Are You Buy Sexual?

[Purrr VertIcal]

All Perbites are Buy Sexual!

This comes from a weekly advice columnist, "the Advice Goddess", Amy Alkon. When I read it, I knew it must be posted here!

Advice Goddess: Buy Sexual
Oakland Tribune, Aug 2, 2009 by Amy Alkon

Q: My boyfriend of a year is wonderful, intelligent, kind and hilarious. He told me he'd never been in love until meeting me, and while he'd had more sex partners than he'd like to admit, before me, it was all meaningless. Then, yesterday, I read an article about a prostitution ring, and asked how prostitutes can advertise without getting arrested. He explained how escort services work -- with a little too much expertise. I asked if he'd ever paid for sex. He admitted he had, then let loose, saying he'd done it five times over several years; most recently six years ago. He said it's more common than people think, and like paying for a couple of dates. He added that it was a time in his life when he was avoiding relationships, and considering the emotional cost of one, it was worth the price. Now, I'm finding myself repulsed by a man who, only yesterday, seemed so amazing. Help!

A: Your boyfriend apparently got so wrapped up in reminiscing that he forgot to check your face for a look of horror -- his cue to start an Olympic-style backpedal: --... and I took one look at that skanky ho, sped home, made hot cocoa and read the collected Beatrix Potter!" Actually, he probably wasn't scoring drive-by sex from whichever meth-head in hot pants was working the alley; he most likely found a number in the paper or on a Web site for an escort -- essentially a gold digger with an advertising budget.

Retired escort-turned-author Amanda Brooks explains the difference in "The Internet Escort's Handbook, Book 2": "If you are selling your time, undivided attention and the (unspoken) offer of sexual entertainment, you're an escort. If you're selling a specific sexual activity for a certain amount of money, you're a prostitute. If you won't have sex with the man you're dating unless he buys you an expensive dinner, you're a (relatively cheap) prostitute."

The truth is, to a guy, a hooker isn't all that different from a hookup. Men can have sex without knowing where a woman grew up, what her sign is, and all the ways her cat is like a dog. Men ask about that stuff because women typically require some emotional connection before they'll get it on. But, unless a guy's seeking something girlfriend-y, all he really needs to know is: Is she hot, free around 8, and will she take the credit card he gets frequent flier miles on?

Society and religion say it's wrong to pay for sex, but maybe it's worse to do what a lot of guys do: fool girls into thinking they're up for commitment when they only want to use 'em and lose 'em. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, was honest. He had a need, and he paid to fill it: Cash and Carrie (and Candeee, Tifani and Jazmin, too)! It's natural that you'd feel threatened. Throughout history, women have made men pay for sex with commitment. If strings- free sexcapades are so readily available to your boyfriend, what hold could you possibly have?

Well, just read your words above. Your boyfriend's sex acts six years back don't seem to affect how he lives today, except maybe in how grateful he is for the happy ending -- the kind a guy just can't buy.

Q: How successful are relationships in which the woman is much older? I'm a 21-year-old guy with a 38-year-old girlfriend. I'm frequently hit on and teased by her female friends. They don't seem interested in me as a person but want a younger guy for sex. Being referred to as "the toy" is getting old.

A: It's the rare 21-year-old who has much to tell a 38-year-old, beyond "Your shoulder's putting my arm to sleep." Sure, there are older-younger relationships that work, but you two don't have a relationship; you have playdates. How do I know? Because friends don't hit on friends' boyfriends so easily. Yeah, it happens. But, when it happens with frequency, it's a sign of how your partner feels -- and talks -- about you. If you want a relationship, that's what you should have. Just find somebody more likely to draw hearts around your name than straws to see who's next in line to play with her toy.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com. Amy is now blogging daily at www.advicegoddess.com.

c2009 ANG Newspapers.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4176/is_20090802/ai_n32402610/

 

[mimi]

A great read! Of course as a woman I especially like the part.."...maybe it's worse to do what a lot of guys do: fool girls into thinking they're up for commitment when they only want to use 'em and lose 'em".

I find escorting relationships honest, as in: generally without deception, (except that the guy seems a need to say..."This is my first time, I have never hired a woman before"..even though you know he's been a regular of Candi, and Mandi, and Cheeki.)

but the lack of emotional commitment hassle, (wondering if this is the beginning of something special or were you just lured with a lot of sweet words and promises and the dust on his feet is the last thing you will ever see), is so nice. I find it easier to relax and have good sex on an escort appointment than with a date...It's all cut and dried!

