I know you don’t mean it this way, but many incels and rapists use “sex is a need” as an excuse to be violent against and assault women. Just be careful of the possible perceived implications of what you’re saying xo
Is it cheating when it is a sexless marriage?
- Thread starter MichaelP
- Start date
My two cents is if you made a promise (i.e. your marriage vows) to your wife that you'll be faithful to them and you break that then you're cheating. None of these "if society says this" or "it's been sexless for years" reasons. Although I will admit I'm a hypocrite for saying this and I'm trying to work through it.
Some additional details, which I am not sure whether it contributes to the conversation or not.
As for myself, I am conflicted, though I lean towards having "cheating". This is mainly because I am not the type of person who would get married to begin with. Maybe a common-law situation, at most. Here is the thing, as part of a relationship, there some give-and-take and I believe sex is part of it. If I ask too many times and the answer is no, then it is a question of where can I get it.
I will have to agree what Charlee said about you could live without sex, though. But, at the same time, how many would choose life without sex?
- Friend and wife are CBC, not religious as far as I know.
- He is in his early 40s, wife hit 40 earlier this year.
- If I have to make a guess, I would say it has been sexless for ~3 years, as they have a 2+ year old.
- Other than the sex part, from what I can tell, they are happily married. Of course, it is possible there are other things but that's the only one he has mentioned.
As for myself, I am conflicted, though I lean towards having "cheating". This is mainly because I am not the type of person who would get married to begin with. Maybe a common-law situation, at most. Here is the thing, as part of a relationship, there some give-and-take and I believe sex is part of it. If I ask too many times and the answer is no, then it is a question of where can I get it.
I will have to agree what Charlee said about you could live without sex, though. But, at the same time, how many would choose life without sex?
as a few have mentioned, a couple no longer having sex is more a symptom than the actual reason. If your spouse no longer wants to have sex with you, do you really want to have sex w/her? Funny thing I've learned, desire cannot be negotiated...either you 'feel' it or you don't.
If you go to church... yes
If you are married.... yes (something about the law of the country etc)
If you follow your heart ...No (A Man is gonna make up his own mind about what he can do, because he thinks of himself first)(or was that his little head).
Best piece of advice, the man should talk to his spouse about it (if it ends in divorce so be it). She can be horrified about it, or give her permission etc.
Best advice is to be a man and fess up to spouse (that means talk, communicate etc to spouse). 9/10 times a person already knows the answear to his question/dilima. Just be aware that 99% of the time "the man" is thinking with his little head.... which gives bad advice for short term gain.....
But really the guy should be talking to his spouse.
If you are married.... yes (something about the law of the country etc)
If you follow your heart ...No (A Man is gonna make up his own mind about what he can do, because he thinks of himself first)(or was that his little head).
Best piece of advice, the man should talk to his spouse about it (if it ends in divorce so be it). She can be horrified about it, or give her permission etc.
Best advice is to be a man and fess up to spouse (that means talk, communicate etc to spouse). 9/10 times a person already knows the answear to his question/dilima. Just be aware that 99% of the time "the man" is thinking with his little head.... which gives bad advice for short term gain.....
But really the guy should be talking to his spouse.
Cheating is only cheating when you live your life tied to religious imposed societal norms. If you believe that all things written in religious texts or stated by religious leaders then indeed you have cheated your wife.
What did you cheat her out of? If she no longer wants sex or sexual intimacy, is that your fault? How is not revealing you are getting sex from other women dishonest? Do you love these other women or is sex just fulfilling a need like food does?
I say there is no such thing as cheating on your wife unless you are establishing an in love relationship with another woman. If you are . . . Wtf are you continuing a relationship with your wife for? That would be dishonest.
What did you cheat her out of? If she no longer wants sex or sexual intimacy, is that your fault? How is not revealing you are getting sex from other women dishonest? Do you love these other women or is sex just fulfilling a need like food does?
I say there is no such thing as cheating on your wife unless you are establishing an in love relationship with another woman. If you are . . . Wtf are you continuing a relationship with your wife for? That would be dishonest.
Just out of curiousity how many times have you been married? I just feel if you are saying what is and isnt allowed in a marriage we should probablly know that
I think this can be a very complicated topic, and I think a lot of the responses might miss some of the subtleties involved. Life and relationships are complicated, and each situation is different. I don't think a simple answer will do the topic justice. I've actually spent quite a lot of time thinking about this topic, because my situation bears some similarities to it. However, to explain all the complications and nuances would require a lot more than anyone here would want to hear about. Anyway, I really wish I could express myself better, but... I'll leave it at that for now. I'm open to chatting more about it in DM conversations, but not in a public forum.
I'm in no position to say if it's right or wrong to "cheat", this goes for both men and women, sex filled or sexless marriages/relationships. I'd say it's wrong to judge anyone of the choice they get to make, even if they keep it secret from their SO.
Its not cheating if you put it in the butt
Once to a man. Also I’m married now to a woman but our relationship is non-sexual. But I don’t lie to her about my job ?
I can't believe the entitlement you all have when it comes to access of your partner's bodies. "She won't let me have sex with her, so I'm going to go behind her back and get it somewhere else and that's not cheating". Look, it's cheating. Just admit it and go about your day. It's not great but I get why it seems like the best option in a lot of circumstances--but it being the best option doesn't make it right.
Of course it’s cheating but so what?
I believe SW actually saves marriages, compared to the alternatives.
Divorce breaks up families, hurts kids and is expensive.
Fooling around at work can get you fired. Diddling the sitter can get you arrested. Most affairs end horribly - often leading to discovery and hurt for spouses.
Could be all kinds of good reasons for sexless marriage. If the marriage is otherwise broken, he should leave.
Otherwise, if it’s worth preserving ( for any reason) cheating is like a safety valve that helps avoid an implosion.
Therefore it’s the most honorable thing you can do. ( especially with Charlee Beckett).
I believe SW actually saves marriages, compared to the alternatives.
Divorce breaks up families, hurts kids and is expensive.
Fooling around at work can get you fired. Diddling the sitter can get you arrested. Most affairs end horribly - often leading to discovery and hurt for spouses.
Could be all kinds of good reasons for sexless marriage. If the marriage is otherwise broken, he should leave.
Otherwise, if it’s worth preserving ( for any reason) cheating is like a safety valve that helps avoid an implosion.
Therefore it’s the most honorable thing you can do. ( especially with Charlee Beckett).
"According to the infidelity statistics, about 40% of unmarried relationships and 25% of marriages see at least one incident of infidelity. An issue of Marriage and Divorce journal also stated that 70% of all Americans engage in some kind of affair sometime during their marital life"
It appears to be very normal to cheat. Don't beat yourself up over it.
It appears to be very normal to cheat. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Thank you for this perfect summation. Is it right? Debatable. Should you do it with my anyways? Yep.
