Dealing with terminal illness ???

[Gentleman First]

Sorry if thsi subject is a downer. But has anyone any good tips on how to deal with the fact you have a terminal illness?

Not the medical part, but the mental part.

Just curious if maybe someone close to you knew they say had a few months, and how they coped with the irrational thoughts and emotions.

Thanks

 

[metoo113]

Sorry if thsi subject is a downer. But has anyone any good tips on how to deal with the fact you have a terminal illness?

Not the medical part, but the mental part.

Just curious if maybe someone close to you knew they say had a few months, and how they coped with the irrational thoughts and emotions.

Thanks

Look into the hospice society in your area. They are trained professionals in dealing with the sad reality of a terminal illness. It is very sad but it can be treated in such a way as to gain acceptance over what's happening and to help everyone involved in dealing with it.

 

[Gentleman First]

Look into the hospice society in your area. They are trained professionals in dealing with the sad reality of a terminal illness. It is very sad but it can be treated in such a way as to gain acceptance over what's happening and to help everyone involved in dealing with it.

Thanks.

I vaguely remember the Doc yapping about something, but to be honest had already tuned him out at that point.

And since i have not yet told family or friends, as i am unsure what to say to them, i just feel a little alone and confused i guess.

Thanks again

 

[westwoody]

Before my mother died, we spent a lot of time talking about her youth, and about her life experiences in general. My brother and sister asked lots of questions about the old country and long lost relatives, because we knew that soon we wouldn't be able to. It made her feel good to know that she was passing on her memories because she always used to say "They aren't really gone as long as you remember them". Reflecting on what she had done-and she had done a lot-made her feel like she wasn't being "cheated". She came to feel that she had done pretty well for herself, so when she passed on, she was fairly content.
She was less upset about it than I was. But now I've started to look at life the same way-I'm a lot better off than most people and I've done pretty much everything I ever wanted to, so when my time comes I'll remember Bing Crosby's last words:"It was a good game".

 

[stryker]

I lost a beautiful friend to cancer,she was way too young to go (36)left behind two good boys and a husband who married her knowing after the fact.
This girl was so stronged willed ,she proved the docs wrong when they sai she only had 6-8 months,it was 4 years after that the big guy said it was time to say goodby.
Back to your question bud,I guess that all depends on the individual,when I found out,my thoughts were nothing but support and to think positive,and be positive.I'm not sure ,but the later sure helps.
If ya need some moral support from someone who has been there,pm me.

 

[noneasgood]

This is a tough subject, I won't go into details but it's one I can related to on a very personal level.

Mentally I think you have to reflect on the things you enjoyed with your life, rather than focus on the things you've regreted or never had a chance to do.

Secondly, perhaps if you're healthy enough..try and do one or two more things you've always wanted to do.

In addition, you might also want to ensure your affairs are in order. Your wills up to date. Your life insurance policies aren't hidden away where no one can find them etc. Basically you should let your executor know where all your assets are and any contracts.

Lastly, and perhaps depending on your state of mind the hardest, try and celebrate your life..

What has always worried me in this situation is the effect on the children, particularly young ones. They're the one's that have to deal with the after math.

Hope this helps. I'm sure others will provide you with addition advice.

If any good can come out of this, it puts into perspect how petty some things in life are, particularly arguments.

Which reminds me that when my best friend died, who I'd known for over 20 years, he had a bad temper particularly when driving. Then it was discovered he had both Hep C and HIV as he was a hemophiliac and caught these viruses during a blood transfusion in the 1980's. Anyway after he knew he had a terminal illness, (his liver shut down due to the Hep C) then when he became angry he would say "don't sweat the small stuff...it's all small stuff."

 

[FuZzYknUckLeS]

Thanks.

I vaguely remember the Doc yapping about something, but to be honest had already tuned him out at that point.

And since i have not yet told family or friends, as i am unsure what to say to them, i just feel a little alone and confused i guess.

Thanks again

I can't begin to give advice on how to deal with this situation. But I do think you need to tell your family. Start with the person you are closest to. I think this will help fix the alone part...

