Indy Companion

Is there love after escorting?

spaceghost

Haunting Whispers
Oct 19, 2002
1,201
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Vancouver
Is there really love after an SP’s career?

Can a long term SP really settle down into a life-long relationship after their ‘careers’?

This was a topic which came up while I was sitting around a bonfire with friends at a lake in southern Massachusetts last week.

My friends, whom I showed this board, and I had a hearty debate about this.

After a career of ‘professional sex’, can an SP really bond with any one man?

And by bond, I mean into a solid relationship (which survives over the long term) wherein their chosen companion is fully aware of their past and in which a meaningful bond is formed bound with the glue of sexual intimacy.

Unfortunately the only ones who can really answer that are the ones that have left escorting and are now in their senior years.

(although I am sure many of the fine women here will take issue in the positive, and I can already hear ‘Adventurer’ typing away at his keyboard).

One of the driving points that came up was that these are women who have spent countless years in sexual ‘scenes’ with man after man, men with whom they often have had little desire to know longer than the allotted hour.

Sex is reduced to theatre, those ‘scenes’ really one-act plays.

Can any man ever set aside that they are involved with a woman who specialized in selling dreams?

I mean, these are women who have probably mastered the art of fulfilling those wildest dreams and most enigmatic wants.

Some SP’s even consider that they are not far from playing the role of psychotherapist, enabling men to fulfill themselves.

But after years of ‘playing a role’, can you ever really know the woman behind the mask?

And can you ever know for sure if the role hasn’t continued… and you are just a passing actor in the ongoing play?

More importantly... does that seed of doubt create problems which one day tear the relationship apart?

We had a fascinating debate and I promised to put it to this group.

Care to comment?
 

oberon1999

Cariñoso; Affectueux !!!
Jan 13, 2003
326
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Lower Mainland
Well I'm not an Escort (duh) but it seems to me there is more to a lasting and loving relationship than sex (perish the thought). I mean it is kind of if everything is good in the relationship then sex is sort of a non issue, meaning it happens because of the rest of the relationship not as a means to make the relationship. Also if the realtionship is going south then sex often becomes an issue but that is due to other things going on in the realtionship. At least this has been my experience in my life... Now how this relates to a professional escort is a damn good question, she does not have to treat the person she is in a relationship with as a client that she has to please but more as a partner and what happens happens...

It's tough love, sex, friendship, relationships are hard enough without the added baggage ...

oberon
 

girlguru

dismember
Jan 4, 2003
158
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vancouver
How does one close themselves off emotionally, if even only for an hour at a time?
 

Poseidon

Mr. Controversy
Jul 21, 2003
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Your place or mine?
Hey Spaceghost,

Good topic and I see you have been pondering deeply on your time off. I agree with VL, it must take a certain amount of mental and emotional strength to stay grounded or normal in their real lives to have a relationship. As for the person dating the escort, I think it would be much harder for that person to be open and tolerant about such a relationship.

I think another question should be added on this topic:

Can an SP ever stay monagoumous for her one lover and would she ever sacrifice her job even though if it's what she loves to do?
 

sanityclause51

New member
Oct 17, 2003
161
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Vancouver
Can Sweet Girls ever forget Perb Men and find true happiness?

For this and other answers to the choices and circumstances of this hobby, call Paul Harvey... for the Rest of the story.. ;-)
 

Poseidon

Mr. Controversy
Jul 21, 2003
577
0
16
Your place or mine?
Yes you did mention it VL,

But I was too distracted by the 2 lumps of ice cream that looked like breast all covered in chocolate and you eating it and licking your spoon.
 

georgebushmoron

jus call me MR. President
Mar 25, 2003
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Seattle
If any of you are wondering whether a long-term SP can still have a serious love relationship after their careers....

I did, with 2 strippers, and also with one girl who worked at My Bali. Went out with her for about 1 year. Did not know she was an MP worker before we started going out .... and she was the one who clued me into that scene.

A person is pretty naive to think that just because a girl sells sex, she can't also fall in love.
 

chris222

New member
Aug 17, 2003
74
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I don't see any reason why there couldn't be love after escorting. In a sense this is a silly question.

The real question is, can there be love >during< escorting?

I assume that for most women, escorting wreaks havoc on their romantic life, destroying it for most of them.
 

Storm

Rainman
Aug 17, 2003
114
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Cloud Nine
I hope I don't step on anyones toes when I say this,

But there a lots of different kinds of love and varying degrees of it. For what I define as love between two people in relationship it seems people throw the term around like a hot potatoe.

1. Love is not just about the feeling you get when you're around a person.

2. Love is about sacrificing for the one you love.

Love has so many other dynamic qualities, but applying the two above to VL's case one can say she did not love her s/o enough to quit and the same can be said he did not love her enough as to accept her chosen profession...

Or in fact he did love her enough that he couldn't share her with anyone else.

