I didn't get to do a lot of stuff in Chiang Mai. Its a mountainous and more rural area, popular with tourists and plenty of delicious street food. However I picked a cheaper but really nice hotel in the Southern area of town, not near Old Town, and the sex stuff was mostly a good 20-30 minute cab ride away. I dislike riding bikes and would never get a GrabBike, and tuk tuks I don't trust either. Cabs are inexpensive but I felt lazy in Chiang Mai.

I tried once place and one place only. Aloha Erotic Massage. It was ten minutes away from the hotel, I went at night, didn't pick the girl but all of them were cuties. They have a flight attendant uniform with shorts so that was nice. However their pricing was confusing. It was 300 for Thai, 400 for Oil, and 1100 for Aloha. I thought Aloha was code for the sexual one, so I chose it. It actually means lomi lomi, which was lame. This place was fabled to actually do some legit massage, so I was looking for both again.

Lomi Lomi massage is basically a series of short strokes with hands massage that is absolutely lame. Five minutes into the session I asked if we could do it harder or change it, but Dream did not understand me and said I chose Aloha. Bad communication means bad session. After the lengthy massage she got me to flip and she was rough with junior so I told her to take it easy. Then she seemed frustrated and tried to touch every part of my nether regions except for the shaft, for like ten minutes. I asked her why the ending was so weird and she had this sort of monotone angry way of talking, so I thought she was mad at me. She said I said to not touch the shaft, and I lost my erection very quickly when being talked to in that way. Then she tried to jerk me but both of us were flustered. I asked her to stop since it wasn't working. I was about to leave but then went back down and asked if she was angry, she said no of course not. If I'm not happy then she's not happy. I got my ending and tipped her 100, then left. Subpar session, simply because of the lack of English. However the session easily went to almost 90 minutes so she was a champ.

I was going to maybe try again with a different girl the next day, to see if the other massages were legit and the girls are cute. But I decided not to. When visiting Chiang Mai, find Loh Kroi Road or use ThailandRedCat's guide in order to find multiple spots with more choices. Soapy massages and blow job bars aren't really the thing in Chiang Mai, its just lots of bars and happy ending places.


Patong is the area to go where the partying and people are. Lots of tourists, expensive restaurants, everything in Phuket costs more, from the restaurants and their seafood additions to everything, to the street food itself. We stayed in a hotel near Bangla Road, and that place is all kinds of loud and crazy. From the bars full of women on strip poles who don't dance, to the people with signs trying to get you inside their club to spend money, Bangla Road is frenetic and bothersome in my experience.

However right down that main street has 8 massage parlours and 3 legit, and if you go the other way or to any parallel streets there are plenty of massage places full of women with cleavage and makeup. Since Patong is the busiest, they have the largest concentration of hot women due to the busyness of the area. I saw more hotties on this street than anywhere else in Thailand, but also keep in fact that I did not browse the areas in Chiang Mai or Bangkok all that much.

Anyways on the way back I let a girl grab me, a huge breasted hottie from one of the many massage places. Name was Amy, didn't remember the name of the shop. It was a small 5 bed area in the back, not a lot of privacy. The girl was hot but very greedy. Cost me 400 to get inside, but she quoted me 3k for a naked handjob. I almost left right there, because I only keep 1k on me for these kinds of visits. This session went on a lot longer because she was trying to bluff me, so the fake massage became tiresome. It was like 10:30pm so the other shops would soon get close to closing. I considered cutting my losses and heading back to the hotel to get another 500 to start somewhere else. She was young and hot but so obviously trying to drain me in the way I didn't want. I then got up mid massage to leave and that clued her in that I had had enough of the bargaining. She made me empty my pockets and I showed her the 480 baht I had on me, so she took it and finished me. However the negotiation and fake massage lasted so long that a loud Aussie guy came in and was chatting it up outside. Even with the music he was ushered in and not subtle at all and it was hard to finish, but I managed.

Now for the penultimate visit, the one where when someone asks me how Thailand was, I will smile and remember forever.

On our way back from an Island boat tour in the Phi Phi Islands, my travel buddy pointed out a woman with short white hair and glasses. I saw for a split second but didn't remember what colour shirt or the name of the shop, as we were in a tour bus heading back to the hotel. Most massage parlour women wear black shirts, some have blue or white. It was about 5pm when I saw her, so when I saw ready to go out at 10pm I decided she probably wouldn't be working.

I went out anyways. I went down the street one time, mistaking a blonde short haired woman to be her at Benz massage, but it wasn't. After clearing the street I went to the other side to walk back, but I spotted her sitting down. Somehow I missed her the first time. As I crossed the street the women around her lost their shit but she was surprised I went for her and not the young hotties. She took me inside and was pleased that I singled her out.

Big C is her name, large breasts that I found out were natural unlike the others. A clueless couple getting foot massages watched as she led me to the back, I think they chuckled so maybe they figured it out. Anyways the place was HUGE. They had ten beds lined up, with an additional three. So if they placed me one side and another dude on the other, even without the music we would never hear the other (also curtains in between each bed). The place was Passorn Massage and Beauty Spa. Anyways she did the one thing no one else did, we negotiated for the price upfront before I undressed. I prefer this, as its a hassle to be naked and covered in oil and to discuss money mid session. Since the oil was 400, the 600 would be hers and I asked for her to lose her shirt. She agreed. Except she went completely naked.

Even though the massage wasn't exceptional, she made it sensual. The glasses were fake, and she was older and had this milf teacher kinda vibe. It was the best session I had in Thailand. After the massage she changes positions a few times for the ending, lying next to me so I could put my face in her boobs. Then she stretched me with some Thai massage and did the usual skull massage to relax me after. I think it was to wait out the couple getting the half hour foot massage, it would be weird for me to finish up before they did. Either way the best session for me was the older hot milf who also offered bj and fs as well. A lot of the hot young girls don't do that, they will try to negotiate the taking off of clothes and body rub in exchange for more money. I hear a lot of the women in Chiang Mai are strictly HJ. If it wasn't the end of my trip I would have seen her again. I also didn't get paid until the day after and i was low on cash. But I will look for her if I return for sure.

One more post detailing the thing I didn't do, and that concludes the Thailand trip.