I had a friend with a boy toy in his early twenties and I made the mistake, upon introduction, of saying something like.."very nice" and eyeing him up and down. I felt bad about that later, when the rush wore off.

I am meeting an inordinate number of female acquaintances who are in their sixties with beaux who are between 30 and 40. One such woman is fairly plain although fit, and her guy is my age and really buff...I mistook him for her son

All these women tell me the sex is awesome and the men are very obliging!

Now I am digressing

 

[Keithks]

I am meeting an inordinate number of female acquaintances who are in their sixties with beaux who are between 30 and 40. One such woman is fairly plain although fit, and her guy is my age and really buff...I mistook him for her son

All these women tell me the sex is awesome and the men are very obliging!

If that's the best good looking guys can do - older women with creviced faces and tits hanging to their ankles who demand a lot - then you can just imagine how much the average guy struggles to get anyone.

But no, everything's equal. Just ask a girl for coffee. It's easy teehee.

 

[Urquell]

What a crock of shit. A giant, steaming pile of rationalization as opposed to information.

 

[Keithks]

What's with all these guys on here (and other messageboards) who supposedly get women to have casual sex with them for "free?" Who are you, Johnny Depp? I tend to think either they're full of shit or leave out important details.
____________

 

[namssa]

I "Buy Sexual" all the time!!

Mostly with the Indy girls or at my local MP, but yeah I buy sexual frequently,

 

[Keithks]

As for the wet blanket that seems to feel the need to post the same crap on every thread, I suspect we will be reading about Mr. K doing himself harm in the future if he doesn't get some professional help. His apparent limited sense of self worth & hatred of women is disturbing. He doesn't strike me as the rifle in the clock tower type, but one can never tell.

You're taught your worth by how others treat you. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. And I don’t hate women. I hate the system. I hate having all these earthly needs – to eat, shit, fuck, be loved. If I could turn them off like a switch I would.

And I may be a little different - the kind of person who’ll spend 8 hours floating in a dark tank deprived of sensory input, floating through space, talking with aliens in languages inconceivable by humans, experiencing senses beyond the ones we know of, traveling to different times, places, dimensions - but I can guarantee I'm going to live a very pedestrian life as far as anyone else is concerned. I'm going be that quiet old guy whose body is found a week after he died of natural causes in his apartment, alone and anonymous. Nothing more.

 

[wet_suit_one]

Someone took one too many crazy pills today . . . .

That's some funny shit!

 

[maroonedsailor]

why is this so complicated?

The lady is 100% (and if she's the writer I think she is she's also smokin hot). I have aquaintences (where is the spell check when I need it?) who are very proud of themselves because they never "pay for it". They will, however, lie, cheat, make promises they don't intend to keep, buy drinks, dinner and presents ranging from ice cream to Cadillacs, and generally act like the assholes they are to "get laid" Apparently this makes them honerable men. I'm happy knowing we kinda like each other and you're not going to phone me or show up at my door at three am crying over some imagined slight. I'm too old for that shit. In fact I was too old for that shit when I was 17.

Make it legal, make it right.

 

[uncleg]

What's with all these guys on here (and other messageboards) who supposedly get women to have casual sex with them for "free?" Who are you, Johnny Depp? I tend to think either they're full of shit or leave out important details.
____________

You're taught your worth by how others treat you. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. And I don’t hate women. I hate the system. I hate having all these earthly needs – to eat, shit, fuck, be loved. If I could turn them off like a switch I would.

And I may be a little different - the kind of person who’ll spend 8 hours floating in a dark tank deprived of sensory input, floating through space, talking with aliens in languages inconceivable by humans, experiencing senses beyond the ones we know of, traveling to different times, places, dimensions - but I can guarantee I'm going to live a very pedestrian life as far as anyone else is concerned. I'm going be that quiet old guy whose body is found a week after he died of natural causes in his apartment, alone and anonymous. Nothing more.

Sonny, you got a problem. Nobody here knows what you look like, act like or really anything else about you, so I doubt that anybody can offer you any real advise. But, if you take the attitude you display here out into real life, then it's obvious why you can't get laid. Nobody is entitled to a relationship, you have to work at it. It dosen't matter if it's long term or a one night stand. Seems that you won't, or aren't willing to work at it.

