Bullying

Bullying was no big deal when I was in school. We had bullies and if you were bullied, you dealt with it one way or another. Kids back then beat the crap out of each other just like they do now.

But today kids cry at the drop of a hat and need psychiatrists or have nervous breakdowns. What's wrong with kids today? Now bullies are the big monsters (but they are no different than the bullies of 20 years ago), but before bullies were just part of childhood - and it's always been that way for centuries.

I don't think the problem is bullying. The problem is that there is something wrong with children today, they are weak.

jesuschrist said:

Bullying was no big deal when I was in school. We had bullies and if you were bullied, you dealt with it one way or another. Kids back then beat the crap out of each other just like they do now.

But today kids cry at the drop of a hat and need psychiatrists or have nervous breakdowns. What's wrong with kids today? Now bullies are the big monsters (but they are no different than the bullies of 20 years ago), but before bullies were just part of childhood - and it's always been that way for centuries.

I don't think the problem is bullying. The problem is that there is something wrong with children today, they are weak.

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Part of the problem is the schools today. They are not like they were back in the day.
when I was in grade school, the teachers all knew what kids were the bullies. If a good kid happened to get in an after school fight against the bully, they would use logic and common sense as to what led to the incident.

Today they have a "No thinking policy" Fight after school......both kids suspended or expelled.
The teacher doesn't have to pick sides or try to figure out who started it.
It would suck being in highschool today. If someone bullies you, you have to decide. Do I kick the shit out of him, get expelled, and risk not going to college.
Meanwhile the bully often has no chance of college, and nothing really to lose by getting suspended.
So today the males are basically neutered, if someone bullies them, they can't do much, other than write mean things on facebook.

farabundo1 said:

we just need one well funded person to contest a no brainer suspension of their child on account of self defense and that will stop that.

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What if the bully is your boss, teacher, an authority figure of some sort in the workplace, school or college? Can you beat the crap out of them? There are some people who made other employees or students suffer a living hell, are retired and now live on a pension from those workplaces that provided little or no recourse for complaints. Think of female RCMP officers who now are suing that organization.

When I was in 2nd-3rd grade I had a bully. There was an altercation that lead to the principles involvement. I was scared shitless. The principal called my parents!! My dad took me aside and said, " If he bothers you again...punch him as hard as you can in the face. You have my permission." I wound up nailing him in the breadbasket and he dropped like a sack of shit. I thought I killed him! I was crying...he was crying...when my dad got off work he brought kfc home. After we ate he took me aside and said "Don't take shit from anybody you can knockout."

The level of ignorance displayed in this thread to this point is abysmal.

Not every victim is able to stand up to a bully. Those that can won't, until they decide that getting beat up is easier to take than being harassed all the time. But then there is just another one whose position in the pecking order is now threatened

Physical bullys are really another victim who doesn't get any sympathy. Often they are trying to establish their own position in the schoolyard hierarchy and are manipulated by those they want be associated with. They are also much less harmful in the long run than those who conduct social bullying.

The problem lies with the kids who form up the cliques and establish the social pecking order. They are seen as the good popular kids and the leaders of the school.

Most teachers, unfortunately, are the least capable of recognizing where the problem lies. It might be because they enjoyed school as a child and therefore chose this profession. I can't imagine anyone who went through what I did ever choosing to spend another day in a school.

The 0 tolerance for violence has made it much more difficult for a victim to stand up for himself, but considering that gang assaults are no longer culturally taboo, the concept of a lone victim standing up to his oppressor and earning some respect probably no longer realistic.

There is also a difference between normal schoolyard disagreements and true bullying. Like the definition of sexual assault, what is now considered bullying has become so watered down that everyone can claim they are victims, including the manipulative little bastards which are the real problem and are reaping social status points by participating in the grand anti-bullying programs we now see everywhere.

It's a tricky issue... both at school and at work.

At school, you need to end the bullying by addressing why a child is acting like a bully. That said, we've forgotten that their are consequences for being a bully, so the kids that do it just because they want to (yes, even healthy, well adjusted kids do it... it's called human nature) are able to get away with it because they know that there are no repercussions for their actions.

