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Thread: Sexually Obsessed with a SP...

  1. #1

    Sexually Obsessed with a SP...

    Hi all, first off, I know that this thread should be posted elsewhere. However, I purposely posted it here, as I wanted fellow posters/reviewers to chime in, in case they have been through, or are going through, the same situation.

    I am getting obsessed with an SP that I see regularly. I know many of you will crack a joke about it and make light of it (which is fine), but it is something I am really struggling with right now. If anything, I'm just looking for some advice and pointers, as I think I have an issue. Not easy to admit that to all of you, but gotta start somewhere.

    I don't know if I'm falling in love with her, or if it's just a sexual obsession. It angers me and makes me jealous when I think of her with other guys. I try to not contact her and just quit seeing her, cold-turkey, but I always cave in. I cannot stop thinking about her, and I find myself purposely seeing other SPs more often to try and forget about her. So far, it isn't working. Again, I don't know if it's a possessive/obsessive thing, or if I really am falling in love with her. I constantly check this site to see if there are reviews for her, and it's almost like I want to find out something that I know will hurt me, if that makes sense. I know this isn't good, but I don't know how to handle this. I put ideas in my head about her, and end up driving myself crazy. I want to do something about this, before it gets any worse.

    I am hoping to hear from posters that understand my situation, and have been through this. I don't know what to do, so I am reaching out to you all. Most of all, I would greatly appreciate any help and tips.

    Thank you... I hope to hear back from you guys.

  2. #2
    Sounds to me like you’re in love.

  3. #3
    Ask her out for dinner. I married and SP, they are all regular people. Usually if it gets serious they will consider a different career. But not all.. something you need to figure out with your comfort level.

    Nothing ventured nothing gained. Don't let the stigma get to you. It's really silly when you think of it.

  4. #4
    Good luck dude. I feel ya - for the first time ever I found myself getting a little too obsessed with an SP. same thing about checking here to see if there were reviews about her or whatever, and feeling a bit jealous. SO STRANGE- I have never ever felt that before. I never even get jealous about my wife, and she’d often have men/women chasing after her, especially early in our relationship.

    So....I can’t help, but I can sympathize. For me, I don’t know, I just sort of got over it somehow. That SP and I had a final date, we both knew it was because she was moving away from the convenient spot I was seeing her. She’s still in the city, just not a good spot for me to sneak away too.

    Only thin I can recommend is counselling. Give it a try. $100-$150/hr it’s cheaper than an SP and it might help break the cycle for you. I would do it myself....but I don’t know how to do it secretly from my wife. Strangely, it’s easier to sneak away to see and SP than to see a counsellor!

  5. #5
    Registered User
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    I got burned following this path. Now said SP and I don’t speak anymore and we were closer than close. Tread carefully.

  6. #6
    I fully relate, I recently just started seeing someone and may be taking a break or quitting the hobby. This is the first time I'm starting to feel a genuine connection with someone that isn't just sexual after taking a chance at love with an SP many years ago.

    My advice to you, is just ask her out and tell her you feel that there's a genuine connection the two of you that you'd like to explore. If she turns you down, don't go back unless you're able to get over the emotional part of this. Maybe allocate some funds to see a specialist too if it gets that difficult to cope with not being able to have something with her. It's really tough.


    I shared my experience on that attempt at a relationship through this thread here: https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread...t=#post1846708

    "I nearly kind of ended up getting serious with an SP. She was someone who I became a regular for and would see her once or twice a month.

    Things first started with her asking me what I was doing afterwards when we were finishing a session. I didn't have anything to do and was only planning to go home, but jokingly said to her, "well you're welcome to come along if you want to have drinks", and we did that.

    Prior to that she was a cbj only provider but on our next session she didn't do cbj with me, she also would insist that I stick around for upwards of 90 minutes if we were only doing an hour session. She would even refuse payment at times. Sometimes we'd go out for coffee or dinner.

    She actually had my number saved.

    We kept in touch regularly and for a good few months there she was the only provider I'd be seeing.

    There was an instant where she had lost a love one and called me to talk about it as this person was out of province and she was unable to go out province due to her finances not being that good and her school was not going to let her take time off for a distant relative's funeral. I offered to pay for her ticket, but declined and she was still stuck with school and said that she called only cause she wanted someone to talk to and let things out.

    I later on had a generous settlement paid out to me by ICBC and felt it was time to splurge on myself and figure I should probably get for a week or two to somewhere hot. I didn't want to go alone and given how comfortable I had become with this SP I asked her if she'd accompany me and in return I'd pay her expenses. She was happy to go through with it and said that she was going to be taking a break from the industry and that she hadn't been seeing other clients for as of a week at that point. She wanted to do something with us and said to me that she would both get tested and said she didn't want to have to worry about having condoms on hand if we were going to be traveling together and spending time together.


