I know arrange marriages are still popular in certain parts of the world. I have a few east indian friends and asian friends who are set up by their mothers,grandma,etc. Just curious would the people on perb ever consider being set up by family?
Would you ever consider having a arrange marriage?
- Thread starter LittleAsianGuy
- Start date
Arranged marriages nowadays is for those harded lucked in love and cant find themselves a spouse. I'm Chinese and know people in China and HK and no one does it anymore, seems to be a last resort when everything and all attempts at finding your heart's desires fail. I wouldnt wish that fate on anyone. You probably will have that unsatisfied feel in your heart. Being a man, who doesnt want to find and " hunt" for their eye's beauty and personality.
I know east indians the arrange marriages are still goin on very strong. Usually they'll marry you if you sponsor their entire family over to north america. I agree very few chinese people do it anymore
Or maybe not!!
She's a friggin' awesome woman and I adore her but I wouldn't want her choosing my lover for me.
I feel the same with my mother and grandparents.
Or maybe not!!
She's a friggin' awesome woman and I adore her but I wouldn't want her choosing my lover for me.
i thought it is more like a dating service with the exception that the people helping happen to be relatives. it is not like you have to marry the first one they pick - ditto for the other side. why not have the accumulated wisdom and life experiences of the elders helping you look. what is involved, at least at the beginning, is just a bunch of pictures and personality profiles that get passed around a number of families. people involved tend to have good upbringing, and if they are physically attractive as well, then what a bonus. unlike the old days, you are free to say - NEXT.
I had an EI client who was young, mid-late twenties, born and raised here, as was her husband. She told me that theirs was an arranged marriage. The story was kind of funny the way she described it. At any rate, she said she was pretty happy with it and would even arrange the marriages of her kids if she could.
Must be tough for some of these couples. They are sometimes forced to sponsor and be financially responsible for their partners entire family.
That's just paying for sex.
I know a guy that married a foreign national and sponsored her and her family, turned out, she was already married. She left him after a year and he was still financially responsible for her family. He only freed himself when he accidentally discovered that she had already been married and had moved back in with her husband. He managed to get an annulment which freed him from her and his obligations for her family.
I know a Hindu couple that have an arranged marriage and they are as happy as any married couple I know.
As any married person can tell you, the person you think you are marrying is not the person you marry.
At least with an arranged marriage, the not horny elders are making a choice based on what they know about the person and their family.
My last marriage, I lived with the person for three years before getting married. They became a different person practically overnight. Marriage only lasted seven months.
Exactly
I think we can do much better if our friends picked for us - maybe not the best sex but maybe a better partner!After being divorced, I tend to doubt my own judgment these days. At least with Mom/Grandma/fill in the blank, you would hope that they have your best interests at heart and you know their judgment isn't blurred by the little head.
I just went to an [East Indian] arranged marriage ceremony a while back. (Mind you, those are beautiful, colorful events....I got to dress up in pretty sarees)
Anyway, while an arranged marriage seemed like a good idea, the bride had no idea her husband was an alcoholic and had a drug problem. It's a sad event for the bride because narcotics contradict her traditional, reserved lifestyle. But basically, she has to remain married until she get full immigrant status.
Arrange marriages can work and be a good thing in countries/cultures with that tradition only. I don't think it works well in 'melting pot' countries.
Anyway, while an arranged marriage seemed like a good idea, the bride had no idea her husband was an alcoholic and had a drug problem. It's a sad event for the bride because narcotics contradict her traditional, reserved lifestyle. But basically, she has to remain married until she get full immigrant status.
Arrange marriages can work and be a good thing in countries/cultures with that tradition only. I don't think it works well in 'melting pot' countries.
works both ways
I've seen arranged marriages that were both successful and unsuccessful. Both were dependent upon how the couple viewed the future marriage. Both of these situations involved professional people [doctors and teachers]. In the first case, the groom dated widely until he found someone he wanted to marry. The bride wanted to marry him also. They had their parents arrange the terms of the marriage and everything went smoothly. The second case was a nightmare. The prospective bride's parents identified a man old enough to be her father. They had to pay a large sum of money to the man's family to have their son marry the woman. The prospective bride wanted nothing to do with this "old man", but her family wouldn't respect her wishes. She started boinking everyone in town, ran away, and returned home pregnant not knowing who the father was. The groom's people [back in India] found out about her situation and the "old man" was married to someone else. Her parents lost the dowry and a tremendous amount of status within their community--eventually relocating. Perhaps the message is that parents should help arrange marriages between willing participants, but avoid arranging marriages between folks who don't want to be married.
I've seen arranged marriages that were both successful and unsuccessful. Both were dependent upon how the couple viewed the future marriage. Both of these situations involved professional people [doctors and teachers]. In the first case, the groom dated widely until he found someone he wanted to marry. The bride wanted to marry him also. They had their parents arrange the terms of the marriage and everything went smoothly. The second case was a nightmare. The prospective bride's parents identified a man old enough to be her father. They had to pay a large sum of money to the man's family to have their son marry the woman. The prospective bride wanted nothing to do with this "old man", but her family wouldn't respect her wishes. She started boinking everyone in town, ran away, and returned home pregnant not knowing who the father was. The groom's people [back in India] found out about her situation and the "old man" was married to someone else. Her parents lost the dowry and a tremendous amount of status within their community--eventually relocating. Perhaps the message is that parents should help arrange marriages between willing participants, but avoid arranging marriages between folks who don't want to be married.
