I was a virgin. There, I said it.
You know how people say they feel safe behind their monitor posting stuff on the internet cause no one knows who you are? It’s true. Some people become the meanest people in the world and say hurtful things they normally would not and others feel the courage to say things they’d never admit in public.
Remember when you saw the movie ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’? I recall being in the theater with friends and everyone was laughing and roaring at Steve Carell’s frantic attempts to lose his virginity. Everyone was laughing…except me. I was doing a lot of cringing. Good thing it was dark. No one saw…
Now I’m not 40, but I’m not young anymore either. And I run across a lot of women who just get that amazed/shocked expression on their faces when they find out. The comments that come out are: ‘but you’re good-looking’, ‘you take good care of yourself’, ‘you’re funny and nice’, ‘I’d date you if I didn’t have a boyfriend’, and my all-time favourite ‘HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN??’
Okay, let’s put to rest the stereotype that if you’re good-looking, single and freaking OLD you must be 1) a psycho, 2) a closet molester and 3) absolutely have no people skills whatsoever because I’m none of those. I don’t care if you really believe me, but this post is for others who’re in the same boat as me, and I just wanna say that you’re not alone.
Still with me here? I’ll get to Eve cause I want to save the best for last. And she was out of this world…
Aiight. So, how was I still a virgin? Well, the story is pretty convoluted and long, but in the end it all makes some crazy kind of sense.
I met this guy named ‘Ted’. Ted always had this pride, this immaculate need to look great, be great and generally date the prettiest girl around. He needed it because his ego was one of the biggest and darkest black holes I had ever seen. He constantly needed to be fed compliments just to feel good. He was also a really good-looking guy cause he looked like the split image of Brad Pitt. He was also very athletic with barely any body fat to him and he worked out. He was ripped. And he knew it. He turned girl’s eyes wherever he went. He was at the gym. He was on the football team. But the screwed up part was he rarely ever got any girlfriends. And I was along for the bumpy ride cause I was his only best friend. Whether it be school or the club he’d always go after the best-looking girls, whether they had boyfriends or not, and despite what you may have read stealing girls away from boyfriends with great-looks and charm doesn’t work very well in real life. It makes you hated. It earns you a bad rep, and that rep really gets around. We found out the hard way. Being his best friend, I lost count of the number of times I tried to set him straight. But he wouldn’t listen. He kept on doing the same thing, time and time again. And that got him more and more hated. And that got me thrown in the same boat. But I stuck it out with him. Cause he was my best friend.
We both got jobs as lifeguards at a city pool. It was at this job that Ted was accused of sexual assault on another girl lifeguard. He fought the charge and told me he was innocent. The girl told me what happened, but I didn’t believe her. It wasn’t rape. From what she said I figured at most it was molestation. But my friend was charged with sexual assault and fired on the spot. I even met a really pretty blonde lifeguard and we were getting friendly. Then she found out about my friend and the growing friendship totally turned hostile. Being my best friend I believed him and soon quit after, because at that point all my coworkers and supervisors hated me as well. But looking back on it, I really did think he assaulted that girl. I was pretty blinded at the time with loyalty to my best friend.
University. And more of the same from my friend Ted. This is where it fell apart. With a huge population of women, he really went to work. He ended up breaking up a lot of relationships, both boyfriend, girlfriend and even a few married relationships, all just to satisfy his massive ego. Then he got arrested for breaking and entering into a girl’s apartment because she broke up with him. Then he got into an argument with a girl he had been stalking in a bar. The girl got so angry with him she punched him in the face. The bouncers threw her out and he sauntered back over and told everyone that it wasn’t his fault.
I remember that night vividly because that was the night I told him our friendship was over. And I walked out of the club, got in my car and drove out of his life.
Time went by. And then I almost died. I had a brain tumor coupled with an aneurism. It almost killed me. The surgeons who operated said I was very lucky. After the freaky incident, I started eating right. I started exercising and slowly ramped it up. I’ve been working out for almost 12 months straight now. But I got to thinking that it could happen again. My family is really prone to medical conditions that kills you. And Time wasn’t standing still. Hell with it, I know it’s been said, but I didn’t want to die a virgin. I wanted to get laid. If the brain condition happened to me once, it could happen again without me knowing it.
So I started browsing the ‘net. I’ve been lurking on boards like these for a while now. I really took note of who the really great girls are. I wanted my first time to be with someone who was kind, nice, caring, tender and above all treat you like you were her world and she was excited just to be with you.
I was looking for a ‘Companion’! Kidding! You nerds out there probably got that sci-fi reference!
I had my search narrowed down to a few great girls. But one girl stood out above all the rest – though the others sounded really wonderful too. It was hard to chose. But I felt like I wanted my first time to be memorable. To be special.
