do you think your wife knows

[sevenofnine]

when i first started this i was pretty anal and parnoid about my wife finding out.

and honestly she could have i have messed up,
come home late crawl into bed beside her its still and quiet and suddenly i can smell the scent of perfume. my sps. stuff like that, it just happens no matter how carefull you are,
you fool around long enough you get careless.

i have stopped being carefull to be honest, my wife could have tracked me down and checked things out she hasn't, i have been in this almost a decade,

i started for many reasons,
but one was a conversation i had with my wife.
it was about stupid men what they do in midlife, sport cars affairs etc.

my wife told me, she doesn't need to know what i do in my midlife crisies, that was ten years ago, and i took her at her word.

for sure if i confronted my wife and accused her she would handle it badly and defend herself, and so be it.

but honestly i think she knows.
she has we both have had freinds divroced and having affairs, all very unpretty and messy
she knows we don't have a perfect marriage no sex, and perhaps were not as emotionally intimate as a loving couple should be

but it is still good for her us as a family i come home every night, and generally to outsiders were a loving careing family, and we are with the excption of no sex and me seeing an sp.
i think she knows but turns a blind eye its better then the alternative.

and its no risk or problem for her as long as she doesn't have to deal with it.

and just as a comment, some one mentioned once about married men bringing home disease to there family,
and taking out all there frustrations of sex out on sps demanding anal and facials etc.

im sure it happens.
my wife and i don't have sex, so i can't pass anything on to her.
and i have had bbbj, but not for years in this the lady i see is safe gfe

and i have been with the raunchinest sp you or any one could ever imagine, and after two sessions, i asked her does she enjoy it, or that kind of stuff, she looked at me like i was fucking stupid, and i said im serious.

and she told me no not really
and from then on we pretty much had conservative regular sex.
and i still loved it, she was great, whether it was a simpe hand job, or some thing more kinkey.
and she seemed to enjoy it and seeing me, so it was a plus plus.
anyway just my thoughts.

 

[uncleg]

Yes.................

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Yes, she probably knows

Over the 5 years of seeing the same woman, I was actually caught twice. Once cause I forgot to close off my e-mail account and once because I accidently left a condom in my pants and my wife did laundry. She did e-mail the woman and tell her to get lost and we did go to counselling sessions. That was about 3 years ago.

But the counselling never helped as my wife's focus was on how much of an asshole I was for doing this, even as the counsellor was saying it's a symptom of a problem in the marriage, not a blame issue. And like you I stopped having sex with my wife over 10 years ago, and neither of us has even the slightest interest in reviving that aspect of our relationship, so she took anyway my cell phone, and I bought another one from 7-11. She took away my laptop and so now I communicate from work. She likely suspect this because in some of our fights she even threats to go to the office to read my e-mail account, so deep down I think she knows, she just doesn't want to actually catch me and I don't actually want to get caught, so it's a strange situation on that level but mostly it remains under the surface and it's likely to remain that way until my daughter is older, or I do something extremely stupid again.

And in some ways seeing the same woman, keeps it cleaner and paying her makes it seem less of an affair type of arrangement, so it seems somewhat more sanitized. This is still in my mind much better than someone I know who ended up cheating on his wife with her best friend. That seems to me to be a far most nasty thing to do.

 

[Umbras]

Over the 5 years of seeing the same woman, I was actually caught twice. Once cause I forgot to close off my e-mail account and once because I accidently left a condom in my pants and my wife did laundry. She did e-mail the woman and tell her to get lost and we did go to counselling sessions. That was about 3 years ago.

But the counselling never helped as my wife's focus was on how much of an asshole I was for doing this, even as the counsellor was saying it's a symptom of a problem in the marriage, not a blame issue. And like you I stopped having sex with my wife over 10 years ago, and neither of us has even the slightest interest in reviving that aspect of our relationship, so she took anyway my cell phone, and I bought another one from 7-11. She took away my laptop and so now I communicate from work. She likely suspect this because in some of our fights she even threats to go to the office to read my e-mail account, so deep down I think she knows, she just doesn't want to actually catch me and I don't actually want to get caught, so it's a strange situation on that level but mostly it remains under the surface and it's likely to remain that way until my daughter is older, or I do something extremely stupid again.

