approaching women in non-bar/club situations

[Aerts]

Sorry, this is probably a terrible place to ask this, but I have to wonder. I do not drink (anymore), and consequently do not go to bars or clubs, and my friends mostly do the same thing. My question is, does it work just approaching women where-ever (IE: grocery store, library, hallway, at their workplace), and using the approach people seem to use at the bar (eye contact/ice breaker, say something clever, get phone # etc)? I know you aren't going to talk to some random girl and have her say "take me home" if you walk up to her in the library, but is it normal and worth the while for an average guy to do this? Do women mostly only want to be "picked-up" (talked to by a stranger who wants to date/have sex with them) in the bar/club (hence they are drinking alcohol, wearing revealing clothing, etc)? I have heard women really don't like getting hit on at work, but a coffee shop I always go to has good looking women working all the time. I have women friends and do sports, but they are mostly not single/are otherwise unavailable, and it's not a situation conducive to getting to know each other(I have trained muay thai for ~1.5 yrs), respectively... so I am wondering what other options there are.
Discuss.

 

[Lone Wolf]

and using the approach people seem to use at the bar (eye contact/ice breaker, say something clever, get phone # etc

Pick-up lines almost never work.

Personally, I never understood why any guy would think that striking up a conversation with a strange woman doing her shopping, at the library is an effective tactic. Odds are good that you're just wasting your time because for all you know, she's married or otherwise unavailable, and even if she is there's still the probability of her just not being interested.

 

[Aerts]

Pick-up lines almost never work.

Personally, I never understood why any guy would think that striking up a conversation with a strange woman doing her shopping, at the library is an effective tactic. Odds are good that you're just wasting your time because for all you know, she's married or otherwise unavailable, and even if she is there's still the probability of her just not being interested.

That's what I thought. So is it basically almost impossible to meet a women outside of a bar/club(assuming that's the type of girl you want), unless you are somehow connected through friends/family/activities (other than work) and think she wants you to ask her out? Do stupid lines only work on women in bars, because (you are good looking and) they are just there to get fucked by some stranger?

 

[Lone Wolf]

Never said it was impossible. But you'll be batting next to zero if that's your primary tactic.

Personally, I prefer to stick with online sites like match.com and plentyoffish.

They can be great resources when you're too broke to go pooning.

 

[Thais]

Show her that there potential between you. Show her that she is not just a pretty girl - one of many - you are trying to approach.

Library, bookstore, music store - anything that gives you an idea of her interests - are a great opportunity.
She has a certain book, a movie or a CD in her hands or considering one? Start talking to her about it, and let the conversation progress. If you find common interests - good, now you have an excuse to get her number to continue the conversation.

Grocery store... a bit more challenging. Still feasible. Share an observation about the store, or people around. See how she responds. Go from there.

The bottom line is, approach her with genuine interest in her personality and act accordingly. But also keep it light so that she doesn't think you might turn into a stalker.

 

[kehoe]

it's a numbers game guys. What's the worst that can happen by striking up a conversation or paying a compliment? She's not available or not interested? So what, move onto the next opportunity. You will eventually have success I can almost guarantee it. For sure you won't get anywhere if you always avert these opportunities and situations though. Even if the lady in question isn't interested/available, at the very least she will be flattered, smile and will say thank you if you compliment her politely and respectfully.

 

[dipitydoo]

go get'em Tiger!

take dance lessons...

and read this too while you're at it http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
whether you agree with the techniques or not, it's still interesting reading.


cheers and good luck!

 

[SInCity67]

day game requires indirect openers. ie, read magic bullets,, the game and Mystery's book and you should be ready for sargin , www.torrentspy.com should have both these books to download.

 

[AreWeThereYet]

My Way

I also dont drink any more but still like " clubbing" either as designated driver or just looking out for a friend. Towards the end of the night you can always strike up a conversation and in my opinion have the advantage of being "sober" Also try buying the lady of your choice a couple "drinks" . Has worked out well for me try it once what do you have to loose.

 

[GoodKat]

Personally, I never understood why any guy would think that striking up a conversation with a strange woman doing her shopping, at the library is an effective tactic.

It's because it is a good tactic. Most women dream of being swept off their feet by a charming stranger like they're in some John Cusack movie.

 

[Lone Wolf]

it's a numbers game guys. What's the worst that can happen by striking up a conversation or paying a compliment?

There's a right way and a wrong way to do things and if your delivery sucks, you could come off looking like a dork.

Giving genuine compliments isn't as easy as you might think. For example, if you see a very beautiful woman and you decide to compliment her, here's what you should never say:

"You're a very beautiful woman."

Why? Because the word "beautiful" sounds amazingly bland and meaningless. Instead, compliment her on something specific ie; hair, jewelery etc. And put some thought into it, so it sounds genuine and sincere (which it should be).

Another thing, when it comes to looking at a woman as a way of letting her know you find her attractive, there is again a right way and a wrong way to do it. Unfortunately, that's just something you just have to learn. But basically in a nutshell, it can be summed up as "look, but don't stare" Also it helps if you're not mentallly undressing her or pondering how sexually talented you think she might be. And once she makes eye contact, drop your gaze and look away. This is the best way to look at someone and get their attention, but not make her feel uncomfortable.

Even if the lady in question isn't interested/available, at the very least she will be flattered, smile and will say thank you if you compliment her politely and respectfully.

Well that's kind of presumptuous. Very attractive women are probably used to being looked at and / or complimented by strange men all the time that it may not be that big a deal to her anymore. It depends on the woman.

 

[Lone Wolf]

It's because it is a good tactic. Most women dream of being swept off their feet by a charming stranger like they're in some John Cusack movie.

They may indeed, but I'd say most women are also sufficiently grounded in reality and realize that hollywood and Harlequinn romance novels are pure fantasy bearing only some resemblance to real life.

 

[GoodKat]

They may indeed, but I'd say most women are also sufficiently grounded in reality and realize that hollywood and Harlequinn romance novels are pure fantasy bearing only some resemblance to real life.

So? Doesn't mean that they wouldn't like to meet some guy in a purely random way.

If you don't want to believe that you can pick up women while grocery shopping or browsing around in Chapters that's your loss.

 

[Lone Wolf]

So? Doesn't mean that they wouldn't like to meet some guy in a purely random way.

Sure they would, just like I'd love it if a gorgeous nymphomaniac with a huge rack grabbed me in the street and told she wants me to take her home and fuck her senseless, but it ain't gonna happen.

 

[GoodKat]

Sure they would, just like I'd love it if a gorgeous nymphomaniac with a huge rack grabbed me in the street and told she wants me to take her home and fuck her senseless, but it ain't gonna happen.

Just because you don't do it doesn't mean it never happens.

 

[Lone Wolf]

and read this too while you're at it http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
whether you agree with the techniques or not, it's still interesting reading.

Oh yeah...one of the cardinal rules in trying to pick-up women, is to completely AVOID books written for that purpose. Not only are they silly and unrealistic, but the tactics some of them advocate are downright manipulative. And even you do have some sucess with them, the object of your affection will likely drop you faster than a hot potato if she knew.

 

[Lone Wolf]

Just because you don't do it doesn't mean it never happens.

I think I already acknowledged that it *can* happen, but the odds of it happening are, for the most part, not great.

Why is that idea so hard for you to wrap your head around?

 

[Enchanted One]

Bodywork Classes

Ok, granted this might not be so random but if you're interested, take a
course in any type of bodywork (shiatsu, swedish, aromatherapy, etc).
90% of the people taking these classes will be women. Some might be
single & cute. You have to practice your techniques with a partner, so
this is your perfect excuse to lay your hands on an attractive woman
(in a non sexual way of course).

 

[curvy_nympho]

I have to agree with the people who replied on this thread that complimenting a woman on something specific in a genuine way is the best option to start a conversation.

For me, men have approached me at the grocery store once, coffee shops numerous times, while taking a workshop or class a few times and even while getting a pedicure the other day. I think it's definitely possible to meet a woman in a place other than a club.

Perhpaps someone else heard the interview this past week on the Beat morning show and can provide the name of the person who was on. I only caught the tail end. Help????

He was basically saying that if you have a natural curiousity about a woman, that's the best approach. He mentioned saying something like "I noticed you and just HAD to come say hello." (In other words, being honest about the attraction as well as unapologetic about making the approach)

I know that I always appreciate the courage it takes a man to come approach me. Even when I am not attracted to someone approaching me I still acknowledge the compliment and gently extricate myself.

I have actually dated someone I met in a coffee shop!

Bella

 

[SInCity67]

Oh yeah...one of the cardinal rules in trying to pick-up women, is to completely AVOID books written for that purpose. Not only are they silly and unrealistic, but the tactics some of them advocate are downright manipulative. And even you do have some sucess with them, the object of your affection will likely drop you faster than a hot potato if she knew.

You have no idea what your talking about. Every thing so far in this thread sounds so fucking AFC.


GO to http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum and read some of the advice.