Bullying also succeeds in silence, so children must speak up when they are being affected by it. A solid punch can knock back a singular opponent, but kids have used wolf packs to target victims for many years now. The social bullying that goes on can only be offset by having good friends that stand by you... if they crumble, you're not going to make it (I've watched this happen).


Work place bullying isn't much different, except the "bully" is typically someone with a) real power or b) imagined power. For whatever reason, they have the real or perceived ability to affect your employment in a negative fashion, or they can make your social-job life a living hell. They are only able to affect people that are lower down the job ladder or social ladder than themselves, which makes it very hard to stand up to them. New hires, especially, are priority targets for these people... establishing their "dominance" as soon as possible is paramount to their continued successful bullying.

Sadly, we aren't allowed to use physical intimidation to put these people in their place (even on a rough and tumble blue collar job site)... sad in that it's pretty much the only thing that they understand. Attempting to address the issue via HR/the boss or grievances typically goes nowhere, as people don't want to deal with it and probably view you as a whiner. Now you've earned yourself a black mark in the company.... how's that for a catch-22?

It seems that ignoring (for the most part) the offending person is the only reasonable course of action, coupled with documenting their interactions with you and reporting any gross violations of company policy (sexual harassment or racism, theft, etc) is all that is truly left to people dealing with a work place bully.

jesuschrist said:

Bullying was no big deal when I was in school. We had bullies and if you were bullied, you dealt with it one way or another. Kids back then beat the crap out of each other just like they do now.

But today kids cry at the drop of a hat and need psychiatrists or have nervous breakdowns. What's wrong with kids today? Now bullies are the big monsters (but they are no different than the bullies of 20 years ago), but before bullies were just part of childhood - and it's always been that way for centuries.

I don't think the problem is bullying. The problem is that there is something wrong with children today, they are weak.

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Clearly you live a cocoon with no understanding of technology. Technology has radically changed the way bullying happens. 20 years ago bullying was in the school yard and kids got beaten up for being fat. If it was really bad the parents could ship their kid to a new school. Today, technology is relentless and you can't escape it's clutches. If you use any form of technology it can be used as a tool to bully you.

Let's use you as an example JesusChrist. 20 years ago if someone disagreed with your opinions they might well toss a few insults at your or threaten to physically harm you. Today, that same person could simply follow the trail you've left on the internet. They would find your social media, they would find your email address and that would lead them to your home address, your phone number and your family. They could share that information and launch an attack on you. Unless a person lives in a cabin in Cape Scott Provincial Park, it's very likely they use technology to some degree.

East Detroit... social bullying existed 20 years ago, and was just as devastating. If a bully managed to turn your friends on you, and you became a social outcast, you essentially dealt with it 24/7 (I've seen this happen). But you are right in that the newer technology extends the reach of the bully.

farabundo, it ends it for people that are able to do that... not everyone can. Also, it doesn't "end" it, more or less displaces it. It moves to another victim, and the cycle continues.

You're lucky that a) you could stand up to your bullies and b) you weren't punished by the system for doing so. When I was a kid, I could handle the bullies that were my age, sometimes even the ones that were several years older... but I couldn't handle the ones that came in packs or were twice my size. I lived in a time where I was told that I was "imagining it", and that I was over reacting to what was going on. I was the one continually sent to the principals office for fighting, the one that developed a black mark at the school, and was in continual trouble with my parents.

Eventually, I stopped getting into fights because I realized I was going to hurt someone...badly...if I kept going. Eventually, things settled down and I just told them to eff off whenever they tried to mess with me. That's "all" it took.... do we need to put our children in that sort of situation? I certainly hope not... my younger years were more akin to being a gladiator in a Roman arena, rather than a child at school. I can't wish that on anyone.

You know what the funny thing is? I had it easy compared to other people.

farabundo1 said:

growing up I was poor and a social outcast. EVERYONE either verbally made fun of me or physically tried to intimidate me. I had shabby clothes and thick coke bottle glasses. What saved me was that I come from a place where we fight. So I fought the verbal bullies with my wits and the physical ones with my fists. Nobody fucked with me after a while. THis needs to get passed on, instilled in the youth of today. Stand up for yourself. THAT alone will end bullying Im afraid. Its really simple.

