Is there a way to test someone's love?

[Willingham]

So I am involved in a complex situation with a girl that has multiple issues, one of them being drugs..I know... I met her as an SP and before I knew it, we were hanging out doing shopping and whatever.

She tells me she loves me and wants to go to drug treatment, wants to spend her life with me... I am still waiting on the drug treatment.... I do love her but am scared to death of this whole thing.

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

Is she just jerking my chain? My love with her is blind. I am no dummy but my will of protecting myself seems to fail when I am with her...

Help me..

 

[Aerts]

Is this that girl you posted about a month ago? WTF are you still doing with her?! I know what you are going through and I know her type. Believe me, she doesn't care about you, she is just taking you for a ride. The situation is not complex at all, get out while you still can.

 

[Pantherdash]

She'll say or do anything for drugs. Get out of it while you still can. It's not worth the grief.

Panther

 

[apple juice]

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

I don't know the whole situation with you two but going by what you've written alone...I think that yeah...you should help her get treatment if you love her. I guess ultimately it will be up to you to decide if you still want to see her or not if she so chooses not to get clean. Either way...do what you feel is right for you.

 

[d_Duck55]

Simple test:

Lock her and your dog in the trunk of your car. After an hour, let them both out. The one who is happiest to see you at that moment is the one who loves you. Hint: It will be the furry one.

 

[CalgaryJenn]

So I am involved in a complex situation with a girl that has multiple issues, one of them being drugs..I know... I met her as an SP and before I knew it, we were hanging out doing shopping and whatever.

She tells me she loves me and wants to go to drug treatment, wants to spend her life with me... I am still waiting on the drug treatment.... I do love her but am scared to death of this whole thing.

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

Is she just jerking my chain? My love with her is blind. I am no dummy but my will of protecting myself seems to fail when I am with her...

Help me..

There are companies in the US that you can hire to have somebody hit on your partner to see if they will cheat. Get one of your buddies to hit on her. I dunno.

 

[Ima]

Tell her you can't love her unless she is clean... The only help you can give is support her through her treatment, but she needs to become clean on her own and has to want to be clean for herself...

If she doesn't want to be clean, she never will be, then it is time to either be her friend if you have that ability... If you don't, move along and tell her to look you up in the funny pages when she is clean...

Until she is clean, there is no test of love, the drugs haze everything...

Good luck man..

 

[threepeat]

So I am involved in a complex situation with a girl that has multiple issues, one of them being drugs..I know... I met her as an SP and before I knew it, we were hanging out doing shopping and whatever.

She tells me she loves me and wants to go to drug treatment, wants to spend her life with me... I am still waiting on the drug treatment.... I do love her but am scared to death of this whole thing.

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

Is she just jerking my chain? My love with her is blind. I am no dummy but my will of protecting myself seems to fail when I am with her...

Help me..

You're right, love is blind. That's why the guys are here can tell you to leave her, because they've never shared what you've shared with her. Yes, they are probably the sensible ones, but if you cast her aside before you are ready, you might be having regrets about what might have been down the road. To paraphrase Dr. Phil, part of being in a relationship is your relationship with yourself.

With that in mind, ask yourself how far you want to go with her. And if the answer is farther than you already have, then I think take baby steps with her. This means counselling and therapy and getting something back from her in return, even if it's just progress in getting herself better. If these baby steps seem to get you and her somewhere, then maybe it's worth it after all. But if they go nowhere, you will at least have the peace of mind of knowing you tried your best.

I would suggest protecting yourself financially though. Don't leave loose money around, don't share financial accounts with her, don't give her anything that she can wipe you out with. Drug addiction is a powerful thing, and as much as she cares for you she will probably have her moments of weakness where the addiction wins out. No sense having to deal with the emotional betrayal as well as a financial one.

Good luck.

 

[athaire]

You're right, love is blind. That's why the guys are here can tell you to leave her, because they've never shared what you've shared with her. Yes, they are probably the sensible ones, but if you cast her aside before you are ready, you might be having regrets about what might have been down the road. To paraphrase Dr. Phil, part of being in a relationship is your relationship with yourself.

With that in mind, ask yourself how far you want to go with her. And if the answer is farther than you already have, then I think take baby steps with her. This means counselling and therapy and getting something back from her in return, even if it's just progress in getting herself better. If these baby steps seem to get you and her somewhere, then maybe it's worth it after all. But if they go nowhere, you will at least have the peace of mind of knowing you tried your best.

I would suggest protecting yourself financially though. Don't leave loose money around, don't share financial accounts with her, don't give her anything that she can wipe you out with. Drug addiction is a powerful thing, and as much as she cares for you she will probably have her moments of weakness where the addiction wins out. No sense having to deal with the emotional betrayal as well as a financial one.

Good luck.

What he said.....best advice so far.......

 

[Aerts]

You're right, love is blind. That's why the guys are here can tell you to leave her, because they've never shared what you've shared with her. Yes, they are probably the sensible ones, but if you cast her aside before you are ready, you might be having regrets about what might have been down the road.

They are not a couple in love, he is her sugar daddy, and she is his crazy alcoholic/addict beneficiary. WTF do you expect to happen best case scenario? She gets sober in a 28 day treatment center, his refusal to leave her side in her darkest hour inspires her to stop being a lying hoe and give up drugs/booze/sex for money? They get married and move to the suburbs, leading a relatively normal life? Where they share hobbies, do 'couple things', with the possible addition of the pitter patter of little feet?