As to being a little different, well we all are to some degree, just maybe not as different as you. I don't see you as that quiet old man found a week after he died. More like the guy up in the bell tower with a rifle trying to take out all the women who wouldn't give him the time of day.

 

[lurkerbelow]

Sonny, you got a problem. Nobody here knows what you look like, act like or really anything else about you, so I doubt that anybody can offer you any real advise. But, if you take the attitude you display here out into real life, then it's obvious why you can't get laid. Nobody is entitled to a relationship, you have to work at it. It dosen't matter if it's long term or a one night stand. Seems that you won't, or aren't willing to work at it.

As to being a little different, well we all are to some degree, just maybe not as different as you. I don't see you as that quiet old man found a week after he died. More like the guy up in the bell tower with a rifle trying to take out all the women who wouldn't give him the time of day.

I'm not so sure about just how wacky mr K really is uncleg.

Aside from maybe spending too much time in the sensory deprivation tanks, I doubt he's the homicidal time bomb you make him out to be. I, for one, can definitely relate to some of what he says and not because I'm as messed up as he is lol.

I honestly believe that both sides of the conversation raised by this article are valid. Our lives just aren't as cut and dry, black and white as some of you would like to make them out to be. Yes, some relationships are honest and sincere and, ideally, we'll all find our own balance of mental health and integrity and meet someone just as healthy who wants to work with us towards the kind of relationship where both parties find satisfaction together in all areas of their lives. But it really is a bit of a crap shoot wouldn't you agree? I mean, it's not always about whether or not someone is willing to work at it. There's far more to it than that.

And, realistically, the majority of people are far more likely to spend much of their lives engaged in the kind of very unhealthy, unconsciously deceitful and manipulative merry-go-round of trying to get their needs met that so many "couples' and people hooking up go through. It's all a dance that's dictated by so many factors from our biological drives to personal histories and the cultural/societal standards of the day.

Not to mention the simple matters of who's attractive and who's not. I mean, really, the drop dead gorgeous women and men of our world ARE the exception. There's far more butt ugly folk wandering around and they have the same drives and needs as the rest of us (notice I exclude myself from this group eh? haha). Does your rigid expectation that everyone engages in the dating dance account for the fact that some people really just can't get a date with anyone they find attractive? Are you saying they should mate with someone that they find repulsive just because of an accident of birth? Shouldn't they be able to feel the fire of a hottie in an honest exchange of cash for services rather than go out and lie to and mate with someone they really don't find attractive just to conform to these rules of engagement?

Then, there will always be the millions who can get dates but choose, rather, to participate in one side or other of the rather direct cash for sex exchange that goes on between escorts, prostitutes, street walkers, etc and the people who pay for their services. Some religions and many in our society condemn this behaviour but it is a legal act in our country, even if it's not openly supported. It's forced to take place behind closed doors and, sadly, many of the SP's suffer as a result, some consumers too.

But no, I won't be talking about my pooning habits at the next big family gathering I attend either. It's part of my sex life which is something I don't discuss with many in my family and, in particular, the women. Were I forced to divulge my privacy under threat of harm to me or someone I care about, I'd do so without any personal shame but I would feel bad for how it would make the women I care about feel. They've been born and raised in this very same culture which makes pooners out to be these sad, lonely, pathetic types and I'd hate for my family members to think of me suffering like that. And, as the write implied, women are raised, mostly, believing that it's an awful act largely because of how clearly it undermines the game/dance ritual of them having the power to exchange sex for emotional intimacy and financial support. The whole thing strikes at the core of their identities within that structure.

Doubtful any one person walking any of the paths I've described above is completely deranged and immoral or an absolute saint. We're all just human beings trying to fumble our way through life til, like mr K here, we end our days, whether locked up in a basement apartment or surrounded by loved ones and heads of state, ultimately, alone. Such is life.

LB

 

[storm rider]

I'm not so sure about just how wacky mr K really is uncleg.

Aside from maybe spending too much time in the sensory deprivation tanks, I doubt he's the homicidal time bomb you make him out to be. I, for one, can definitely relate to some of what he says and not because I'm as messed up as he is lol.