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So using your logic we should have sent Amanda Todd to martial arts with some time at the gun range? Your idea has merit if you're trying to defend yourself if you live in a bad neighborhood. It does not address the issues of modern day cyber-bullying. No matter how big you are, no matter how many weights you lift at the gym, someone will always be stronger than you.

I also believe that today's children are weaker and unstable compared to 20+ years ago. I've experienced bullying from teachers and principals when I was around 8-9 years old because I had a learning disability. And I can relate to what CJ said, I've been bullied in early highschool and the bullies turned all my friends from 2 schools against me saying I was a whore (I was a virgin/never kissed a guy til middle of highschool), so I was an outkast for a few years, and resorted to hanging out with older kids who were into drugs, and I essentially went down that path. It's been happening since kindergarten and it has affected my entire life. I'm not a social person and I hardly have any friends so I can avoid this type of behavior, so I'm a lot happier now.

A lot of it was cyber bullying too, and name calling in hallways (so embarrassing!). I've gotten into physical fights too...but that never solved anything, it just brought other people into it and I had to deal with them, and so on, got suspended etc. Its a lot more difficult now with cyber bullying and the anonymity of the internet, nowadays you can get bullied anonymously...I actually still get harassed on the internet from fake accounts to this day, I have a long time stalker/obsessor who has been after me for almost 10 years - and I have no idea who it is, they seem to know everything about me though, so once in a while I receive a message from them or some slander on another site, its actually funny and sad though because their life probably revolves around mine.

The problem is kids also use their social media as a tool to vent or talk about other kids they don't like, they are able to post and make comments often without even knowing the other person and not caring of any outcome "often cyber bullying" starts and flood gates open up..

One solution to fix it. Send the bullies to a hunger games scenario.. make some money, have some entertainment..
J/K
The entertainment is enough, no need for the money.

Caramel said:

I also believe that today's children are weaker and unstable compared to 20+ years ago. I've experienced bullying from teachers and principals when I was around 8-9 years old because I had a learning disability. And I can relate to what CJ said, I've been bullied in early highschool and the bullies turned all my friends from 2 schools against me saying I was a whore (I was a virgin/never kissed a guy til middle of highschool), so I was an outkast for a few years, and resorted to hanging out with older kids who were into drugs, and I essentially went down that path. It's been happening since kindergarten and it has affected my entire life. I'm not a social person and I hardly have any friends so I can avoid this type of behavior, so I'm a lot happier now.

A lot of it was cyber bullying too, and name calling in hallways (so embarrassing!). I've gotten into physical fights too...but that never solved anything, it just brought other people into it and I had to deal with them, and so on, got suspended etc. Its a lot more difficult now with cyber bullying and the anonymity of the internet, nowadays you can get bullied anonymously...I actually still get harassed on the internet from fake accounts to this day, I have a long time stalker/obsessor who has been after me for almost 10 years - and I have no idea who it is, they seem to know everything about me though, so once in a while I receive a message from them or some slander on another site, its actually funny and sad though because their life probably revolves around mine.

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I'm sorry you had to go through that Carmel... it's absolutely horrible and incredibly cruel.

bcneil said:

Part of the problem is the schools today. They are not like they were back in the day.
when I was in grade school, the teachers all knew what kids were the bullies. If a good kid happened to get in an after school fight against the bully, they would use logic and common sense as to what led to the incident.

Today they have a "No thinking policy" Fight after school......both kids suspended or expelled.
The teacher doesn't have to pick sides or try to figure out who started it.
It would suck being in highschool today. If someone bullies you, you have to decide. Do I kick the shit out of him, get expelled, and risk not going to college.
Meanwhile the bully often has no chance of college, and nothing really to lose by getting suspended.
So today the males are basically neutered, if someone bullies them, they can't do much, other than write mean things on facebook.

