Disabled clients for SP's? & Ideas etc.

[PatrickGC]

I have a physical condition called Cerebral Palsy which manifests itself in muscle rigidity, not as in extreme stiffness, rather a lack of smooth motion. However everything works just fine equipment wise with a little patience. I was a regular of one SP for about four years until they retired, got married and moved on to family matters.

During that time, there was a sustained and very noticeable improvement in my physical condition. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it was the time spent with the SP. True we did like each other and after four years were friends as well. But it was the physical act of sex and all that that entails, which really did the trick.

It demonstrated a couple of things though which I think most people miss in this negative stereotype laden work: (I'm going to call it work because that's what it is.)

1. It as a legitimate occupation and those providing it deserve common decency.
2. It has benefits way beyond the physical. Personally after my experience, in my opinion it should be considered a legitimate health expense.
3. This event got me wondering how common are disabled clients for SP's? Both male and female, I suspect there is a great need on both sides. Vancouver is a bit of a mecca for disabled services and society.

Did approach an occupational therapist and the GF Strong rehabilitation center here in Vancouver with question number three. To say their response was the look of "shock" would be understating it. They're fine with the theoretical and boyfriend girlfriend concept. But openly bringing the services of SP's definitely takes them where they are not willing to go.

So on the spur of the moment I thought I would just throw this out there to get some comments directly from you the SPs, clients, and whoever else wants to join in.

PatrickGC

 

[LonelyGhost]

It surprises me that a doc at GF strong would be shocked by such a question. Maybe a nurse or OT or something but a doc should have handled it better.

doctors are among the worst moralizers on the planet!

i have gotten lots of lectures on the evils of sex by male doctors ... ironically, my new doctor is female and is cool with all things sexual including sex with sp's as long as its all 'safe' (within reason).

and the only time that i think 'sex' is 'evil' is when it involves kids and/or coersion or violence.

a disabled but 'consenting' adult should not get lectures or otherwise be barred from expressing sexuality.

 

[PatrickGC]

It surprises me that a doc at GF strong would be shocked by such a question. Maybe a nurse or OT or something but a doc should have handled it better.

There was recently a segment on exactly this topic on one of the TV shows about sex, I believe it was SexTV but I might be remembering wrong. They also discussed things like specialized vibrators, etc etc for people with various disabilities. One of the things that they made a point of was that people in wheelchairs (or whatever) were sexual beings just like everyone else.

Yes, jjinvan , that was an excellent episode of sex TV. I was quite impressed. But again it easier to support the commonsense philosophically, than it is to follow through physically setting up a situation in real life. Progress is being made but in an incredibly slow pace. Lectures are given, papers written, agencies and institutions are involved on many levels. And yet when you say, OK this group of people needing service can be male or female. Let's set up a room and contact willing SPs. Things get a little touchy.

It is a complicated issue especially for persons who are institutionalized or more need ongoing health care support. But we're talking about a fundamental human need that is basic to everyone. A healthy sex life is, in my humble opinion, the core of a person's self-esteem.

I didn't have sex until I was in my 20s and by then, the lack, had developed almost into a pathological fear that I would never have that opportunity. I had accepted the subtle messages throughout my life thus far that sex was outside of the realm of possibilities.

Since everyone is literally designed to have sex, this meant, on an emotional level than I was less than human. Emotions really dictate who you think you are. If you're feeling great, you do great things. On the other hand, if negative emotions are in play, you live down to whatever you feel you deserve.

What turned things around for me was a radical friend of mine. Who one day, out of the blue called me up and said "Patrick, get a hundred bucks together." I asked why? They answered "I'll tell you when I see you." I was totally clueless. My friend wisely understood that if he told me what he was up to directly I probably would have been so fearful and I would have sabotaged the plan.

Well, he appeared at the door, with a bottle of wine in one hand and the gorgeous blonde SP right beside. Before I knew it, a glass of wine had mellowed me out and Mother nature had kicked in. The rest I'll leave to your imagination.... that very nice one night stand conveyed one great message. Specifically everyone deserves a sex life. Bar none. I didn't feel as odd anymore. Yes, I had a disability. But I could do it and enjoyed being with someone. That awful scary nagging doubt about whether I deserved it was gone permanently. Socially things became a lot easier.

So sex is really about integrating someone into society. What we do most privately will indeed affect what we do publicly. Therefore to deny someone the right to explore this issue fully, and ongoing, is beyond cruelty in my mind.

I shall now get off my soapbox.

