that many of you are referring more to romantic connections but dating service providers has not interested me. There have been a few where we had common interests and hobbies and formed genuine connections.
 
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only_lurkn

New member
Jun 28, 2026
11
12
3
I have a different view of the term "connection." I have genuine friendships (connections) with my dentist and financial advisor (both of whom are attractive ladies) even though money changes hands. In a similar vein, over the years I have what I think are genuine friendships with some providers I have paid for services. I recognize that many of you are referring more to romantic connections but dating service providers has not interested. There have been a few where we had common interests and hobbies and formed genuine connections.
This is a good point of view, that I appreciate

I work with consultants, ive worked in consulting
I play SimCity in real life, except the budgets are real and the consequences are slightly more stressful

I understand the billable hours spectrum. I've had genuine friendships come out of those experiences as colleagues and consultants who've ive worked with who still keep the connection for future work and ive built genuine business connections with these individuals
but none of them have made me orgasm or seen my naked parts
 
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Fiona

💥Squirty Dirty & Busty Amazon lover 🩷
Supporting Member
It is not easy to love someone who works in this industry and yes, you need to be very strong emotionally to do so. One of the ways to keep the relationship strong is to reserve certain things just for the two of you. For example, only DFK with him and not with clients. This will help her to differentiate when she is intimate with "him" and helps him to feel safe that is something only reserved for him and not the paying public.
No that’s not ever going to work by putting any restrictions on what she does , you either accept it all as a package & realize she’s a professional & leave it at the door or if she’s wanting to leave be financially able to help her with that. If not then go to the dating sites 🙂
 

Once you go black

The artist formerly known as White Ninja
Nov 28, 2019
1,453
2,051
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You are probably getting better attention and service than some random customer,
100% , this right here is a win believe me .

Now imagine for what ever reason your favour with her ran out or you had a falling out and how much you would miss what you have right now .

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth , accept it for what it is , and enjoy the fantasy and the fact that you have enough connections to be a preferred client .

If she wants more believe me she knows how to let you know , these woman aren’t coy and this isn’t Bridgerton.

If you find your feelings are gaining far more traction than hers than it might not be the worst idea to take a pause on seeing her until these feelings pass ( which they will in time ).
 

Faye Collins

Fayecollins.com
Supporting Member
Aug 1, 2020
654
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www.fayecollins.com
Thank you; i really appreciate your perspective 🙏

No pressure to respond to this, but I've realized my kink is the mental stimulation of getting to know someone over dinner and longer dates. It makes the build-up to physical intimacy feel more interesting and intimate lol

I work with boundaries all day, but I don't always feel like I thrive inside a container.

Sometimes I wonder if that fits well with these kinds of dynamics or if I'm just wired for something more fluid
Have you ever heard the term “demisexual”? I enjoy longer dates with more mutual connection for that reason as well, I want to genuinely connect… it’s part of what turns me on. I get the sense you might resonate with Demi as well 😉
 
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blondeluver

Ultimate lover
Jan 27, 2003
927
935
93
North Vancouver
No that’s not ever going to work by putting any restrictions on what she does , you either accept it all as a package & realize she’s a professional & leave it at the door or if she’s wanting to leave be financially able to help her with that. If not then go to the dating sites 🙂
I think you misunderstood me. :) I am not he is imposing a restriction on her not to do let's say DFK but it is more like a mutually agreed upon decision. Simply saying is to reserve something special just for the two of them.
 

Fiona

💥Squirty Dirty & Busty Amazon lover 🩷
Supporting Member
I think you misunderstood me. :) I am not he is imposing a restriction on her not to do let's say DFK but it is more like a mutually agreed upon decision. Simply saying is to reserve something special just for the two of them.
That is something that is in movies & doesn’t work , he will never know if she’s truthful in that agreement & she will not be able to act naturally in her work , time goes by it gets used against you.It wouldn’t work. He would be very naive to believe she’s going to do that and affect her business.
 
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