Click to expand...

The kids are taught the rules of real life, where you can't go and kick someone shitless just because you don't like what they are saying or doing. If you do, then you face consequences.

Beating up someone who you think is "bullying" you is unacceptable. There are other avenues available to resolve these issues, the in school equivalents of the police and courts. Where the schools fail is that they (and the parents of these kids) do not adequately prepare them for this sort of conflict resolution. It is not that the schools won't do anything, but most typically the bullied kids themselves don't do anything.

Life is tough. Lots of people along the way are going to say and do things that you don't like and make you uncomfortable, but people just need to get thicker skins.

Caramel said:

I also believe that today's children are weaker and unstable compared to 20+ years ago. I've experienced bullying from teachers and principals when I was around 8-9 years old because I had a learning disability. And I can relate to what CJ said, I've been bullied in early highschool and the bullies turned all my friends from 2 schools against me saying I was a whore (I was a virgin/never kissed a guy til middle of highschool), so I was an outkast for a few years, and resorted to hanging out with older kids who were into drugs, and I essentially went down that path. It's been happening since kindergarten and it has affected my entire life. I'm not a social person and I hardly have any friends so I can avoid this type of behavior, so I'm a lot happier now.

A lot of it was cyber bullying too, and name calling in hallways (so embarrassing!). I've gotten into physical fights too...but that never solved anything, it just brought other people into it and I had to deal with them, and so on, got suspended etc. Its a lot more difficult now with cyber bullying and the anonymity of the internet, nowadays you can get bullied anonymously...I actually still get harassed on the internet from fake accounts to this day, I have a long time stalker/obsessor who has been after me for almost 10 years - and I have no idea who it is, they seem to know everything about me though, so once in a while I receive a message from them or some slander on another site, its actually funny and sad though because their life probably revolves around mine.

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If it was allways happening to you, you might want to ask why that is.

Tugela said:

If it was allways happening to you, you might want to ask why that is.

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Why is that? Cause kids can pick up on things. They could pick up on the fact the Caramel was different due to her learning disability, and if you can get people making fun of someone else then at least they are not making fun of YOU.

Bullying is unacceptable and I cannot believe it still happens at my age! I have been bullied over the internet recently and it was NOT fun. Having my pictures used without permission including nasty comments. And there is nothing you can do. Nothing the police can do and certainly no "internet bullying squad" you can call.

Has anyone dropped Amanda Todd's name yet, or have we already forgotten about it?

Tugela said:

If it was allways happening to you, you might want to ask why that is.

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Most of it was due to religious differences, the earlier years from a teacher and principal they were fed up because I couldnt concentrate so they made abusive comments and mistreated and humiliated me - and put me through unnecessary testing. In highschool it was an Islam vs Sikh war so I got caught in the middle and it escalated from there - most of my best friends were Sikh and Hindu so they all turned against me. There had to be a meeting called between a bunch of students parents (all boys, I wasnt involved in that) because of the religious fighting...I grew up in Surrey 90s and 00s if that helps. Its happened to a lot of my friends too, Ive noticed it happens a lot in the area and in the cultures of where I grew up. My culture (Indian) are known for being very catty and gossiping...And I suspect the teachers were racist (Caucasian and Chinese) because they kept asking if English was my second language (its not), and my English has always been my strong point after that, it was just the environment I was in that I wasnt able to perform at my best academically. Ive always received As in English and always spoke it at home so that was not the problem.

VanessaofBC said:

Why is that? Cause kids can pick up on things. They could pick up on the fact the Caramel was different due to her learning disability, and if you can get people making fun of someone else then at least they are not making fun of YOU.

Bullying is unacceptable and I cannot believe it still happens at my age! I have been bullied over the internet recently and it was NOT fun. Having my pictures used without permission including nasty comments. And there is nothing you can do. Nothing the police can do and certainly no "internet bullying squad" you can call.

Has anyone dropped Amanda Todd's name yet, or have we already forgotten about it?

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thanks hun, yes its been mentioned here already. Amanda was friends with my niece, so I dont even want to discuss that.