A hobbying dilemna

[Relax10]

Long story short.

Summary
Married pair man(Chandler) and woman(Monica) have been at odds.

I'm close to both. Chandler wants to step out and hire some ass on the side. Since he knows I hobby, I've been enlisted to help/suggest/set up appointment/etc. I've taken newbies to AMP's and have no issue recommending excellent Indy's. The woman and I are not bro(Ross) sis(Monica) or bff but close enough to where I'm on the fence. Bros before hoes but shit she can be considered in principal a bro cause Monica's still a good friend.

Dilemma
Will I feel guilty if I help him, probably some. If I don't help will he just find someone else (again newbie) to help him, probably. If she ever found out will we both be victims of a SUV running us over, most likely. If I do nothing will I feel I let him down, probably. Will I rat him out, hell no. If I didn't know the woman would I have any hesitation, probably not. Should my guilt out weigh helping a friend yet screwing over another, :frusty:. I'm considering the long term of my actions and relationship with both.


Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

[appleomac]

Long story short.

Summary
Married pair man(Chandler) and woman(Monica) have been at odds.

I'm close to both. Chandler wants to step out and hire some ass on the side. Since he knows I hobby, I've been enlisted to help/suggest/set up appointment/etc. I've taken newbies to AMP's and have no issue recommending excellent Indy's. The woman and I are not bro(Ross) sis(Monica) or bff but close enough to where I'm on the fence. Bros before hoes but shit she can be considered in principal a bro cause Monica's still a good friend.

Dilemma
Will I feel guilty if I help him, probably some. If I don't help will he just find someone else (again newbie) to help him, probably. If she ever found out will we both be victims of a SUV running us over, most likely. If I do nothing will I feel I let him down, probably. Will I rat him out, hell no. If I didn't know the woman would I have any hesitation, probably not. Should my guilt out weigh helping a friend yet screwing over another, :frusty:. I'm considering the long term of my actions and relationship with both.


Thoughts? Suggestions?

Someone who has convinced themselves they want some extra-marital side action will find that side action. My opinion, don't even get involved. Whether it's paid side action or otherwise, those who want the side action can easily find said side action (assuming he's half intelligent, can use the Internet, etc.). Why make his problem your problem.

 

[Gardener]

It’s not your issue. I’d step aside, feels like you’re just inviting drama.

 

[clu]

Give him some safety advice to lessen the risk of catching something that'll affect Monica, point him in the direction of reputable options (e.g. tell him to research on PERB) and tell him to figure out the rest himself because you don't want Monica hating you if she found out.

 

[sybian]

He's a big boy ...I'd side step that entire train wreck.
He doesn't need you to pin up his diapers, and you'll be the first person he points the finger at ...when it hits the fan FFS.

 

[susi]

it could also help him.... to get out and remember why he loves her....

sometimes people just need to " sow their wild oats" as it were....

and it will take the edge off and help him to "stay the course"....

sometimes seeing an sp is therapy, we understand that....we understand that this a non committal encounter and as such will not interfere with his life...

i agree with others here that if you are his friend, you will help him and not betray his secret. help him find a safe provider and be there if he needs to talk about it.

all relationships go through this, doubt, anger, frustration....but people get through it, sometimes with the help of an sp....

i hope that helps and if you need to discuss pm me

love susie

 

[jgg]

I think you figured it out yourself. You will lose both for friends.

 

[ExpCharlee]

I do couples....

 

[ExpCharlee]

just tell him about perb so he doesn't have a bad experience then ask him never to talk about it with you again.

 

[Lady Vanessa]

Maybe Monica and Chandler just need to go on a break.
Anywho, some good advice typed out above. *deuces*

 

[Relax10]

Maybe Monica and Chandler just need to go on a break.
Anywho, some good advice typed out above. *deuces*

Yes, some good advice above. I know I can just take myself out the equation and then it'll just drop to my buddy who in turn will be on the spot. I don't think there's a perfect solution for all parties. I'm also not delusional enough to think I know/understand their situation perfectly that I solve everything for them. The reason I'm thinking about it as much is I care about the 2. Tough spot, all I have is control over my decision and let the chips fall where they do.

Good catch on the "Friends" reference, it was actually playing in the background so why not use the names :lol:

 

[nightswhisper]

just tell him about perb so he doesn't have a bad experience then ask him never to talk about it with you again.

Perfect advice here.

Saves you the trouble and you disclaim responsibility.

 

[Stamkos]

Colin Cowherd tells his male friends, "If you're going to cheat on your wife, don't tell me. That's because, if I know about it, and you get caught or found out, Im going to lose BOTH you And your wife, as friends."

ECI/ECI,
TJM.

I heard this from Cowherd as well, great post and advice Tim!!

 

[ddcanz]

You are a single guy- that much is obvious to me.
You play by a completely different set of rules than married folks.
Being close to them both is beside the point- it's a lot more complicated than you might think.
Get out and stay out Joey!

 

[badbadboy]

Long story short.

Summary
Married pair man(Chandler) and woman(Monica) have been at odds.

I'm close to both. Chandler wants to step out and hire some ass on the side. Since he knows I hobby, I've been enlisted to help/suggest/set up appointment/etc. I've taken newbies to AMP's and have no issue recommending excellent Indy's. The woman and I are not bro(Ross) sis(Monica) or bff but close enough to where I'm on the fence. Bros before hoes but shit she can be considered in principal a bro cause Monica's still a good friend.

Dilemma
Will I feel guilty if I help him, probably some. If I don't help will he just find someone else (again newbie) to help him, probably. If she ever found out will we both be victims of a SUV running us over, most likely. If I do nothing will I feel I let him down, probably. Will I rat him out, hell no. If I didn't know the woman would I have any hesitation, probably not. Should my guilt out weigh helping a friend yet screwing over another, :frusty:. I'm considering the long term of my actions and relationship with both.


Thoughts? Suggestions?

It sounds like he is going to do it regardless if you help out. I'd steer clear of this one but since he knows you poon, get him to do his homework and if it looks like he is going to make a big mistake then suggest where he should focus. Otherwise let him learn by his own mistakes like most of us.

Damn if I had a minder when I started it would have been awesome. Then again going solo gave me an appreciation of a good date after many fuck ups along the way.

 

[rlock]

If "Chandler" and "Monica" do not have kids yet, and their marriage is so far gone that one or both wants to fuck other people, they should get divorced - ASAP. Leaving before cheating is better than leaving after cheating.

If they have kids... ugh. Too late to not make a horrible mess of things. More painful and complicated, but the advice still stands - staying together "for the kids" if they can't stand each other as a mating pair is a formula for disaster.

 

[sybian]

If "Chandler" and "Monica" do not have kids yet, and their marriage is so far gone that one or both wants to fuck other people, they should get divorced - ASAP. Leaving before cheating is better than leaving after cheating.

If they have kids... ugh, too late to not make a horrible mess of things.

I think the problem might be slutty Phoebie.....