Can I in good conscience lead a double life as a pooner and a boyfriend?

[HB40]

Our boy here is just dating. I believe he hasn't even been on a second date yet. There are no lies at this point in time. Do you know otherwise ?

And last time I checked dating a few people at one time is a socially accepted norm-- for both men and women. Being in a committed and monogamous arrangement while still being a philanderer is not so readily accepted. You do know the difference ?

It was mostly this statement I was addressing. Naturally it takes a date or two before you are ready to reveal too much about yourself and I would partly agree with that. But I took what he said to mean he is prepared to string her along for some time before he decides if he should tell her. Under those circumstances in my opinion it is not the best course of action, I think ultimately he could be spoiling another woman....how are guys like Dood ever supposed to find a good woman if we keep turning them into bitter men hating bitches.

Of course, keeping my love life and sex life largely separate will require a bit of compartmentalizing and keeping things secret—which I'm confident I can do for quite a while and which, under the circumstances, seems by far the best course of action.

 

[mclovin76]

if my gf sucks good cock takes it up the ass and loves to fuck , just me lol then i would totally b faithfull but until i find that person i will probably find hot slutty girls to fuck.

 

[mclovin76]

my buddy lives with this girl and she wont leave him alone he used to b 6 foot 225 now hes like 190 and she wont leave him alone. But hes super happy and never cheats not cause he doesnt want to but because hes just got nothing more to give after shes done with him lol hes always smiling thats the kinda girl i want, heres cash heres the bank account keys to the cars and house take everything leave me smiling and he doesnt want to cheat now cause shes super hot and loves to fuck him and he doesnt want to lose that.

 

[Validator]

Here here. That's the secret. She's found it and they will be happy together. Its an incredibly simple formula...if only more women figured this out...

 

[westcoast555]

Just play it SAFE

Got kissed by someone new today. Not laid yet, just invited to kiss—but we obviously like each other and made plans for the next date.

I'm already feeling a predictable dilemma, which I guess is one of my life's BIG DECISIONS. Should I go for this relationship that promises affectionate companionship, without giving up my pooning hobby which nicely takes care of a large part of my sexual needs?

The woman I kissed today is warm-hearted, lovely in a mature way, easy to talk to, economically self-supporting and in tune with several of my interests. I don't often find, hardly ever in fact, that women with her qualities are available for a relationship with me. But of course, I also gather her ideas about sexuality fit very much the conservative mould.

Obviously I can't tell her I'm really a sexual renegade, a pooner, a swinger, a compulsive erotic fantasizer who gets off on the kinky, illicit, promiscuous. But who's to say a man's emotional and sexual needs should, or even can, be met by the same person? Just as a woman wouldn't let a man demand that she give up an essential part of her identity—say, her interest in extended shopping sprees for fancy clothes—so I'm not at all inclined to feel guilty about not letting a woman make me give up my identity as a pooner.

I think it's probably a myth that the same person is generally able to meet both one's emotional and sexual needs satisfactorily. My question is, if we can't get our needs for affection and sex met by the same person, what's wrong with trying to meet them separately?

I remember some PERB contributors, admirably decent guys, who withdrew from this hobby when they found a romantic partner. Good for them—but that's not what I'm willing to do. If I gave up pooning I'd quickly make unrealistic demands on both this woman's time and her willingness to have sex. We would also start off with a hefty dose of resentment on my part for the sacrifice I've made, or at least regret for the high opportunity cost. But what I fear most is a compression of my sexuality which levels it down to the rather tame, sporadic desire of a woman like her.

On the other hand, if I continue pooning, I can patiently wait for sex until she's ready, I can let her be as sexually repressed as she may turn out to be, I can even agree to spend most of our time just cuddling or talking or going out. She already told me stories of men who tried to pressure her sexually, and I'm sure she'll be delighted by the utter absence of pressure from me in this regard.

Of course, keeping my love life and sex life largely separate will require a bit of compartmentalizing and keeping things secret—which I'm confident I can do for quite a while and which, under the circumstances, seems by far the best course of action.