 

[ChineseDude]

A ho is a ho, no disrespect, don't try to change a ho into a lady. This here game, you pay for them SP and get out. Let no emotion get in the way. It'll hurt.

 

[visioneast]

...

So I am involved in a complex situation with a girl that has multiple issues, one of them being drugs..I know... I met her as an SP and before I knew it, we were hanging out doing shopping and whatever.

She tells me she loves me and wants to go to drug treatment, wants to spend her life with me... I am still waiting on the drug treatment.... I do love her but am scared to death of this whole thing.

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

Is she just jerking my chain? My love with her is blind. I am no dummy but my will of protecting myself seems to fail when I am with her...

Help me..

Bro... we've had this conversation before.

She probably hurts you more than she "tells" you she loves you.

This 'relationship' you have with her is considered unhealthy from every angle.

You said your will of protecting yourself seems to fail when you are with her, then it means you are the one who needs to go to drug treatment because she is the 'drug'.

 

[jyackie]

So I am involved in a complex situation with a girl that has multiple issues, one of them being drugs..I know... I met her as an SP and before I knew it, we were hanging out doing shopping and whatever.

She tells me she loves me and wants to go to drug treatment, wants to spend her life with me... I am still waiting on the drug treatment.... I do love her but am scared to death of this whole thing.

What do I do? Refuse to see her anymore unless she gets clean? Should I even attempt to help her in treatment.

Is she just jerking my chain? My love with her is blind. I am no dummy but my will of protecting myself seems to fail when I am with her...

Help me..

You're lost in the confusion of your blindness. Take a step back and ask for some time for yourself. Let her know that you need some time and space to figure some things. Take a week to let things settle and then revisit your situation, feelings and "love" for your friend keeping in mind all the advice from your friendly neighborhood perbites.
Take care.

 

[Aerts]

A ho is a ho, no disrespect, don't try to change a ho into a lady. This here game, you pay for them SP and get out. Let no emotion get in the way. It'll hurt.

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[Willingham]

I am amazed at the responses - Thank you.

I need professional help and i am going to get it.

 

[bigguy]

Yo Willingham

"I am amazed at the responses - Thank you.

I need professional help and i am going to get it."

________________________________

Willingham: If DO genuinely seek professional help, then YOU at least are salvageable. (That you make that statement is reassuring.) However, if you are NOT genuine, you are probably into the "woe is me" victim thing. You becoming the repetitive victim will swiftly erode any support or sympathy from intelligent sources from whom you may seek help or comfort. DON'T GO THERE!!

Good luck. We who don't have to (or never had to) deal with this contemporary curse should kiss the ground beneath our feet in prayer and thanks.

bigguy

 

[Willingham]

UPDATE: I have received counselling to settle my issues and have not had any contact with her selfish ways. Until I received a call from a n unknown number today:

She has been arrested and it seems she has a few pending charges. I declined to post bail for her sorry ass. I told her jail was the best place for her at this time - maybe it will help her with her addiction....Of course, I am an asshole and she cannot trust me ever again.

Word to the wise: is a little bit of brief sex worth all the grief, pain and drama of dealing with a person like this? Clearly not and a tough lesson learned for me.

Good - Its over and I'm not going back.

Thank you all.

 

[ihatemyskirt]

This is laughable and hubba hubba you are such an appropriate last poster for this thread. The end.

 

[d_Duck55]

is a little bit of brief sex worth all the grief, pain and drama of dealing with a person like this?

If all you got was sex and not love, then $300/hour for a beautiful woman with her head on straight is a hell of a bargain.

To quote Ron White: "you can't fix stupid".

 

[CODe333]

This is serious stuff. I've known addicted SPs (and just general addicts) who kicked their habits and went on to marry, have careers, become strong healthy, happy, trustworthy people, etc. If you meet someone like that AFTER they've become clean and happy for a time (usually a few years) it can work. Ex-addicts can be utterly amazing people, some of the best you'll ever meet. I've NEVER seen it work with anyone who was with them while or during the change from whore/addict. Maybe a Ghandi of love could pull it off, but let's face it - that's more likely in the movies than in real life. You've done the right thing and you'll be stronger for it. Too bad for her, perhaps she'll hit bottom and find her way out. That's rare. In a few months you'll look back and think WTF was I thinking?

Sex and attraction are a tricky business for sure. Time with an SP is supposed to be fun, a monied transaction from which both benefit via a temporary arrangement, IMHO. A good SP makes you feel great and might even enjoy her work. When things shift like they did with you passions cloud the mind and make for crazy. This sort of thing can happen to anyone (we've all been "crazy" in love, no?). Some guys on PERB seem pretty bitter and cynical about women in general (and I'm sure some of them have been genuinely burned) but I hope you're able to find a perspective that allows you to truly trust a woman. Myself, I've had to deal with major misogyny (some of it well founded) and have found that journey rewarding. Recreational sex always carries with it a hidden danger of emotional attachment. It may be time to take a vacation from poonville and let your inner life sort itself out. I'm not in a position to judge your emotional state but my experince in life and love tells me you might need a good time out. Something to think about. Or maybe a fuck will do the trick.

I wish you well.

CODe333