I was a big fan of Top Ten List in David Letterman Show and often I would make up my own top ten lists.
I wrote the following a long time ago but I never posted it. I started with top ten, but the list kept on getting longer so .... here it is........(There is no real order or top or bottom, just some randomly put together points.)
Top 10 signs you are addicted to pooning.
1. When a mechanic or a handyman tells you his hourly rate, you ask, "Do you have 30 min or 45 min rates?"
2. You keep on entering your PERB log in info into your email
3. When a woman tells you her name, you wonder if it is her real name.
4. When a woman tells you her name, you wonder which of the following names would suit her the best: Bambi Bobbs, Bunny Bumz, Kitty Cloze, Lola Lips, Lolita Love, Candy Kane, Cherry Chase, Juicy Juggs or Conny Cummins.
5. When giving directions to someone you always say, "Let me know when you park, I will text you the buzzer code and apartment number."
6. When calling a travel agency, you ask the girl, "Do you offer Greek package?"
7. When calling a travel agency, you ask the girl, "Do you offer any extras?"
8, When planning a vacation, you start by visiting the therapeutic section of CL.
9. You consistently misspell the word 'message' as 'massage'.
10. You hold Pfizer's "Gold Member" life time card.
11. When looking at resume of a girl for a job, you keep on wondering if you should add ten more years to her age.
12 When reading a her resume, you first look at her age, ethnicity, location and expected wages.
13. When contacting her for an interview, you ask her, "Are those pictures real?"
13. When your wife tells you that she ran into an old girlfriends of her in the intimate apparel section of The Bay, you wonder if they made out in the fitting room.
14. You keep on misspelling the word duty as DATY
15. You keep on misspelling the word DATE as DATO
16. Any phrase or name with the word French in it makes you think of DFK.
17. The thought of you being a male escort did cross your mind initially, but you realized that your gut is too big, your penis too small.
18. When reading score card of a hockey game, you wonder why players dont take multiple shots on goad during 60 minutes of play.
19. You know very well why Made in China is cheaper and available at short notice.
20. When selecting seat on an flight, your preferred seat range is from 32B to 36D.
21. You smile for no reason whenever you see the number 69.
22. You can only remember the last four digits of phone numbers
23. Any woman with last name 'Fox' makes you wonder if she ever worked across the street from Metrotown on Kingsway.
24. You wish your girlfriend changed her name from Tiana Lockes to Tia Luxx.
25. Your car's licence plate number is ABC 285 but you read it is as ABC 2 browns, one red one green, one purple and one blue.
26. At your bank, you carry your cash in a plain unmarked envelope and place it on cashier's counter in plain view.
27. You keep on telling yourself that you do not discriminate because you could sleep with a woman of any race, age or religion.
28. To kill time you often try to come up with different handles for PERB e.g. Dickin.Yu, Yuben Dover, Cummin.Cider, Don T Saynotome, Ivan Herbad.
There were more that kept on popping up in my head as I wrote the above, but I think 28 is a good number for now.
Hope you like them.
I wrote the following a long time ago but I never posted it. I started with top ten, but the list kept on getting longer so .... here it is........(There is no real order or top or bottom, just some randomly put together points.)
Top 10 signs you are addicted to pooning.
1. When a mechanic or a handyman tells you his hourly rate, you ask, "Do you have 30 min or 45 min rates?"
2. You keep on entering your PERB log in info into your email
3. When a woman tells you her name, you wonder if it is her real name.
4. When a woman tells you her name, you wonder which of the following names would suit her the best: Bambi Bobbs, Bunny Bumz, Kitty Cloze, Lola Lips, Lolita Love, Candy Kane, Cherry Chase, Juicy Juggs or Conny Cummins.
5. When giving directions to someone you always say, "Let me know when you park, I will text you the buzzer code and apartment number."
6. When calling a travel agency, you ask the girl, "Do you offer Greek package?"
7. When calling a travel agency, you ask the girl, "Do you offer any extras?"
8, When planning a vacation, you start by visiting the therapeutic section of CL.
9. You consistently misspell the word 'message' as 'massage'.
10. You hold Pfizer's "Gold Member" life time card.
11. When looking at resume of a girl for a job, you keep on wondering if you should add ten more years to her age.
12 When reading a her resume, you first look at her age, ethnicity, location and expected wages.
13. When contacting her for an interview, you ask her, "Are those pictures real?"
13. When your wife tells you that she ran into an old girlfriends of her in the intimate apparel section of The Bay, you wonder if they made out in the fitting room.
14. You keep on misspelling the word duty as DATY
15. You keep on misspelling the word DATE as DATO
16. Any phrase or name with the word French in it makes you think of DFK.
17. The thought of you being a male escort did cross your mind initially, but you realized that your gut is too big, your penis too small.
18. When reading score card of a hockey game, you wonder why players dont take multiple shots on goad during 60 minutes of play.
19. You know very well why Made in China is cheaper and available at short notice.
20. When selecting seat on an flight, your preferred seat range is from 32B to 36D.
21. You smile for no reason whenever you see the number 69.
22. You can only remember the last four digits of phone numbers
23. Any woman with last name 'Fox' makes you wonder if she ever worked across the street from Metrotown on Kingsway.
24. You wish your girlfriend changed her name from Tiana Lockes to Tia Luxx.
25. Your car's licence plate number is ABC 285 but you read it is as ABC 2 browns, one red one green, one purple and one blue.
26. At your bank, you carry your cash in a plain unmarked envelope and place it on cashier's counter in plain view.
27. You keep on telling yourself that you do not discriminate because you could sleep with a woman of any race, age or religion.
28. To kill time you often try to come up with different handles for PERB e.g. Dickin.Yu, Yuben Dover, Cummin.Cider, Don T Saynotome, Ivan Herbad.
There were more that kept on popping up in my head as I wrote the above, but I think 28 is a good number for now.
Hope you like them.
Last edited: