Here is a rant I ripped from
www.ehowa.com
April 24, 2005
Let's Put This To Rest, Shall We?
Okay, another rant about something that's been irking me for a few years: 9/11 conspiracy theories. Those assholes that believe no, the acts of September 11th were not the result of terrorists, but were the result of some super secret government plot to erode our civil liberties and justify the bombing of a select group of oil rich countries. There have been many scientific approaches to both prove and disprove these theories, even the fucking French have joined the fray. Now this site isn't alone, there's a shit load of them out there. The former of the two sides has been put into a nice flash file which you can view here (
http://www.pentagonstrike.co.uk/). Go ahead, I'll wait...
And on the flip side, we have just as many people offering scientific proof that a Boeing 757 did in fact crash into the Pentagon...
But no matter how convincing one side can be there is still one irrefutable truth to both side -- they're both theorized by armchair quarterbacks who still eat cereal in their mother's basement. Sure, maybe one of them took a few classes at an aeronautical school. Maybe one of their cousin's former roommate's nephews, son's, priest's babysitter did in fact see (not see) a jetliner scream down Washington DC streets. Whatever.
And so it is here today, that I, Ernie, Lord of the Internet, shall put all 9/11 conspiracies to bed. I will give you irrefutable proof that 9/11 was in fact NOT a government conspiracy; and certainly not one orchestrated by GWB. Even the most skeptical of conspiracy theorists will shake their heads as they know they can not challenge my rock solid argument. I will do all of this with two simple words. Are you ready? Are you ready for my foundation shaking proof? Here it is.
Monica. Lewinsky.
Yep, you heard me correctly, I said Monica fucking Lewinsky.
So, you might ask, just how does this golden cocksucker have anything to do with this nation's largest tragedy of modern times? I'll explain, you poor simpleton. First let us compare the two presidents who were in office for each of these events: William J. Clinton and George W. Bush. The former is one smooooooth fucking operator. Love him or hate him, you have to admit Clinton was smooth. That motherfucker could sell ice to eskimos. He stood before the entire country and convinced us that without a doubt, he did not have sexual relations with that woman. And fucking-a, I sure believed him. Shit, we all did! Clinton was extremely intelligent, he was powerful, the economy was booming, and above all else he was smooooooth. And even the leftest of the left and the rightest of the right will agree, that Clinton outclasses GWB in pretty much all of these departments. Think about it, they call GWB "Dubya" and Clinton "Slick Willie" - you do the math.
And if that poor motherfucker couldn't get away with getting a simple blowjob from a fat chick, without the entire country finding out about it, then there's no fucking way in hell that GWB could pull off the biggest mass murder in American history. Period.
So please, lose the grassy knoll shit. Stop taking x-rays of jet engines. And someone tell Charlie Sheen to stop pretending to be someone else and get back to doing what he does best - not fucking Denise Richards. Because despite all the fluff than anyone can heap on, it all breaks down to if Clinton couldn't stay off CNN after five months for a simple blowjob, there's absolutely no fucking way any plot by GWB could stay hidden after five years. By now someone involved would have talked. A missile operator. A remote control pilot. An explosives expert. Somebody. SO face it - 9/11 was what it was; a terrorist attack. End of story.