 

[FuZzYknUckLeS]

I wasn't going to mention this, but I changed my mind. Dunno why.

I saw in this movie where this guy had a terminal illness. He knew when his time was going to come. So he had a 'living funeral'. He invited everyone who would have gone to his funeral after he passed. All of the people in his life got to say their goodbyes, and tell him how much he meant to their lives. All of the love he got made him at peace with his situation. All his friends and family didn't have the regrets of never getting to say what they wanted to before he died. Everybody won.

You almost gotta envy the guy, I think. What an incredible opportunity. We all gotta go sometime.

 

[Gentleman First]

Again Thanks to all of you.

And yes, I know i need to tell my parents, and friends...But when i feel nervous i generally turn to my dry warped sense of humour, so cannot figure out how to actually tell them.

My first thought was a phone call saying " Hey Mom, next Christmas will be a lot cheaper for ya, as one less kid to buy for"

then thought that may not be the best approach.

So i started to write my parents a letter....so far i have " Mom and Dad, i found out i have an inoperable brain tumour and maybe at best 6 months to live"

Thats all i could get down.
Tomorrow is another day and maybe it will be easier then, as i just learned about it myself yesterday.

Cheers

 

[Sweetiepie]

Look into the hospice society in your area. They are trained professionals in dealing with the sad reality of a terminal illness. It is very sad but it can be treated in such a way as to gain acceptance over what's happening and to help everyone involved in dealing with it.

I lost a friend to cancer and he was under hospice care for the last few months of his life. They were fantastic with the whole family. They helped through so much of the feelings as well as the practicalities of medical treatment and any decisions that needed to be made. It was a tremendous support to everyone that they were so calm and understanding about everything. Can you ask your doctor for a referral or check for your local hospice association? Another thing is that if the illness is cancer, you could probably locate a support group through your doctor or local hospital. This is definately not a time to be alone and its really important to connect with people who can truly understand what you are going through. Lots of hugs going your way from me!!

 

[dirtydan]

Sorry if thsi subject is a downer. But has anyone any good tips on how to deal with the fact you have a terminal illness?

Not the medical part, but the mental part.

Just curious if maybe someone close to you knew they say had a few months, and how they coped with the irrational thoughts and emotions.

Thanks

Lots and lots of talking. Reminescing on past times, what's going on today and even what could be in the future. The idea being to keep the mind active. Also ask around about any support programs.

 

[BS Detector]

I have no advice to give, at least now buddy. For the first time on this board, I feel at a loss for words. My thoughts are with you.

 

[gravitas]

I'm at a loss to say anything of substance

About all I can muster at the moment is a suggestion. I've found Peace Love and Healing to be a wonderful book.

 

[Big Trapper]

Dang...

Here I was thinking that I had a new beer drinking buddy in those northern towns - one never knows, does one?

To get where you want to go, the previous advice about getting in touch with one of the hospice societies is good advice. You have so much to overcome in terms of discussing the undiscussable - we all do. But here is where you get to be real brave - if overcoming fear is what you call brave. Stepping out of one's usual habits is not easy, but once you do you will find much freedom, those habits are really quite imprisoning and breaking them is such a joy. However, breaking the demons and fears inside requires quite a different kind of bravery, and one that is very rare.

There are stages that you will go through: shock, denial, rage, and hopefully acceptance. These stages are not necessarily sequential, although they tend to be. But some days you will experience all of them - other days just numbness.

There are books, one I remember is "Death and Dying", I forget the titles of the rest. They are all on the same shelf. In the same way that self-help groups are available to alcoholics or drug addicts, there are self-help groups for the terminally ill (and like any group there are those that will try to hog the limelight, but some of those quieter folks can be the salt of the earth). The hospice society can steer you in the right direction. There are also counselling services etc., again the hospice society.

This is very sad GF, to lose a friend before even getting to know him.

But then you know, it's rare, but sometimes those things just go away.

 

[Dakota Wood]

There are books, one I remember is "Death and Dying", QUOTE]

It's 'On Death and Dying', by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. There is a trilogy book of her's, that is 'On Death and Dying', 'Questions and Answers on Death and Dying', and 'On Life After Death'. Dry/warped humour note to Gentleman First, you can skip the third part.

