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Thread: Giving a woman in the biz an out

  1. #1

    Giving a woman in the biz an out

    Let me preface by saying Iím aware of the fact that some people are just messed up emotionally/mentally and some of the people in the biz are beyond logic. Yes mom, Iím a softy at times but Iím well aware of the crazy ones, Iíve dated them so I know that itís not all roses, Iíve got the bills to prove it.

    Iím not going to get into details but there is someone in this biz that I know is being treated badly and taken advantage of. Iíve never posted about them on here for obvious reasons. I donít have feelings for them however this is a situation where I feel the need to step in. Iím all for woman making a choice to be in this game and for those that want to partake, Iím 100% game.

    What Iím not okay with is someone being forced into a space where theyíre being manipulated and in my opinion abused. I want to give this one woman an out. Yes, I canít force her to take it however sheís so scared and brainwashed that Iím struggling with just walking away as if itís not my problem.

    Ive seem a lot of crazy things and this one is really bothering me. You may be thinking Iím better off donating to UNICEF and perhaps Iím better off throwing the money out my penthouse window or doing just about anything else. Perhaps youíre correct.

    Anyway Iím just really pissed off about this and while I feel itís probably a lost cause, I canít help but feel the need to at least help this person out or at the very least, give them a clear exit thatís a real chance to get into a space theyíd be happier with. Iím not interested in them being my girlfriend nor do I have any desire to throw money at the problem. This person has legitimate professional skills that are worth a chance to get out of this horrible situation.

    You can now proceed to tell my Iím delusional. Am I seriously just dreaming and living in some fantasy land to even be thinking this way? Comments, including ones aimed at my (in)sanity are all appreciated.

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Are you skilled in transition counselling? If not maybe the best thing to do is connect her with a group that is. The way you describe it, it sounds as much like an abusive relationship (being forced) as anything and there are professional support systems for that. You could locate counselling and accompany her the first time or two if it would help.

    But that said, victims of abusive relationships often relapse a few times before finally exiting. So be prepared for that.

  3. #3
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    You're not delusional. You can make an impact. You can actually help someone directly.

    Try.. please try..

  4. #4
    Sassy Strumpette
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    so... if you can help....

    help her to create a safety plan.....meaning plan the escape before ....help her store and move things she values in a discreet way, so the abusers don't notice she is packing to go....then discover if she can move to a place where she has supports....like family, friends.....a way to be in a different place where those abusing her cannot reach her ...then help to establish a place to go.....and support the move....so that the exit is clear...she doesn't have to use it right away...but it is ready to go when she is and she knows about it because she helped to plan it...it will help her to know she has a way out...and that in turn will help her leave...

    safety planning is the best way to help ensure the move works...when there is a plan in place, people feel more confident moving....and when there is a plan in place , there is more success in leaving abusive situations...

    it's a technique widely used through out support services....

    i am happy to help in any way i can, pm me if you need some ideas....

    love susie

  5. #5
    No idea what your next move should be but I have to say living in a penthouse, not bad, not bad at all.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by susi View Post
    so... if you can help....

    help her to create a safety plan.....meaning plan the escape before ....help her store and move things she values in a discreet way, so the abusers don't notice she is packing to go....then discover if she can move to a place where she has supports....like family, friends.....a way to be in a different place where those abusing her cannot reach her ...then help to establish a place to go.....and support the move....so that the exit is clear...she doesn't have to use it right away...but it is ready to go when she is and she knows about it because she helped to plan it...it will help her to know she has a way out...and that in turn will help her leave...

    safety planning is the best way to help ensure the move works...when there is a plan in place, people feel more confident moving....and when there is a plan in place , there is more success in leaving abusive situations...

    it's a technique widely used through out support services....

    i am happy to help in any way i can, pm me if you need some ideas....

    love susie
    great advice..... also, let her know that relapse (in abuse is different than drug abuse) it is also an addiction(in this situation) to adrenaline and stress from the situation she was in, not love....although love for a human is real, being "in Love" in a healthy relationship are two different kinds of love......... the body gets chemically addicted to the anxiety in abuse and is why abused people end up going back....the peacefulness is unbearable. The entire world would be so much better off knowing this information. This is not taught and needs to be shared. That information is the only thing that saved my 'self' and kept me from going back to abusive situations
    text 7786949171 [email protected]
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  7. #7
    Do the main stream transition houses provide good support for sex workers? Does it depend on the house and who is running it? Has anyone prepared a list of supportive transition houses for sex workers?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by treveller View Post
    Do the main stream transition houses provide good support for sex workers? Does it depend on the house and who is running it? Has anyone prepared a list of supportive transition houses for sex workers?
    i would suggest accessing WISH or PACE Society for a referal...they will know who is sex work friendly....DO NOT contact vancouver rape relief, they are not sex work friendly in any way whatsoever....

    love susie

  9. #9
    I know your in a tuff spot . And your not sure how to proceed or what the out come will be. Unless she want your help and want change in her life for the better ,you may not be able to help that much ..
    I know I have done this. Few time for different girl ,each situation different but still they need to get out and I tried to help. I did it my best to be there if they needed someone to help moves stuff ,or even it was money I gave what i could. I did help a little bit but those that managed to get help and changed there situation had to make the choose them selves or it never worked.