I hope you do not mind me saying this VL as this is my feelings on it and I do not know your entire situation. I do know we have different definitions on what love is. This is coming from someone who rarely if ever says the word. :p
 

lynne

booster
Jul 21, 2003
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Edmonton
I find this question could so easily be switched to "can a man who so loves his "hobby" ever have a fulfilling, monogomous love relationship that excludes pooning?" Why does the idea that a woman who provides sexual services for a living and falls in love with a wonderful man seem so wrought with peril? If a man who loves his sp's falls for a woman and bears his soul to her, she would have to come to terms with the same sort of stigma, no?
 

Johnsam

New member
Aug 16, 2003
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Is it just a job or is it more?

SG I don't know if you or others touched on this point, but here goes. It all depends on the SP and the EC thing that was on other posts. If there is no EC with the client then it is just a job to her. Just like an Actor or Actress doing love scenes on a set can go home to their s/o. Now if they leave part of themselves at work then it becomes more difficult at home - of course they could then do a little acting at home. If the s/o can't handle it who's fault is that?
 

Henry Flowers

New member
Oct 11, 2003
38
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Lynne

I think the answer is more practical. The guy is just giving up a "hobby" (even if he loves it) not an addiction. The SP is giving up a career. As for the difference in stigma; there should be none, including that of victim/abuser per se.
 

lynne

booster
Jul 21, 2003
45
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Edmonton
Henry Flowers
...you are right, there should be no difference in the stigma, but I believe there is. That was my point. In the sex trade there are consentual buyers and sellers and the "perceived" barriers (and there aren't always barriers, I know plenty of happily "coupled" escorts that seem to have no issues) to these folks finding happiness in relationships should, in theory, be similar.

The biggest difference that I can see is the women would eventually have to own up to their career choices ("how do you pay rent, buy food, etc???") if in a relationship for any length of time, whereas the "hobbiest" could potentially keep his extra-curriculars to himself. And in all honesty guys, how easy would it be to give up the "hobby" for the same partner for any significant length of time? No judgement here, just an honest question. If it were me, I would have a hard time. If she/he were worth the sacrifice perhaps it would be simply a matter of making a decision to stop. But this aint golf, guys, and I assume that "pooning" serves a need beyond sinking a putt on a well groomed green and a beer in the clubhouse with your pals. It is about fulfillment on many levels; sexual, emotional, intellectual, self-esteem, curiosity, perversions, variety, sensations, fantasies, etc.... and a difficult hobby, whether it has reached addiction status or not, to walk away from. Just an observation.

I know that as a former stripper and occasional escort, I had to make some pretty big changes to my psyche before I could commit to any man/woman. I enjoyed my time in the business for many reasons, but the dysfunctional ones were by far the most difficult to put aside, eg; esteem issues, addictions, inability to pull off the 9 to 5, easy cash, etc... But I still couldn't abandon my interest in and, hmmm, aptitude for sex, so now I am an educator and sex is still my business, if only in theory.

Now if only I could convince my employer to pay me what I am worth..... perhaps a little B&D may change his mind... nothing like the crack of the whip to scare him into submission. Oops, just thinking outloud... forgive me.
 

Henry Flowers

New member
Oct 11, 2003
38
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Lynne

I can't speak for everone but I know in my case, and I would guess, in the majority of others', pooning is a substitute when not in a relationship. I assume that, as with me, when in a relationship the pooning stops. Also there is plenty of stigmatization awaiting any pooner who LE catches or happens to be outed.
 

SPinVic

New member
Jun 14, 2003
89
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Victoria
Is there love after a sp career?

Silly Spaceghost...of course there is!

There is love before, during(for some) and after. Before I entered this wonderful world of escorts, I was in love, a faithful wife for years and there is no doubt in my mind that I will be again.

As an escort, there is no turning off of my emotions, how can I do that as a human being? I truly enjoy the time that I spend with each of the gentlemen that I am with. I enjoy the companionship. the conversations and of course the passion. Is it love? Of course not. That takes time, getting to know someone. I look forward to the day that I can completely give myself, body, heart and soul to someone and they do the same in return. Someone who reaches all those places in me.

I am much more than an escort, I am a woman, sister, mother, friend, employee etc etc. When I leave the business, I leave that part of me behind in the past. While I am in the business, I shall enjoy it!
 

sunnysideup

Member
Mar 8, 2003
109
1
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Vancouver Island
Julia, there's something I'm not understanding

You say on the one hand that "When I turn my phone off i am "secret real name" and don't give my job a second thought. It's the only way to keep this type of job from taking over your life and sucking you dry emotionally". Then on the other hand, "Escorting is really not such a big deal. I am a very laid back liberal person though, so i can enjoy sex for what it is without heaping all sorts of emotional baggage on to it."

What I don't understand is how escorting must be separated from your real life or it sucks you dry emotionally and how you can enjoy sex without heaping all sorts of emotional baggage on to it. I know you well enough from your posts to realize that you see a distinction between sex and escorting but I don't understand what distinction you mean. Is it simply that sex, per se, doesn't instill you with feelings of guilt, etc. but that other factors in the escorting game (such as risk, stretching social boundaries, etc.) do? Could it be that recreational sex doesn't create emotional distress for you but professional sex might?

Can you enlighten me?
 
Last edited:
Pink Cherry