PatrickGC

 

[slow__hand]

"Emotions really dictate who you think you are. If you're feeling great, you do great things. On the other hand, if negative emotions are in play, you live down to whatever you feel you deserve. "......PATRICK

Well said Patrick! Just about when the interest level wanes with some of the comments and rationale spoken on this board...someone like you comes along and gives gold. That would be you..and your wise buddy.

I suggest your motivation has nothing to do with $$$, power,self absorption or addiction which dominates this landscape.

Pretty straight forward


On the whole your post was a welcome respite...opens some doors... as did several replies.

 

[Dakota Wood]

I think the mainstream public in general thinks of the mentally and physically disabled having sex much the way they think of the elderly 'doing it'. They try not to. For some reason, sex is thought of as something that only the younger, able bodied do. I call bullshit. It's just not so. I know of a man who at 84 tried viagra because his wife of age 78 asked him to. Good on them!

Once the hormones kick in as teens, we are all sexual beings, regardless of the state of our minds or bodies. We can be until the day we die, with the right head space. There was a woman who used to drop off her 30ish son, who due to a head injury, was mentally around 14. She realized that altho he was a child mentally, physically he had needs. God bless her for understanding that and realizing that in his condition he was probably not going to charm his way into a woman's pants any time soon. I think she is the coolest mom ever, to go along with Patrick's coolest friend ever

 

[schizo_man]

patrickgc, good on ya for starting this topic. I too have a physical disability so I know a bit of where you are coming from.

In the Netherlands, it is a common practice for people with physical AND/OR mental disabilities to visit the brothels. There seems to be a greater acceptance in Europe towards seeing everyone as sexual beings.

 

[PatrickGC]

Well said Patrick! Just about when the interest level wanes with some of the comments and rationale spoken on this board...someone like you comes along and gives gold. That would be you..and your wise buddy.

I suggest your motivation has nothing to do with $$$, power,self absorption or addiction which dominates this landscape.

Pretty straight forward


On the whole your post was a welcome respite...opens some doors... as did several replies.

slow__hand:

What motivates me here is passion for myself and others. Everyone involved on all sides of the equation, on all income levels. It sometimes baffles me how society has adopted these bizarre preconceptions about something so basic to everyone and the shallow way it is treated.

Perhaps it is because in order to reach a truly fulfilling erotic experience a person needs to understand what motivates them emotionally and why. As a society, we don't like to do that, preferring a quick fix to distract us. Combine that the fact that sex will bring to the service emotions and memories, and you have the true recipe for heaven or hell. By asking people to accept those who work in the erotic fields, we are at the same time, because sex is a common thread, also asking people to address their own self-awareness. It is essential therefore the people be encouraged to explore their physical and emotional sides.

People learn by example so enable them in a positive experience and you give them the tools to overcome the negative. That's a massive oversimplification I know. But it's true.

PatrickGC

PS:Message posting across all forums on the Internet seems to follow an ebb and flow pattern. Usually there is a great explosion of discussion followed by a period where people burn out for a bit. Don't panic if this happens, things will cycle up again.

 

[The Lizard King]

Hello Patrick,
Great topic. I rented a male provider for a female friend with MS one time and while it was a great experience for her, and really lifted her spirits for some time, it was obviously not something he was ever prepared for. It would be very compassionate of the "system" to endorse, support, and even provide or subsidize these services, or at the very least be in a position to counsel or make recommendations to folks who require them, but unfortunately I don't that will happen any time soon.

I don't want to hijack your thread, but in my opinion, the actual legalization of marijuana for medicinal use would also be a benefit. I've seen first hand how the use of weed be it smoked, consumed in baking form, or used as a tincture before bed can help people with MS sleep comfortably and alleviate pain and spasticity. Again, don't mean to hijack the thread, just figured I'd add to it.

Best of luck to you!

 

[PatrickGC]

PatrickGC,
that was really cool, and your friend is a great friend. (repetitive, but could not think of any other way to phrase it)

Dessert:

Unfortunately, my friend died many years ago when AIDS first hit. I sure do miss him. He wasn't at a political activist or involved with any particular group. He just had a very clear-cut way of looking at things. Basically if there was a need in any respect. He would cut through the bullish and address people directly on it. So if you can imagine yet a great number of friends. And a great number of people who hated his guts. He was sometimes loud and obnoxious and completely unapologetic of getting rises [red face and all] out of those who did not agree with him.

But if someone needed help he was there in a second. The event with him in the SP showing up at my door was only one of many sometimes rather bizarre adventures. He was one of two people who I can truly say brought me out of a very introverted and passive way of looking at things.

PatrickGC

 

[PatrickGC]

It really makes my heart soar​

To see all this honest and healthy positive thread. Sorry my voice recognition software is beginning to act up a little bit-mainly because I'm going just a tad horse. I really do want to respond every single message here is is just so great!!!