And don't give your lover a DISEASE... trust me... all the psychological intrigue and guilt is nothing compared to the horror of passing on herpes, warts, chlamydia etc....

Wear a hat... go for handjobs or covered BJs... don't do it too much and make sure you treat your woman well.

 

[DQ Guy]

Its working for me

well lets see...

If your going to be serious with the girl you should tell her.
at least thats my opinion.
Hell I lucked out and Found a gal willing to let me poon at her choosing
and shes still there for me when I get home to role play

but I'm not one to shove morals down your throat. hell this is an
escort review board. what the fuck are morals???
so in the end choose what you think is best.
just be ready to face the music if you keep your mouth shut and get caught

 

[HB40]

well lets see...

If your going to be serious with the girl you should tell her.
at least thats my opinion.
Hell I lucked out and Found a gal willing to let me poon at her choosing
and shes still there for me when I get home to role play

but I'm not one to shove morals down your throat.

Yeah, I know what you want to shove down their throats DQ

So since you have experience perhaps you can offer some insight how best to broach the subject. I imagine it was after you had sex with her and during the pillow talk the subject of likes, dislikes, turn ons etc were discussed.

For me it was her that that brought it up, mind you she is much older and smarter than me and had a better understanding of men's nature than I did at the time. I told her I wouldn't need to but in her wisdom she assured me I would. I was very young and her rationale was it's better to enjoy such experiences rather than dumping her later for a younger woman. I can't say she is more open minded than other women, just very realistic and understanding. She was right....she always is.

 

[apple juice]

I'm already feeling a predictable dilemma, which I guess is one of my life's BIG DECISIONS. Should I go for this relationship that promises affectionate companionship, without giving up my pooning hobby which nicely takes care of a large part of my sexual needs?

You could go for the relationship and when you get the urge to poon, you could poon together?

But of course, I also gather her ideas about sexuality fit very much the conservative mould.

That's what you gathered, but she may pleasantly surprise you when that time comes.

On the other hand, if I continue pooning, I can patiently wait for sex until she's ready, I can let her be as sexually repressed as she may turn out to be, I can even agree to spend most of our time just cuddling or talking or going out.

Sexually repressed? Geez, that just sounds depresssing. I think you're thinking too much...lol. There's also nothing wrong with cuddling.

She already told me stories of men who tried to pressure her sexually, and I'm sure she'll be delighted by the utter absence of pressure from me in this regard.

She may be conservative in that sense, she wants to get to know you before giving it up. Makes good sense to me.

-To answer the original question though, I guess only you would know that answer.

 

[neverwas]

At the earliest stages of a relationship there would not necessarily be any expectation of monogamy. Before the relationship developes to the degree where exclusivity becomes a reasonable expectation you will know more about her sexual interests and how she would feel about you hobbying.
Assuming that she would have a negative reaction to you contiuing to see SPs that is the time for you to consider whether to continue pooning or to continue the relationship. If you feel the need to continue with the hobby and know she would object, maybe she is not the right person for you.
I think this is an entirely different situation than a man who has been married for a long time and starts pooning when his partners sex drive declines too much but he doesn't want to end the marriage or have affairs.

 

[BJhunter]

Hats off to you, dude...



Never saw that one coming...


No, I wouldn't tell her about (or stop partaking in) the pooning until you have a better idea of what she's like in bed. Just my two cents, but I would hate being stuck with a dud...

lol, but it's true, isn't it? great cocksucking will make or break it!!!

 

[MrPeterNorth]

I love it. Here we get another incredibely immature thread (to be totally blunt) and after having everyone ELSE discuss the topic, he's nowhere to be found.

Man, grow up. You overanalyze things so much. You've been on ONE date and you're already concerned with her depriving you of sex?? Seriously. But if she gave it up on the first date, you'd come on here calling her a slut I'm sure. And then run off to the nearest AMP to get your rocks off all the while saying to yourself "I'm such a swell guy". You're such a saint.

Stick to doing what you're good at - fucking women then writing ballads about them on PERB.

 

[blazejowski]

lol, but it's true, isn't it? great cocksucking will make or break it!!!

Oh, don't get me wrong... it's a dealbreaker for sure...