And in some ways seeing the same woman, keeps it cleaner and paying her makes it seem less of an affair type of arrangement, so it seems somewhat more sanitized. This is still in my mind much better than someone I know who ended up cheating on his wife with her best friend. That seems to me to be a far most nasty thing to do.

I have to ask and please do not take offense, but why are the two of you still together? If it is because of your daughter, staying in an unhappy marriage can have just as much if not more harm to a childs pshycology than parents getting a divorce. You both need to make the decision to be happy and move on and talk with your daughter so she understands why and that not all relations ships fall apart.

I would have prefered if my parents had done that, I had many years of walking on eggshells and beign the brunt of frustration in a volatile marriage. Things went down and out of nowhere it was over, this happened in my second semester of college and due to all the crap that was going on I never finished.

It took quite awhile for me to be able to cope with it as I was too busy keeping my mom from becoming a complete mess, it took me over a year to convince her to see a therapist and even then she still had some nights where she was a mess.

I just hate to see people live a life that they do not enjoy, be honest with each other and make a decision that will allow you to live a happy life and just because two parents no longer love each other it does not mean they love thier children any less.

I hope things get better for you, life is too short and stress makes it all the more.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

I have to ask and please do not take offense, but why are the two of you still together? If it is because of your daughter, staying in an unhappy marriage can have just as much if not more harm to a childs pshycology than parents getting a divorce. You both need to make the decision to be happy and move on and talk with your daughter so she understands why and that not all relations ships fall apart.

I would have prefered if my parents had done that, I had many years of walking on eggshells and beign the brunt of frustration in a volatile marriage. Things went down and out of nowhere it was over, this happened in my second semester of college and due to all the crap that was going on I never finished.

It took quite awhile for me to be able to cope with it as I was too busy keeping my mom from becoming a complete mess, it took me over a year to convince her to see a therapist and even then she still had some nights where she was a mess.

I just hate to see people live a life that they do not enjoy, be honest with each other and make a decision that will allow you to live a happy life and just because two parents no longer love each other it does not mean they love thier children any less.

I hope things get better for you, life is too short and stress makes it all the more.

Thanks, and no offense taken. I guess we're still together for a couple of reasons.

1. neither one of particular believes in divorce

2. We don't really fight all that often, we're more like friends than anything else (that said being friends is a very important aspect of a marriage)

3. We're both use to the arrangement (ie comfortable life )

4. We think it's the best situation for our daughter.

 

[Umbras]

Thanks, and no offense taken. I guess we're still together for a couple of reasons.

1. neither one of particular believes in divorce

2. We don't really fight all that often, we're more like friends than anything else (that said being friends is a very important aspect of a marriage)

3. We're both use to the arrangement (ie comfortable life )

4. We think it's the best situation for our daughter.

I commend you and understand your reasons to stick it out, but one thing. Since the two of you do not have intimate relations in your marriage, how the hell does your wife cope not having that intimacy?

I mean masturbation is an easy fix, but as humans we need to have phsical intimacy, whether it is sex or cuddling it is pretty much a fundamental to our healthy existance? Even though my parents marriage was failing they were still intimate even during the times they were not getting along.

Next time she busts you, suggest she should find somone to do the same with no point in just one of you having fun on the side, it might even improve her disposition and since you both dont believe in divorce you need to work something out so that the both of you are happy.

I appologise for all these questions, I have a inquisitive nature and like hearing other peoples perspectives on matters such as these and if it is too personal I understand and shut up

 

[luvsdaty]

I could never stay in a sexless relationship, kids or not.I definately feel for the op.

 

[Puddlegurl]

One thing men don't realize is woman cheat just as much if not more than men, and we're wayyyyyy better at it
Woman are extremely stealth at this and you will never know. I always find it entertaining when I read threads like this, my first thought is why would she want to rock the boat when she probably has a lover as well. just sayin .

 

[manni]

I don't understand why people stay in loveless marriages.
the sneaking around, the deception, most important…the compiled emotional hurt to one another.

I feel bad for you 7of9, but you just gotta move on.

 

[Puddlegurl]

You stay together because there are some really good times too, the companionship,someone to cook for, or eat with, watch tv or just down time, a best friend, raising children is not an easy feat, I do know woman who stay happily married to men they know are cheating but are very comfortable in their life its more of a business decision, sad eh? But realistic.