Wisdom is telling me I should take a break for the rest of the day. Another question has occurred to me related to this thread.

A EROSHA therapist once told me, that they liked to work with disabled clients because the emotional responses were more intense. In this kind of erotic therapy emotions do play a key role. [Personally I can't imagine having a fulfilling sexual experience without emotions. But that's just me, I think, very connected emotionally to those around me.]

The question: Is There a Difference in the emotional effect on disabled people? Generally speaking.

Take care everyone, see you tomorrow.
PatrickGC

 

[SoftHandsAnne]

Patrick, sexuality and disabled people was the theme a blog post on Eros Blog a short while ago http://www.erosblog.com/archives/00000527.htm on which I commented.

That documentary was very good, and I had actually been corresponding with the doctor (he read my reply and contacted me) about taking the courses to become a surrogate. Alas... they are in the US. Somehow.... somehow...

It is still very sad to me that sexuality is not often part of the equation.

 

[LonelyGhost]

It is still very sad to me that sexuality is not often part of the equation.

I can claim 10 visits to a chiropractor, and 10 visits to a massage therapist and 10 visits to a psychologist but not one visit to an sp and she manages all three in one session plus a bonus or two!

there's something really wrong with this!

 

[shedevil]

I have a physical condition called Cerebral Palsy which manifests itself in muscle rigidity, not as in extreme stiffness, rather a lack of smooth motion. However everything works just fine equipment wise with a little patience. I was a regular of one SP for about four years until they retired, got married and moved on to family matters.

During that time, there was a sustained and very noticeable improvement in my physical condition. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it was the time spent with the SP. True we did like each other and after four years were friends as well. But it was the physical act of sex and all that that entails, which really did the trick.

It demonstrated a couple of things though which I think most people miss in this negative stereotype laden work: (I'm going to call it work because that's what it is.)

1. It as a legitimate occupation and those providing it deserve common decency.
2. It has benefits way beyond the physical. Personally after my experience, in my opinion it should be considered a legitimate health expense.
3. This event got me wondering how common are disabled clients for SP's? Both male and female, I suspect there is a great need on both sides. Vancouver is a bit of a mecca for disabled services and society.

Did approach an occupational therapist and the GF Strong rehabilitation center here in Vancouver with question number three. To say their response was the look of "shock" would be understating it. They're fine with the theoretical and boyfriend girlfriend concept. But openly bringing the services of SP's definitely takes them where they are not willing to go.

So on the spur of the moment I thought I would just throw this out there to get some comments directly from you the SPs, clients, and whoever else wants to join in.

PatrickGC

Hey,

I have seen disabled clients. Prosthetics, mentally disabled, and a host of other disabilities. People with advanced diabetes that have trouble preforming...


For me, as long as I know beforehand.

One of my old clients from an MP had been waiting for a liver for years and used to stop by after his dialysis.

I always hoped the best for him and have lost touch with him.

It would be rather shallow of me to say that it did matter because all people need relief, company and intimacy.


SD

 

[PatrickGC]

Hello Patrick,
...I rented a male provider for a female friend with MS one time and while it was a great experience for her, and really lifted her spirits for some time, it was obviously not something he was ever prepared for. It would be very compassionate of the "system" to endorse, support, and even provide or subsidize these services, or at the very least be in a position to counsel or make recommendations to folks who require them, but unfortunately I don't that will happen any time soon.

I don't want to hijack your thread, but in my opinion, the actual legalization of marijuana for medicinal use would also be a benefit. I've seen first hand how the use of weed be it smoked, consumed in baking form, or used as a tincture before bed can help people with MS sleep comfortably and alleviate pain and spasticity. Again, don't mean to hijack the thread, just figured I'd add to it.

Best of luck to you!

Hi Lizard King:

Man I am so glad you brought the intimacy needs of women up!. This seems to be a part of sexuality in society that is just not spoken about. And this is really bizarre because, without the participation of women it would be a lot of depressed men out there. I've talked to many friends over the years and acquaintances. And I hear two things from disabled women

• Hey what about us!
• And what's the SP's number?!!!

Some people want just intimate touch while others are looking for more. It is my opinion that women face much harder challenges in this realm than do the males. Turn on the TV and count how many supermodels you see within an hour. While for guys, society seems to have a much more forgiving physical image, which includes but is not limited to, the perfect body-whenever that is-to the slightly unkempt rebel image.