Which is why I got into pooning to begin with...

 

[tantalizeme]

Thanks for the lively input

Why do you assume on the very first date that you have to lead a double life? Too soon and too many assumptions, just like as has been said.

Yes, this particular acquaintanceship is in the early stages and may not even progress...but expectations have a way of skyrocketing fast. It's not the first time I've experienced conflict shaping up between pooning and dating. I'm seriously trying to work out an approach that's fair in this type of situation—without callous selfishness on my part, but also without undue sucking up to women.

I feel I’m onto a good thing with pooning; I’m far less sure I want the turmoil of romance followed by the boredom of commitment. My personal experience has been that relationships—usually involving rather lame sex combined with incredible pressure toward monogamy—tend to be guilt trips from beginning to end. So what I've decided is that I won't contemplate a reduction in my pooning until an equally attractive substitute is fortcoming that naturally makes me want to stop.

I love it. Here we get another incredibely immature thread (to be totally blunt) and after having everyone ELSE discuss the topic, he's nowhere to be found.

Man, grow up. You overanalyze things so much. You've been on ONE date and you're already concerned with her depriving you of sex?? Seriously. But if she gave it up on the first date, you'd come on here calling her a slut I'm sure. And then run off to the nearest AMP to get your rocks off all the while saying to yourself "I'm such a swell guy". You're such a saint.

Stick to doing what you're good at - fucking women then writing ballads about them on PERB.

Without wanting to engage in a verbal slugfest here...for an escort review discussion forum, I'm actually quite astonished by the level of judgmentalness, even contempt, coming at me for raising what's surely quite a common issue for pooners. Of course, it's perhaps hard to appreciate, for those who aren't single, middle-aged men trying to hang on to a good sex life, how challenging it is to find reasonably age-appropriate women who combine qualities of a congenial companion with an alive, adventurous sensuality. Escort ladies rarely realize the prevalence of prudes out there.

The person who, strangely enough, made me feel most understood is Hatrick. We agree that, for some of us, sex isn't something that's likely to be adequately provided by a single supplier—though I don't have his inveterate ebullience and won't try to emulate his personal solution.

 

[FortunateOne]

Yes, this particular acquaintanceship is in the early stages and may not even progress...but expectations have a way of skyrocketing fast. It's not the first time I've experienced conflict shaping up between pooning and dating. I'm seriously trying to work out an approach that's fair in this type of situation—without callous selfishness on my part, but also without undue sucking up to women.

I feel I’m onto a good thing with pooning; I’m far less sure I want the turmoil of romance followed by the boredom of commitment. My personal experience has been that relationships—usually involving rather lame sex combined with incredible pressure toward monogamy—tend to be guilt trips from beginning to end. So what I've decided is that I won't contemplate a reduction in my pooning until an equally attractive substitute is fortcoming that naturally makes me want to stop.



Without wanting to engage in a verbal slugfest here...for an escort review discussion forum, I'm actually quite astonished by the level of judgmentalness, even contempt, coming at me for raising what's surely quite a common issue for pooners. Of course, it's perhaps hard to appreciate, for those who aren't single, middle-aged men trying to hang on to a good sex life, how challenging it is to find reasonably age-appropriate women who combine qualities of a congenial companion with an alive, adventurous sensuality. Escort ladies rarely realize the prevalence of prudes out there.

The person who, strangely enough, made me feel most understood is Hatrick. We agree that, for some of us, sex isn't something that's likely to be adequately provided by a single supplier—though I don't have his inveterate ebullience and won't try to emulate his personal solution.

Well, there's nothing like going into it with total optimism and without stereotypical pre-judgement Personally, I saw a lot of judgement and contempt from you towards this and any non-sp female, which may be why you see it in the posts towards you.

 

[Yman]

Well, there's nothing like going into it with total optimism and without stereotypical pre-judgement Personally, I saw a lot of judgement and contempt from you towards this and any non-sp female, which may be why you see it in the posts towards you.