Sex is very important but not everything in a partnership. Most men I've talked to who are married are quite fond of their wives, go on trips together, have a really good life and have found keeping an extracurricular sex life, like almost recreational. A sport per say You guys all have your favorite pubs, golf courses and mistresses. Its nothing new, Oldest profession in the world for a reason, men are hunters, if you're happy and fulfilled with one woman , nice work! But if you , because of personality or unsatisfying sex life you seek services, why not.. Life's too short. Don't over think it. Just be safe. Xo

I don't understand why people stay in loveless marriages.
the sneaking around, the deception, most important…the compiled emotional hurt to one another.

I feel bad for you 7of9, but you just gotta move on.

 

[luvsdaty]

Not really sure about the whole women are better at cheating thing, some guys will turn a blind eye when there SO is polishing someone else's pole, why? i have no idea.As you get older you kinda figure this stuff out & realise that not everyone is designed to be in a monogomous relationship.
As far as the cheating goes, more often than not, you've been ratted out.No matter how good you are at it, your probably gonna get caught.Lets face it, most of us like to brag about that kind of thing, and usually somebody who you think is your close friend will push you under the bus.
I never really understood the whole cheating thing(not that i haven't looked at other women when i was in a relationship, i just never acted on those impulses.

 

[Unpossible]

Not married but I won't fuck around on somebody who agreed to love me and look after me.

 

[Hoops]

Not married but I won't fuck around on somebody who agreed to love me and look after me.

It's so easy to say that when you're not in a loveless marriage that started out full of love, but it's unpossible for you to know how you you'd act.

 

[luvsdaty]

I think as you grow older, its a lot easier to leave a releationship, as long as you have outside interests of that relationship. If you made it your whole world, then your in for a world of hurt.
In a previous relationship, i actually found out that my ex was cheating from one of her girlfriends.She said i was too nice a guy to get hurt from such a selfish bitch(her words not mine). Once i found out, i moved out.

 

[Monet]

be safe...

when i first started this i was pretty anal and parnoid about my wife finding out.

and honestly she could have i have messed up,
come home late crawl into bed beside her its still and quiet and suddenly i can smell the scent of perfume. my sps. stuff like that, it just happens no matter how carefull you are,
you fool around long enough you get careless.

i have stopped being carefull to be honest, my wife could have tracked me down and checked things out she hasn't, i have been in this almost a decade,

i started for many reasons,
but one was a conversation i had with my wife.
it was about stupid men what they do in midlife, sport cars affairs etc.

my wife told me, she doesn't need to know what i do in my midlife crisies, that was ten years ago, and i took her at her word.

for sure if i confronted my wife and accused her she would handle it badly and defend herself, and so be it.

but honestly i think she knows.
she has we both have had freinds divroced and having affairs, all very unpretty and messy
she knows we don't have a perfect marriage no sex, and perhaps were not as emotionally intimate as a loving couple should be

but it is still good for her us as a family i come home every night, and generally to outsiders were a loving careing family, and we are with the excption of no sex and me seeing an sp.
i think she knows but turns a blind eye its better then the alternative.

and its no risk or problem for her as long as she doesn't have to deal with it.

and just as a comment, some one mentioned once about married men bringing home disease to there family,
and taking out all there frustrations of sex out on sps demanding anal and facials etc.

im sure it happens.
my wife and i don't have sex, so i can't pass anything on to her.
and i have had bbbj, but not for years in this the lady i see is safe gfe

and i have been with the raunchinest sp you or any one could ever imagine, and after two sessions, i asked her does she enjoy it, or that kind of stuff, she looked at me like i was fucking stupid, and i said im serious.

and she told me no not really
and from then on we pretty much had conservative regular sex.
and i still loved it, she was great, whether it was a simpe hand job, or some thing more kinkey.
and she seemed to enjoy it and seeing me, so it was a plus plus.
anyway just my thoughts.

 

[Unpossible]

It's so easy to say that when you're not in a loveless marriage that started out full of love, but it's unpossible for you to know how you you'd act.

No, it's not. I'd divorce her.

 

[DavidMR]

No, it's not. I'd divorce her.

You simply don't listen, do you?

 

[Monet]

:clap2: well pointed.....

You simply don't listen, do you?

 

[Unpossible]

You simply don't listen, do you?

It's the written word so I read.

 

[Monet]

you got a good point....

It's the written word so I read.