I honestly believe that both sides of the conversation raised by this article are valid. Our lives just aren't as cut and dry, black and white as some of you would like to make them out to be. Yes, some relationships are honest and sincere and, ideally, we'll all find our own balance of mental health and integrity and meet someone just as healthy who wants to work with us towards the kind of relationship where both parties find satisfaction together in all areas of their lives. But it really is a bit of a crap shoot wouldn't you agree? I mean, it's not always about whether or not someone is willing to work at it. There's far more to it than that.

And, realistically, the majority of people are far more likely to spend much of their lives engaged in the kind of very unhealthy, unconsciously deceitful and manipulative merry-go-round of trying to get their needs met that so many "couples' and people hooking up go through. It's all a dance that's dictated by so many factors from our biological drives to personal histories and the cultural/societal standards of the day.

Not to mention the simple matters of who's attractive and who's not. I mean, really, the drop dead gorgeous women and men of our world ARE the exception. There's far more butt ugly folk wandering around and they have the same drives and needs as the rest of us (notice I exclude myself from this group eh? haha). Does your rigid expectation that everyone engages in the dating dance account for the fact that some people really just can't get a date with anyone they find attractive? Are you saying they should mate with someone that they find repulsive just because of an accident of birth? Shouldn't they be able to feel the fire of a hottie in an honest exchange of cash for services rather than go out and lie to and mate with someone they really don't find attractive just to conform to these rules of engagement?

Then, there will always be the millions who can get dates but choose, rather, to participate in one side or other of the rather direct cash for sex exchange that goes on between escorts, prostitutes, street walkers, etc and the people who pay for their services. Some religions and many in our society condemn this behaviour but it is a legal act in our country, even if it's not openly supported. It's forced to take place behind closed doors and, sadly, many of the SP's suffer as a result, some consumers too.

But no, I won't be talking about my pooning habits at the next big family gathering I attend either. It's part of my sex life which is something I don't discuss with many in my family and, in particular, the women. Were I forced to divulge my privacy under threat of harm to me or someone I care about, I'd do so without any personal shame but I would feel bad for how it would make the women I care about feel. They've been born and raised in this very same culture which makes pooners out to be these sad, lonely, pathetic types and I'd hate for my family members to think of me suffering like that. And, as the write implied, women are raised, mostly, believing that it's an awful act largely because of how clearly it undermines the game/dance ritual of them having the power to exchange sex for emotional intimacy and financial support. The whole thing strikes at the core of their identities within that structure.

Doubtful any one person walking any of the paths I've described above is completely deranged and immoral or an absolute saint. We're all just human beings trying to fumble our way through life til, like mr K here, we end our days, whether locked up in a basement apartment or surrounded by loved ones and heads of state, ultimately, alone. Such is life.

LB

That was a well thought out response with a lot of effort put into it.

SR

 

[lenny]

Comparing a hookup to a hooker is absolute bullshit. A hook up requires, tact, patience, confidence & maybe a bit of money.

Sometimes a lot of money. Even more than a hooker. Furthermore the loss of your time.
And since time is money, that adds to what may be spent on your date for dinner, drinks,
gas, parking, movie, night club, etc.

As for the other items you mention - tact, patience, confidence - if you think that you
don't need any of that with ladies of the night, think again. While perhaps less of those
things is needed, that is just another reason why an escort can be preferable to many.
Some of us have even cum to the point where it is just requires too much labour to see
escorts anymore, let alone all that is involved in dating or hooking up. And after you've
been with dozens of escorts for hundreds of hours, and have done everything you
fantasized doing, you may be asking yourself why continue, and do the rewards
outweigh the hassles?

A hooker requires a phone and a credit card. One is the thrill of the hunt, the other is "I'm too fucking tired, fat, lazy, ugly, etc to find a chick". Or you're married

The "thrill of the hunt" or the endless pain in the ass of the hunt?

Finding a reputable hooker and one that meets one's needs is a "hunt" of its own.

Secondly (and more importantly), hook up sex is almost ALWAYS better than sex with a hooker.

Bollox. Speak for yourself, but I don't find it that way at all.

With hook up sex, there is a connection, a challenge..there is lust, there is desire. With hooker sex, little of that exists.

You should spend a year in Thailand and then get back to me on that.

How many SP's lust for their clients? I've had hook up's "stop by" to say hi solely to get laid..I really doubt many SP's do that.

As per my previous comment.