I disagree about him showing contempt for non SP females. There was no rhetoric to that effect. I thought tantalizeme expressed his views which were based on his own personal experience and he also recognized and distinguished broad based generalizations. The generalizations he made didn't really seem to display a disrespect. I thought tantalizeme to be mostly impatient and he was allowing generalizations to prematurely define this new relationship.

 

[FortunateOne]

Meant to highlight these:

without callous selfishness on my part, but also without undue sucking up to women.

boredom of commitment. My personal experience has been that relationships—usually involving rather lame sex combined with incredible pressure toward monogamy—tend to be guilt trips from beginning to end.

how challenging it is to find reasonably age-appropriate women who combine qualities of a congenial companion with an alive, adventurous sensuality. Escort ladies rarely realize the prevalence of prudes out there.


But who's to say a man's emotional and sexual needs should, or even can, be met by the same person? Just as a woman wouldn't let a man demand that she give up an essential part of her identity—say, her interest in extended shopping sprees for fancy clothes—so I'm not at all inclined to feel guilty about not letting a woman make me give up my identity as a pooner.


I'd quickly make unrealistic demands on both this woman's time and her willingness to have sex. We would also start off with a hefty dose of resentment on my part for the sacrifice I've made, or at least regret for the high opportunity cost. But what I fear most is a compression of my sexuality which levels it down to the rather tame, sporadic desire of a woman like her.

On the other hand, if I continue pooning, I can patiently wait for sex until she's ready, I can let her be as sexually repressed as she may turn out to be, I can even agree to spend most of our time just cuddling or talking or going out. She already told me stories of men who tried to pressure her sexually, and I'm sure she'll be delighted by the utter absence of pressure from me in this regard.

Just saying, some people are offended when people lump all individuals into one lame assumption, the assumption being that all women are prudes who withold sex from perfectly acceptable normal men they just meet because they are looking for a patsy who will set them up for life, after which they will continue to deny them sex even tho now they are getting the perks ($$) of the relationship.

 

[HB40]

I disagree. I thought tantalizeme was very good at expressing his views which were based on his personal experience and he also recognized and distinguished broad based generalizations. And such I didn't really find any contempt on his behalf for non SP females.

I'm more in line with the opinion of fortunateOne. He uses broad generalizations and is skilled with the language as to not seem antagonistic, but I see through his rhetoric.
He's subtle but the contempt is there, almost to the point of condescension.
Obviously I don't know him well enough and he seems like an intelligent rational person, but sitting a girl down to offer his insight as to how she should do her job put me off a little, plus he brings his own sheets....what's up with that.

 

[midnight]

Yes, this particular acquaintanceship is in the early stages and may not even progress...but expectations have a way of skyrocketing fast. It's not the first time I've experienced conflict shaping up between pooning and dating. I'm seriously trying to work out an approach that's fair in this type of situation—without callous selfishness on my part, but also without undue sucking up to women.


Without wanting to engage in a verbal slugfest here...for an escort review discussion forum, I'm actually quite astonished by the level of judgmentalness, even contempt, coming at me for raising what's surely quite a common issue for pooners. Of course, it's perhaps hard to appreciate, for those who aren't single, middle-aged men trying to hang on to a good sex life, how challenging it is to find reasonably age-appropriate women who combine qualities of a congenial companion with an alive, adventurous sensuality. Escort ladies rarely realize the prevalence of prudes out there.

The person who, strangely enough, made me feel most understood is Hatrick. We agree that, for some of us, sex isn't something that's likely to be adequately provided by a single supplier—though I don't have his inveterate ebullience and won't try to emulate his personal solution.

Wow I dont think you have a sex problem more a relationship problem. Sex within a great relationship is more rewarding than any other type of sex. But to be in a great relationship you have to be someone a great woman would want to be with. So far I am guessing they dont want to be. Good luck

 

[poonalicious]

Go on dates with an SP.
Better yet, try to have a normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her.
Perhaps you will have a revelation.

 

[wess]

Dude I've got a wife and 2 girlfriends, the GF's know about each other and the wife. The wife doesn't know about the GF's but knows I poon, all I can say is life is great! Took me awhile to learn how to balance all their needs but once I figured it out it was well worth it! Yeah I know I'm an animal

Sure