Fuzzy brought up a great idea. A living funeral would be awesome. You get to hear all the wonderful things people think of you, their memories, feelings about you, etc. It's an excellent opportunity to say good bye and make amends if need be.

Best wishes on your journey GF

 

[BC visitor]

bummer

I totally agree with Big Trapper. There are books and also people who are trained to help you deal with this.

Seek help soon. The quicker you work through the issues in your mind, the quicker you can help you loved ones with it. You're going to have bad days and they are going to have bad days - you need to learn how to support each other.

 

[Guardian Angel]

Terminal Illness

Again Thanks to all of you.

And yes, I know i need to tell my parents, and friends...But when i feel nervous i generally turn to my dry warped sense of humour, so cannot figure out how to actually tell them.

My first thought was a phone call saying " Hey Mom, next Christmas will be a lot cheaper for ya, as one less kid to buy for"

then thought that may not be the best approach.

So i started to write my parents a letter....so far i have " Mom and Dad, i found out i have an inoperable brain tumour and maybe at best 6 months to live"

Thats all i could get down.
Tomorrow is another day and maybe it will be easier then, as i just learned about it myself yesterday.

Cheers

Your situation has brought some tears and thoughts . Recently my mother passed. When we heard the word cancer, we had approx 2 mths the dr said.
In fact we had less, but my mother who was 75 said she felt she had a good life and was not afraid to die. I cannot begin to understand how strong she was, but in the last 6 weeks that lady went out as much as she could and saw the people she most loved.
Your comment about Christmas was right on, as that was a time my mom loved. Her comments to the Dr after he advised of her time was well I thought I'd make it till after Chritmas, guess I'll save on all those gifts. I told eveyone that at the funeral during my Eulogy.

Bottm line, we kept it light, I should say she kept it light and her humour never left till the day she passed.
Keep the humour and do and see everything you can while you are healthy enough. It helped my mom from sitting and waiting for the final day.

Call the Cancer Scoiety. They can advise on many support teams out there too, including some great info from health stores. There are some miracles stories so do some research on supplements known to prevent and curtail cancer. You may be surprised. My mom did not have enought time to get on a program, by the time we found out about it she could not keep anything down.
I ramble and I am sorry. It is still so real to me.

God bless you and best wishes for you and your family.

Guardian Angel

 

[wolverine]

I just wanted to say that I really like the "living funeral" idea - perhaps it can be a "last supper" in the Christian mold. If I knew that I only had a short time left to live and there's nothing left that could keep me going, then I would want to make my final farewells to everyone in my life, bury any outstanding hatchets and break bread with them one last time instead of just having people mourn over my corpse.

 

[Gentleman First]

All Great ideas

I will for sure think about a living funeral idea....sounds like a good plan to se everyone and laugh.
Well its been about 42 hours since i got the news....doing a little better now.
Booked a trip to Cuba for a week in April.
And am going this friday to Austria to see my dear friend Uli.
She is a great person, and dear friend...but since she moved back home i have not seen her in 3 years, so will spend a few days with her, and it will be great I am sure.
If any of you get up to the okanagan lets go for a beer or 2.

Thanks for the support and well wishes everyone.
And for all the nice PM's also.

I am not really sure if i feel more sad or angry right now to be honest.
I think its a weird mixture of both in some ways.

And also if i go off on some weird rant or pissing match on any of you here, call me on it and tell me to fuck off....I really do not want to be treated with kid gloves because of this.
As many of you already know, I call others on there posts when i think they are being an asshole....and shit flows both ways IMHO.

Cheers

 

[fatboy2]

Gentleman First

There's not much any of us can say tho' I think from the posts that you can see you're not alone.You're getting strangers trying to give what they can so you know that family&friends will be there.I'd urge you to contact them.

I went to a living funeral for a very brave lady,I'm tearing up remembering it.
I remember her big brave smile saying cheerfully,"I'm attending my own wake!"I hope I can have a fraction of her "balls" when my time comes.

Enjoy the trip to Cuba,wtf, fly 1st class!