You're not hijacking this thread in all. The whole thing is really about comfort physical and mental. I don't use drugs at all and that's a personal choice-occasionally I'll go at to share a drink or two with friends of course. I'm definitely not a prude. Have tried, both marijuana and LSD, and they both interfere with that personal connection I have developed with myself over the years. But again this is just a personal choice. So, I'm in total agreement with you. Again the bureaucracy and society have to get back in touch with people. And as individuals we must take responsibility for understanding our own motivations and drives.

Once this is excepted and a person understands why they do what they do. And they have every god damn right to avail themselves of products and services which enable them to function fully.

PatrickGC


PS: Yes, portions of this message may be taken as a not-so-subtle hint for inclined SP's out there to consider the first piont Can't remember the exact percentages, but the feminine is about 54% of the human species.

 

[PatrickGC]

I can claim 10 visits to a chiropractor, and 10 visits to a massage therapist and 10 visits to a psychologist but not one visit to an sp and she manages all three in one session plus a bonus or two!

there's something really wrong with this!

Hi Lonely Ghost:

Last year the city of Vancouver and several Advocacy Groups received funding for a project called: "Living in Community: Balancing perspectives on Vancouver's sex industry". Which focuses on health and safety issues of SP's. I find myself wondering if funding for clients might be inserted here. Now, I'm not so idealistic as to actually believe that the bureaucracy's going to roll over and say: " yes, here you go, have fun!" But it might be possible to introduce them to the concept. They may all run away and hide. But you never know. Months ago I wrote a letter to Pace about getting involved with this project. Never did hear back from them, and my own health concerns forced me to drop projects for while.

However, since I'm feeling better, I'll try once again stepped into the project.

I couldn't find the original news release on the Internet, so here it is, in its original MS Word format, from my web page development server.

DOWNLOAD: (MS-Word document)
Living in Community: Balancing perspectives on Vancouver's sex industry​

Everyone, is welcome to download this, but please bear in mind that this is my Webpage development server-an old Windows 98 machine rescued from the trash bin and refurbished. With limited bandwidth. Please PM me if you can't get through and would like a copy. Being a geek, I couldn't just let it sit there in the garbage bin.


PatrickGC

 

[PatrickGC]

Hey,

I have seen disabled clients. Prosthetics, mentally disabled, and a host of other disabilities. People with advanced diabetes that have trouble preforming...


For me, as long as I know beforehand.

One of my old clients from an MP had been waiting for a liver for years and used to stop by after his dialysis.

I always hoped the best for him and have lost touch with him.

It would be rather shallow of me to say that it did matter because all people need relief, company and intimacy.


SD

Hi She Devil:

This can be so frustrating! There has to be some way to get the more open-minded agencies on board in this matter! At the very least so you don't lose touch with the client.

Damn this got to me! And some bureaucrats wonder why I get so "angry" at them.

My heart goes out to you and client.
PatrickGC

 

[PatrickGC]

Patrick, sexuality and disabled people was the theme a blog post on Eros Blog a short while ago http://www.erosblog.com/archives/00000527.htm on which I commented.

That documentary was very good, and I had actually been corresponding with the doctor (he read my reply and contacted me) about taking the courses to become a surrogate. Alas... they are in the US. Somehow.... somehow...

It is still very sad to me that sexuality is not often part of the equation.

Hi SoftHandsAnne:

Wow, I just look at the article briefly! And a few of the comments. I'll give it a full read in the next day or so.

You're right it seems that all of the official training seems to be in other parts of the world. And you already have the training. Thank God without the clinical indoctrination. [Translation: in my humble opinion = impersonal, power based, rules in place to actually stop one from getting to know each other. I.e. professional detachment. And absolutely no real touching because you always have to wear a latex glove.]

PatrickGC

 

[PatrickGC]

You forgot sex therapist. I wish I knew how to get into that. I think we would be damn good at that

Hi Anita:

I am beginning to think seriously that the way to go about this might be the start of group in Vancouver of sex therapist comprised of everyone.

Those who have the official medical certifications MDs,PhDs and those with the skills but not the paperwork. That would help get funding and if one of the MDs was a certified teacher. Perhaps people could become accredited that way. The title may not be the same.

But everyone needs to be acknowledged for their skills and creativity.

These are just ideas which might work out. Where there's a will there's a way.

PatrickGC

 

[PatrickGC]

Hello again! And sorry for disappearing from https://perb.cc for such a long time. I had a home invasion in which all my computer equipment was stolen. And due to my own financial circumstances currently known that it was covered by insurance.

However, thanks to the assistance of people. I have an older computer up and running which will do the trick for now. Actually it`s been a lot of fun getting this machine going. They say she can teach an old dog new tricks!

Anyway, once again it sure is nice to be back! And I admit I`ve missed your company. So stay tuned for new discussions and thoughts.

Take care,
PatrickGC