Everyone, thanks so much. I feel at least a bit better today, than I did yesterday or the day before. I've had some encouraging and positive replies, and I've also had my ass kicked by you guys. I greatly appreciate both. There are so many posts on this thread I started, and I really wanted to reply to each one (tried), but it will take too long. If I don't acknowledge that I appreciate your feedback with direct reply, it's only because there are too many. I'm going to try to sum it up like this, and blanket what you guys have said.
I do know me. And I know that if I pursue this, there is almost a 100% chance I will regret it or do something stupid. I have before. And I'm not as cool or laid back about these things as some of you are. I'm a very cool and laid back person, but not with this kinda' stuff. I'm an emotional, fucking firecracker, and when I go, I go. For this reason, I'm thinking to just cold turkey it: no last call, visit, text, letter, etc, etc. Nothing. Just move on. The reason is this: even if I have some success and even if there is something mutual, there is a good chance that I could be even worse off because of it. So she says, "yes, I like you... let's try and see what happens...". Well, this would be worse, as now, I have something going with her - and all the stuff that is bothering me now... well, I think it would get 100 times worse, knowing that we are "together". Of course I will have trust/jealousy issues, and this will bury me. I would always be suspicious, ask her to explain and prove shit to me, etc, etc (not healthy). In the end, it will be me that gets hurt. If she was making lattes at Starbucks and said, "I like you... sure... let's try and see what happens...", that's a different story. But her line of work is otherwise, to say the least. And it will only be to my downfall. I have a lot riding on this. I'm a clean guy with a good job and I have a good heart. I think it would be foolish to jeopardize that. Whoever said to RUN, and FAST, I'm siding with that right now.
Yes, I am single. My obsession with her is this jealousy I have. And I know it's something I have to work out myself, maybe with professional help as well. The trust issue obviously comes from her line of work, so who am I kidding by thinking it will go away just because she says she likes me and will give it a try. Again, it will only make it worse if I pursue this and she says she likes me. I like the way she makes me feel, so I get jealous thinking she makes others feel the same - yes, neediness. I gotta kick my own head in here, and as one poster said, get her the fuck out of my system and avoid seeing her at any cost.
It's very hard and scary, emotionally, for me to go with the cold turkey approach. And it's the path with most resistance. The easy thing to do would be to go see her and continue on with this detrimental fantasy. I almost was going to go see her today, but I didn't. I'm not there yet, but I'm gonna try my best to believe that things always get better with time... hopefully. Thank you all, sincerely. I will reply to more comments you guys made when I remember all the points...
My worry is tomorrow morning. I'm gonna wake up and let this shit consume me, as it did today. But hey, I pretty much got through the day, didn't I? Hopefully I can keep it up and just let this pass.