    So to often I have seen girls go back to abusive situation again and again and get hurt and other time those that were friend did not even tell me how bad things were and lied when I asked .Part of it was that the person abusing them even told them that they would beat me up ,yes they wanted to protect me but should of let me decide how to handle it .As it turns out the guy would threaten but I knew he did not want to go back to jail He was just a bully and abuser .
    Others I managed to help out better . But like I said they will have to choose to get help , get out of the situation and change their life.

    Do what you can help ,be prepaired for any thing to happen. It not possible for you to get out side help ,she has to apply ,and inquire for these things.
    Last edited by johnsmit; 07-12-2018 at 01:13 PM.

  10. #10
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    Hmmm..... I guess I'll chime in.

    I met a lady that I got along with well a couple of years ago. The third time I met her she was really strung out. She admitted that she was on crack. I told her I wouldn't go through with it but I thought she could be ok if she got her shit together.
    Long story short.....we became friends and I just told her I'd be her friend and that she could use me for moral support when she needed me. It's 2 years later and she is clean and working a civilian job. I'm helping her with advice on getting her kids back from social services and with some general mentoring.
    She's doing well but you never know. Drug addiction is horrible but her focus is on her kids.

    Fingers crossed.

  11. #11
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    This is a tough one. A lady can be in an abusive (physical, mental or both) and there is only one person that can get her out, and that is her. In most cases, the lady gets into it because he is such a charmer and a badboy at the same time. Then they fear getting out for retaliation. My thoughts... yes offer your help but don't be surprised if she won't take it.
    ---69---

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Hunter View Post
    To clarify... this isn't a facility specifically for sex workers, but I stayed there for a month after leaving an abusive relationship in 2009. I was open about my line of work, I was an agency girl back then. I even continued to go to work everyday.
    Thanks for answering my next question/comment. I was wondering if a supportive shelter would support a worker continuing to work. That would seem to be a starting point for any service that is supportive.

    And just to re-state the obvious, abusive relationships are obviously not limited to the sex trade. I hope they are not more common though.

    How about supportive shelters or transition houses in the interior? For example, the worker who seems to have narrowly avoided death in Salmon Arm. Did she get the support she needed?

    I had a look at the BC Housing Transition Houses & Safe Homes List. 94 are listed for the province.
    https://www.bchousing.org/housing-as...ses-safe-homes

    Sage Transition House is on the list, 24hr # 604-987-3374, 2nd # 604-987-0366

    The infamous Vancouver Rape Relief is also on the list and there may be others that are not sex worker safe. There are three alternatives listed for Vancouver but one of those is the Salvation Army.
    Last edited by treveller; 07-12-2018 at 12:54 PM. Reason: Additional Info

  13. #13
    Sassy Strumpette
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    the sally ann are a sex worker no go...they are judgmental as hell...

    love susie

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Marco911 View Post
    Let me preface by saying I’m aware of the fact that some people are just messed up emotionally/mentally and some of the people in the biz are beyond logic. Yes mom, I’m a softy at times but I’m well aware of the crazy ones, I’ve dated them so I know that it’s not all roses, I’ve got the bills to prove it.

    I’m not going to get into details but there is someone in this biz that I know is being treated badly and taken advantage of. I’ve never posted about them on here for obvious reasons. I don’t have feelings for them however this is a situation where I feel the need to step in. I’m all for woman making a choice to be in this game and for those that want to partake, I’m 100% game.

    What I’m not okay with is someone being forced into a space where they’re being manipulated and in my opinion abused. I want to give this one woman an out. Yes, I can’t force her to take it however she’s so scared and brainwashed that I’m struggling with just walking away as if it’s not my problem.

    Ive seem a lot of crazy things and this one is really bothering me. You may be thinking I’m better off donating to UNICEF and perhaps I’m better off throwing the money out my penthouse window or doing just about anything else. Perhaps you’re correct.

    Anyway I’m just really pissed off about this and while I feel it’s probably a lost cause, I can’t help but feel the need to at least help this person out or at the very least, give them a clear exit that’s a real chance to get into a space they’d be happier with. I’m not interested in them being my girlfriend nor do I have any desire to throw money at the problem. This person has legitimate professional skills that are worth a chance to get out of this horrible situation.

    You can now proceed to tell my I’m delusional. Am I seriously just dreaming and living in some fantasy land to even be thinking this way? Comments, including ones aimed at my (in)sanity are all appreciated.

    Thanks
    A good friend of mine was successful in this but it was an abusive relationship only. They waited until the abuser was occupied and took the woman out of town far away to the home of another relative. He of course had back up to do this (read football player) and they were careful to throw out everything and anything that could be used to trace her whereabouts. To their advantage the woman had had enough and wanted "out" so relapse was not an issue but even so it was a fairly major undertaking and not something you should not try alone so you would need help for sure. Good luck.
    Last edited by oneoldone; 07-13-2018 at 08:55 PM.

  15. #15
    The first topic in the Forum is "Sex Worker Resource & Help Center". Would this be a good place for a list of friendly and unfriendly transition houses across BC?

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