You know how people say they feel safe behind their monitor posting stuff on the internet cause no one knows who you are? It’s true. Some people become the meanest people in the world and say hurtful things they normally would not and others feel the courage to say things they’d never admit in public.
Remember when you saw the movie ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’? I recall being in the theater with friends and everyone was laughing and roaring at Steve Carell’s frantic attempts to lose his virginity. Everyone was laughing…except me. I was doing a lot of cringing. Good thing it was dark. No one saw…
Now I’m not 40, but I’m not young anymore either. And I run across a lot of women who just get that amazed/shocked expression on their faces when they find out. The comments that come out are: ‘but you’re good-looking’, ‘you take good care of yourself’, ‘you’re funny and nice’, ‘I’d date you if I didn’t have a boyfriend’, and my all-time favourite ‘HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN??’
Okay, let’s put to rest the stereotype that if you’re good-looking, single and freaking OLD you must be 1) a psycho, 2) a closet molester and 3) absolutely have no people skills whatsoever because I’m none of those. I don’t care if you really believe me, but this post is for others who’re in the same boat as me, and I just wanna say that you’re not alone.
Still with me here? I’ll get to Eve cause I want to save the best for last. And she was out of this world…
Aiight. So, how was I still a virgin? Well, the story is pretty convoluted and long, but in the end it all makes some crazy kind of sense.
I met this guy named ‘Ted’. Ted always had this pride, this immaculate need to look great, be great and generally date the prettiest girl around. He needed it because his ego was one of the biggest and darkest black holes I had ever seen. He constantly needed to be fed compliments just to feel good. He was also a really good-looking guy cause he looked like the split image of Brad Pitt. He was also very athletic with barely any body fat to him and he worked out. He was ripped. And he knew it. He turned girl’s eyes wherever he went. He was at the gym. He was on the football team. But the screwed up part was he rarely ever got any girlfriends. And I was along for the bumpy ride cause I was his only best friend. Whether it be school or the club he’d always go after the best-looking girls, whether they had boyfriends or not, and despite what you may have read stealing girls away from boyfriends with great-looks and charm doesn’t work very well in real life. It makes you hated. It earns you a bad rep, and that rep really gets around. We found out the hard way. Being his best friend, I lost count of the number of times I tried to set him straight. But he wouldn’t listen. He kept on doing the same thing, time and time again. And that got him more and more hated. And that got me thrown in the same boat. But I stuck it out with him. Cause he was my best friend.
We both got jobs as lifeguards at a city pool. It was at this job that Ted was accused of sexual assault on another girl lifeguard. He fought the charge and told me he was innocent. The girl told me what happened, but I didn’t believe her. It wasn’t rape. From what she said I figured at most it was molestation. But my friend was charged with sexual assault and fired on the spot. I even met a really pretty blonde lifeguard and we were getting friendly. Then she found out about my friend and the growing friendship totally turned hostile. Being my best friend I believed him and soon quit after, because at that point all my coworkers and supervisors hated me as well. But looking back on it, I really did think he assaulted that girl. I was pretty blinded at the time with loyalty to my best friend.
University. And more of the same from my friend Ted. This is where it fell apart. With a huge population of women, he really went to work. He ended up breaking up a lot of relationships, both boyfriend, girlfriend and even a few married relationships, all just to satisfy his massive ego. Then he got arrested for breaking and entering into a girl’s apartment because she broke up with him. Then he got into an argument with a girl he had been stalking in a bar. The girl got so angry with him she punched him in the face. The bouncers threw her out and he sauntered back over and told everyone that it wasn’t his fault.
I remember that night vividly because that was the night I told him our friendship was over. And I walked out of the club, got in my car and drove out of his life.
Time went by. And then I almost died. I had a brain tumor coupled with an aneurism. It almost killed me. The surgeons who operated said I was very lucky. After the freaky incident, I started eating right. I started exercising and slowly ramped it up. I’ve been working out for almost 12 months straight now. But I got to thinking that it could happen again. My family is really prone to medical conditions that kills you. And Time wasn’t standing still. Hell with it, I know it’s been said, but I didn’t want to die a virgin. I wanted to get laid. If the brain condition happened to me once, it could happen again without me knowing it.
So I started browsing the ‘net. I’ve been lurking on boards like these for a while now. I really took note of who the really great girls are. I wanted my first time to be with someone who was kind, nice, caring, tender and above all treat you like you were her world and she was excited just to be with you.
I was looking for a ‘Companion’! Kidding! You nerds out there probably got that sci-fi reference!
I had my search narrowed down to a few great girls. But one girl stood out above all the rest – though the others sounded really wonderful too. It was hard to chose. But I felt like I wanted my first time to be memorable. To be special.





