The Porn Dude
Jerkmate

Self Review - Hamster

Hamster

TOE/BUNGHOLE INSPECTOR
Jun 21, 2002
367
0
0
45
On the Hill
Since the Hamster is low on cash, and none of the low priced SP's are turning his crank, he's decided to give himself a review:

It was Saturday night and the Hamster's wand was throbbing in his pants. The Hamster needed to release his gonads before they burst due to severe blue ball disease! So the Hamster found himself in the washroom staring at himself in the mirror... The Hamster's first impression was not bad, clean, well groomed, with a kinda sexy farmer's tan going on! No money needed to be exchanged, no small talk, and no worry of STD's. This one is clean...clean as it gets and best of all, no condom!!!! Next came one of the best HJ's of Hamster's life! It started off really slow, but quickly gained momentum. The strange part was...this SP really new how to stroke the Hamster's wand and knew when to stop, to prevent a premature jizz lobbing session! All this, and no words needed to be shared... The building and stopping continued a few more times, until the Hamster had had enough. The Hamster had to release his hot creamy cum, from the bowels of his nads. His Urethra screamed as the Jizz made it's way through his system, finally making it's way to the open air. thursting time and time again out of his body!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.........AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

After the Hamster composed himself, he cleaned his own dick and headed...well he headed for the kitchen...

Looks - 8
Attitude - 9
Service - 10
Toe - N/A
Bunghole - Never got a look
 

chuck1561

Banned
Oct 19, 2002
1,518
0
0
59
Victoria
Too Late..Scar'd For Life

I already got a visual....thanks a lot Hammy.... :mad:

ewwwwwwwwwww :rolleyes: :p but I guess you will be a repeat client as the price is always right;)
 
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Prospero

Member
Jun 26, 2003
134
0
16
*LMAO. Good one!

Now wonders if any of the divine females who visit the board will step up and do the female version... Fair play and all *L.
Now that could be something...
 

Lisa

New member
Jun 20, 2003
140
0
0
40
Hmmmm.. going into the kitchen.. that reminds me, I feel like a corona hehehe
Prospero, I can't really review myself, but my mini-pearl costed me 29.99 down, 4.29 a month batteries and 10.00 in new towels
hehehe
She works wonders she does.
 

Kev

New member
May 14, 2002
1,618
0
0
Hamster you're a card.

Kev would like to know, when you were stroking the chicken what lovely visions were floating around in your brain.

Was it the very lovely busty Angelina, minus the rabbit, or sexy Morgan. We can not play with the joystick without thinking about a very lovely babe. Who turns your crank?

Looks a 8 i think you're being way to modest.

I hope this is not another one of those threads that will come back to haunt you. --- Kev
 

hitrack

I'LL KILL YA ALL!!
Feb 25, 2003
3,893
0
0
Surrey
Just so ya know Hammy the condom van (aka DEYAS) DT gives out free lube. Hey, why buy the cow when ya get the milk for free!!
 

Saffire

Multi-faceted Member
Jun 28, 2003
271
0
0
My Own Private Idaho
Correct me if I'm wrong Hamster, but don't you see this SP on a daily basis? What prompted you to give a review of this session, and not the many, many others?

"Next came one of the best HJ's of Hamster's life!"

I say you need to start posting the bad or even mediocre sessions or I will be forced to call you nothing but a SHILL!!

Saffire:p
 
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freakychef

Unregistered Abuser
Apr 23, 2003
727
0
0
50
In my own imagination!!
Hammy this is my motto...

......I have lived by this "Nobody treats you like you treat yourself" Your free to use it if you like.
 
Apr 11, 2003
360
0
0
N/A
Geez buddy,

That really is n-ass-ty.
 

rickoshadows

Just another member!
May 11, 2002
909
0
16
60
Vancouver Island
OK HAMSTER, the toe may not apply, but no self review would be complete with a description of the bunghole!!! I assume you can reach it. :D
 
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chuck1561

Banned
Oct 19, 2002
1,518
0
0
59
Victoria
Thanks for Not......

Well at least you didn't say Recommended:rolleyes:
:p ;) :D
 

auditman

Member
Sep 5, 2002
68
0
6
Hammy was thinking of the old chinese lady by the Joyce Station while stroking the chicken. he he he he
 

Enyalion

New member
Apr 2, 2003
42
0
0
Maggie's Farm
Hamster, that's friggin' hilarious!

For a great routine in that vein listen to Tom Waits' into to "Better Off Without a Wife" from his classic Nighthawks At The Diner album.
 

tiggrr2

Journey Man
May 24, 2003
23
0
0
Vancouver
More humerous prose ....

(sung to the tune of "Macarena")

Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse, its the one with Sharon Stona.

Haaaaayyyy Masturbayta!!!

I go a little faster and it's feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain't enough, so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.

Haaaaaayyyy Masturbayta!!!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where it's beena

Haaaaaayyyy Masturbayta!!!

I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other's on my meata.
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.

Haaaaaayyyy Masturbayta!!!

Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata.
I've looked at Ms. Novemba now I'm gonna decorate her.


Haaaaaayyyy Masturbater!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.

HAAAAAYYYYYY MASTURBAYTA!!!
one more time...HAAAAAYYYYYY MASTURBAYTA!!!
 
Pink Cherry