Tara Green

Need a laugh?


New member
May 14, 2002
This was posted on TERB. --- Kev

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you..eh!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light, wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."


Just another member!
May 11, 2002
Vancouver Island
Heard on "Two and Half Men".

A Chiropractor is a masseuse without the happy ending.



Nov 28, 2003
Lower Mainland
One for ya Kev...

10. Halloween costume? No problem!
9. Detroit Red Wing goalies look like Santa; can earn extra money during the holidays.
8. Can check out the babes (or guys) rinkside without them even knowing.
7. Slash all you want; they send someone else to the box.
6. Padding gives the impression you're really buffed.
5. Helmet allows you to double as Darth Vader in any upcoming "Star Wars".
4. Can get inventive nickname like "Eddie".
3. Flexibility can be useful in other entertainment ventures, if you know what I mean.
2. Bruises can really bring out the color in your eyes.
1. Two Words: Bigger Stick.

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