    I agreed. We ended up going to Cancun for just under two weeks and it seemed like we were really getting along quite well and that something was there. She told me how I may have changed her mind on getting in a serious relationship ever again after she had been previously hurt and abused. I told her I wanted to start something with her and felt that we had something good between us and she said she agreed and was glad we were on the same page. We had a fun time together and came back together, we saw each other once more and then she disappeared. Disconnected her number, never advertised ever again, never called me ever again. Nothing.

    To this day I have no idea what happened or if I did anything wrong."

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by TOAO View Post
    Hi all, first off, I know that this thread should be posted elsewhere. However, I purposely posted it here, as I wanted fellow posters/reviewers to chime in, in case they have been through, or are going through, the same situation.

    I am getting obsessed with an SP that I see regularly. I know many of you will crack a joke about it and make light of it (which is fine), but it is something I am really struggling with right now. If anything, I'm just looking for some advice and pointers, as I think I have an issue. Not easy to admit that to all of you, but gotta start somewhere.

    I don't know if I'm falling in love with her, or if it's just a sexual obsession. It angers me and makes me jealous when I think of her with other guys. I try to not contact her and just quit seeing her, cold-turkey, but I always cave in. I cannot stop thinking about her, and I find myself purposely seeing other SPs more often to try and forget about her. So far, it isn't working. Again, I don't know if it's a possessive/obsessive thing, or if I really am falling in love with her. I constantly check this site to see if there are reviews for her, and it's almost like I want to find out something that I know will hurt me, if that makes sense. I know this isn't good, but I don't know how to handle this. I put ideas in my head about her, and end up driving myself crazy. I want to do something about this, before it gets any worse.

    I am hoping to hear from posters that understand my situation, and have been through this. I don't know what to do, so I am reaching out to you all. Most of all, I would greatly appreciate any help and tips.

    Thank you... I hope to hear back from you guys.
    Please post the SP's contact info so we can all enjoy her magic.

  8. #8
    MyC: Interesting... you married an SP? What do you mean when you say, "not at all"? Do SPs even remotely ever think about going out with a client?

    Vasris: I think so, buddy... but I don't think this is a healthy love. There is too much jealousy and obsessiveness.

    Poopquiz: Thank you for relating. How bad did it get? Were you constantly thinking about her and obsessing? Yes, she is too convenient for me, location-wise. I wish she would move far, far away. Out of sight/out of mind works all the time for me. What was communicated on the final visit? How did it go?

    MixedDude: I have too, with a SW I dated. Big time burned. What happened in your case? How close were you? Were you going through what I was going through now? Thanks for the warning... definitely gotta tread ultra-carefully.

  9. #9
    And that could happen in my case as well. What makes it harder for me is that I don't know if she has any types of those feelings for me, as I have kept it to myself. Yes, she does know that I like here, but I don't think she has any idea it is to this degree. I am worried about fully opening up to her, as this could make things worse for me - if she doesn't feel the same way.

  10. #10
    My gut instincts tell me I gotta just tough this out and cut off all contact. Easier said than done. I can confidently say that I can tough it out while I'm on this forum with you all, but the minute I close my computer, I'm gonna be vulnerable again. [email protected]#&... this sucks, big time.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by TOAO View Post
    MyC: Interesting... you married an SP? What do you mean when you say, "not at all"? Do SPs even remotely ever think about going out with a client?
    Yes I did, and yes it happens all the time. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    Being in the business I can tell you the girls meet boyfriends, have relationships, and get married, all the time. Off duty they are just like you and me. It's only a cultural stigma that is stopping you here.

    I will admit once you start getting really into them it can be kind of a challenge, but if you both like each other, you can figure it out. My wife is "retired", and has been since shortly after we met.

  12. #12
    To make it worse, I have trust issues. I don't trust easily... just my character. Even if something were to happen, I would always be suspicious when she gets a call or message. I will always wonder if she is still seeing clients. This type of suspicion and lack of trust won't make for a healthy relationship. And, in the end, I will be the one that will suffer. I'm hoping I can be strong and smart enough to just cut this off. But even now, I am struggling and wondering if I should see her.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by myCompanion View Post
    Yes I did, and yes it happens all the time. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
    Divorce happens all the time too with the other half usually getting at least 50% of your pension and assets.

    The odds of a marriage lasting with a SP provider are much, much less than with your "average" female. Let's be realistic.

    Quote Originally Posted by TOAO View Post
    But even now, I am struggling and wondering if I should see her.
    Trust your gut and don't allow yourself to be tempted to see her again. Keep your future relationships with a SP as nothing more than a business transaction.

  14. #14
    Also, as seeing SPs can be very addictive for us, the quick buck can also be addicting for the SPs. I gotta dig deep and make the right decision.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Nathans View Post
    Divorce happens all the time too with the other half usually getting at least 50% of your pension and assets.

    The odds of a marriage lasting with a SP provider are much, much less than with your "average" female. Let's be realistic.
    This sounds exactly like what my gut tells me...

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